Did I bet on the wrong horse?
Dear God,
I'm getting that feeling again. The sense that I bet on the wrong horse. A sense of defeat. The feeling one gets after gambling away one's life savings. I feel I've given everything I have into this one person's life - to make it better, show him love and do whatever I can to be a shoulder, an ear, an open mind.
But what has that left me with?
The only things that cheer me up now is Pandora's amazing predictability powers and the power of technology streaming me some comedic T.V. shows. I would give away anything for Andrew to match, be happy to graduate and attend his own convocation celebrating the completion of his medical education.
It hurts me to see him depressed and low in spirit. Is this your sick test of my faith? Is this your way to show yourself to him? Am I supposed to bow down before you because you have taken everything away from the one and only person I bother praying for?
Tell me what to make of all this. Teach me how to live on. Help me help him.