#sidhekin

[your-local-spoonwitch]

Tommrow I'm waking up a chosing sidhe magic and NO ONE CAN STOP ME

[bappledilk]

[lobhadhsidhe]

I’ve had more memories lately from my lifetimes among the fae. I wanna find my troupe so bad!

I was a member of a physical tribe of nonhuman people with divine heritage, in the ancient british isles. When we died (I don’t know yet if it was individually after natural lifetimes, or if my entire tribe died in a singular event) we became a ghostly troupe of shades who continued to inhabit the land and interact with its later inhabitants for a long long time after that.

I rode a dappled grey horse. I remember it was large, but it may not have been analogous to any modern breed, and may not in fact have even been what we consider a “modern” domesticated horse. I was often referred to as the Prince of Rot, although that might not refer to an actual position of royalty. I was associated with decay and fungi, though.

If you’re from a troupe/court/whatever that has a similar background, or if any of this sounds familiar, please please hit me up

[bappledilk]

Right after I made my last post, I saw the number 222.

“222 is a message of hope, representative of balance, harmony, life choices, commitment, compromise, and trust. It's a sign you can build on your current situation to achieve your goals and more. You might see Angel Number 222 when you have important decisions, conflicts, or changes in your life.”

I find this really fascinating.  I wonder if it’s directly related to what I said in my last post or not.  I thought it was worth sharing either way.  :)

[bappledilk]

My experience with my kintype.

So… I’ve known I’m otherkin for many years now, but I’ve struggled to pinpoint my kintype… and although I’m still not sure, I’d like to share my experiences and my memories anyways.

Most of my memories came to me in the form of dreams, so I’ll start there.  Buckle in, because this is going to take a while to explain.

I had the first dream when I was 7.  My cat, Callie, had passed away that day…  That same night, when I went to sleep in the hotel room my family was staying at, I had the dream.  I was an angel.  I had white wings, and I can’t remember whether or not I had a halo.  But I was at my grandma’s house (my grandma’s part of the family is very religious) and God was up in the sky, looking down on me.  I think he was asking me to do something for him?  There was a contract in front of me, and the world around me started to fade to black… until it was just me, God, and this small pillar with a contract laying upon it.  I can’t remember if I did or didn’t sign it.  Suddenly, I began falling.  I fell into this black void, and was falling further and further away from God.  That was the moment I woke up.  Later that day, as my family was getting ready to leave the hotel… I was outside, looking at the clouds.  I was thinking about Heaven, and it felt so familiar to me.  It felt like a concrete fact that Heaven was real, and I found comfort in the thought of it.  I asked my mom, “Did Callie go to Heaven?” and my mom said, “Yes.”.  That’s where this story ends.

In between the times I was 7 and 10, I would pretend to fly, and I would use one of my parents’ blankets as my wings.  I did this a lot, and it felt very comforting to me.

Fast forward to when I was 10.  I hadn’t had any other noteworthy dreams since the last one, at least not that I can remember… and I hadn’t recognized the most crucial part of my true form yet, up until this point.  I was in the car, and I fell asleep.  I had my second dream there.  In this one, I was a regular human, going to school… or so I thought.  Even though I felt human, I had this tremendous pressure in my back.  After thinking about it for a second, I remembered, “Those are my wings.  They’re a bit cramped since I have to hide them inside my shirt.  My friends can never know I have wings.” being surrounded by my friends in the dream.  Eventually, my friends and I left the school and went on a walk, until we reached an empty parking lot.  In this parking lot, my friends began picking on me…  They kept saying bad things about me, and it got more and more aggressive.  It got to a point where I wanted to run away, but they had formed a circle around me and were surrounding me.  Finally, in my frustration and desperation to get away, my wings ripped through the back of my shirt, spread out, and I flew upwards into the sky.  That was the first time I finally got to see my own true wings.  Feathered, black, and very big.  Each wing stretched out completely is nearly the same length as my body.  That was where my second dream ended.

I finally got a glimpse of my true form.  After that dream, my supernumerary phantom limbs appeared.  I could feel my wings, and the feeling never left after that.  I don’t feel my wings all the time, but I do feel them rather consistently.  Here is a list of the feelings I experience with my wings.

The most common/obvious feeling is that I feel a pressure in my back, right around my shoulder blades.  Sometimes it hurts a little, and sometimes it simply feels “weighted”.  Let me be very clear, not HEAVY, but weighted.  I don’t find them difficult to carry on my back, I just feel them there as my back feels slightly more weighted than usual.

Second, I feel the breeze against them.  Whether that be from a fan, the wind, or simply the soft breeze from when I’m moving forward, I feel a cool air lightly brush against them.

Third and last, is I get uncomfortable when my back is pressed against a seat of any kind.  It happens the most in the car, but also when I get lazy and lounge on the couch, ugh.

On another related note, I feel like I can reach behind me and grab my wings at any given time, but of course, there’s not actually anything there… so nothing would really happen.

So from this, I assume everyone would say, I’m obviously angelkin, fallenangelkin, or demonkin… right?  Well, I’m not entirely sure.  I think I definitely am partially an angel, but I feel like a piece of me is still missing.  Let me explain.

I’ve always felt half angel, and half… something else.  Even though I do feel like an angel, I don’t feel exactly like the others up in Heaven.  I feel conflicted inside.  Plus, my wings are black… and aren’t angel wings typically white?

Recently, I discovered elven souls, and I relate to everything regarding them.  Right now, I’m wondering if my kintype is half angel and half elf?  I’m not sure, and to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be sure.  I’ve been trying to pinpoint my kintype for almost 5 years now, and I still haven’t fully figured myself out.  Luckily, I’m still learning new things, even after all this time… so that gives me some hope!  :’)

So… I think that’s about it.  That mostly sums up my experience with being otherkin.  I hope you learned something from my experience, and if you relate to me, feel free to get in touch with me.  I’d love to make new otherkin friends!

[bappledilk]

For months, I’ve been thinking more and more about whether or not I could be polykin?  I know I am a humanoid-presenting angel (possible elf hybrid, still don’t know), but I really feel like I have an animalistic kintype too… separate from my angel kintype.  I feel like my feral kintype walks on all fours, and maybe also has wings.

I’m at a point where I feel like it’s basically confirmed that I am also an animal of some kind, alongside being an angel.  At the moment, I really don’t think my angel kintype is a shapeshifter, so I must be polykin?  I wonder what animal I am.  I will have to do some serious soul-searching so I can find out.

[bappledilk]

In the very first otherkin post I made on my blog, I said that I was questioning elfkin/elvenkin…  Just here to say that absolutely nothing has changed about that.  This whole time, I’ve just been here like… am I?  I may be an angel, but nature is very closely related to my kintype, just as much as the afterlife is.  On top of that, I feel a deep connection to things completely unrelated to angels, but very much related to elves.  I know that my kintype is one being… so I’m either an angel of nature, as mentioned in the past, or an angel/elf hybrid (which I like to call angelf lol).  I have so many questions ughhh.  :’)

[bappledilk]

Ah, to leap off a cliff at the top of a mountain.

Wings softly flapping, as the wind carries the body.  A flock of birds flying near, descending from the sky.  Gliding along the currents and feeling more relaxed than ever.

Finally landing safely, in the clearing of a forest.  Feeling the soft grass beneath, while admiring the trees above…  This is the life.