#birdkin

[queer-anarchist-hummingbird]

sometimes I wish I felt my phantom wings more intensely (I can only feel where they attach), but on the other hand, I'm so grateful they don't interfere with my daily life that much

[watcherwingedcat]

do you guys remember how, a while ago, I said that I identified as a physical nonhuman (as a being with the body of a watcher) but I never felt that the label “biological nonhuman” because watchers are technically not organic?

I've been giving it a lot of thought, because yes, I'm a watcher in every way, but not quite biological. That's because we watchers don't technically have a "biology" as humans understand it, as we inhabit avian or human-like bodies. because watchers are not born, they are made. and they are not organic.

but watchers have to inhibit a body. usually, like a parasite, they invade and control a new body, and they fuse their conciousness and memories to it. or a human gets turned into a watcher, of course, which is the usual way to do it.

however, my body isn't human at all. so, if my biology wasn't human, then what is it?

and I think I finally figured it out! It's because, while my body is nonhuman and, more specifically of a watcher, my "base biology" is based on an eurasian jay! my DNA is the one of an eurasian jay, with a body of a watcher AND an eurasian jay.

so, before being turned into a watcher, the body was initially an eurasian jay hybrid, that could turn into a jay at will (as most avians can do). in the lab, they changed my biology to be a bit more human, without success. then, when the watchers took interest in me and they transformed me, that base biology got edited to match the characteristics of the watchers. but they never could quite erase the mannerisms and instincts I exhibit. and then, when I was given the world to watch after the training, humans mistook me as one of their own and sewed my wings inside my back.

therefore, I'm a physical watcher and a biological eurasian jay.

[ibis-wings]

"She missed the sound of bird words, and the feeling that came, like a cricket leaping inside her chest, when she heard and understood. In her world of cold marble floors and aged tutors and whispering children, only the animal-speaking felt like her own thing and the pond her own place." -Shannon Hale, The Goose Girl

Image source: [x]

[thisfoxisgayaf]

Genuinely how did I not realize I was a bird earlier in life, I showed so many behaviors that just plainly pointed to it. When I was in our old house my favorite spot outside was in the barn on top of the tack room (which was a building inside the building with a ladder to go on top of it) and I liked it because it was my own little area high up in the same way bearded vultures nest on cliff sides, and I would steal bailing twine and weave it through the rafters to make it hard for anyone else to access. I also had one of those miniature princess tents and put it on top of my bed and would sleep with my upper body in it because it was enclosed and I’d store Starbucks cookies and pasta in the side pocket for a snack and I’d put blankets and stuffed animals in it so it felt like a nest

[sp1ralledcoyote8]

Chat what are some ways you can feel better about not having wings 😞

[quiet-shores]

I wish gentle hands would preen my wings and feathers. finding pin feathers that are ready to open and carefully removing the sheath from them. softly running fingers through the fluffy down. slowly, i relax and allow my wings to not be pulled so close to me. I extend them so the person can stroke what remains of my flight feathers.

it is a tender moment. a moment where me being so vulnerable isn't met with judgement. but kindness and understanding. if I pulled away, I wouldn't be disappointing anyone. if I stopped wanting to be touched, I would be listened to. any flinches or tensed muscles would lead to a check in on how I was doing.

to be met with understanding. to be met with support. to be met with kindness.

[orange-dreamzer]

I have never felt the urge to move my wings and flap around this much helppp

[orange-dreamzer]

flapping my wings and making lots and lots of air