“everything is a joke to him”
Simon bellamy x nathan young
~this is a oneshot about misfits, this is set a few weeks after his funeral and them finding him afterwards.I've tried to make this slightly angsty, showing Nathan's soft side as he realises his love for Simon isn't just pity for saving him~
TW: crude jokes, crude language,mention of mental health, slight homophobia/internalised homophobia, sex jokes.
Word count:1223
It had been a few weeks since Nathan's funeral, and yet he sat inside the community center, resting his head in his arms as he looked through the railing of his makeshift bedroom. Ever since he'd woken up inside that coffin, his life hadn't been the same. He could barely get to grips with the concept that he, yes him, the only one in the gang to have begged for a power. Was now stuck with possibly the worst out of them all. Immortality did seem great. He felt so relieved when he'd woken up inside that coffin, yet that only lasted for a short period of time.
And now each night he'd been haunted by freakish nightmares of that moment. It was like he could feel himself falling off the rooftop again, grasping Simon's hand desperately as he tried to stay balanced. How his last words were “save me barry”. how it felt when his hand slipped and he was impaled by the cold, sharpness of the metal fence.
He regretted saying those three words so deeply, it was a desperate plea for help. Not some call out of true choice or feeling? And yet he couldn't help but think about it, why had Simon been there? Why couldn't he have just not been arrogant for once and let himself be saved?
lost in his thoughts Nathan jumped slightly as he heard a noise from behind him, “who's there! I can fight!” he called out, his hair bouncing as he quickly looked back to see what was going on. He looked into the dark, squinting slightly as he saw someone standing there. He could barely make out who it was, and before he could procrastinate on it, they spoke. “it’s me, simon” nathan shook his head slightly confused at what that meant. Had he met Simon?
In fact, yes he had. Simon was the same guy he’d been doing his community service with for months. The same guy who’d tried to save him on that same dreadful day. and then it snapped, Simon was Barry. Nathan wasn’t really the type to remember names, most likely having asked hundreds of times just to forget straight after. He sighed in relief smiling slightly “oh! barry” for a slight moment he was confused once again, how did he know Nathan would be there? and then he remembered how his little secret of being homeless was not so much a secret anymore but a well known fact.
Simon stepped forward holding his jacket in his arms as he got closer to nathan. he couldn’t help but feel bad for what had happened on the rooftop, he felt so guilty. like it was his fault that Nathan had fallen. Yet he knew there was no point in conveying his feelings.Simon knew Nathan probably couldn’t even conceptualise that he had so called “feelings” nor could he care in that matter.
Without another word he took a seat on the flat mattress Nathan called his bed. Looking over at him, “are you okay Nathan?” he spoke, his voice was soft and quiet, he wasn’t quite sure how to approach what he wanted to say.
Nathan gave a small nod, feeling the slight awkwardness of Simon's voice. He'd never been good with feelings, never cared to tell anyone about them, maybe it was because he was scared of how they’d react.
Simon fiddled with his jacket sleeve taking a deep breath before speaking once again. “Are you sure you’re okay? you seem a bit” he paused “i’m not trying to impose on you, but you just seem different after what happened” he mumbled watching as Nathan's face flushed slightly, before he caught himself and scoffed.
Nathan's eyes rolled at his words, trying to hide the small blush forming on his cheeks. He wasn’t often asked about how he was, “you think i’m a puff or something?” he mumbled before speaking up “whatever elaborate plan you have to get into my pants, ain’t gonna work” he mocked watching as Simon's face fell slightly “especially after that shit you pulled last week”. For some reason he felt a slight burn in his chest as he said those words. Almost like he felt shameful for saying such hurtful things. “I don't talk about my feelings, especially not to weird guys like you”.
Simon sighed softly. His eyes searching Nathan's face, he didn't know what to say. Was he not grateful for Simon's compassion? For god's sake he'd been the only one who tried to save him.”Sorry” Simon mumbled, beginning to stand up as he felt an unwelcoming silence. Nathan saw this and internally pouted, he knew what he said was so utterly wrong to say. He had so many feelings inside his head, too many to be able to tell how he truly felt in that moment.
As Simon stood up, Nathan reached out to pull him back. He didn’t know why really, it just felt nice to have someone there. “wait, barry sit down” his voice came out quieter than expected which only made him regret his words. But Simon listened. Sitting back down on that very same mattress once more. He noticed how Nathan's face was covered in regret. How his body was slumped over itself as he watched Simon.
Simon couldn’t help but smile, it was nice to see Nathan in his true colours, not just the overzealous man he presented himself to be. “Maybe you should talk to someone” he said in a hushed voice.
Nathan looking elsewhere replied, his voice tinged with annoyance, “frankly I don't wanna end up in a freak hospital like you” he instantaneously pinched the bridge of his nose looking over at Simon. “I didn't mean to. sorry”.
Simon only shook his head, brushing off Nathan's harsh words. He knew he didn’t mean to say it, and it wasn’t like he’d never been teased about it before. Nathan's eyes looked hopeful for a moment, seeing Simon's soft eyes, and his smile in the dim light made him realise something. and at that realisation he leaned forward pressing a kiss to Simon's lips, he stayed there for a moment his eyes searching Simon's.
The feeling of Nathan's lips against his own shook Simon, he’d never imagined that to happen. Not only because of the fact Nathan had always teased Simon about his sexuality many times, calling him slurs even after being told that in fact Simon was not gay. but because he wasn’t sure how to handle this particular situation at all, he’d never thought anyone would kiss him, especially so carefully. He pulled back, wiping his mouth on the back of his palm before standing up once more.
Nathan's face fell and he looked up, his eyes almost pleading as he watched Simon scramble to get his jacket. “oh come on! it was a joke!” he forced out a small nervous laugh sitting up slightly to see his face better. “Come on! you think i’d be gay?”. Simon didn’t say anything back, he felt too awkward, so embarrassed that had happened. He felt that maybe he wanted it to, because really he did he just wasn’t sure if Nathan truly was joking.
Everything was a joke to him. It always had been, and always would be.
(sorry if there’s any punctuation mistakes or spelling!!)
