CW: mental illness, drug impairment
This is not what I wanted to be posting about in the leadup to my birthday, but I know some of my followers are here because of my MS posts, and I want to do what I can to save them from the experience I just had.
Back in September, my neurologist told me that Singulair, an asthma medication, was in studies as an MS therapy, and she asked if I wanted to give it a try. I didn’t think twice about it. I’ve been on many prescription medications since my diagnosis and never had a bad side effect from any of them. This time I was struck by lightning.
In 2020, the FDA gave Singulair a Black Box warning on the brand package. Black Box warnings are most serious. Rarely, Singulair can provoke neuropsychiatric events including but not limited to agitation, aggression, depression, sleep disturbances, attention and memory impairment, and suicidal thoughts and behavior. I didn’t know any of this because I wasn’t taking the branded, packaged medication, but the generic version, montelukast.
It turned me into the worst version of myself in two months. Every bit of anxiety, anger, and sadness I’ve felt over the past few years was stirred hard and heated until it boiled over. I was constantly furious, terrified, and hopeless, all day, every day, for weeks. It happened gradually, but by late October I was a complete wreck, and I’d been making my nightmare everyone else’s problem. All my loved ones were in the splash zone. I’d still be in that mental space if I hadn’t nearly nuked a cherished friendship and been forced to take stock of where my mind's at.
I was absolutely certain, in the storm, that I was fine: that the vicious intensity of my feelings was normal and rational, and that anyone who wasn’t on the same page was callous and inattentive. I was certain that my behavior was correct and justified. I’m horrified by how unhinged I was. I don’t trust my memories. This past week, I’ve been following directions to wean myself off the montelukast, and I’ve been having rough conversations with my friends and family about my words and actions over the past two months.
I’m posting all of this immediately, as awful and embarrassing as it is, because I want you all not to start this medication right now and then have the most horrible holiday season ever.
If MS doctors are now likely to suggest Singulair/montelukast, please be aware of the dangers, especially if you’re already struggling with anxiety or depression, which I think is probably most of us.
Be well, fam. I love you. ❤️🌹❤️