Can You Say Dada's Name?
Chapter: One of One
Date: March 3rd - April 23nd, 2023
Words: 4,807
Summary: Luna runs up to Alex and calls him Dada, singing Daddy as well. While Jo stands there blindsided. Alex realizes Luna might be his and Jo takes her and runs off before she can tell him otherwise. Then they both have to unsay and unhear that one word.
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.
Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson (Past)
Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, Meredith Grey, Atticus Lincoln, and Luna Wilson.
Rating: General Audiences.
Additional Tags: Angst, not a single happy moment, deaf, sign language, arguing, heartbreak, divorce.
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AN: I was listing to Exile on repeat while writing this. It was going to be the title, but I liked the other one better. Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? Posting this for you all! So get wrecked bitches! 😘
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“Dada, Dada,” Luna babbled as she signed Dada as well, while Jo tried not to roll her eyes.
“What about Mama?” Jo said as she signed Mama to her two-year-old daughter and sang to the tune of Ms. Rachel. “Mama, Mama can you say Mama’s name?”
They were walking into the hospital and Jo was holding Luna rather than using the stroller. She just wanted some extra snuggles with her daughter. Her daughter had been babbling and signing Dad all morning, much to Jo's annoyance. Luna's language had exploded since she had been fitted with her hearing aids a few months ago. She now signed three to four word sentences and knew over a hundred signs. She also picked up more spoken language than Jo had ever expected. All the blank looks that Luna used to give her when she would talk to her were now replaced with smiles, babble, and signs. Even when Jo only signed to her.
However, babbling and signing Dada was her new favorite thing. It was all Link’s fault. Most inconvenient things in Jo's life these days were Link’s fault. The fact that he was living with her, didn't make it any easier. Although, it was probably just because Scout was annoying Link by saying Dada on repeat that morning as they all got ready for daycare and work. But her nephew was absolutely blameless.
“Mama, mama,” Luna said and signed as Jo smiled.
“Yes, Mama my little moon,” Jo praised her as she signed Mama back to her with a smile.
“Dada,” Luna said before bursting into giggles.
“Luna, you don't even have a dad,” Jo said as she signed no dad to her with one hand as she shook her head. “You’re just repeating what Scout says to Uncle Link.”
“Luna Dada,” Luna said as she signed tiny moon, her sign name that was given to her by her Deaf sign language teacher, and Dada in between her giggles. Her smile was shining so bright in the early morning sunshine.
“You're not dada either, you're just Luna,” Jo said, as she signed her name, but she couldn't help but join her daughter's giggles as she tickled her stomach. “Alright let's get Ms. Luna to daycare.”
Jo walked into the lobby and turned the corner as they were greeted with the morning crowd as they started work. Nurses started their shifts and doctors started their rounds as interns ran in between them. However, there was someone else in the lobby. Webber and Altman were standing together and talking, which wasn't unusual, but there was someone else with them. Someone dressed in a suit, but a pair of old dark loafers. His hair was peppered with gray now and his beard was a little fuller, but he was the same man she knew. He was the same man she had loved.
“Alex.”
His name fell from her lips like a whispered prayer as she froze and stared at him.
Of course, he still heard her across the crowded lobby. Or maybe he felt her eyes or her presence, she didn't know. He was always able to tell when she was close to him. Alex turned and stared at her. For a moment it was just the two of them in the lobby, staring at each other.
“Dada!” Luna signed with a shriek as she pointed at him and wiggled in Jo's arms.
Jo was so frozen, so caught in the moment that she didn't fully realize what she was doing as she leaned down and let Luna go. The little girl shot across the lobby and straight into Alex's arms.
She hugged him as if she knew him and settled into his arms babbling and signing. “Dada, dada!”
Jo had a picture of Alex and herself on their wedding day in her nightstand. It was the one she gave him when he became chief. Webber had given it back to her when he cleaned out Alex’s office. She didn’t have the heart to throw it out, nor keep it far from her. Luna had gone hold of it a couple of days ago and ever since she had refused to part with it. It was to the point where Jo had to sneak it away from her, take it out of the frame, and have it laminated, lest Luna ruin it. She slept with it and played with it and babbled to the picture. Although she called Jo, Mama, and to Alex's picture she just babbled 'ow-ex' and waved around the sign of the letter A in place of his name.
Jo knew she shouldn't have let Luna see the picture, much less play with it. She should have shut it the way and locked the drawer, but a part of her wanted her daughter to know Alex. In case he came back, in case she needed him, in case Luna needed him. He was her third option as a godparent after Link and Meredith. Somewhere in the place she hoped he would never need to be. Yet, here he was, holding her daughter.
Alex looked equally as surprised at the toddler in his arms. Although he held her like a seasoned dad. Luna hugged him. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her little head on his shoulder, still babbling and signing to him. Alex just looked over at her, in disbelief as their brown eyes met for the first time.
“Dada,” Luna babbled and Alex looked at her again.
“Hey, sweet girl? Am I your Dad?” Alex asked, looking at Luna in disbelief.
It was then that reality came crashing back into her. Jo rushed over to them and scooped Luna out of his arms. Before Alex could say anything else she retreated down the hall. She whipped around the corner and didn't realize she was running until she had to stop and catch her breath. Then she went into the daycare and dropped Luna off.
Jo took a moment to hug her daughter, holding her close. “Goodbye, my sweet girl.”
“Bye-bye Dada,” Luna said instead of “bye-bye mama.” She waved to her before she ran off to play with Allison and Jo let it go without correcting her.
Jo walked out of daycare and paused in the hallway for just a second. She couldn't believe that Alex thought that Luna was his. Although she had to admit Luna looked a lot like Amber did as a toddler. Even Alex had light brown hair until it turned darker. Both Helen and Amber had the same blue eyes and those blue eyes ran in Jo's family too.
And then she smiled. Alex thought that Luna was his and it was the funniest thing in the world. She burst out laughing. Alex really thought that she was pregnant, had their secret baby, and kept her from him. He was probably freaking out right now and it was the funniest thing in the world. Because for now, Alex was feeling exactly what she felt when he left. It was karma coming back to him and she laughed because he deserved this. Besides Webber and Teddy would tell him Luna was adopted before he spiraled too far and probably already had.
But he panicked for a minute and it made her smile. She looked back and heard Luna signing Dada to her daycare teacher as they signed back to her. Then she walked back up to the OB's resident’s lounge to get ready. It was going to be an interesting day.
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Alex stood there in silence for a moment. He could still feel Luna in his arms as the weight of the little toddler haunted him. Her brilliant blue eyes and a dazzling smile flashed before his eyes. The feel of her little blonde pigtails still tickled his cheek and her voice and her signs echoed in his ears. Jo had their daughter. She had his daughter. He had a daughter. They had a daughter. A beautiful and giggling tiny toddler who smiled like her mother and laughed like he did. Then all of a sudden she was gone as Jo took her and ran. He remembered the electricity he felt as she touched him. Then it was all gone. Now he was back to staring at a sea of nurses at the hospital.
“Karev,” Weber's voice brought him out of his head as he looked back at them.
“Jo had our daughter?” Alex said in disbelief, mostly to himself.
“No, that's Luna, Jo's adopted daughter,” Teddy tried to clarify with a gentle hand on his arm.
“Oh really because that little girl looks exactly like Amber did when she was a toddler,” Alex said and he quickly pulled up a photo of his sister.
She was twenty-five now but still had the same blonde hair and blue eyes that Luna had. He showed the picture to Weber and Teddy as both of them looked at each other then back at the picture then back at him. “We're either of you around the time that Jo gave birth.”
“Look, Karev, it's not possible,” Teddy said with a shake of her head. “Luna was born by a C-section at 26 weeks. She was on the patient's liver from her birth mom and didn't make it and it wasn't until weeks after that Jo decided to adopt Luna.”
“However, Wilson was always very interested in the girl and kept an eye on her from the start,” Weber admitted, and Teddy nodded in agreement.
“Did Jo miss work, even for a day around that time,” Alex asked looking as both of them paused.
“To be honest we were kind of confined to our own little pods, but Wilson did miss a few days of work around that time. She didn’t have covid, but I can’t remember why she called out. I'd have to double check the dates but…” Webber said as he rubbed his beard.
That was all the proof Alex needed as he quickly rushed away. He knew there were two people Jo would tell if she did have his kid. One of them would actually talk to him, thus he took a slight detour and went to see Meredith. However, before heading up to the surgical wing, he snuck around to the daycare. Alex peaked through the window into the toddler room and he saw Luna playing with the stacking cups. She stacked a few cups only to knock them down and shriek with delight before building them up again. Her little blonde pigtails shook with her body and her smile was so big. She was a beautiful little girl and so full of life and giggles. It reminded him of how happy and giggly Jo was when she was excited.
She signed to another child, turning her head and he saw the hearing aids in her ears. He knew she had some hearing as she talked to him. He thought of everything Jo had to go through without him. Watching their babies struggle in the NICU, Sleepless nights with a cranky baby, getting the diagnosis about their daughter's hearing, and chasing after a rambunctious toddler all on her own. She had done everything alone when he was just a phone call away.
Luna, he was surprised that Jo picked that name. Jo had always favored older and family names. She said if they had a daughter she wanted to name her Helen or Elana, after his mom and Ms. Schmidt. She also liked the names, Eden and Laurel. She hated names like Banks and Locklyn. Luna wasn't even on her list but as he looked at the little girl now he could not imagine another name for her. She was as beautiful as the moon and as bright as it was. He knew that she was Jo's light in her darkest nights. He could only imagine what she looked like when she was born, even a 26-week-old preemie was the tiniest of joys. Luna was already a toddler, walking, talking, and signing, with a full personality of her own. He couldn't believe he missed so much of her life already.
“Hey!” Link's harsh voice caught him off balance as he looked over to see him coming out of the daycare. “You shouldn't be here.”
“I just wanted to see her,” Alex said, looking back at Luna again.
However, Link physically stepped in his way, pushing him away from the window. “Not until Jo says you can. Now you need to go.”
Alex knew that Link would stay there until he left, so he did. It only took him a couple of minutes to get up to Meredith’s office. Although she had stepped down from being chief of surgery, she was still chief of general surgery and had taken over Bailey’s old office as a parting gift.
He walked into the familiar office and stood at the door as memories of Jo flooded into his mind. Memories of her and him sitting on the couch discussing the time his dad left him in a bar. Memories of her sitting in his lap at his desk chair telling him to come home and do newlywed things with him. Memories of them arguing and kissing before getting caught by the nurses as they made out.
But it wasn't the same room. It was filled with touches of Meredith's decorating all around the room as well as her messy tendencies. For a second it was comforting not to have to be overwhelmed with those memories, but sad that it was truly gone. His time at the hospital was almost completely erased.
“Hey, you're here,” Meredith said, getting up from her desk and coming over to him.
She greeted him with a warm hug and he let herself pull her in. It had been so long since he'd seen her. Although they talked on the phone all the time, it wasn't the same as being together in person.
“I'm so excited to show you around and go over the procedure with you. You know we still don’t have a good head of Pediatrics, and the job is always available to you.”
“Meredith stop,” Alex said as she stopped talking and looked at him, taking in the look on his face for a second as her expression changed to one of worry. “Jo has our daughter, Luna. She had our baby and you didn't tell me?”
“Alex…”
“No just stop, I can't believe you of all people didn't tell me. I can't believe I missed it all. Jo's pregnancy, her birth, she was in the freaking NICU, she’s deaf, and now she's a toddler and I've never met her. But she knows me. She pointed at me and signed and called me Dada. Jo let her come to me and let me hold her. Luna knows who I am, but I had no idea she existed until today. Was anybody going to tell me? Were you going to tell me, was Jo?”
Alex just stared at her, waiting for her to answer him. Meredith folded her arms and took a deep breath. Alex could tell that she was waiting for something, but he wasn't sure what. This whole thing was so frustrating. He grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it against the wall with a yell. He sighed and didn’t reach for another, but he couldn't let go of his anger.
Meredith came over and started up again. “Alex, let me explain.”
He knew Meredith would use all of the flowery language and stuff that she always used when she was trying to let him down easy. However, he decided he didn't want to hear it from her. He got up, not even bothering to look back at her as he left. Alex went to seek out the one person who he knew would tell him the truth. He went to look for Jo.
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While Alex was having an existential crisis, Jo was enjoying her breakfast muffin and coffee. She was sitting at the nurse's station as she looked over her schedule. She was also monitoring her first laboring mom whom she had just admitted. It had been a busy morning.
“Hey,” Jo smiled as she looked up at Link, catching him on the OB floor was a rare occasion unless he wanted to talk to her.
“Hey,” Link said, giving her a weird look as he raised his eyebrows at her. “So Alex thinks that Luna is his?”
Despite Link’s look of concern, Jo burst out laughing. She couldn't contain it, it was just so funny. The more she thought about it, the funnier it was. Especially given that Luna was a tiny blonde-haired and blue-eyed baby. Although she did have to admit that Luna looked like Helen and Amber, she had Val's smile and blue eyes. She was the spitting image of her birth mom and not of the Karev family, which Alex would have seen if he had only looked closer.
“Seriously Jo?” Link said, although she knew he was scolding her, he couldn't help but smile and chuckle as well.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean for him to think that,” Jo said as she shook her head, but her smile fell as she remembered the moment she saw Alex. “I was so shocked to see him that I just froze. Nobody told me he was going to be there, nobody gave me any kind of warning. Luna wiggled out of my arms like she always does and before I knew it she was running over to him. I knew I shouldn’t have let her play with our wedding photo, but she loved it and a part of me loved sharing Alex with her. Then she called him Dada like she had been calling everything Dada all morning.”
“Yeah, it was pretty funny to hear her call you Dada all this morning,” Link said with a smile that Jo didn't share with him.
“Luna called Alex Dad and he just looked at her and I knew what he was thinking. Suddenly, I got so scared and I just grabbed her and ran. I finally realized what had happened and what he must have thought after I dropped her off at daycare. But I didn't go back and explain it. I figured Teddy or Weber or Meredith would tell him and then it would all fade into a weird joke. Yet, for a second I honestly thought it would be funny for him to freak out and think I had his kid. Maybe for a second, he would feel like how I felt when he left, when he told me about the twins.”
Link just nodded as he chuckled and she smiled again. “Well it’s certainly one hell of a prank and he does deserve it.”
Jo laughed again, but she could only nod. Link came around the desk and gave her a hug as she melted into his arms. His hugs always helped her in whatever way she needed them. He gave her one last squeeze before they both went back to work.
She wasn't surprised when she was interrupted by a text a few minutes later. It was from Meredith along the same lines of the conversation that she and Link just had. Meredith thought it was a bit funny, but that it had gone too far. Jo reassured her that she would set Alex straight. Meredith warned her that he was headed her way, but didn't know that she was an OB, so it gave her a few extra minutes to compose herself. Jo handed off her patient to Carina, explaining the situation and telling her she would be back after she had explained everything to Alex. Then she sat at the nurse's station, finished her muffin, and sipped her coffee as she waited for him.
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Jo didn't have to wait very long for Alex to find her. Less than half an hour later he came straight toward her. His fists were clenched and he walked fast. He was mad and he had every right to be, or at least, he thought he did. But he didn't. She set her teeth as she stared daggers at him. She was the one who was allowed to be angry at him. And she’s so unbelievably angry that she wanted to slam the tablet she was holding onto the counter until it broke.
His hand reached for her, to drag her away, but she didn't let him touch her. Jo turned and walked away before she slipped into an empty room. It was a bit of privacy, even though she knew the nurses would still be pressed up against the door. Jo turned around just in time to see Alex walk in and slam the door behind him.
“What the hell Jo!” Alex yelled as he started going off. “You were pregnant and you didn't tell me!? You had my kid and now she's a toddler and you never told me anything! She’s two years old and I missed all of it!”
He let out a breath and put his hands on his hips as looked away from her. Jo ground her teeth as she held the tablet out for him. Alex glanced down at it for a second, dismissing it before he did a double take and took it to read the file. It was Luna’s file, her medical records as well as her adoption papers, and information on her birth mother, Val Ashton.
“She's not yours, Alex!” Jo said in a firm voice as she waited for him to read over it and truly realize that Luna was indeed not his daughter.
“She’s not?” Alex asked in disbelief, his anger fading away, but Jo’s fire still burned.
“But I can't believe you went to the daycare and tried to see my daughter and fill her head with ideas of you being her father. Luna is not yours, she’s mine, she’s my daughter. I adopted her during the pandemic and I have been the only parent she's ever needed.”
“I wasn’t trying to fill her head with ideas, she called me dada…”
“She calls everyone dada. She’s two, she called Link and me dada this morning.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that?” Alex tried to explain to her. “I was confused.”
“How could you be confused? She looks nothing like you, Alex. She's got light skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. We both have tan skin and brown eyes. It’s a dominant gene. You're a doctor for fucks sake.”
“Well forgive me for assuming that a child who looks like Amber is mine, especially when she comes up to me and calls me dad! She knew me Jo, explain that!”
“She found a photo of us and insisted on keeping it, that’s how she knew you,” Jo said with a shake of her head. “I should have never let her see it in the first place.”
They both fell silent for a moment as his anger faded away. His anger was replaced with eyes that were sincere and full of sorrow. She looked at Alex, really looked at him. He looked older too, and not just because of the grey hairs. He seemed worn out and not just by the situation they were in. Still, her anger spilled over onto her cheeks as her tears fell and her lips trembled.
“Jo, you kept a photo of us, you told your daughter about me?” Alex said in a soft hopeful voice. It was almost a whisper, but that fire was still inside her.
“Yes, because I still loved you and I was mourning you, mourning us. You left me. I can't believe you left me. You said that you wanted to be my husband! You said you wanted to grow old with me, no matter what! You said you didn’t want an out, but you took one and you left me! I asked you about Izzie again and again. You told me that you didn’t want to find out about her, and you said you’d always choose me. But you didn’t and you chose her! You will always walk out on me, Alex Karev because there is always someone else. I was just a placeholder in your life until you found someone better.”
“No, you weren't….”
“Yes, I was! You don't get to lie to me and say that I wasn’t,” Jo said as she glared at him, her tears made her vision blur.
“Jo, I promise you, you weren't a placeholder. I love you,” Alex said, pleading with her to believe him, but she didn’t. She never would.
“You stay out of my life Alex Karev,” Jo said as she glared at him and clenched her teeth as she went to the door, but before she left, she spun around and pointed her finger at him. “And you stay far away from my daughter. You broke my heart, you don't get to break her heart too.”
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Jo left, the door slamming behind her, leaving Alex standing there. The look on her face was like nothing he'd ever seen before. The hurt and the anger in her eyes was like a fire, despite the tears that fell. Jo was heartbroken and grieving and that swirled together in a dagger of anger that would never dull. Alex wanted to say something, anything, but there were no words in the world that would dispel the anger inside of Jo. He knew that all too well, because he was the reason for the storm inside of her. When he learned that she kept the pictures of them and she let her daughter have one, it gave him hope. Hope that quickly vanished when he learned that it was only because she was heartbroken by his letter.
Alex walked back down the hall and his feet took him to the daycare. He couldn’t resist peeking into the windows to see Luna one last time. He quickly scanned the room before he saw her, sitting in Jo’s lap. Jo was sitting on the floor with Luna in the corner of the room away from the chaos of the other toddlers. Jo didn’t speak very much, she just signed to Luna. Luna pulled out the photo of them from under her shirt. Jo gave her a sad smile as she took it and put it away. There was a sadness across both of their faces and he hated that he was the cause of it again. The hurt that he caused when he left was still affecting her and the daughter she had without him.
He can see Jo in Luna, in the fire in her eyes, her determination, her smile, and her happiness. She's every bit Jo’s daughter and he couldn't help but smile because this was all the things he wanted for her. He wanted her to have a child. Even though she was hesitant about kids for almost their entire relationship. He knew when he left that she was ready to be a mom. Here she was, a mom to a wonderful little girl. He remembered listening to one of the voicemails she left him after he stopped returning her calls. It was the little last piece of Jo that he clung to, he remembered hearing about how she stole the safe haven baby and he still remembered what she said next.
“You better come back here and put a baby in me, otherwise I'm going to steal another one.”
He remembered the way Jo laughed after she said that and how his heart nearly leaped out of his chest. He had to physically stop himself from going back to Seattle and doing just as she asked. The one thing he wanted most in the world was a baby with Jo, a family with her. He still wanted that. But that would never happen, Jo had made that very clear. She had a whole life, a family without him. Alex loves his kids and he didn't regret a second with them, but his biggest regret was not bringing Jo with him. It still ate him up at night and he missed her every second of the day.
So instead, Alex watched her sign to her daughter. Their anguished looks had turned to smiles as Luna squealed and made Jo sign itsy bitsy spider to her for a third time. At least she looked happy as she smiled down at Luna and tickled her sides as both of their laughter filled the room and reached his ears. He tried to be happy for her and he did as she asked and he left again. He broke her heart and he wouldn’t break her daughter’s heart as well.