#sith husband

[soartfullydone]

Could you please Hogwarts sort your Star Wars boyfriends? Maybe Transformers too if you have the time.

Maul - He’s such a toss-up between Evil Hufflepuff and Slytherin for me, given the day. I think ultimately, though, he’s an Evil Hufflepuff, even if he’d choose Slytherin himself. For all his cunning and ambition, he’s also someone that works harder than anyone I’ve ever seen and his loyalty to Sidious (misplaced, though it is) and his brothers is notable on more of a Hufflepuff than Slytherin level. No, in fact, I’d actually divide that. His loyalty to Sidious was more Slytherin in nature, but to Savage (and Feral), damn, what a Hufflepuff, amirite? 

Obi-Wan - But does canon!Obi-Wan differ from Sith!Obi-Wan? Surprisingly, no, I don’t think so. I think he’d be sorted in the same house regardless, but I admit that it’s hard for me to pin down. I’m somewhere between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, though. He’s courageous and painfully earnest and he cares so much, and wow he cares so much he feels as though he will bleed to death with the pain of it.

Thrawn - Besides Sidious himself, is there any Star Wars character that is more Slytherin than Thrawn? I mean, really? I could believe Ravenclaw, too, but I think Thrawn definitely values ambition, in himself and others, in equal parts of or even greater than his value for knowledge. And while I do think he genuinely enjoys learning things, he also enjoys learning things to be used to his advantage later. 

The Inquisitor - I feel like I don’t know nearly enough about him on a personal level to be able to sort him with too great of an accuracy. I don’t think Slytherin or Gryffindor, though. Probably Ravenclaw or, look, another Evil Hufflepuff.

Dooku - Ravenclaw, because that’s really the vibe I get looking at the majority of his life. He originally turned to the dark side because he wanted knowledge after all. Of course, throughout those Sith years, he developed quite a taste for ambition and was obviously cunning, enough so that it warrants Slytherin tendencies, but I don’t really think he craved power like Sidious did. Dooku always had it in some form; he was born with it, was a Jedi with it, reclaimed it via his title. He never craved it because he never missed it. But he always seemed to be after knowledge and new ways of doing things.

Rex - I gotta rewatch his episodes. But I’m thinking either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Whatever house Cody’s in, Rex is in the opposite.

Hondo - I can see him as this weird mix between Slytherin, Gryffindor, and Hufflepuff, depending on what he’s doing and who he’s talking to. (Ravenclaw’s firmly out.) I guess, then, that ultimately makes him a Slytherin because he can play that game on expert mode with the crowd and his focus is primarily on his own profit and self-preservation. But God, if he isn’t a brave son of a bitch, capturing Dooku and two Jedi, dueling Ahsoka, tangling with Maul and Savage, and still not giving a flying fuck. Plus, all those moments where he valued honorable behavior and the way he was with Katooni. Ugh, spare me, Hondo is terrible.

The Son - Sllllllllytherin. What else would the embodiment of the dark side be in? He’s completely selfish, lusts after power, wants to get off Mortis and wreck havoc across the galaxy more than anything, plots to kill his own father, like it’s so obvious. Plus, he only has that One Person he cares for, and isn’t that a fun Slytherin thing to do?

Starscream - Slytherin, whoa, big shock there, I think I’m gonna have to sit down. What a silver-tongued, self-serving, ambitious, cunning-but-talks-too-damn-much-about-how-cunning-and-ambitious-he-is asshole. Sure, sure, Starscream was brave once upon a time, but it was after the Decepticons really kicked off and got a following. He didn’t stick his neck out there for a side that looked like it was losing. Even standing up to Megatron carried the spin that Starscream was vying for power, namely trying to steal Megatron’s. There’s really no question. Everything Starscream has ever valued is in the Slytherin motto and coat of arms.

Knockout - He’s a bit trickier. KO’s got a spark of Gryffindor in him (a lot of nerve with that mouth of his, is probably even more vain and cocky than Starscream, and displays moments of bravery as both a medic and a fighter against allies and foes alike), but I still think he’s more Slytherin. His actions, goals, and decisions align with that house more. He joined the Decepticons late because they were the winning team, then switched to the Autobots’ side at the last minute for the same reason, is deeply self-preservative, was downright vengeful over Breakdown, and showed his own ambitions to become second-in-command of the Decepticons under Starscream.

Megatron - Gryffindor. Evil Gryffindor. Yes, yes, I see that ambition, I know Megatron’s smart, I know he’s cunning and willing to go to places he shouldn’t to achieve his goals (grave-robbing, anyone?). But there’s a reason why Starscream snarls, “Gladiators,” so often about Megatron, and it’s because he’s willing to throw all of that away, just to punch Optimus Prime in the face. Just to gloat and fight and show off how all this started because of him, because Megatron alone was brave enough to stand up against a corrupt, millennia-old system and say, “Enough.” (Plus, in canon, he avoids paying for consequences, just like a true Gryffindor would, oop.)

[soartfullydone]

I like my faves problematic like my poor life decisions

[soartfullydone]

maybe my purpose in life is to write sith lords getting owned by women

~~~~

« We are close. »

Her idling didn’t go unnoticed, it never did. Maul was putting his saber to his belt as she was sitting by the window, arms crossed over her barely covered chest. (This he noticed, like the red of her lips, like the silver in her hair, like her lost gaze.)

« So close… » she sighed, and eyed him sidely. « This may be your last mission. » « I… Doubt it. » he muttered back. She made him understood that he could speak in her presence. Still, he dared not raise his voice. « Of course you do. But… »

Her steps towards him were light, showing her almost surreality in the way she barely made any sounds. Just the quiet flutter of silk against skin. Her hand came testing on his chest, where his left heart should be, and he willed himself stone-like, his warmth betraying him even through the thick layers of his robes.

« I didn’t mean it like that. »

There was just the shortest glimpse of sharp teeth, before he averted his eyes, bright with determination. « I will not fail. » he breathed out. « You will not? » « No, my mistress. »

Padmé’s lips parted when he referred to her as such. There was a clock ticking at the back of her head. « Then you will come back to me… » she whispered, like a prayer and her hand travelled to his shoulder.

He felt himself crackling against her when she kissed him, and it took all his willpower not to push her away. But her teeth came splitting his own lips. Pain. Blood.

This was familiar, this he knew how to proceed with.

He devoured her back, grunting under her tongue, her fingers lost themselves in the foldings of his clothes, and they parted.

She smiled, baring hemoglobin smeared mouth, high on his taste. He found air difficult to swallow. She stepped back. « May you be victorious when you return. »

He bowed with trembling shoulders, and left.

——

Her nails clicked along the metallic back of the chair as she circled the desk. Palpatine only paid attention late in her approach. « He still holds me dear to his heart, you know. » she sighed, leaning against his seat. « The boy, Skywalker. »

He halted his writing to answer. « Does he? » His chuckle gave the impression that he had heard a mildly amusing joke. « This could prove useful. » « As if you hadn’t noticed. You do everything to see him at any time. »

(If he didn’t know her any better, he’d have thought her tone to be one of accusation.)

He set his pen down. « And he, does everything to see you. » (She smiled like he was flattering her, hidden laugh showing in the way she bared her teeth between wound colored lips.) « He entertains me. » she confessed, and there was a mischievous glint to her gaze. « And as much as his sentiments tire me sometimes, even I can tell : the Force is strong with him. »

He leant back with a smirk, looking up at her. « So, you do see why– » « Are you still thinking about replacing him ? » Here, this was her seeking the Sith, luring Sidious out of the politician. For there always was an unmistakable edge to her voice, when she was talking about Maul, that made electricity running up his veins.

« Maul (The name had gained power even in his mouth.) has proved himself to be a more than valuable asset. But rallying Skywalker to our cause… » « Anakin will not be drawn away that easily– » « Anakin. »

There. She blinked. He stood triumphant. « No longer just Skywalker, my Queen? » he taunted. She took a step back. « He is powerful… » Still, the smile never left her as he was closing in. « Perhaps… »

The eyes flashed a sudden yellow. Don’t. She raised her head high. « Maybe will he even grow stronger than you. »

His hands were claws when he grasped her face between them, holding her inches away from him. A warning. She was the one to fist his robes and bring him down on her lips.

She felt a growl rise from his throat to roll onto her tongue and let go. When she opened her eyes, his pupils were glowing, radioactive. This time, she laughed openly. « Sith animal… » she hissed, like the most delightful of curses, and stepped away. « Maul is more than we need. »

His fingers tried to catch her when she slipped past him, she let him watch the curve of her back as she left.

[soartfullydone]

Melody: Where I am going I cannot take my lightsaber. I leave it with you. This is a silent mission, with no outside contact permitted until I complete my task. So I leave you these words as well: I will come back to you. -Maul

I know how much this lightsaber means to you. I’ll protect it with my life, and I only hope you can appreciate that sentiment. This isn’t another Cog Hive Seven, is it?

You better come back. Because I will go in after you if you don’t, and I can promise you won’t like it. Don’t test me, master.

[soartfullydone]

Cyar'ika: I understand your attachment to a single weapon. But controlling the distance between you and your opponent is not always possible. You need a second choice. Fortunately, I dissuaded Feral from choosing another weapon for you. When I return we will see what best suits you. Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum. -Maul

One of these days, I’m going to learn a language you don’t know, just to play with you.

Afraid I’ll take to making things explode with as much gusto as Feral? You should be. But, no, I agree with you. I wouldn’t mind something more long-range, something to test the precision of the Force with, but... I’ll defer to your expertise. Besides, I kind of want to see just how many weapons you have stashed around the place. [smirks] Besides, we might need a break from our lightsaber duels and a certain zabrak’s many defeats.

[soartfullydone]

But if we try hard enough, we can fix everything

Savage flexed his hand.  The metal joints were new enough not to groan, though they did clink slightly when he straightened his fingers.  Maul would not have been concerned—he knew what it was to test artificial limbs—but he recognized the thoughtful tilt to his brother’s frown.  For the first time since they had entered hyperspace, Maul broke the silence.  “Savage?” he prompted softly.

Savage said, “I’m remembering.”

It had taken weeks of pointed questions to pry the truth out of Savage—that the Nightsisters had changed him into an all but mindless warrior.  They had given him unnatural strength and an even more unnatural readiness to take orders.  What they had needed was a blank slate, a useful tool.  Only in the search for Maul had he started to come back to himself.  (“I wanted to find you,” Savage had tried to explain.  “Not because Mother Talzin told me to.  You’re my brother.  I wanted to find you.”)  Since then, his life had returned to him a piece at a time.

“What do you remember?” Maul asked.

Savage flexed his hand again.  “Feral.  That’s his name.”

Maul tilted his head.  “Whose name?”

“My… brother.  Our little brother.”

Maul watched him.

Savage’s brow furrowed at his hand.  “I knew there was something important about how the Nightsisters chose me.  It was him.  I was trying to protect him.“  His hand clanked into a fist, and he bared teeth.  "They would have killed him.”

Maul knew so little of his life on Dathomir.  All his life he had heard the constant reminder of what Sidious had saved him from, and how much he owed his master for it, but that was all.  Even so, he knew what they had to do.  “Is he… alive?”

Savage looked up.  His jaw worked as he thought, concentrating on the memories that were so slow to come.  And then he nodded firmly.  “But I don’t know where he is,” he growled.  “I should have—”

Maul put a hand on his shoulder, silencing him.  He met Savage’s eyes steadily.  “Then we have another brother to find.”

[soartfullydone]

All of them for Maul. The first four for Dooku.

<3

Sith Husband:

☾ - sleep headcanon

Maul sleeps flat on his back, but will rotate to his side sometime during the night. But that’s if he’s in a place of comfort. He’s not sedentary, so he often has to sleep wherever he can find space, often sitting up with his lightsaber nearby. He doesn’t need as much sleep as a human and usually relies on meditation to help restore his energy.

★ - sad headcanon

He truly, deeply misses his brothers. He takes his familial links very seriously. Often, thoughts of what could have been, how they could have grown up together and lived normally as a family taunt him. Could they have made it off Dathomir? Would they have been stronger together than apart? Maul knows that they could have. They were his brothers, after all.

☆ - happy headcanon

Maul likes taking things apart and figuring out how they work. At first, the droids in his service were terrified of him, because what if they were next? But any droids that did fall into his hands were usually damaged and broken; they would reappear a few weeks later, working better than ever with a few upgrades besides. So now they tend to timidly follow Maul around, as quiet as he is, and are eagerly quick to perform the jobs he asks of them.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

Maul is lowkey angry all the time, but he’s learned how to channel it so that it’s not something controlling him. Anger is the basis for even his lightsaber form, so it’s unwise to just give it free reign over his senses. Even at his most enraged, there is a cool, quiet whisper of warrior logic determining and steering his actions. But of course, when Maul attacks, he intends to destroy, utterly, and there is nothing he won’t use as a weapon, no weak point he won’t exploit, no hesitation, and no mercy. If he has to literally tear you to pieces to stop you, then he’ll do it. He doesn’t see much sense in drawing it out, but does enjoy making his opponent know just how hopeless their chances of survival are.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

Sith are allowed to own possessions, but Maul has very few. He doesn’t see much sense in them, being as nomadic as he is. So any living quarters he has are temporary, the rooms sparse, clean, and tidy. But open. He dislikes enclosed spaces and would much rather have room to maneuver if necessary. Sometimes, though, it is hard to tell whether he’s been doing any living in his quarters at all. Even the bed is neatly made and folded every morning, for Force’s sake!

♡ - romantic headcanon

Subtly is not something that has a place here. Maul is direct about what he wants and will let that person know about it. But he is still inexperienced, doesn’t know what the social cues for this are, either. So communication is important, exploring each other is important. He’s enamored with eye contact along with even the simplest of touches. Expect romance to be intense. But he’s also immensely private, so all this must and will take place behind closed doors if it takes place at all.

♥ - family headcanon

AU Time! Maul is the oldest out of Feral and Savage, and he used to be the tallest but now he’s the shortest. That doesn’t bother him until Savage makes it a point to bother him with it, and they scuffle all the time. To Feral, Maul acts more like a father figure, because he’s so undisciplined that it honestly stresses Maul out to a point. But Feral secretly admires Maul, as does Savage. Despite that, neither are above using their twin link to team up and find ways to tease and exasperate Maul, but Maul can take them both, physically and mentally, through sheer force of will so that’s alright.

☮ - friendship headcanon

He did make a few friends in his days at that pseudo Sith academy that Sidious dumped him off at, but they didn’t last, mostly because they all died. On top of that, Maul does not make friends easily or really know the particulars of how it’s done, nor does he feel that he needs them. To him, friends are temporary relationships, made through obligation (for survival, for business, for circumstance) rather than earnestness, and that’s all he’s been shown.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

He takes extremely good care of his lightsaber and will sometimes tend to it even before his own injuries if they’re not serious enough. A good portion of his free time is spent training, the majority of it physical. He always wears gloves of some kind, because touch is a personal thing for him and not something often experienced.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Likes: The Dark Side, martial arts (as many as you can find), speeder bikes (he really enjoys the freedom that comes with wind and speed), night time, spicy food, unyielding strength, his brothers, me, his lightsaber, a challenge

Dislikes: The Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, sentimentality, a lack of goal or purpose, waiting, stagnation, unfamiliar social obligations, and later on Sidious thank God

▼ - childhood headcanon

Maul didn’t have a childhood. That’s part of the problem. He didn’t learn those social cues and how to actually be a child. He was always being honed as a weapon, an assassin. He was around kids his own age, but none of them were allowed to behave as kids, either. So that whole childhood notion is completely foreign to him.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

If he survives to old age, I see him as being very introspective. Constantly analyzing the past, recalling how things where, how they could have been, and what he could have done differently. Much more willing to pass on his knowledge, too. Still looking fine as hell.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

He’s rarely ever sedentary enough to cook anything, but he does know how. It’s a necessary survival skill, and there’s been plenty of missions where he’s had to hunt local game for food. But he does have a secret joy for food, the spicier the better.

☼ - appearance headcanon

Maul doesn’t take much notice of his appearance. There’s nothing about it he can change, and honestly he enjoys how his features unsettle people. If people are already afraid just based on how you look, then it’s that much easier to get them to talk.

ൠ - random headcanon

Maul’s body temperature, like all Zabraks, is higher than a human’s, and his skin is always warm to the touch. That being said, he silently dislikes environments with lower temperatures. On Coruscant, he bundles up in his gi and robe not just to be ~mysterious, but because he’s trying to retain heat. All this air conditioning is highly unnecessary. 

Sith Uncle/Grandpappy Dooku:

☾ - sleep headcanon

Dooku is a man of comfort and wealth, so naturally his sleep habits are nothing short of luxurious. Bed large enough to fit four people, a single fluffy pillow, matching silk pajamas, the shirt of which probably has a large ‘D’ carefully and elaborately stitched on the pocket over his heart. He tends to sleep on his side, rising early to greet dawn spilling through his windows, and his rest is usually dreamless, unless he’s been thinking about Qui-Gon a lot.

★ - sad headcanon

He hadn’t felt sadness in a very long time. He was a Jedi for many, many years, and sadness could more often than not be linked to attachment.

And then Qui-Gon died. Dooku was reminded what sadness and despair truly was. But even during his years as a Sith, sadness itself was a fleeting emotion, only distantly felt and encouraged even less so. Still, Dooku feels touches of it every time Obi-Wan rejects him or his apprentices meet their ends.

☆ - happy headcanon

At first, Qui-Gon struggled with being separated from his family, and he was almost passed over for Padawan training because of it. But Dooku saw his potential and his earnestness, and selected him in a move that surprised everyone. And then he endlessly doted on him, as much as a Jedi was allowed to–and even in ways not allowed. It was because Dooku loved Qui-Gon so much that he even allowed himself to be dragged into Dex’s Diner to begin with. (And it was just that one time he indulged him. You can only do so much for someone.)

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

Like any Sith, an angry Dooku is a strong and focused Dooku. But if you make him angry enough, he’ll appear positively Jedi. At first. He goes eerily quiet, almost serene. But if you notice his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes, then it’s all over for you. If he bothers with his lightsaber, his swings are quicker, sharper, positively eviscerating. Otherwise, expect to be hit with Force Lightning until your heart stops. His face won’t change the entire time.

[soartfullydone]

[He ignores the comment.] Just as you keep your rage focused on your opponent, keep your lightsaber between yourself and them. If you overswing you will lose energy as surely as if you are distracted.

Her arms, glistening with sweat, had begun to turn to lead at the pause in their training, but she jerked them into position, mimicking the movements Maul wanted more than actually employing them. But an object in motion stays in motion. Her swings would get smoother in a moment. Any second now. Probably.

“You haven’t, by chance, been talking to Dooku lately, have you?” Her voice broke in between swings, her legs in constant motion. Still, she managed to smirk at him, the one that told anyone who saw it that she was bullshitting and she knew it. “He’s so jealous of my mean swing. I wish he’s just admit it.”