#skysays

[sunfiowyr]

I hate how I just so easily gather crushes, like, I just want to be a heartless husk of a person is that so hard to ask

I don’t want it because I know that they don’t/won’t return those feelings, and it’s not likely that im going to tell them anyway  

I don’t have a positive track record with confessing my feelings to a person (0-1 is still in the negatives)

I just hate falling for someone because they're literally all I can think about for, like, days straight, then over time it will just become thoughts of them every now and then throughout the day without fail

my heart is like oprah giving her audience free gifts, except instead its just me falling for a new person

[sunfiowyr]

spirit and opportunity are basically aqua

lost in a realm of darkness and we want to bring them home

[sunfiowyr]

i told this story a few years ago when it happened but i recently retold it so i felt like posting it again

my experience with crushes is that i get one on like every second or third girl i meet and become friends with, a couple of them have been extremely strong and hard to keep in. only once have i ever actually confessed it to someone which was though a long written skype message. i knew i was going to be rejected by them, partly due to having very low self confidence and just being able to tell they weren't interested in me like that. this was when i was year 12 in high school (equivalent to senior in america) and i was pretty close to this person as a friend.

we remained good friends throughout the rest of high school and a couple months after but slowly they kinda separated from our friend group as a whole and went and did their own things. A few months later we had met up again for an event she was doing to raise charity and she had a boyfriend by then. he seemed cool and though there were some residual feelings still inside me i was happy that they were happy. so after this event they invited me to go with them into the city to go to some metal show or something so i said sure why not, i had just enough money to get into it and that was about it. though throughout the night plans changed and we meandered though the city for a little while aimlessly as we decided on what to do. so naturally we ended up at the boyfriends place with a bottle of wine we shared between the three of us. they both did a bit of weed, which i politely declined cause i dont smoke.

things were a little awkward from the moment we walked in tho as their roommate was very unhappy, i think their cat had gone missing that day (i dont quite recall as it was a couple years ago now) and they were distraught--like screaming and crying. when i came in i was trying to get my shoes off which was proving to be extremely difficult for some unknown reason due to my laces being a bitch to untie... then their roommate walked past me and i think they got angry at the boyfriend cause he had brought people over. suffice to say we eventually left after like an hour or so of hanging out in his dingy room with a single sized bad and a laptop and basically nothing else. (they had recently moved to australia from new zealand so it was understandable) and decided after a few minutes of discussion to go back to my place instead. i was fine with it cause no one else would be home that night and actually kinda wanted to because i needed to feed my cat that night as well. so we got up, i put my shoes back on. at this point my feet were killing me almost to the point of blistering and possibly bleeding, and my pants were too long for my legs so they kept rolling past my feet and causing me to walk on them. so we caught the tram back into the cbd in the city then a bus to my place.

i set them up in my spare bedroom. we played mario kart wii for a race or two before they went to bed and i retired to my room. of course, the story doesn't end just yet. in the morning (i think we didn't wake up until noonish however). i woke up first, followed by the other too not too much later. i was caught off guard when he walked out shirtless and she didn't have any pants on and was wearing his t-shirt but no one made a deal out of it and they seemed fine so i didn't say anything. i have no idea if they fucked (but i really doubt it). they made some coffee (neither me or my mother drink it but we have it from Christmas hampers we used to get) and he gave me an energy drink he had so whatever i drank it. we kinda just chilled out for a little while in my living room and i made some nachos for the three of us to share. after a little while they got dressed and left.

i cleaned up and got rid of any evidence that anyone but me had been there and i kinda never really spoke to her that much again until last month at one of our friends 21st birthday, but it wasnt much of a conversation we basically just said hello to each other and i think i was subconsciously avoiding her. (she has a different boyfriend now and they seem happy together from what i've seen)

and thats why i don't like getting crushes.

[sunfiowyr]

its time for another episode of

am i having a depressive episode or just feeling really bored right now

[sunfiowyr]

dating app: youre 10x more likely to find match if you use our app RIGHT NOW

me: 10x0 is still 0

[sunfiowyr]

Answer the 21 questions, then tag 21 people you’d like to get to know better. 

Tagged by @thepastyman like a month ago whoops

Nickname: Sky

Zodiac: Libra

Height: 5′11", or 5′10″ idk, its somewhere between 5′9″ and 5′11″

Last movie I saw: Spider-verse, I think

Last thing I googled: http://bfy.tw/2kdZ (it wasnt very helpful)

Favorite musician(s): I just listen to whatever Spotify recommends these days, but I have found that I love basically any song by CHVRCHES

Song stuck in my head: None rn, but dont you worry there will be something soon

Other blogs: None anymore, use to have some RP blogs but i deleted them a coupe years ago

Do I get asks?: uuuuuuu nope. never.

Following: 1274 currently

Amount of sleep: It varies, lately I’ve tried to get more since starting uni but often I get like 5-6 hours a night

Lucky number: 7, I guess

What I’m wearing: uhhh, camo print pyjama pants (invisi-legs), a kmart tshirt with leaves printed all over, and a black and grey hoodie.

Dream job: something something game development

Dream trip: to travel to countries and cities where my internet friends live and meet them

Favorite food: pizza ‘n’ borg

Play any instruments: Not really, occasionally (read: very, very rarely) dabble in playing my guitar, very badly because i dont actually know how to play.

Languages: English, would like to know more but I don’t have the patience or 

Favorite songs: As I mentioned above I mostly listen to whatever Spofity puts in my daily playlists, but I discovered quite a few songs that I have really loved to listen to (there’s quite a few):

Lighting by the Sea and The Roman Call by Beshken

Oh!, Oceans and Fading by Vallis Alps

Back For Me and Bound To Lose by Electric Guest

Stranded by Flight Facilities, Broods, Reggie Watts and Saro

Alaska by Saski

City Heart by LEFTI

Ghost and Stranger by VHS Collection

Someone That Loves You by HONNE and Izzy Bizu

and that’s just naming a few

Random Fact: Despite its name, Worcestershire sauce was originally an Indian recipe, brought back to Britain by Lord Marcus Sandys, ex-Governor of Bengal. One day in 1835, Sandys appeared in a prospering chemist's emporium in Worcestershire, England, and asked the chemist to create a batch of sauce from his recipe.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: How about I give you non-aesthetic things instead:

A sign on a door that says “PULLSH”

Netflix on a CRT TV

A cat sneaking up on a bird, but the bird flies away and then the cat falls over to take a nap

Stu(dying), Stu(died)

I dont tag anyone because I dont even know 21 people, if you want to do it go ahead.

[sunfiowyr]

theres writers block where you can not think of any ideas

then theres writers block where you have the ideas but you just cant put them into words

[sunfiowyr]

brain: hey this person is kinda cute and now you like them

me: