So I had this idea a little while ago, what if Anakin and Ahsoka had met as kids? As I was thinking about that, I remembered that what little we know of Ahsoka’s back story is that this false Jedi came to her village and tried to kidnap her before Master Plo found her. And then I remembered that Dave Filoni’s concept art for this false Jedi looked a lot like the Zygerrians later on in the show.
Which of course, because my brain leaps around like this all the time, got me thinking that if this false Jedi had been a slaver and had succeeded in taking Ahsoka, likely she would have ended up at a slave auction just like Anakin admitted he and his mother had been at. Because how many of those were happening at the time?
That of course gave birth to this story. If Master Plo had not found Ahsoka and taken her to the temple, and she did cross paths with Anakin as slaves, how would that have shaped the future of their relationship having had a history together?
Chapter 1:
She huddled in the corner, trembling. It hurt. Everything hurt. The tears burned her eyes. She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand anything.
“Psst!” Her head snapped to the noise. She crawled towards it, brushing her hands to shake off the pebbles that ground against her palms. “Are you okay?” She peered into the hole but only saw a blue eye staring back. She fell back off her heels and started crying. “No, shh! It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.” His voice was soft and gentle, far kinder than any other she’d heard so far. “Here, take this.” She heard something bounce along the stone and stop by her feet. “It’s a charm, it will make you brave.”
She picked it up, turning it over. It was almost bigger than her hand. There were markings carved into an ivory square. She curled her fingers around it, held it close to her heart and closed her eyes. She did feel braver. It must work.
She peeked back through the hole. “Thank you.” She whispered shyly.
“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “Just hold it tight when you’re scared and you’ll be okay."
"Who are you?"
"My name is Anakin Skywalker.” He sat back so she could see his whole face. She liked him. He had dimples. “What’s your name?”
“Ahsoka Tano."
"That’s a pretty name.” She giggled and blushed.
“Your name is pretty too.”
He smiled again. “Thanks! How old are you?”
“Four.” She held up her hand to show him but then wasn’t sure if he could see it.
“I’m nine.” He said proudly. “I’m good at fixing things. Someday I’m going to build my own droid.”
“What’s a droid?” She tipped her head to the side.
“They’re robots. They’re made out of metal and can move and talk and help you do things. You don’t have droids where you’re from?”
“I don’t remember.” She tightened the grip on the charm he’d given her.
Several loud voices stopped outside her cell. “Get up, girlie!” A man yelled. She cowered, holding the stone in her hand. “I said, get up!” He hit his gun against the metal and it echoed in the room so loudly, she brought her arms up to try and block the sound. Her head pounded from the pain.
“She’s just a kid!” Anakin shouted from the other side of the wall. “You’re scaring her!”
The man behind the voice pounded against his cell. “Shut up, slave! Mind your own business or you’ll lose your tongue!”
The door to hers slammed open and she squeezed her eyes shut as a large sweaty hand closed around her right arm, jerking her to her feet. She barely caught sight of Anakin as she was dragged past his cage. He was making a square shape with his fingers and she grabbed for the charm he’d given her, unsure when she’d dropped it or how it ended up back in her hands.
She held it tight as a painful metal collar was snapped around her neck, pinching her lekku. She’d cried out in pain only to be hit in response. She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She was chained to a platform that started rising into an arena.
She shook her head, blinking against the bright lights. Her head going deaf against the noise. There was so much commotion, so much color. Occasional streaks of pain. She closed her eyes holding the charm, wishing to be brave. Just hold it tight when you’re scared, you’ll be okay. She repeated his words over and over again. Her hands were going numb from how tightly she held it.
When she opened her eyes, she was in another cage on a ship. She could feel it shudder as it moved. She didn’t know where she was now or how she got here. But at least she still had the charm. It had worked. She didn’t know how, but she wasn’t so scared anymore. She’d be okay, just like the boy had said.
—
She stared at the sand as she slowly shuffled along. She’d get in trouble for taking so long, but she wasn’t in a hurry. Whenever she didn’t have to be there, was the only time she didn’t hurt. She’d rather get one big beating than lots of little ones. She tugged at the sleeves of her shirt absentmindedly, not that anyone around here cared about the bruises she was trying to hide.
“Ahsoka!” She barely had a chance to react to her name before someone pulled her into their arms. Her instinct was to recoil at the touch, but this one didn’t hurt. “You’re okay!” Was she okay? That’s not what it felt like. Who cared about her anyways?
She blinked up towards the two suns and his face finally swam into view. Blonde hair, blue eyes… dimples! “Anakin?” Now she was smiling too. She reached into her shirt and pulled out the charm she’d fashioned into a necklace. He took it in his fingers, turning it over gently. Then he leaned over to look her in the eye.
“Who is your master?” he whispered.
“Sebulba.” She looked down at her feet and he put his hands on her shoulders.
“Is he kind?” She shook her head, tears falling in the sand below. Then she rolled up her sleeve and he ran his fingers softly along the bruises.
“Stupid Dug!” he spat and she looked up at him, biting her lip. “I work over there.” He pointed to the shop a few yards away. “Come find me when you can.”
She glanced across the way and saw a strange blue creature float out of the shop and start yelling.
“I have to go. Keep holding onto the charm.” He smiled sadly at her and started running in that direction. She squeezed the necklace in her hand and watched him go. Someone did care. But she wished she could follow him. She turned back towards Sebulba’s place and hurried along. If she got to see Anakin again soon, she could get through whatever punishment awaited her.
—
She peeked around the corner hoping what she’d heard was true. Sebulba snored heavily as he laid back in his chair. She tiptoed past the doorway as quietly as she could and the moment she was out the front door, ran as fast as her little legs would carry her.
She was breathless by the time she’d made it to the shop Anakin had pointed out days before. But she didn’t want to waste any second she could be with him. She slipped inside, trying not to draw the attention of the shopkeeper. Her friend was working on the far side of the room, she could just barely make out his movements through shelves of interesting objects. The blue creature turned and she fell to her knees, crawling along the dusty floor trying to hide from his view.
Anakin turned around when she was about halfway through, his eyes widened. “Master,” he said. “I think I see a customer approaching.”
“Good good.” The shopkeeper replied and fluttered towards the doorway. The moment he was gone, she was on her feet, running into his arms.
“I was starting to think you’d forgotten.” He whispered, holding her tightly.
“He doesn’t leave me alone much.” She clung to him. He was the only nice thing in this place.
“Well at least you’re here now.” He pointed behind a crate near him as the shopkeeper came back in grumbling.
“You, boy! Clean up this shop, I’m going to go get a drink.”
“Yes, master.” He bowed obediently.
“What is he?” she asked after he left.
“Oh that’s Watto. He’s a Toydarian. His bark is worse than his bite.”
“He bites?” she shivered uncontrollably.
“No, it’s just an expression. It means he sounds mean, but he doesn’t actually do what he says he will.”
She ran her hands along the metal junk that littered the shelf in front of her. Everything here was strange. “Sebulba always does what he says he will. And he sounds plenty mean too.” She picked up a round metal object and rolled it in her hands.
“Well at least we’re both on Tatooine.” He said trying to sound positive.
“What is Tatooine?” she poked a button on the ball and it leapt to life, floating up into the air and around the shop.
“That’s the name of this stupid planet.” He dove after it, catching it but running into a shelf, knocking stuff off. A small rectangular thing on wheels started moving across the floor. “Grab that, would you?”
She threw her weight at it, just barely getting a grip on it. “Sorry!” she said trying to figure out how to shut it off.
“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled, shutting off the metal ball and putting it back on the shelf. Then he started laughing as the thing under her kept moving and was strong enough to pull her along with it.
“What is this thing?” she cried as it dragged her around the room.
“It’s a mouse droid.” He ran forward and stepped his foot down on top of it so it couldn’t move anymore.
“Droid? Like the kind you want to build?”
“There’s lots of different types of droids.” He picked it up and shut it off, setting it back on the shelf too and then he helped her to her feet. She brushed herself off, hoping that Sebulba didn’t care how dirty she was. “Here, let me show you.” She took his hand and he guided her to the back of the shop. “This is Threepio. He’s a protocol droid. Watto is letting me put it together using parts that I find. I’m building him to help my mom.”
She looked over what he pointed at. It was just a jumble of parts and wires as far as she could tell. “What is a protocol droid?”
“They can speak lots of different languages and they’re human-like. They’re service droids, so they’ll do anything you ask them too; cleanup, make food. You name it.”
“If droids can do that, why are there slaves?”
“That’s a good question.” He murmured. “Where are you from, anyways?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve never seen a Togruta before, but I’ve heard of them.”
“What’s a Togruta?”
“Well that’s what you are, silly!” he laughed, tickling her.
“I am me!” she said giggling, pushing him away.
“You’re a snippy little one, aren’t you?”
“What does that mean?” she looked up at him curiously.
“It means you have a lot of attitude.” He crossed his arms and looked her over. “I think I’m going to call you Snips.”
“But my name is Ahsoka.”
“It’s a nickname. Like a secret, just between us.” He patted her on the shoulder.
“Snips.” She repeated. “Okay. What can I call you?”
“Most people call me Ani.”
“But that wouldn’t be our secret.”
“True.” He laughed.
“Can I help you clean up?” she asked, looking around. She didn’t want him to get in trouble for the mess she made. He was so nice.
“It’s okay, I can do it. Watto won’t be back for awhile.” He tried to reassure her. “Let’s play a game. You like games?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, well you’ll like this one.” He went on to explain the rules, patiently teaching her and answering all her questions. For awhile, she forgot about the bruises and beatings, laughing as they chased each other around. She’d squeal in delight, falling apart into giggles whenever he’d catch her. He ran faster than her, easily. He had longer legs. But every once in awhile he’d slow down or pretend to be tired and let her catch him.
“Ani!” a woman exclaimed as she entered the shop and they were both on their feet looking ashamed. “What are you doing?”
“We were just playing, mom!” he said, hurrying to take the package she was carrying from her. “This is my friend, Ahsoka.”
She shifted nervously, looking up at the woman in fear. Was she as nice as Anakin? She seemed stern, but then her face softened into a smile and she relaxed. “Hello there, little one.” She crouched down.
“Hi,” she whispered shyly. The woman’s hands rested on her shoulder as she looked her over. Then her hand brushed the heavy collar around her neck and she smiled sadly.
“You’d better get back to your master, before he misses you.” She said gently. Ahsoka’s eyes widened. She’d been having so much fun with Anakin, she’d completely forgotten about Sebulba.
"You must be exhausted. Let's get some quarters set up for you," he said after realizing they'd been meditating together well into the night.
"By the looks of this place, I think my ship would be more comfortable. Thank you for the offer, but I’d rather sleep there." She stood up, stretching out the kinks in her muscles from sitting in the same position for so long. “There’s an extra bunk if you’d like.”
"That sounds nice. Probably better than these lousy rocks," he muttered as he followed her back to the hanger.
"The Jedi can afford fancy ships like this, but not mattresses?" she joked, pointing him the way to the bottom bunk.
"They believe in living life, simply. The force provides. Yada yada." He threw up his arms and rolled his eyes.
"You'd think they'd take better care of their soldiers if they want them to fight well." She smirked and climbed over him to get to the top bunk after shedding her belt and boots.
"That would be nice," he yawned. She stared at the ceiling for awhile. She was tired, but still buzzing from everything that had happened since she'd decided to trust her instincts and head into the factory. His shallow breaths gave way to deeper ones with an occasional snore and she smiled to herself. His presence was still comforting. After so many strange nights throughout her life, she felt safe again. She'd longed for the day she could see him again, and even though nothing had gone as she'd thought it would, the fact that she had found him was enough now. She wished there was something she could do, to let him know. Words were hardly satisfying.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, curious about this force stuff he'd told her about. He'd said, that with a little training, she could sense with intention. She groped the air around her with her feelings, opening herself to the force like he'd demonstrated.
As though she'd put goggles on, the ship around her came to life. A hidden world, just beneath the surface; a sense of harmony between both the living and the man-made. Natural and unnatural. As she reached out further, she felt people moving around, attending to their duties. She could feel the pressure of the hull as it blurred all sense of time and space.
She explored this new sensation for awhile, feeling her way through the ship and then she brought it back to her immediate vicinity. His heartbeat seemed to thrum the very air around it, strong and sure. It was as real in her senses as if she had her head to his chest. She felt him breathe the same way, as it stirred the air and the force around it. She could feel the unconscious expressions of pain; every hiccup as if it were her own. And then she became aware of something more than the way his body functioned. She closed down her feelings and sat up. Maybe there was something she could do for him.
She knelt near the head of his bunk, "Ahsoka, what are you doing?" he asked jumping back in surprise. She leaned her elbows on the bed and looked at him intensely.
"You seem lonely, master. Is there anything I can do?" she whispered, tipping her head to the side.
"Uh, no. I'm fine, Snips." He blushed and looked down.
"Are you sure? I know a lot of ways to please a man," she breathed, straightening so she could show off a bit.
"I told you, I don't want you doing that anymore," He shook his head disapprovingly. She brushed it off. This was what she knew how to do. It wasn’t her favorite thing, but if it made him feel better, she’d do it. She’d felt plenty of tension in him. What harm would come from a little stress relief and exercise? Besides, she wanted it with him. She’d only tolerated the others because she had to.
"You wouldn't have to pay." She scooted closer and he backed up.
"I don't care about the money, only what it does to you." He bonked his head on the beam of the top bunk and she sat back on her heels as he rubbed it.
"There's someone else, isn't there?" she felt stupid. Of course there was. She might be young, but she was well aware of what she had to offer. And if he didn’t want it, he had a reason waiting for him at home.
"What? No. It's not that." She raised a brow. He’d said that too quickly. In fact, he sounded nervous that she’d mentioned it.
"What then?" she persisted but kept her distance this time.
"Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments. No long-term relationships." The Jedi. It always came back to them. A lousy excuse, in her opinion.
"They can't get married? Or have families? What about friendships?"
"I don't know. The point is, you're never supposed to put one person over the lives of many. They believe attachments distract you from doing what you need to do. You can't be more devoted to someone than you are the order." He crossed his arms in front of himself, leaning back into the wall of the ship. She watched him heave a sigh as though he forgot she was watching. This topic bothered him, and it wasn’t because of what she was proposing. She hadn’t asked for a commitment. She was offering one night. No attachment involved.
"They're not going to like me then. The last ten years of my life have been devoted to finding you. I don't plan on letting you go now.” She climbed all the way onto the bed, crawling towards him. “I promise I'll take good care of you," she whispered, setting her hand on his knee and inching her way to his face. She reached up and brushed her fingers through his hair. He looked at her, his eyes a little wider than normal. She gave him a teasing smile and bit her bottom lip. She slid her hand up his thigh. There was heat there, and hunger in his eyes. He hadn’t pushed her away, but he also hadn’t given in yet. She traced her fingers closer and then brought her hand up to his chest, reaching to pull his robes apart.
“I'm married!" he said suddenly, as her hand found the bare skin of his chest. He brought his to cover his mouth and looked at her in fear.
"But I thought you just said?" She’d frozen for a moment.
"Yeah, and I also said they don't let older kids or adults into the order," he scooted away from her and her hand fell to her side.
"They let you get married?"
"They don't know."
"Oh. Well, no one has to know about us either. I know all about being discreet." She recovered herself and started reaching for him again.
"Jedi can sense things."
"They can't sense your secret marriage, so what makes you think they'll sense this?"
"Please, Ahsoka. Stop,” he breathed, looking away. “I like you, but..."
She dropped her hands and climbed off the bed. Crossing her arms in front of her, she couldn’t hide the hurt. Naturally the one person she wanted, didn’t want her. "Well... if you ever change your mind. I'm free for you." She leapt back into the top bunk and rolled so she was facing the wall. Her cheeks burned. She’d completely misread the signs, it didn’t get more stupid than that. She chewed on her lip wondering if he’d change his mind about training her, now that she’d made it clear what she wanted from him. She’d stay if he wanted her to. But she’d never try to touch him again. "She must really be something for you to risk everything for her."
"She is." She squeezed her eyes shut. Yeah, something way better than me.
"Tell me about her," she stared blankly at the wall. Why did she want to know? Why did it even matter? It wouldn’t distract her from the fact that he’d rejected her.
She adored him when they’d been kids. Her four, looking up to him, a nine-year-old. He was good at everything; building things, repairing stuff, podracing, protecting people. Whenever she could get away from Sebulba, she’d shadowed him everywhere. He’d never seemed to mind. In many ways, he’d been like a big brother to her. Even with friends his own age, he’d never pushed her aside. Though many details of that age had faded, the one thing that never had was how protective he’d been of her. She closed her eyes, remembering his anger that day, when he’d seen the fresh stream of bruises that checkered her arms. She remembered the look he’d gotten in his eyes. And she remembered, whenever she was scared, or lonely, or hurting, that he had been her sanctuary.
Over the years, that had translated to a sense of going home. And she supposed, that meant she believed they’d always be together. The idea of finding him had always been followed by a sense of permanence. And as she’d grown in her own sexuality through the choices she’d made, she’d figured when she did, it would just turn into that too. It had made sense in her brain anyways. Life was more complicated.
---
What was that noise? She sat up quickly, forgetting she was in the top bunk this time and barely missed the pipe that jutted from the ceiling. The bottom bunk was empty when she peered over the edge. It was coming from nearby, but she didn't think it was the normal commotion of people coming to work in the hanger.
She followed the sound outside and around the hull of her ship until she found a pair of legs sticking out from under it. He reached blindly out, feeling for a part that was out of reach and she kicked it towards his hand. She cringed feeling guilty when he banged his head in surprise. "Good morning, Snips." He rolled out from under the ship, rubbing his head. This was the second time in a few hours he'd banged his head because of her. She'd have to be more careful. Though she had no idea why he was so on edge about her presence. Then again...
"What are you doing to my ship?" She crossed her arms and hiked a brow.
"Well I noticed that your fuel intake valve was broken so I thought I'd fix it for you, and then I saw that the air compressor was gummed up, so I started cleaning that out. And then..."
"Alright alright. I get it. My ship is in bad shape." She waggled her finger at him. "Don't you know it's not nice to insult someone's ride?"
"I wasn't insulting it," he stood up, and ran a gloved hand across the hull, lovingly? "It's a nice ship. It needs a little tune-up, but otherwise, it's in good shape." She looked between him and the ship, half tempted to ask him if he loved the ship more than her. But then she bit her lip, remembering their exchange the night before and decided it was better not to open that crate of feelings again. "I had them fill up your fuel tank too. And I checked all the fluid levels."
"Are you trying to tell me I should go?"
His hand dropped to his side and he turned to her, eyes widened in surprise. "No, not at all. I just thought..." he looked down at the floor. "Working on things helps me think. And well..."
"I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly. "I thought maybe I could help you... de-stress, I guess. Don't worry, I won't do it again."
"Ahsoka," he breathed, reaching like he was going to touch her and changed his mind. "How many times have you done it?"
"More than I care to admit." She shook her head.
"Did it ever mean anything to you?"
"No. It was just a way to make money. Make someone happy, get paid, move on."
"When two people love each other, sex can be a part of it, yes. But there's more to it than just pleasures of the flesh. There's an intimacy and connection that happens too. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if we were to do it, which we can't because I'm..."
"Married." She finished for him. "Yeah, I know."
"I'd want it to mean something to you. Because it would to me." He gave her a piercing look and she stared at him in confusion for a moment.
She chewed her lip. "In my experience, sex was never about love. I'm not sure I even know what love is. People talk about it all the time. Sing about it, do crazy things for it. But... what does it even mean? To love?"
"I'm not sure I can answer that for you. I think it's something you have to figure out for yourself. But I think it's about caring for people, protecting them, helping them. Not looking out for only yourself." He paced thoughtfully and she watched him.
"You loved me," she said and he stopped and looked up at her. "When I had nothing, when I was all alone, you looked out for me. You protected me. Whenever I was afraid, I ran to you. And then you helped me escape, even when you couldn't help yourself. Everything I did after that was to survive and to come back for you. Because... I loved you too. All these years, I saw it as going home." She felt a tear escape the corner of her eye and she blinked it away. "I thought... when I found you, we'd always be together. But I was too late. It took too long." She turned and ran back inside the ship, slumping down into the pilot seat.
"Love is home," he whispered as though he’d never thought about it that way. He sat down in the copilot seat next to her. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned away. He didn't speak again for a long time. And neither did she. What could she say?
"General Skywalker." A voice came through a communicator clipped to his wrist.
"Yes, captain?" he answered, pushing a button.
"The council wishes to speak with you, sir."
"I'll be right there." He clicked off the button and sat back against the seat, sighing.
She glanced over at him and saw him reach forward and pick something up off the dashboard. When he held it up, he was holding the charm he'd given her all those years ago.
"I still want to train you, but if you don't want to stay, I understand." He turned it over in his hand, playing with it absentmindedly. "I'm sorry I can't give you what you were hoping for." He placed it in her palm and left the ship.
She stared at it for a long time, working through everything he'd said. Could you love someone even if you're not together romantically? It must be possible, right? Parents love their children. At least... she thought they did. She couldn't remember her own parents, but she remembered the way Shmi had been with him. And he'd loved her too. Did friendships count as love? She could see his clear affection for Captain Rex, and the other people aboard the ship. But if love was about protecting people, and helping them... why didn't the Jedi allow it? Isn't protecting and helping exactly what the Jedi are supposed to do?
And if she were to leave, right now, where would she go? What would she do? Finding him had been the only thing she'd strived for. And she finally had. So now what? Stay and fight in a war she cared little about or go and do what exactly? Make money? For what? All paths in her life had led to him. Leaving wasn't really an option.
Could she handle being around him all the time knowing he was in love with someone else? She was on her way to the command deck before she could change her mind. It didn't matter if she could handle it or not. She wasn't leaving. She'd have to figure out the rest later. He may not love her the way she wanted, but he had loved her. Even now he was still offering to care for her and help her, at the cost of getting in trouble, no less! The least she could do is return that favor, by watching over him. By standing by his side.
His smile when she entered the room was enough. Rex tipped his head to acknowledge her presence. "I can do it, masters," he said, glancing back up at the holopeople. "My padawan and I are on our way."
"Wait... what?" One of them said.
He clicked off the transmission and looked over at her. "First mission together. You ready, Snips?"
"Right beside you, Skyguy." She crossed her arms, standing taller and trying to look more confident than she felt.
"Uh sir? Did you just hang up on the Jedi council?" Rex asked in surprise.
"Yeah, I did." Anakin moved towards where she stood. "If they call back, tell them I'm busy."
They stood in the middle of a training room, no one else was around. She looked at him confused, wondering what he was up to now. He unhooked his lightsaber, pointed out the various buttons and controls and then turned it on, handing it to her.
"Hold it up, with both hands. Like you're waiting for a pitch." He instructed. She shrugged and did so, trembling as she felt the power of the weapon course through her. "Close your eyes." He moved around behind her and tied a piece of cloth around her head.
"Hey!" She muttered, trying to shake it free.
"It's okay, Snips. Trust me." She relaxed hearing him use his old nickname for her. The one she'd gotten when she'd been sassy back to him before. That's how he'd ended up with Skyguy. She hadn't wanted to be outdone. At least he hadn’t forgotten everything. "Feel the air around you, the environment. Let your instincts guide you and swing the lightsaber with intention in response."
"Um... okay..." she bit her lip nervously. It was starting to hurt she'd done it so many times in the last twelve hours. She wasn't sure what they were doing, or what he was hoping to prove. She shifted uncomfortably, waving the heavy metal thing in her hands and hearing the way it hummed in the air as it moved. It was almost hypnotic, in a way.
Her head snapped to a familiar sound to the left and she'd raised the lightsaber without thinking. Freezing for a moment as she'd expected the blaster fire to hit her. Another shot in front this time, again she moved the saber expecting to get hit. "Trust yourself." He sounded far away.
She reached inside and took a deep breath. She spun to the right this time, ready when she heard the shot. Over and over again, she moved in response, amazed that nothing ever hit her. The lightsaber in her hand was starting to feel more comfortable, almost natural. It had a kind of life to it. Definitely more mystical than a common blaster like she carried. Sometimes it felt like it was leading, other times she felt in control knowing it would do whatever she commanded.
She spun it around in her hands. It was a bit too big for her though, his hands were larger. She moved it around, waving it in different ways and styles. It was an odd sensation, to feel so powerful. Was that why the Jedi were so good at everything? She didn't know a lot about them, only that they were selective about who they admitted into their club and that they were renowned warriors, capable of manipulating something called the force. It allowed them to run faster, jump higher, fall great distances, push and move objects around, even override the free will of an unsuspecting person. But with a weapon like this, who needed the other stuff?
She continued to follow the sounds of the blaster, forgetting for awhile that he was in the room as she got lost in this new sensation. She twirled and spun, growing bolder in her actions and instincts as she responded to every fire. She raised her hands in surprise, shutting off the lightsaber without even realizing it and blocking something. Then she peeled back the cloth over her eyes to see Anakin standing a few yards away with his arms crossed. On the floor between them was a small round droid, cleanly sliced in half.
"Did I do that?" She blushed.
"Have you ever heard of the cosmic force?" He asked, watching her intensely and brushing off her question.
"The force. Yes. I don't know much about it though. Why?"
"Because you use it." He said. "And not like an amateur would."
"Is that bad?" She shifted guiltily.
"No." He replied simply. "Ahsoka... you're a force user, like me. You should be a Jedi too. The problem is, they don't like to take anyone into the order that's older than four or five."
"But you were nine..." he raised a hand and she fell silent.
"I know." He paced for a few minutes, staring at nothing in particular as he worked something through in his brain. "They don't like to take older students, but it's not unheard of. I'm proof of that. I think they'd be foolish to reject you though. You have raw power way beyond many your age. But it's uncontrolled. It needs... refinement. Focus. I suspected it when I saw you fight those battle droids, but I was afraid to get your hopes up. That's why I wanted you there for the briefing. I wanted Master Yoda, and Windu and Obi wan to see you. I knew they'd be able to sense it."
"Anakin... you're not making any sense." She breathed.
"You may have learned to fight by watching pirates, but the reason you're good at it, is because you can use the force. And I..." he brought his hand up to his chin. "I want to train you. Even if they tell me I can't."
"Does that mean I’ll get to stay with you?” she asked and then looked away, embarrassed. So much for not letting him know how obsessed she’d been about finding him.
“Yes, Snips. It means you’d get to stay with me.” He stepped closer and she looked up at him, blinking in the bright lights. Her heart pattered furiously in her chest.
“I’m not sure I want to fight a war. What if I’m not good enough?”
“There’s more to being a Jedi than fighting. But you’re definitely good enough. With a little bit of training and a lightsaber, you’d be a valuable asset.” Did she dare ask if he just wanted her to help the Republic or because he wanted her? Ten years was a long time. They’d been kids when they’d last seen each other. Surely he’d met other girls, the odds that he’d be interested in her now were pretty slim. But if this cruiser were any indication, there weren’t many women around. It was time to face the truth though, everything she’d done since he’d freed her all those years ago had been only to find him again. Because she’d believed, perhaps foolishly, that when she did, they’d stay together. But what had he ever said or promised that had made her believe that? It had never occurred to her that he might not want a little kid following him around, or that he’d be living a life she didn’t want to be a part of. Or even that he might fall in love with someone else and she’d forever be the third wheel. She was suddenly feeling pretty stupid.
If he wanted to train her, that must mean he wanted her around. She could only assume that training was a big commitment. But if it was only to help the precious Republic he fought for, did it make sense to stay, knowing that she’d only get her heart broken in the end? She sunk down to her knees, dropping her hands into her lap, trying to pull herself together so she didn’t start crying in front of him.
“Ahsoka?” he asked, kneeling down in front of her, brows knitted in concern.
“I want to stay with you.” She breathed, unable to make eye contact with him. “Everything I’ve done was with that goal in mind. Trying to make money at my age was difficult without giving a little…” the words caught in her throat. Her cheeks burned with shame. She didn’t want his pity, she didn’t want him to feel guilty. She didn’t know if she really wanted to be Jedi. It sounded hard and scary. Out there in the real world, she’d been faced with a million choices about her future and at every crossroads, she’d chosen to find him. She’d even chosen him over trying to find her way back to her home planet and her family. She struggled to remember her parents. She had no idea how to find them. The only thing that had ever stuck in her head from that age was him. Finding him. She could have made countless other life decisions that didn’t revolve around another person, but she’d always willingly made them. Again, and again… for him.
“Tell me you didn’t!” he exclaimed, scooting closer and bringing his hands up to her face. The tears slipped down her cheeks before she could stop them. He brushed his gloved fingers across them, trying to wipe them away. “Why would you do that?” he asked, he was crying now too.
“Because it was taking too long! And it’s quick creds.” She cried.
“Ahsoka…” he murmured disapprovingly but pulled her into his arms. “Jedi or not, I swear I will never let you do that again. I helped you escape so your life could be better not worse!” He rubbed his cheek against the top of her montrals.
“It’s better now,” she whispered, clinging to him. If becoming a Jedi meant she could stay with him, then she’d become a Jedi. But her devotion would always be to him first. Not the Republic, the order or anything else. She didn’t need him to make the same promise, she just wanted him there. And she would do whatever it took to keep him there and alive.
They held each other that way for so long that most of the lights in the room auto-shut off. She didn’t mind it though, they’d been too bright anyways. The few still on were dimmer, but still illuminated enough they could see each other easily. He sat back and stretched, rolling his shoulders. She was so much smaller than him, it must have been uncomfortable to hold her like that. Considering the rocky reunion they had earlier, she was grateful he’d held her at all.
He shifted so he was sitting cross-legged in front of her and she did the same. “Why do you wear two different types of gloves?” she asked, looking over them. He smiled sadly and pulled his gloves off. Her eyes widened as the black and gold metal on his right arm glinted. “Oh.” She breathed. “When I saw the scar near your eye, I figured you had others I couldn’t see. How?”
“Oh I have plenty all over. This is just one of them. At the beginning of the war, I didn’t listen to my master when he told me to be patient. Now I have a permanent reminder of that lesson.” He curled his lips in annoyance.
“Your master?” she forgot about his mechanical hand and looked up at his face.
“It’s not the same, Snips.” He said quietly, his voice small. He looked away, shifty and she knew he did not believe that. “They see it as a sign of respect. You refer to your teacher as ‘master.’ But it’s also a rank you can earn within the order. At the moment, I’m just a knight. The council members are all masters, except for Yoda, he is the grandmaster. There are other masters that do not sit on the council. As my apprentice, you would be a padawan.” He tried to explain, but it was through gritted teeth.
“Would I have to call you master?” she asked curiously. She hadn’t been a slave as long as he had, so calling him master wouldn’t be that hard. Besides, he could never be as cruel as Sebulba.
“Only if you’re comfortable with it.” He replied, sighing softly. “Mine insisted. Because it was proper.”
“Did he know you were…” again she trailed off, remembering his aversion to the word before.
“Yes.”
She studied his face. She could hear his resentment. He put on a good show, but it wasn’t convincing. There was doubt clouded in his eyes. As though he wasn’t that convinced being a Jedi was better than being a slave. He was good at it, whatever it involved. She was sure of that because he’d always been good at everything. The men on the ship clearly respected and admired him. She didn’t know Rex but was certain he held him in a very high regard. If he thought he was selling the Jedi way of life to her, he was sorely mistaken. Not that it mattered. She’d already made up her mind about staying. It didn’t sound as fun as being a pirate, but at least she’d have him.
He shook off whatever had consumed him for a moment and reached forward, taking her hands in his. “How did you find me in the factory?” he asked quietly, rubbing his flesh thumb over the back of her hand. The metal one was cold, but she didn’t let it bother her.
“I’m not sure.” She said thoughtfully. “I was on Tareth for a pickup and just as I was getting ready to leave… I felt something… I know, it doesn’t make any sense.”
“But it does, Ahsoka. I told you, there’s more to being a Jedi than fighting. Force users are capable of sensing other people, or any living thing, and their environment. They have good reflexes because they can feel things before they happen. This ability to sense things is very natural. Any force user can do it. However, through training, you can hone the skills. Eventually you’ll be able to sense with intention. As in, look for people in the force, scan the nearby environment and get a lay of the land without maps. Sometimes you can even pinpoint things through electronic information as well. If it had been any other Jedi in that factory, you might have felt something, but nothing that would have motivated you to action. Unless they’d specifically called out to you. You felt me even when I didn’t, because we already had a bond. A strong relationship between two force users creates a connection in the force, forever. I guess. At least that’s how it was explained to me.”
“If you had sensed with intention while you were there, would you have felt me?” she asked.
“Yes.” He said. “I would have felt anyone else too, but I would have felt you stronger because I already knew you. So even though I didn’t recognize you at first, I felt you.”
“So you don’t have to recognize someone’s looks to know them?”
“No, if you’ve felt them before, you’ll always know them when you find them. There are cases though, where people can hide themselves in the force. But most of the time, the general rule is if you’ve met them more than in passing, you’ll always feel them if you’re reaching out your senses. Depending how long you knew them for, will of course determine how quickly you realize who you are sensing.”
“It took you a little while because we hadn’t been around each other for ten years.”
“Exactly. I felt you right away, but I was distracted. So, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was feeling. Or why I felt something with you. Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay, Skyguy. I think I’m starting to understand now.” He smiled coyly at her, the mischievous look back in his eyes.
“Based on what you told me earlier that you picked up just from watching pirates, you’re going to be a really fast learner. Which considering how this war is going, I’m going to need someone like you by my side.”
She was getting kind of tired of him qualifying whether or not he wanted her there with the war. She didn’t care about the war, not really. Only about him. But every time he mentioned her being with him, it was always because of the war or for the Republic. Was that the only thing that motivated him nowadays? What had happened to the kid on Tatooine that wanted to build droids and pod racers, that wanted to help people and explore the galaxy? If he was still in there, he’d been buried deep. Because of the war. She dropped her gaze to their hands. It was so weird to feel like she knew him so well and yet, at the same time, to feel like she didn’t know him at all. Everything about his behavior since she’d found him on Tareth had been back and forth. One minute, pleased and almost excited to see her again, the next… stiff, distracted and detached. Considering how long she’d looked forward to finding him, it was weighing heavily on her.
Could she forgive him for forgetting about her? The tender, caring friend he’d been was still there somewhere. But it was as though it had been encased in carbonite; trapped inside a tough exterior that didn’t budge. Was that why his reaction to her presence was all over the map? She brought out parts of himself that he’d carefully locked away? Why would he be afraid of love? She looked up at his face in concern.
“What?” he smiled nervously.
“Do you want me here?” She watched a glimmer of confusion as though he had no idea why she would ask that. But then it was like a shade was pulled down over his eyes as they darkened slightly.
“Of course I do.” She wanted to scream at him, then why didn’t it feel like it? She pulled her hands out of his and dropped them in her lap. She was good at what she did because of her ability to read people. And his eyes spoke a completely different story than his lips.
“For the war… and the Republic. I get it.” She looked away.
“I wouldn’t offer to train you if I didn’t want you around. In fact, you wouldn’t even be on this ship, if I didn’t.” She sighed, bringing her hands up to rub her eyes so she didn’t start crying again. Was it worth arguing about? She was too tired right now.
“Do the Jedi have any magical ways to relax?” She shrugged her shoulders, deciding she didn’t care about it anymore tonight.
“Well… we meditate.”
“That sounds… fun, I guess.” She rolled her eyes. “Teach me, o’ wise master.”
He frowned at her. “This isn’t a game, Snips. Being a Jedi is a serious commitment. You’d be devoting yourself to serving the people and the Republic.” She was about to say what popped into her head when she saw the warning in his eyes. When she bit her tongue this time, she tasted blood. She’d been right; it wasn’t much different from slavery. No wonder he’d been so cold and stiff. He took it seriously, and that was all well and good, but to see someone who had once seemed so full of life, feel like a moving chunk of metal… it scared her. Would that happen to her too?
“Yes, master.” She bowed obediently as he dropped heavy bags into her arms. She did her best to hide the smile threatening to surface as he made his way to the door. Anakin had told her to make a game out of it. It’s like pretend, he said. Pretend to be everything he wants you to be and then when he’s gone, you can stop pretending. It was easy for him to say, his master would raise a fist, but never hit him. The threat alone was enough. When her master raised a fist, she’d spend most of the day numb.
But right now she was happy and it was hard to hide it. Sebulba was leaving for a week! Jabba sponsored him in a race against the other Hutts. She hadn’t followed all the details only that for one whole week, she wouldn’t hurt. She wouldn’t have to play pretend. And she could spend as much time as she wanted at the junk shop.
She’d been working hard to prove herself to her master. To prove that she was a good little, obedient slave. There were times though, it felt like he hated that more than when she got into trouble. It didn’t matter now. He was going away for awhile. She’d been his slave for about six months, according to Anakin. He was better at keeping track of the time than she was.
“If I find one thing missing or out of place when I return, or one speck of dust…" Sebulba growled at her. "And trust me, I will know if you’ve not been keeping the place up!”
“It will be spotless, master.” She stared at her feet.
“It had better be.” She took a deep breath as soon as the door slammed behind him. Dust floated down from the upper shelves she couldn’t reach. It danced in the sunbeams and she chewed her lip. She wanted to go play, but she was scared too. His house was huge and it often took her most of the day for barely half the chores. And Sebulba could be tricky too. Who knew what kind of traps awaited her? He could have set up any number of things to keep watch over her. He’d done worse things when he was here, so she didn’t believe for one second that him being gone meant she could play the whole time.
She felt a jolt through her body as though he knew what she was thinking. She raced to the closet and pulled out a broom. She swept so fast that the dust started whipping back in her face and stinging her eyes. She dropped the broom and started coughing. There had to be a better way to clean up all this sand. Of course, she’d often wondered what the point was. This whole planet was sand. At least as far as she could see. Even if she succeeded in making the house spotless, one drafty window could undo it in a second. It felt pointless. Just like most of the chores he assigned her.
She stood on her tip toes, peeking out the front window to see if he was truly gone. He was nowhere in sight, but she still felt on edge. Like he’d jump out at her at any moment when she least expected it. She crept slowly through the house, testing for traps or unwanted surprises, but found none. It did nothing to ease her nerves though, Sebulba was clever. He’d find a way to get her when she least suspected it. It was a lot of why she’d really tried to be a good slave lately. She still got to see Anakin once or twice a week, but it was usually when Sebulba was napping or otherwise out of the house. She had trouble keeping track of how much time passed when she was playing with her friend so she was often gone too long. Nearly every outing ended with a beating or several painful zaps.
One week, she’d hurt so badly after play time that she’d opted not to go visit him the next time an opportunity popped up. She’d spent the whole day so miserable and lonely, she finally decided he was worth the pain. Everything felt better when he was around and she’d rather get in trouble for small moments of happiness than live an entire day of misery, just to not get hurt.
He had other friends now though. Kids closer to his age. Sometimes they laughed at her for wanting to tag along, but he never pushed her away. He always seemed happy to see her and would give her plenty of attention even if they were there. She didn’t mind being teased for wanting to be with him. It was still worth the beatings. There weren’t any other slaves her age. At least not that she knew of. And though his friends liked to tease them, especially when she’d mess up and call him Skyguy, they were nice enough to her. And she liked them, but not as much as she liked Anakin.
After waiting long enough to be sure he must be gone, she opened the heavy front door and peeked out. No sign of him, but the moment she took a step, the heavy collar around her neck sent a painful zap through her body. She fell backwards into the house, tears welling in her eyes. She knew he’d do this. He wasn’t even here and he could still hurt her. She closed the front door and went around to the back one. It happened again there.
"Hey Snips!“ She was on her feet racing to the front door. "I saw Sebulba leave, you want to go play? Watto let me off early today.”
"I can’t.“ She started crying. "He made the collar zap me if I try to leave the house.” She didn’t want to be stuck in this smelly place all week. A week of freedom from her master but of course she couldn’t go.
He stepped forward, fingers on the slave caller, looking it over. Then he started inspecting the door frame. “What are you doing?”
"I’m trying to figure out what triggers the collar. There has to be some mechanical link around the door, because there’s no way he could know every time you try to leave.“ He pulled over a chair which stirred up more dust and she bit her lip as he climbed onto it.
"Are you sure that’s a good idea?” She shifted nervously. Even if what he said was true, surely Sebulba would know if he messed with it.
"Would you rather stay here all week?“ He ran his fingers along the arch.
"No."
"Then don’t worry, Snips.” He always said that. Don’t worry. But she did, she couldn’t help it. When he told her that, it would be fine for awhile and then usually ended up twice as bad later. “Ah ha!” His fingers curled around a small metal circle and yanked it off the wall. She stumbled backwards and fell into the wall when he brought it up to show her. “Oops! Sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut to the pain of the jolt and finally it stopped. “Are you okay?”
He was leaning over her, his hands out to pull her to her feet again. She shook her head. “I hate that.” It hurt to breathe.
"I turned it off. You can leave the house now. Want to go play?“
"Yes.” But her legs hurt now. She felt wobbly. He caught her as she started to fall.
"Here,“ he turned his back and knelt down. "Climb up and put your arms around my neck. I’ll carry you."
"Thank you.” She did what he instructed and she felt weightless as he lifted her off the ground. She clung tight to him as he went outside, but he was right, he’d turned it off. It didn’t zap her again. She liked the way it felt to be carried. It felt a little like how she imagined flying. As if he knew what she was thinking, he spun around in a circle and she giggled, throwing her arms out to the side. He held her legs around his waist and she fell backwards, staring up at the sky as he twirled them both. She was getting dizzy but she loved it. “Again! Again!” She squealed.
He just laughed and then he’d go the other way. She forgot everything but the game, for awhile and when he finally slowed down they both fell to the ground laughing. She squeezed her eyes shut as her head continued to spin. When it stopped, she looked around. They were in a back alley away from the central part of town. The sandy buildings were dull and stiff against the blue sky.
"What are you thinking?“ She rolled onto her elbows and watched the way he stared at the sky, the blue of his eyes the same color.
"Podracing.” He said after a moment. “Want to see the one I’ve been building? We could take it out for a test run. I’m pretty sure it will start.” He propped himself up.
"Those scare me!“ He smiled at her.
"Don’t worry, Snips!"
"You always say that!” She leapt onto his chest and they started wrestling in the sand. He always won these matches because he knew she was ticklish, but it didn’t stop her from trying. She might be small, but she had a lot to prove. She collapsed onto him after giggling so hard she couldn’t catch her breath. She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat and the way his chest rose and fell beneath her head. It was more a vibration than a sound. It was a strange feeling, but one of her favorites. Compared to the rest of Tatooine, he felt alive. Sometimes he felt more than that; bigger than life itself. She didn’t understand. She’d hugged his mom a few times and it felt nice but not like the way he did.
"Ani and ‘Soka, rolling in the sand…“ they were both on their feet at the teasing laughter of his friend. "K. I. S. S. I. N. G."
"We were not!” She stomped her foot and put her hands on her hips, pouting at him.
"I’m surprised you can spell that!“ Anakin replied, picking up a handful of sand and throwing it at his friend. Kitster threw sand back and they all joined in.
"Ani’s got a girlfriend! Ani’s got a girlfriend!” He laughed, ducking behind a crate so they couldn’t hit him with the sand.
"Eww!“ She picked up as much sand as she could and ran at him, pulling out his shirt and dropping it inside.
"Argh!” He yelled and ran off down the alley trying to get the sand out. “I hate sand! I hate sand!” Her and Anakin watched him go, laughing. She snuck over to him and dropped some sand in his shirt too and took off running when he turned around to chase her.
"I will never get this off me!“ Anakin cried as they ran outside town. "Come back here! You get some too!”
"You have to catch me first!“ She giggled, running as fast as she could towards the racetrack. They were halfway there when he caught up and she squealed as he tackled her and put sand down her shirt too. "Stop! Stop!” She cried, pushing back at him.
He pinned her to the ground, hands full of sand, a mischievous look on his face. “So you can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh?” He laughed, holding it over her head. She squirmed under him.
"No fair, no fair!“ She fought to get her hands free. She squeezed her eyes shut expecting him to throw the sand in her face, but he never did. She looked up to see that he’d dropped his hand and was staring off in the distance at something. She twisted to see what he was looking at. "Ani?”
He looked down as though he’d forgotten she was there. “Come on.” He stood up and helped her to her feet. “Let’s head back to town.” He took her hand and started pulling her back, she looked over her shoulder trying to figure out why he was suddenly so quiet. She could make out two figures in the distance, but nothing distinct about them. She dropped to the ground when a loud, yet sickening explosion sounded behind them.
"What was that?“ She looked up at him, eyes wide, trembling in fear.
"Don’t worry about it,” he whispered and helped her back to her feet. “Come on, let’s go take the pod out!” He playfully pushed her and started running back towards town laughing, but for the first time she didn’t want to follow him.
Whatever happened out there, he hadn’t wanted her to see it and it was starting to feel like he was purposely not telling her things. He was protective of her, and she was grateful for that, but it scared her to see the moody changes in him and not know why. She turned back towards the arena trying to see what had happened. She wasn’t brave enough to go investigate, so she stayed rooted to the spot. Before long, she saw a figure heading in her direction. It’s shape roughly resembled one of the ones she’d seen in the distance. The wind stirred up and blew with it a horrible smell; charred flesh and fresh blood.
She panicked and raced towards town, feeling sick to her stomach. No wonder Anakin hadn’t wanted her to see it. “Ahsoka!” He caught her as she turned the second corner. “There you are!” She squirmed in his arms. She didn’t feel like playing right now. “Calm down, calm down. It’s okay!” He tried to hold her, but she slipped out of his grasp and kept running.
"Oh my goodness, little one!“ She ran smack into Anakin’s mother a street away. "Are you alright?” She crouched down and Ahsoka threw her arms around her neck, burying her face in it. She couldn’t stop crying or even catch her breath enough to answer her questions. “What happened?” She felt Anakin come up behind her and he must have made some motion to his mother because she whispered, “oh dear.” And hugged her tighter.
She was lifted off her feet as Shmi stood up and carried her back to their house. By the time they made it there, she’d managed to stop crying, but still didn’t want to let go. His mom sat down with her in a chair and rocked her, singing softly. After a few minutes she was finally able to calm down enough to look up. She admired her dark brown hair and pretty brown eyes, thankful she was warm and kind.
"Better now?“ Shmi smiled at her.
She nodded, wiping her eyes tiredly. "Sebulba is out of town for a week. Can she stay with us tonight?” Anakin came into the room, his hands full of parts.
"Of course,“ his mother said sweetly, patting her on the arm.
"I’ll show you how far I’ve gotten on Threepio!” He beckoned her to follow.
"Thank you!“ Ahsoka hugged Shmi again and followed after Anakin.
"Isn’t he beautiful?” Anakin grinned from ear to ear.
"I guess so,“ she looked over the droid that was finally starting to resemble a person. Last she’d seen it, it was just a mess of parts. "Does it work?”
"Not yet, but soon!“ He pulled down some goggles and started burning several metal pieces together.
It reminded her of whatever she’d just witnessed outside and she backed away. Sitting down on his bed against the wall, she pulled up her knees and dropped her face on them. Anakin talked away about his droid, but her mind kept wandering back to what had happened out there on the dunes. There was a lot she didn’t understand about the world around her, most days it was easy to not overthink things. All she had to worry about was obeying her master, and every few days, she could go play and forget that. But it was getting increasingly harder to not notice the dark undertone of the city. It was something she didn’t have words for, just a sense of wrongness about the way things were. Her friend didn’t like to talk about it, but she knew he felt it too.
She didn’t really remember her home world, though she tried to. But even without the memories of it, she was certain she’d remember this wrongness if it had been there too. The games and play were just distractions from something bigger. In some ways, she felt connected to something bigger than where she was, and in other ways, she felt so isolated from everything. And if it weren’t for Anakin and his mother, she’d feel even more alone.
"Are you alright, Snips?” He sat down on the bed next to her. She looked over at him, he’d pushed his goggles up into his hair, but there was an outline of dirt where they’d been. His hair was flying wildly in all directions, and his eyes were sad. She shook her head.
"Tell me what I saw.“
He sighed, "sometimes when slaves disobey their master, there are worse punishments than beatings and shocks."
"They were killed, weren’t they?"
"Yes."
"Why?”
"Owning slaves make people rich. But not all slaves can keep up with the demands of their master. And as they get older… let’s just say they lose their value.“
"Why don’t they just let them go, then? If they’re no longer useful?”
"Because that’s not the way it works.“ He crossed his hands and dropped them into his lap.
"Why not?”
"I don’t know, Snips. I may never know the answer to that. All we can do is make the best of it.“
—
"Ahsoka?” He answered the door half asleep. “What’s going on?”
She couldn’t stop crying. Sebulba's beatings had been getting steadily worse. And it was usually because she’d run away for awhile to see Anakin. Most of the time, she could get through it on her own. As long as she had the charm he’d given her, anything was survivable. But tonight, he’d gotten drunk and she still wasn’t sure what she’d done wrong.
She rolled up her sleeves and pant legs. Then she pointed out a few new purple spots on her stomach and her back. She looked up at him fearfully when he made a fist with his hands. His eyes narrowed and darkened. She backed away from him without thinking. And he seemed to realize he’d scared her and he stretched his fingers and took a deep breath.
“Come on.” He whispered, offering her his hand after opening the door.
"Where are we going?“ She looked down at her feet.
"To the shop.” He smiled reassuringly at her and she took his hand. Sometimes he was scary too, but he’d never hurt her. Running away again tonight would only give her more bruises, but she didn’t want to be there. Anakin’s charm was losing power. No matter how tightly she held it, she didn’t feel brave anymore. And she definitely didn't feel okay. She’d come to him hoping he could refill the magic in it. She didn’t want to be scared anymore.
They snuck through the streets, and he helped her climb through the junk shop window. Once he landed, she followed him to the back where all his tools lived. He moved a small stool over and told her to sit down. "What are you doing?“ She asked nervously.
"I’m going to get that slave collar off you.” He turned back around with a handful of interesting utensils.
"But I’ll get in trouble!“
"You won’t. Sit still.” She watched the way he worked on it. His calm made her feel better. She was getting sleepy though. It was late. “Okay, I think I know how to get it off. When I push this button,” he pointed to a device in his hand. “It will short circuit the power and release it. But it might shock you a little." She looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Don’t worry, Snips.” He whispered gently. “One shock and no more beatings!”
She had no idea how he could be so sure of that, but she trusted him. She closed her eyes and nodded. Holding the charm tightly between her hands. Pain ran through her body as she felt it move without her control.
"You alright?“ He was standing over her, his hand out to help her up.
"Did it work?”
"Yep!“ He held up the still sparking heavy metal collar that had been around her neck. "Okay, now listen carefully.” He pulled her to her feet. “You’re little, so sneak into the spaceport and hide away on a ship. Anywhere they go will be better than this horrible planet.”
"But I have to go back to Sebulba!“
"No, Snips. You don’t. I removed the collar. You’re free now. Run away.”
"Are you coming too?“ She tugged on his hand.
He smiled sadly. "I can’t. I don’t have a slave collar, I have a bomb in my head.”
"In your head?“ She was confused. "How’d they get one in your head?”
"I don’t know. But I can’t leave Tatooine or it will explode.“ He made a motion with his hands. "Not a fun way to go.”
"But I don’t want to leave you!“ She started crying again. He brought his hands to her face.
"You have a chance at a better life now. You don’t ever have to answer to someone else again. You’re free, Snips!”
"What about you? How can you be free?“
"I don’t know. I think the only way is if someone buys my freedom. I don’t know if the bomb can be deactivated. Now go! It’s late! Get out of here before you’re caught!”
She threw her arms around him, clinging to him tightly. “I’ll come back for you. I’ll free you! Whatever it takes!” She breathed into his shirt.
"Be careful out there, Ahsoka. Be safe.“ He waved after her sadly as she ran towards the spaceport.
She loaded the last crate onto her ship and wiped her brow. There was an explosion in the distance and she turned to see thick, dark smoke billowing into the air. Pickups in battle zones weren't exactly rare nowadays, especially since the war seemed to be everywhere. She brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the bright sun as she peered in the distance. Even across the canyon, several clicks away, she could hear the all too familiar sounds of shouting and gunfire. The march of metal feet so distinct it rocked the ground. Tareth was a Separatist occupied world, but clearly the Republic wanted it.
She unclipped the monoculars from her belt and brought them to her eyes. Another explosion somewhere inside the command building, another plume of smoke. She scanned the carnage, thankful they were too preoccupied with each other to care about her, borrowing, some of their supplies from a nearby depot. Whatever forces the Republic had brought were kind of puny; from what she could see, they were losing. She shrugged her shoulders, put her monoculars away and turned back towards her ship. It wasn't her war and she had a delivery to make.
Another explosion and she turned around again. She needed to get out of here, why was she lingering? And then she felt it; something familiar. Something just out of reach that she couldn't quite articulate. She pulled out her monoculars again, scanning for anything that confirmed her feeling, but nothing jumped out at her. She didn't know how, but she was certain she'd felt him. Like when they'd been kids she'd always just known when he was nearby. That was impossible though. And that was years ago. She saw the last of the Republic troops outside fall, and a whole battalion of droids enter the command center.
If he was in there, he was in trouble. She let air out her nose and raced across the ridge. There was a small ventilation shaft halfway up the building wall above a ledge. It would be tight, but she would probably fit. She leapt across the canyon, pushing off and free climbed the relatively flat building wall like a spider.
She bumped her elbows on the cold metal sides of the duct, biting her lip against the pain. It was a good thing she was small, even if that meant people always underestimated her. It was to their detriment however. He’d better be here, that was all that mattered at the moment; the last thing she wanted to get involved in was a war. Instinct was telling her that he was, but how could she know that? Fighting her way around the corner of another tight junction, she breathed deeply and then clamped her hand over her nose and mouth. The air in here was foul.
“Let us out!” came an aggravated voice from somewhere deeper down the shaft. She shifted her weight and started shimmying in that direction. She couldn’t be sure if that was him, it had been a long time since she’d last heard his voice, but at least it confirmed her instincts that there was someone here in trouble. And even if it wasn’t the person she was looking for, she was too deep in the underbelly of the factory to leave without at least trying to help them.
“The general will determine your fate when he arrives.” Came the grating, mechanical voice of one of the smaller battle droids. She knew them well, and she hated them. At least they were slow and stupid. And if they weren’t always in the way, they’d be mildly amusing.
She peeked through the grate halfway down the shaft and scanned the room. Three B-1 droids stood off to one side with one of the newer SBD’s behind it. She screwed up her face, frowning. The three standards would be easy, but it took more than a few blaster bolts to take down a super battle droid and by then, she’d lose the element of surprise. In the center of the room, a few feet to the side, two people stood inside a cone of energy, some kind of shield that clearly was blocking them from doing anything, except getting annoyed. One of them wore white armor with blue painted patterns, from head to toe. A pauldren over his left shoulder and a kama that holstered two pistols around his waist. She didn’t know a lot about the clone army used by the Republic, but she knew a captain when she saw one. The other person, a tall, thin male, paced back and forth inside the shield getting increasingly agitated. He wore heavy robes, dark blue and maroon. With a neck and shoulder guards, knee high boots and thick gloves. His hair was dirty blonde almost brown, and wavy to the point of unruly. He certainly didn’t look like the Anakin she remembered, but she was sure it was him. Ten years made a big difference.
She watched him for a few minutes, the heat rising in her cheeks. She’d missed him so much, everything she’d done had been to find him again. Would he remember her? Other than being trapped right now, which she was about to remedy, somehow, his life must be infinitely better as a Jedi than it had been as a slave. She'd sacrificed so much over the years with the singular goal of returning to help him. It felt wasted now. But even if he was no longer a slave, seeing him again was worth it.
Her eyes snapped to a fuel canister near the middle droid and she smirked. Stupid droids, you’re about to be toast. She shifted uncomfortably, hanging in possibly the most awkward position ever and poked her blaster through the grate. Closing her eyes a moment to shake the doubts, she took aim and pulled the trigger.
“What was that?” Anakin exclaimed, she blinked rapidly trying to clear the black spots in her vision from the brilliance of the explosion. At least she’d been right about the shield protecting them.
“I have no idea…” the clone with him sounded confused. She curled her fingers around the grate and slid it out of the way, dropping her shoulders through the hole.
“Who is that?” she let go of the shaft, flipped and landed lightly on the now burnt floor of the room, grateful to have some breathing room again. Even if the room was still smoky. Her eyes burned as she blindly groped towards the control panel, found the button and released the shield.
One of them coughed. “Thanks kid.” The captain said, running past her out the door. She barely nodded, before he was gone. She looked up eagerly at Anakin, but besides a quick thank you too, he ran by without stopping.
"Now wait just a minute, Skyguy!" She stomped her foot on the ground. He froze, turning around slowly. He stared at her bewildered as if it took him a moment to connect the dots. She heard the Clone Captain laugh from further down the hall. But it wasn't the same mocking laughter like the kids on Tatooine. "I did not spend the last ten years hunting you down just to be brushed aside." She put her hands on her hips.
“Ahsoka?” His eyes widened. "Is it really you?"
“For a second there, I thought you forgot about me.” She chewed her lip, as she struggled to make eye contact with him. His eyes were as brilliant blue as she remembered, and far more intense. Now that he was staring at her again, she was realizing just how attractive he'd become. And he was a little intimidating.
“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, running back towards her and pulled her into his arms. She melted as she clung to him, like she used to. It felt so good to be back in them. “It’s been so long.” He whispered, his face near the top of her montrals. He was so tall!
“I know! It took forever to save up the money but then when I came back, you weren’t even there.” He leaned back enough to look down at her.
“A Jedi found me a few months after you left and brought me to the temple to train me.” She watched him curiously. He had smiled, but she was certain she’d seen a streak of sorrow cross his features. “So much happened all at once, I never had the opportunity to let you know. It's good to see you're still alive.”
“Sorry to interrupt, sir.” The clone said returning. “Clankers incoming.”
“Sir?” she laughed, playfully pushing him. “People call you sir?”
He frowned at her. “I’m a general now!” he puffed out his chest. But all humor was forgotten and she glanced past him and saw at least twenty battle droids approaching. “Stay behind me,” he ordered, pushing her back and pulling a small metal pipe from his belt. It ignited, casting a blue glow around them and it dawned on her what it was. A Lightsaber. The way it hummed in the air was both soothing and dangerous. He pulled his hands up defensively, gripping it with both. She might not have a laser sword, but she’d taken on more battle droids than this and she didn’t want to be outdone. “Ahsoka, wait!” he called, as she twirled to the side around him and shot out the first two rows of droids before anyone had reacted.
She pushed off the wall, spun over their heads and landed behind them. She dodged their fire as she pressed the button on her arm guards. They cast a long cable out that she spun around the remaining droids. Her heart raced at the familiar tickle of electricity as it caught them in the net, causing them to stop functioning and fall over. She turned back to see Anakin watching her, his eyes wide as he scanned the carnage. The clone captain nodded approvingly. “Nice.” He said. “We could use her.”
“I learned a few tricks from some Mandalorian pirates.” She giggled as he struggled to find words.
“We have some serious catching up to do.” He muttered and looked away trying to hide his smile. He didn’t want to admit he was impressed. This was why everyone that underestimated her ended up sorry. She didn’t look like much. Thin and scrawny. Togruta… which to most meant she didn’t fight. But circumstances had forced her to learn. Her people were peaceful, or so she'd heard, she was anything but. Being small made bigger targets difficult, but she could utilize her speed and stealth tactics instead.
She wasn’t sure why she followed them. They hadn’t exactly invited her along, but it had seemed like the right decision. They fell easily in sync, side by side, fighting a battle as though this was all they’d ever known. He didn’t try to order her around again unless a situation required some strategy. But between the three of them, they had little trouble getting through the remaining resistance and making it outside.
Anakin detonated the bombs they’d placed in the reactor room, as they stood on a ridge overlooking the city. She glanced up at him, watching the way the wind moved the strands of curls around his face. He had a long thin scar just outside his right eye. If he was on the front lines of the war as a general, he probably had plenty more she couldn’t see.
He seemed to realize she was staring because he looked down at her face. There was no smile this time, but a flicker of something else. Was he thinking about her surprise appearance or the war? She had the strongest urge to hug him again but resisted it. Which was probably a good thing since the clone captain joined them a moment later.
“A gun ship is on its way to pick us up, sir.” He said.
“Thank you, captain.” Anakin replied without looking away. “Ahsoka, I’d like you to meet Rex.” He gestured to the clone and she turned to look at him. He removed his helmet and smiled at her. She liked him better with it off. He had darker skin than Anakin, but short stubby bleached blonde hair. His brown eyes were focused, but kind.
“The name's Ahsoka Tano.” She said, reaching out and shaking his hand. “Anakin and I were…”
“Friends.” Anakin interrupted, putting his hand on her shoulder. “A long time ago.”
She bit her lip wondering why he didn’t want the captain to know he’d been a slave. It was nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not like they were anymore. Or that they’d had a choice in it.
“Good to meet you.” Rex said, as though oblivious to the sudden awkwardness that fell between them. "Where'd you learn to fight like that, kid?"
"Oh, here and there." Anakin's hand tightened on her shoulder and she decided not to go into more detail. She wasn't sure what his problem was or if she was the problem. But he seemed conflicted, as though he was both happy she was there and concerned by her presence. Maybe she was just reading too much into it. He'd been through a lot. And so had she.
"Come with us back to Coruscant and we can swap stories." He said finally. Even as the invite fell out of his mouth, she got the distinct impression that he wasn't even sure why he was inviting her along. It hurt more than she cared to admit. She shuffled her feet, brushing dirt around beneath her boot.
Ever since she'd made that promise to come back and free him, besides surviving, it had been her main focus. For ten years, she'd thought of him everyday; constantly reminding herself why she did what she did. And it wasn't that he wasn't worth it, but his distance now made it feel like he'd barely even thought of her during that time. And now she wondered if she'd put too much importance on a promise he'd never expected her to keep.
"But what about my ship?" She said at last. "I spent good money on it, I'm not leaving it behind." She'd bought it from an older trader on Rishi, after finding out all the money she'd saved to free two slaves was no longer necessary. It wasn't much, but it was hers. A symbol of her freedom after her rocky start to life. First slave masters then pirates. She didn't belong to the Republic or an organization like the Jedi order. Nothing had been handed to her; everything she had, she'd had to earn. Through blood, sweat, tears, bruises and humiliation. She trembled. And there'd been plenty of humiliation. The other stuff went away in time. She narrowed her eyes in resentment. He'd once been a slave, he knew what it was like. Yet for ten years, he'd been living a life of luxury. And now it seemed, he couldn't be bothered with someone from his past as if she embarrassed him simply by her presence.
"Well, go get it and land on the Jedi cruiser." He pointed up at the triangular ship slowly entering the atmosphere. It was huge! "I'll meet you in the hanger." She stared at his back in confusion as he walked away. He still wanted her to come, yet had almost coldly dismissed her. She drooped, feeling heavy. She'd looked forward to finding him again for so long... she felt like such a fool. He'd been so sweet to her once. Now she felt like a thorn in his side.
She started up the ship, firing the fuel intake twice because it never caught the first time. As she lifted off, it crossed her mind that she didn't have to dock with the cruiser. She could just leave. He didn't seem to want her there anyways. She exhaled a deep sigh. But maybe she was misreading everything. And even if she wasn't, she was going to march up to him and demand an explanation for his weird behavior. After what she'd gone through to find him again, she deserved that much.
He was waiting in the hanger, just like he'd said. Alone this time, though. The cruiser felt like a floating city, it was so massive. How many people lived or worked on it? Was he in charge of all of them? Everywhere she looked there were people in white armor, or safety vests. Crates of supplies, probably weapons. There was an arsenal of fighters, and tanks, canons, walkers, you name it. Her ship felt pretty puny now. And so did she, if she was being honest. He at least stood like he belonged here. Feet slightly apart, hands behind his back, shoulders high. Any sense of belonging being near him again had completely evaporated.
Even the pirate ships she'd been on were nothing like this, and she'd once thought they were big. Everything here was stiff, orderly and intentional though. A stark contrast to the pirate life. It felt so... sterile... so boring. As he watched her approach, maybe she'd been wrong. He seemed out of place here too. Maybe that's why he hadn't wanted her to tell Rex he'd been a slave. Would he lose his credibility or command if that was discovered?
"Good, you made it. I have to go brief the council on what happened here. I'd like you to come along. Then we can head to the mess hall and catch up." He said quickly, turning with the expectation that she'd follow without question. His strides were long and it took her three times as many to keep up. Why did he want her there for the briefing?
Anybody that made eye contact with her smiled or nodded kindly, but she was a bit overwhelmed as they made their way through the ship. She felt small, even next to him and hung close to his side. He was the only thing here somewhat familiar. Though, the more time she spent next to him, the less she felt she knew him. She'd had to fend for herself since she was four, constantly experiencing new sights and sounds; new places, new people, new experiences. But this world was very different. And all the lights and long hallways were giving her a headache.
The doors in front of them parted and she saw four transparent, larger than life blue images floating above a circular table in the middle of the room. Three humans and a small pointy eared, uh... she didn't even know what he was. But they were all men. In fact, she couldn't recall passing any women on their way here. Rex stood opposite the table, next to another man in an officer’s uniform. He nodded politely to her and she tried to smile back. There were at least four other clones in the room, two in white uniforms and two ensigns operating and monitoring equipment.
"Ah, Anakin, my boy." One of the humans on the holotable exclaimed. An elderly man, with long, fancy robes, high eyebrows and deep wrinkles on his face. He had a hook shaped nose and strange pointy hair. His appearance was off-putting, but the way Anakin bowed to him, told her he was someone important.
"Your excellency." She glanced at him nervously, the way he groveled before this man was strange. Especially considering how much he'd resented being a slave. She didn't bow. It felt wrong to. This man had done nothing to earn her respect.
"I'm anxious to hear about the mission. Was it a success?" The old man asked, ignoring her completely. For the moment, she was fine with that.
"It was a disaster." Anakin replied, standing taller. "The separatist forces were more than ready for us. Took out all my men except for me and Captain Rex. We were captured setting off the third bomb. Had it not been for an old friend of mine appearing at a critical moment, likely we'd be prisoners of Grievous right now." He pulled her closer to him, his arm around her shoulder. Her cheeks got warm as the entire room simultaneously turned and stared at her. What did he hope to accomplish by showing her off to these people in such a manner?
The silence seemed to drag on forever as they all studied her. She gave a small wave, unsure of what else to do. She watched the other three holo people glance amongst themselves and then back at her. She bit her lip waiting for someone to speak. First Anakin had seemed excited to see her, then he'd been cold and dismissive. And now, he was holding her close and showing her off to people he clearly reported to and/or admired as though she was a precious find and her head was reeling. She wished something made sense right now.
"Well then. Thank the maker you were there, child." The older man said finally. His words were kind, but he didn't actually sound pleased. "I think I speak for everyone here when I say that losing here would have been a major setback to our efforts. And tragic, the loss of young Skywalker would have been!"
Anakin seemed to glow in response to his words, but why did he sound so insincere? She looked down at her feet, again feeling out of place.
The rest of the briefing passed in a blur. Nothing they talked about meant anything to her. It didn't matter, they'd all forgotten about her anyways. Which was fine, as far as she was concerned. She didn't understand a word they spoke and any feedback she might offer probably would be useless.
"Admiral, get the ship underway. Rex, you finish up here. Ahsoka and I have some catching up to do." Anakin issued the orders.
"Yes, general." The officer responded.
"Right away, sir." Rex saluted and everyone scattered back to their posts.
"Come on." He said softer this time. "Let's head to the mess hall and grab a bite."
They sat across from each other in a corner of the huge room. Each with a tray of food, he didn't even hesitate to devour. She picked at it nervously, not as hungry as she thought she was. There were at least two dozen other people around, but nobody in close proximity. They could talk freely now. She watched him with her peripheral vision as she pretended to be absorbed in the gooey mess that wobbled unnaturally beneath her fork. Now that they were mostly alone, he'd let down his guard some and actually felt more like the Anakin she remembered.
"So, you're a Jedi now?" She started casually.
"Uh huh," he answered, swallowing the mouthful. And taking a swig of the water in front of him.
"Pretty different." She said, afraid to say the 's' word that he seemed scared of.
"Yes and no." He commented, sitting up straighter now that he could focus on something other than refueling his body. She waited to see if he'd say more, but he didn't look like he planned to.
She didn't like the silence though. "It took awhile to get on my feet. Far longer than I hoped, but I saved every credit I could to return to Tatooine like I promised." She didn't want to make him feel guilty, but she did want him to know she'd always meant to keep the promise she'd made all those years ago. "Watto told me where to find your mother and I tracked her down. She said you were taken to Coruscant. I guess I was too slow to save both of you." The laugh felt awkward in her throat and she looked down, playing with her food again. He didn't say anything right away and she risked a glance up at his face.
He'd gotten a faraway look in his eyes, his left hand had curled into a fist where it rested on the table. "My mom died." He whispered after a long pause. "The sand people killed her."
"I'm so sorry!" She said, a bit louder than she meant to. "Did you get to see her again before...?"
"She died in my arms." His voice was tight and she got the distinct impression that they should switch topics.
"Then I'm sure you brought her peace." She breathed, giving up on the food and dropping her hands in her lap.
"What?" His attention was back on her again and she looked past him.
"Well... when I saw her, she seemed really sad. Especially when she talked about you. She missed you so much. I could tell that she was grateful you'd gotten a chance at a different life, that you'd gotten freedom, but..." she trailed off. "So, I imagine that getting to see you again must have brought her peace. She could rest knowing that you'd found a better life and were doing well. She didn’t have to worry about you anymore. That's how I'd feel in her situation anyways..."
"Ahsoka... I..." he started, but when she looked up at him, he shook his head. "Thank you for saving us earlier. I'm glad you're here." She tipped her head to the side. Part of her wanted to argue, demanding to know why that wasn't what it had felt like. But she thought better of it. What was the point? "Tell me how you learned to fight like that!" He exclaimed. He'd changed the subject; the previous topic had been closed. No more discussion. She shrugged, deciding that would have to be an argument for another time.
She regaled him with stories, embellishing some details to sound more impressive than it was, but if he suspected it, he let it slide. She liked the way his mouth would twitch on the left side whenever he smirked. The tiniest hint of a dimple when it gave way into a real smile. She'd missed his dimples. His laughter was deeper than before, but the richness of it brought a smile to her lips every time. Every so often he'd get a mischievous spark in his eye like he used to and she was falling for it. But he was so serious now. He was five years older, nineteen now. Why would he want anything to do with her awkward teenage self?
He shook his head disapprovingly at the pirate behavior she described. But begrudgingly he admitted he was grateful they'd taken care of her. She left out the more disturbing parts of her journey, deciding not only that she didn't want him feeling sorry for her, but also that he didn't really need to know. And she definitely didn't want him to know just how obsessed she'd been with finding him again, writing it off as a debt repayment. Nothing more. It wasn't true, of course. And he'd figure that out eventually.
