Thinking desperately about Gardener in Citizen Sleeper.
That ending, the offer they made, was the most heartbreaking, understanding “no” I’ve ever given in an RPG
My Sleeper touched peace. Touched a way of being among the green and the mycorrhizal networks that was beyond pain, beyond exploration, beyond a sense of self. You were holding the crown in your hands that could take you there. You *earned* that crown and the audience it granted you. You saw peace and touched a serenity that wasn’t untethered from the space station but instead *grew* from it, growing food and drugs out of nothing but love.
The Gardener was removed, but caring. An intelligence fashioned from the awareness, the *souls* of plants grown for beauty and survival in the hard vacuum of space.
You found all this because you and your scientist friend were curious. You had no agenda beyond wonder and bloody-mindedness.
You touched something new and different and grounded and safe. And it invited you in. No threat, just an extended hand. A way to stop the pain.
And I said no.
And it hurt.
You have to go back to The Eye. Half-derelict. Torn apart by corporate machinations. Stinking of desperation. Your refugee prison. Your safe haven. You have friends and enemies and rivals and bosses and lovers on this station and they’re all exploiting or exploring or running or hiding or
I chose to be a sick person. On the run.
I chose pain.
It wasn’t noble. I didn’t like it.
But my Sleeper had fought and bled to define themself. They had a few connections. A few dear friends. Unfinished business
And those don’t translate to the greenweave of the Gardener’s secret world.
And when the game asked. Told me to choose. Peace or pain.
Diving back into the time honored tradition of cosplay gifs! I applied a filter and ran the video through a gif software to make these. The craft is a blast from the past, and I so enjoyed making them, so expect more!
[gifs ID: 7 gifs of Mastani in Sleeper cosplay, from the video game Citizen Sleeper. She is wearing a blue beanie and a brown leather jacket with a gray sweatshirt underneath. They are painted blue with black eyelids, yellow underneath their eyes, black lines resembling a jaw hinge, and a blue and black thin lip. They are also wearing two gloves, one gray and one purple. The applied filter makes them look cartoonish. The top three gifs are close ups of: 1. their eye (with the caption "Wake up, Sleeper"), 2. jaw and neck and mouth, and 3. of them walking. The first in the second row is them looking towards the camera from the right. The second in the second row is them walking up to the camera and extending their hand as if to shake. The first gif of the third row is them leaning into the camera and, with a gentle expression, extending their hand as if the camera is a cat they are going to pet. The second gif in the third row is them facing the camera and proclaiming, "I am human."]
