#sleepless: task002

[danxhealy-blog]

TASK 002 || Journal Entry

February 14, 2012;

It’s snowing outside my window and there’s but a gloomy idleness to this day. The Heights are quiet. This tiny apartment’s walls closing down on me. I should be reading the script, memorizing my lines, maybe even fixing myself something to eat- 

but I’m not hungry. 

To step outside and brace the cold, to see the couples holding hands, people stuffing their faces with chocolates I can’t have, smiling in a way I never will be able to again. 

This day is nothing special, nothing different from all others. 

Always like a stab to my heart when the sight is impossible to ignore, when lovers glow in the middle of the street as they drown in each other’s presence and mute the world around them. Like time is not out to get them. Like they have the rest of their lives and each passing day is nothing but a blur and infinity all at the same time. 

Like their love will last forever. 

Today I mourn my love. The loss of the purest, strongest, most consuming emotion I ever felt. I mourn the thought of something more grandiose than anything you’ve ever encountered, the reflection of someone who is the epitome of all your dreams coming true right before your eyes. 

All inspiration. All strength and admiration. 

Sleepless nights wasted in another’s embrace, laughter cascading in your ears, their breath prickling against your skin, being completely bare in their eyes- heart and soul and body. 

But maybe, amidst all the pain and the loss and the catalyst thought that such a feeling won’t ever come by again, is it really true that it’s better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all?

...

If you could have the chance to do it all over again and still know there would be heart ache?

...

Yes. A thousand times yes. 

[peter-silas-blog]

HOW DID WE END UP HERE ?

Peter had grown up around wealthy families; it was no surprise that he had stumbled upon Sybil Barr and her prestigious family. They had always known each other, and ever since then, the two had always found themselves bickering about the littlest of things. He could always recall tattle-tailing on Sybil just to see her reaction, and always wanted to outsmart her. As he grew older, however, Peter grew more fond and reliant of her. He’d spent most of his teenage years trying to get her attention by hooking up with her friends and playing mean pranks on her. In his adolescence, it was just a childhood crush. It wasn’t until about a year ago everything had changed for the both of them.

The two had always been relatively close; as Peter matured into an adult, he found himself immersed in business school and eventually a desk job. Work never really permitted for a social life, unless it was getting drinks after work or a social gathering that the boss was going to be at. He would see Sybil sometimes at family events or at some elite parties, but it had always been a brief "hello" or "how are you?" But when they both finally had the chance to sit down and talk, Peter was starting to remember the girl he'd had a crush on.

Days turned into weeks, and Peter found himself devoting time to her. Right after he left work, he would be at dinner parties with her or having a nice chat for brunch. Everything was going so smoothly for him; his new job, his new co-workers, his new friendship, everything, until the day that he had come to visit his parents for the night. As that day came to an end, Peter had everything snatched right from him, and he only had his father to blame. He turned around and never looked back and never bothered to leave a message; it was as if Peter didn't even want to be found.

[rhysomalley]

LOVE ; Love is kind of like when you see a fog in the morning, when you wake up before the sun comes out. It’s just a little while, and then it burns away… Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality. 

I say to you, you will face pain in your life.

You may lose your limbs, bleed to death.

It is not aimed at anyone,

but it will come your way.

The wind sweeps over everyone.

The little girl in the red rain coat, her cheetah printed rain boots charged at Rhys. He had little time to prepare before they had both fallen in a big puddle. Red hair, freckles, and chubbier cheeks than a normal child will have, Rhys “the cabbage patch” knew he was in love. Rolling around in mud, endless laughter, and being scolded by parents from the stains in his clothes ;; that was love.

You will feel so all alone abandoned,

come to see that life is brief.

And you will cry, “No, it cannot be so,”

but nothing will avail you.

At the age of seventeen, Rhys started to grow into his own person. Freckles lightened, blending with his pale skin. Height matched his lean body, and green eyes bore all emotion. The girl in a striped cardigan, flower in her hair, brown hair flowing down her back, she used to wear a red rain coat and play with Rhys. She now avoids him. Rhys never knew he even found brown eyes the most beautiful thing in the world until he fell in love with a certain pair. Endless nights, sleepovers, growing up together, copying each others’ homework, and holding hands in the school hallways ;; that was love.

Pregnant at sixteen, offering to do anything to support her, that was love.

Rhys remembers spending two whole days in his home, in his bed alone, crying when her father had removed her from school. There was no word from her for a few months and when he finally saw her again, she wasn’t pregnant ;; that was his first heart break.

You must bare your heart and expect nothing in return.

You must respond totally to nature.

You must return to your simple self.

So long as you love your own true simple selves,

you are not alone.

Meeting a man with raven colored hair, eyes bluer than the sea lit a fire inside of Rhys. Worthlessness, days of anxiety, restless feeling inside his bones, electrified body language,  and constant suspense ;; that had become love.

And the second time he felt heart break was somehow worse than the first.

To be serious is to be simple;

to be simple is to love.

The rains are pounding, the winds driving.

The breeze is gentle and the grass burns.

The earth is dusty. Go ankle deep in mud.

The disappointment he feels is crippling. Rhys and love had never really had a good relationship, but love somehow always conquers everything. Hopefulness, marriages and hand holding, that one smile you have for that certain someone, the adventures, and the first person you’d want to tell every single thing to ;; that is love now. 

And Rhys will have it.

[lucascavo]

what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

Luca knew that a part of him would always love Dan. Dan had been his first kiss, his first boyfriend, the first person he had slept with…and most importantly, his first love. He would always, always have a special place in his heart, that much he knew. He had tried to forget him, tried to shake all memories he had of Dan out of his head, but it didn’t work. It never worked. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget what they had had together.

Instead, he accepted it had happened. They were over, and it was likely that they’d never see each other again. Luca knew he had to accept that fact, otherwise it would eat him alive. He mourned the end of their relationship like one would a death, because part of him had died with it.

Luca had loved Dan so purely, so wholly, that losing him took a long time to get over. It wasn’t that he wasn’t open to falling in love again; it was just that he wasn’t ready. He had other things to focus on – getting (and staying) healthy, finishing school, finding work…the list went on and on. It was easier to pick up men at darkened bars or to click on an app and flip through profiles of men who wanted sex. It was simple and painless and that was what Luca needed.

Slowly but surely, he was healing. There were good days and there were bad, there was happiness and loneliness. Plenty of tears were shed, some happy and some sad, but deep in his heart, Luca knew it was for the best. He had accepted the loss of his first love, and he hoped that wherever Dan was, he was happy and that he wasn’t afraid to love again, because whoever he ended up with would be lucky to be loved by him. @danxhealy.