some rant since I just remembered yesterday was valentine
I need to contribute to this year's valentines day as a proud aroacespec
(excuse the tardiness fellow aroacespec, I completely forgot it on purpose and decided that I should just probably write my thoughts on it just today)
Valentine's day has never been my cup of tea, even before I identify as an aroacespec.
I somehow viewed the whole celebration as some sort of mockery to my own incapability of feeling love based on amanormativity standards.
It basically made me desperate as I grew an internalised arophobia back in the day.
That is until I realise why I was like that, and I'm glad I did.
Personally, my thoughts on romance fluctuates. Sometimes I'm averse with it, indifferent or most of the time; repulsed by it.
What I am sure of is I can't see myself interested in any way with romance.
And unfortunately, some people (mostly aphobics) can't seem to differentiate what love and romance is.
And the thing is... valentine is supposedly a Christian feast day celebrated in honours of St. Valentine; a martyr.
Which makes it quite uhmm disgusting how an important day in someone's belief was twisted in such ways on behalf of capitalism and then labeling it as love (which they actually meant romance specifically).
Don't get me wrong, I don't give a shit about this day specifically.
But what I do give a shit about is how people twisting several definitions regarding feelings that adolescent barely knew about and giving a living hell to those who doesn't understand or feel it to the degree of their definition.
I'm speaking from experience in my childhood before I identify as aroacespec.
Like I said earlier, I had an internalised arophobia growing up.
When seeing any depiction of romance, I always thought I was going to feel that way one day, and yet it never came.
And with almost everyone around me asking me why I'm so.. inhumane for not being attracted to anyone, my thoughts on how I feel became more and more unpleasant.
I really hated myself for not feeling any 'love', I always found myself asking why is it so hard to feel what's supposedly making me human and even tried to force myself with their 'love'.
Then I grew up, and I understand myself a little better. Knowing that there are other people experiencing similar things with me makes me feel a little better about myself.
So I guess the main point of this whole post is you don't need to listen to people like that.
Yes, you are loveless by their standards.
But they don't know what you've been through, they don't know how you actually feel, they don't have the right or any sort of authority on what you feel.
You're not inhumane. Your feelings do matter. And just because you don't experience what the majority feels, it doesn't make you or any of your feelings any less significant.
Hope you had a good gas leak Tuesday yesterday, and hope yall are doing fine wherever you are.
-Lumi
