I had to make up a sport that was “good for philosophers to play” for my ancient philosophy class and this is what I came up with:
This new Olympic sport is Crowd-Assisted Debate Sparring, for philosophers, political candidates, or anyone else who’s really sure that they’re right. The rules are as follows: Competitors come prepared to give particular arguments. The basic subject of these arguments are predetermined, but each competitor comes prepared with arguments which may be connected to the subject by any fine line. The competitors who will present the first argument is determined by a coin toss. If it becomes possible to engage in multiple rounds, they will switch off. The competitors who is presenting their argument has sixty seconds to do so. If more than ninety per cent of the crowd cheers for that competitor, they may hit their opponent. Their opponent responds. If more than seventy-five per cent of the crowd cheers for them, they may hit the presenter, who then gets a chance to respond. From then on, seventy per cent of the crowd must cheer for an argument in order for a competitor to be able to hit their opponent. If twenty minutes pass, the competitors begin a new round. If a competitor is no longer able to speak for reasons mental, physical, or otherwise, their opponent wins. If a competitor hits their opponent out of turn, their opponent gets one free hit. If a competitor uses a logical fallacy, their opponent gets two free hits. If members of the crowd are found to cheering regardless of the strength of the arguments, and instead to simply see the competitors get hit, the referee will spike a ball towards that member of the audience and the audience member will then be ejected. If they win, the competitors are awarded with grapes and a group of people who are required to listen to what they say for an extended period of time. And, of course, they are all awarded with a hefty pile of pride. They spar in the nude as a testament to the fact that they have nothing to hide.
