#smcu update

[smcu-reports]

SMCU MAYORAL ELECTIONS

We are so happy to announce we will be hosting the Mayoral Elections voting form. It's a great privilege to connect our audience to our democracy.

Before we vote, we want everyone to know the choices we decided on making for this voting system. We are actively choosing not to confirm your identity with an email in order to allow you to protect your privacy. But because of that, we're relying on honor code. Do not vote more than once by listing a different Tumblr account. Who wants a rigged election? That's legitimately shitty.

But anyway! If you want to read up on your candidates before going into your vote, one can read @gayestcody's policies if elected right here. If you'd like to know about @straightestmike's policies... there are none, tbh.

Now, without further ado. The form is now open for 12 hours.

SMCU CHICAGO MAYORAL ELECTIONS!!!

Enjoy!

[lions-lanternwood]

guess who accidentally joined the smcu!

yeah. its me. im @closeted-theoooo now. me n @dustin-judges are gonna be the "shouldn't have made satire accounts" team where we make everything too deep.

[smcu-reports]

BREAKING NEWS: THE RAPTURE ANNOUNCED BY CREATOR HIMSELF

We're sorry the link doesn't look better on screen, but here is Issue 3 for you. From love stories to God to @straightestmike's latest crazy, we're happy to present you with today's top stories.

Following the breaking news of the past 72 hours is not an easy task, and we can't do it without you. We want to thank all our collaborators for today's issue.

@straightest-michelle wrote Reddie Is Back On Again as well as created the crossword puzzle

@bis3xualsteve wrote Love In Numbers: We Want You, as well as provided a quote for Peace Achieved: Treaty of Roots & Branches

@bicuriousestchris wrote Peace Achieved: Treaty of Roots & Branches

@lesbianest-vickie wrote From Straightest to Lesbianest

@gayestcody provided an interview for the Down & Up article.

@gayesteddie provided a quote for the Breaking News: The Rapture Announced By Creator Himself article, and submitted images.

@lesbianestrobin provided a quote for Peace Achieved: Treaty of Roots & Branches

@gayestrichie provided a quote for Reddie Is Back On Again

@erica-ace provided a quote for the Breaking News: The Rapture Announced By Creator Himself article.

Finally, we'd like to thank our sponsors for investing in us, here at @smcu-reports. We insist you ought to give them a call, even if they can take a minute to pick up.

[smcu-reports]

BREAKING: @smcu-reports is growing their sponsorship connections and are now launching Wordles for our sweet audience.

In celebration to this new opening, we will be sharing THREE with you. We hope you enjoy having fun with us!

First Wordle

Second Wordle

Third Wordle

[smcu-reports]

STOP MAKING ACCOUNTS!! PLEASE!!

JUST THREE MORE HOURS BEFORE THE PAUSE ENDS!!

IF WE SEE ANOTHER ACCOUNT WE WILL IGNORE YOUR EXISTENCE FOR 48 HOURS ON ALL ARCHIVAL INFORMATION!!

@straightestmike@lesbianestrobin

[smcu-reports]

OPEN SUBMISSIONS

Here at @smcu-reports, we are happy to celebrate 2026 (and the survival of The Rapture) with our fellow constituents here in the SMCU'S gorgeous Chicago.

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of stories, and we're sure some of you want to tell you own! Tell us, what do you want to read about? What do you want to say?

We are excited to announce our fourth issue is launching in the next couple of days, and are open to hearing suggestions and accepting submissions.

Stay tuned for a report on The Rapture, an exposé on the disagreements and challenges within the Wheeler-Henderson candidacy, and an insider interview with Mayor Gayest Mike Wheeler.

As always, we continue to be honored to be bringing you the news, and we hope you're having a great, brand new year.

[smcu-reports]

BREAKING: SECRET WEBSITE LEAKED

A secret and encrypted website has now been made public to the world.

https://pipe-burst.tumblr.com/

A week ago, a cut of voice message was found linked to one of our newspapers. Here at @smcu-reports, we were shocked to see such secrecy be linked to our network!!

However, after working with our experts, along with an engaging public, we have finally decrypted the message. The password into the website was contained within it. Fully on view is the following:

“The wait is long. The truth comes out when blue meets yellow in the garden. A trip down memory lane will show that in the end, you were right. You had all the answers.”

We are keen to hear your thoughts.

For public safety, we expect all to not engage directly with @straightestmike. He has his own journey to go on.

[smcu-reports]

PSA: Yesterday & Moving Forward

Thank you to everyone that reblogged our reporting, we really appreciate it. What happened to Ethan yesterday was absolutely unacceptable, and more than just getting that account deleted, we wanted to recognize that 1) harassment happened and 2) we are not going to tolerate it.

I think a lot of us are upset at the fact someone in our community found a way to try and taint this safe space we've created, and I just want to remind everyone that this is to have fun!! And the last thing that guy's gonna get is the satisfaction of us losing that.

The next article is going to launch in twenty minutes or so. It's been an absolute pleasure to make this, and I mean it's been a real Project. Unlike previous things I'd shared here, this absolutely took my creative soul out of me and made it dance like a maniac for two days, but I'm so so proud of it, and I hope everyone gets to have fun with what it launches.

I will list and thank all collaborators in the next post, but... yeah. Holy shit. I hope everyone gets to love this, I think I've totaled to 28 hours of me with my laptop opened while designing, and writing, and editing, and planning. I mean, you're going to see it, but it was a lot haha. It was... bothering me that the other thing was trying to be a newspaper but it didn't look like one, so that began the challenge to make that work.

Which. Led to me designing it with a Canva website and using my previous experience working with newspaper archives to offer you something that behaves like one. Let it be known that on our day off, @lesbianestrobin and I spent hours discussing our next steps, and we're excited to show you what we've cooked up for you.

Thank you for being part of this story.

Love,

Your archivists 💙💛