hey what’s willkey?? gayestmike acc tag was broken but im so curious
OH NO DID HE DELETE THE ACC???
sparknotes is tht willkey is a satirical byler variant (willis/mikey rather than will/mike) created before st5 dropped. willis and mikey are adult byler in an au where mikey is extremely repressed and willis is recently divorced. they live in chicago and there is a lot of supernatural spooky magic stuff.
long version/smcu rundown below the cut! LOTS of lore so this took me several days to compile and write down.
k so willkey is the main ship of the SMCU, or Straightest Mike Cinematic Universe. the SMCU was created by @/straightestmike (later changed his name to @/gayestmike following some revelations) as a satire account before season 5 dropped. it was created to make fun of the mike that m11's thought was going to be canon, and the universe expanded following some straightest mike lore drops that basically explained that mikey (straightestmike's name) had a will named willis and that willis's sister ella was mikey's wife. the important part of these lore drops (and truth be told the only part i actually remember) was that willis and mikey had kissed on a new years party, but in a Totally Heterosexual way according to mikey. from this came the accounts of @straightestella and @gayestwiil. and also i think @gayestcody was an og? cody being willis's husband who willis had gotten with after the fateful new years makeout. from there the universe grew, including the cousfinns (every single finn wolfhard character) and their accompanying finn-laws (anyone in the finn wolfhard universes) every st character from max to murray to eden, and some mike (@straightestpaladin and @straightest-michelle). @lesbianestrobin and @dustin-judges enter the scene and take over as lore masters for the SMCU. robin's canva subscription fueled the charts of who's who and how they're related (hopefully that's the most recent chart lol), which saved the sanity of everyone involved. @dustin-judges as DM and lore master and our rightful god (sorry God Ross) started a mystery rp thing where the rp accounts in the SMCU played through a mystery thing that kicked off with the first release of the SMCU newspaper (@smcu-reports which is also run by @dustin-judges) and mystery #1 was WHO IS DUSTIN'S WIFE? you can find it yourself in the initial issue(s) of the newspaper if you'd like (issue 1, issue 2, issue 3). the newspapers are AMAZING btw please do check them out.
anyway, dustin's wife ended up being alice, a reporter for the SMCU paper, who then went missing while investigating ??? a phone number was released with the third issue for the smcu newspaper under the ad for the straightest plumb shack, which could be called! the plumb shack was discovered by @bicuriousestchris to be located in chicago, which was confirmed by smcu-reports, and chris followed up on this discovery with finding out that dustin and his wife both lived and worked in chicago. smcu-reports released the text version of what ??? said on the phone call. The [redacted] is long. The [redacted] [redacted] when blue meets yellow in the [redacted]. A trip [redacted] will show that [redacted], you were right. [redacted]. the members of the smcu put their heads together and decided they kind of had no idea what to do about that. it's a code! we discovered that! and then we got distracted by one direction. the smcu figured out that the mystery revolved around being closeted/internalized homophobia, but were otherwise clueless and got distracted again by russians. dustin was the first victim of a straightness epidemic, changing his name to straightest-dustin and posting about how hetero he was, and straightness abounded for like a day until lucas and dustin had a homoerotically charged fight. it was also revealed that all of alice's things (clothes, mugs, etc) were missing along with the woman herself. it was confirmed that several smcu reporters had gone missing, including alice. @bicuriousestchris had the lock-in of the century and compiled all of the evidence proving that the smcu reports anon and alice were the same person and also dustin's wife. @the-god-ross-duffer figured out that one of the missing words in the code was truth (the truth [redacted] when blue meets yellow). dustin briefly forgot he had a wife. nancy figured out more of the code. dustin revealed that mikey was too important to mess around with the mystery stuff. dustin and lucas made up after lucas brought dustin flowers and apologized (henderclair agenda i see you). petuniagate was invented by the smcu theory team to talk about the mystery surrounding the flowers.
skip forward a little bit because this mystery lasted like a MONTH you guys. it kicked off on like dec 16 and wrapped officially on NEW YEARS (though things did happen for a few days afterward). (i've only covered up to the 20th so far) (help me). i don't know if the SMCU THEORIZATION FORUM community is visible to everyone but if you scroll through there you can get a play-by-play.
anywho. i designated myself the finnverse researcher after @bisexualborisp had some kind of freaky ass nightmare. all members of the finnverse later reported nightmares, namely michelle, chris, richie, ask-mike (@ask-the-wheeler), and ofc boris (who, i'll be honest, i was talking to the most. sorry guys it just made more sense in character as @closeted-theoooo). boris had a rapture-induced dream after overdosing (unrelated) and was talking to a shadowy figure. also reported seeing himself but wrong. this phrase, "myself but wrong," would go on to haunt me for weeks to come. again, more finnverse characters experienced the same dream, and these dreams eventually branched out throughout the smcu with, confusingly, even steve experiencing some kind of nightmare. after @gayestcody had a phone call with alice and we theorizers remembered this was an rp-verse and we could interact with things, theo (MEEE) and @lesbianest-vickie set out to mikey's restaurant, which was closed down by this point, to investigate. we discovered a pile of alice's shoes, as well as some amazing music. we then accidentally burned down the store, but not before rescuing some of alice's shoes. later, we went back to look at the shoes we'd found, and discovered a thumb drive hidden in one of them, which led us to a web page. sorry i'm skipping so much stuff i feel bad! quick overview, boris and i invented color-coding, richie forgot things, willis bullied cody, we had custom wordles, all of the finnverses forgot things and my dear friend "you don't look how you used to" slapped me in the face repeatedly, we discovered most of the code, willis went on a yacht. anyway. theo and vickie had this conversation with Forgotten, aka the lady who was terrorizing our anons and saying cryptic mean things about God Ross. yours truly did hella detective work and figured out that forgotten was a part of a cycle that theo was about to fall victim to, i was proven right because my hypothesis was that boris would forget theo's name next and he did, meaning that theo:boris::forgotten:michelle (forgotten's lover was a she/her using finnverse character, so it had to be michelle) (the finnverse characters were discovered to be Mirrors of mikey, who was also the center of the universe). mikey and willis reunited and our beautiful theorizers ALMOST solved the code, coming up with the following: the wait is long. the truth comes out when blue meets yellow in the garden. a trip down memory lane will show that in the end, you were right. [redacted sentence]. the theorizers also learned that the code was the passcode to the webpage that theo and vickie found. i continued going insane about the mirrors and the cycle they were clearly trapped in. meanwhile, michelle remembered forgotten's name -- iris -- and had a conversation with her. mikey and willis continued being dramatic. @bicuriousestchris once again came in clutch and discovered that if mikey and willis got their happy ending, the bullshit with the smcu would go back to normal and everyone else would get to fall in love with who they wanted, rather than having to love a willis mirror if they were a mikey mirror. we continued going insane until we finally solved the entire code!
The wait is long. The truth comes out when blue meets yellow in the garden. A trip down memory lane will show that in the end, you were right. You had all the answers.
you can plug it into the website if you want to check that out, it's fantastic! very cool and a lot of willkey backstory in there.
on dec 25, willis and mikey had a talk. mikey confessed his true feelings, explaining that while he had been running from himself and hurting his friends and family for so long, he was ready to accept who he was. how he felt. he wasn't straight, and he never had been. he was in love with willis. he knew he'd hurt willis, though, and even though he knew willis might be done with him, mikey still wanted to be near him. willis said he loved mikey back. they went to watch a christmas movie together. all was well.
we had solved it! there was still mystery to go, however. God Ross had started the rapture in order to save those who were Michael Queeler truthers and condemn those who were #straightestmike believers (which was really just mikey, the straightest trio, and for a horrifying few hours the mythical beast of straightest-dustin). however, with the cosmic shitshow mikey had unleashed on chicago, the rapture was out of control and slated for new year's day. also, mayoral elections for chicago were slated for the 30th, with both cody and mikey running for mayor (chrissy and dustin as their respective deputies). however, things were slowing down.
mikey and willis got engaged and won the mayoral elections. the amazing @true-rat-king made some gorgeous art for the smcu. the rapture occurred in three parts (x, x, x, also a video) culminating in a question posed to every member of the smcu:
From the moment that life was breathed into you and you became alive, you have been carefully guided and observed by those above. You have always had free will, and the choices you made throughout your life have led you to this point. Now you are at a crossroads, and you have been summoned here to face The Truth.
The Truth: the essence that guides the universe, the one thing that permeates time and space and is all around you at every second of your existence, yet which escapes scientific understanding. The guiding principle that holds the universe together and gives consciousness meaning. Now you must show us what you have learned. You must decide your fate.
What is love?
unfortunately, not every viewer of the elaborate performance the smcu put on understood any of what we said, created, and built. the smcu disbanded due to the unsustainability of the energy we'd been putting into it, yes, but also because of the increased amount of hate we recieved. anons told members that they weren't welcome, that they were worthless, and that they should leave the community they built. mikey and willis' account runners both left the smcu, and apparently now their accounts have been deleted. shortly after mikey and willis left, dustin, michelle, and many others said goodbye to the smcu. while a large number of us are still here, we're nearly inactive these days. our story is preserved in our posts, and i personally have no intention of deleting my smcu blog. i maintain that the smcu is a better ending that st5. fuck you, duffers, i hope you get bullied off the internet, because you deserve it a thousand times more than mikey.
oh and! we don't have willkey fanfic YET, but we do have smcu fic! robin (@wideyedgayss) authored The SMCU Murders Tammy Thompson, which is exactly what it sounds like and is a ton of fun. cody (@friendlyneighbourhooddm) wrote the fate of the epilogue boyfriend, which follows cody's journey to joining the smcu. i wrote you, just like heaven, which is a missing scene of michelle's nightmares and her remembering iris.
not really sure how to end this so WE ARE ALL DIANA <3
Here at @smcu-reports, we are happy to celebrate 2026 (and the survival of The Rapture) with our fellow constituents here in the SMCU'S gorgeous Chicago.
These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of stories, and we're sure some of you want to tell you own! Tell us, what do you want to read about? What do you want to say?
We are excited to announce our fourth issue is launching in the next couple of days, and are open to hearing suggestions and accepting submissions.
Stay tuned for a report on The Rapture, an exposé on the disagreements and challenges within the Wheeler-Henderson candidacy, and an insider interview with Mayor Gayest Mike Wheeler.
As always, we continue to be honored to be bringing you the news, and we hope you're having a great, brand new year.
