When I get my own house I'm getting a room filled with tables and breakable objects so if I ever feel bad I can smash everything and invite my friends to come and flip tables while playing really epic music.
-: "Why're you so scared? Do you not want me to be near you?" He asked sadly and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I just wanted love.." He said childishly. "I don't get that. Mum ran away with a fucking pornstar and Dad fucks me!" He sobbed, finally breaking down.
+: Phil looked guilty, picking up his pen and quickly scribbling, 'I just don't like being touched'. He wanted now more than ever to hug Dan but it had been beaten out of him that hugs were a sign of goodness.
-: "Hugs don't hurt though." He sighed and crawled up to Phil's face so they were face to face. "Nor do kisses.." He mumbled almost incoherently.
+: Phil sat down in the back of the class, head down and his pen scratching a drawing in his ever-present notebook. He heard what people were saying about him, the weirdo, more into his imagination than reality. He looked up as the door opened and Dan Howell walked in. The Dan Howell. The most popular boy in school as his dad was a famous actor. Phil turned his page away from the picture of him surrounded by the names he had been called and started to sketch Dan.
-: "What's up weirdos!" That's how Dan greeted his friends but nobody corrected him. Throwing his bag in the corner, Dan sat down and smirked. "I have something by the way. Dad got it from America, some weird vodka:." He mumbled. He noticed Phil look up at him a few times and tapped his friends shoulder. "What's he up to that one?" He pointed to Phil.
+: The friend looked over and shrugged. "Not sure what emo's up too, he doesn't talk. I don't think I have ever heard him speak". Phil stopped looking up, he could hear what they were saying and he wanted it to stop. Phil was mute so he couldn't talk, but he had an amazing sense of hearing.
-: Dan sniggered and pulled the drink out before the teacher came. He opened it and took a big mouthful and smiled. "Shall I go ask him if he wants some?" Dan got up and pranced towards Phil and sat down by him with a thud. "Want some?" He shook the bottle in his face and grabbed the note book away from him. "What's this ey?" Dumping the bottle for Phil to hold, Dan flicked through the pages.
+: Phil looked up and tried to grab his notebook, barely catching the bottle before it could smash on his desk. He glared at Dan, annoyed at the invasion of privacy and grabbed his small whiteboard, writing 'Give it back!' on it.
-: Dan looked at the bottle and grabbed it away before it did smash. He threw the book down and frowned. "Was that me in that book? Why the fuck have you got a whiteboard?"
+: A look of hurt passed across his face as he scooped up the book, rubbing out his previous message to write 'Because I'm mute arsehole, learn to be a bit more considerate of other people's feelings'.
-: Dan read it and clenched his jaw. "Boys!" He called over and everyone, even the girls in the class came over to him. "Look what the emo kid said about me." He laughed and drank some more before shoving the drink in his friends hand to hide in his bag for later.
+: Phil rolled his eyes, rubbing off the message and sitting back down in his seat. He watched Dan evenly, before picking up the drawing and ripping it out of the notebook, only nice people deserved to be drawn and Dan was no where close.
-: Dan mock gasped. "Oh no!" He said sarcastically. "He's ripped me out of his little doodle book. How will I ever carry on!" He scoffed and stood up to sit on the desk Phil was sitting at. "Deaf boy is sad!"
+: 'I'm not deaf, I'm mute' Phil wrote, stopping himself from hitting Dan in the face with the message. He was really starting to get pissed off and soon he would snap.
-: "Same thing.." He said stupidly and laughed making everybody laugh too. "Whatever. I'm sitting with mute boy today.." He grinned and jumped off the table and sat by Phil as the teacher walked in and did the register.
+: 'Mute means I can't talk, deaf means I can't hear jerk' Phil wrote before putting up his hand when his name was called in the register.
-: "Stop being a bitch!" Dan growled in his ear. And took the board off him to write his own message. "What's your problem with me weirdo?" He wrote, handed the board back and put his feet up and the table and crossed his legs over.
+: 'My problem is your lack of knowledge or common sense' Phil wrote back annoyed. He wasn't sure how he was going to last an hour sat next to Dan but he couldn't let him win, that would be social suicide.
-: Dan grabbed the board back and wrote 'why'd you draw me then retard?' Dan wasn't told off by the teacher for putting his legs on the table. Of course not, she didn't want his famous daddy to get cross.
+: 'Because I was under the impression that you actually possessed a soul, I was wrong' Phil wrote back, fingers tapping on the table.
-: "What the hell do you mean!" He wrote back with a furrowed brow and a pout.
+: 'People with souls are nice, you are not ergo you do not own a soul' Phil wrote, you could almost see the sarcasm.
-: 'I am nice :)' he wrote back just as sarcastically. Dan never did any work and he deliberately prevented Phil from doing any until the bell.
+: Phil stood as soon as the bell went and packed up, annoyed that he had gotten no work done because Dan was being a bitch. He kept his whiteboard out and shoved past Dan as he walked out.
-: "Hey hey hey, where you off to?" Dan pulled Phil back and into the class room where he shut the door so it was him, Phil and the vodka. "No need to go to next lessons Mute boy. You can stay with moi!"
+: 'Fuck off Dan, you've ruined one lesson, please don't go for two' Phil wrote down, anger seething off of him.
-: Dan walked Phil and pushed him down on the floor and made him cross his legs. Dan sat down opposite him and pulled the vodka out and put it between them. "Don't tell me..I mean, don't write fuck off to me!"
+: 'You can't control what I write and not all of us have parents that can get us out of trouble!' Phil wrote, very aware that he was missing from Maths.
-: "My dad has nothing to do with this. I don't even like him." Dan growled and drank the vodka and offered some to Phil. "He's not all he seems to be in the movies. He's a cunt if I'm honest."
+: Phil refused the drink, shaking his head. 'Probably better than my dad' Phil wrote.
-: "Why?" Dan asked as he started to slur a bit. The alcohol was increasingly pulsing through his body. It was banned in this country for being too strong.
+: 'He believes that me being mute is my own fault' Phil wrote, which it was. Phil had just stopped talking about 4 years previous when his mother had died, meaning that his father grew shadowed and angry.
-: "What's wrong with you though? Are you like retarded?" Dan asked nastily although not meaning to be. He had a hard time at home, drinking and being mean was a front to make him feel good.
+: 'No, I just chose not to talk' Phil wrote, a look of hurt passing his face which vanished as quickly as it came.
-: "Can you talk to me though?.." He asked softly. Deciding he may as well break his front with Phil, Dan explained what life was like. "I'm not really like this. I'm a nice person it's just..I have to be like this so I can fight against my dad. He got me into drinking and he..he does things to me."
+: 'Like what? And I honestly don't know, it's been so long I don't even remember my own voice' Phil wrote honestly.
-: "It doesn't matter what he does." Dan mumbled and drank some more and became dizzy.
+: Phil watched Dan carefully, head cocked to one side. 'It does if it's illegal'.
-: Dan looked down at the floor and out the vodka down. "He get me drunk and..does things. I'm 16 it doesn't matter.."
+: 'It does Dan, it does' Phil knew exactly what Dan was hinting at, his father wasn't as bad by comparison, he just beat Phil but Dan's father sounded like someone who deserved a life in jail, not one of glamour.
-: "Do you know what Im even talking about?" Dan asked, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "It makes me feel dirty and worthless."
+: 'I can guess, Dan that's not right' Phil carefully placed a hand on Dan's shoulder, it making his sleeve ride up and show bruises.
-: Dan flinched away and hid his face away from Phil. "I deserve it. Look how horrible I am. He tells me I deserve the abuse so I'm 'ready for it in later life.' He took..my..virg-" Dan stopped before he said too much.
+: Phil retracted his hand, subconsciously pulling his sleeves back down. 'Dan you need to tell the police, he's a molester' Phil wrote the word out carefully, watching for Dan's reaction.
-: Dan whimpered and shook his head. "It'll ruin everything. I can't. It's gone on for as long as I can remember.." He took another big mouthful of drink and pulled his shirt up to reveal his hips. There were hand marks where he'd been forced to stay still.
+: 'Dan I can't just sit around and watch someone be taken advantage of, no matter what status they hold' Phil wrote down, hand shaking slightly.
-: "Please. Please don't say anything.." Dan pleaded and knelt up and held onto Phil's shoulders. "Please, I don't mind the..the rape. It's the beating that hurt because I'm used to the pain from the forced ana- I mean.." Dan mumbled and squeezed the other boys shoulders.
+: Phil squeaked at the contact, going stock still. He hated being touched for the same reasons, the beatings. He nodded, eyes wide.
-: "I'm not going to hurt you.." Dan shook his head and sat closer to Phil, holding his hands. "You get beat too don't you? I can tell. Do you..does your dad touch you..?"
+: 'Sometimes' Phil wrote softly, small tears falling down his face.
-: "He raped you?" Dan asked in a shocked tone. He felt awful for being mean to the boy. "Or just beats you?" Dan hugged Phil tightly and wrapped his arms around his waist as the sat with their legs out beside each other. In a row boat position.
+: Phil nodded, he had dropped the pen. He was so scared about Dan's proximity and his knowledge.
+: "So he does beat you but not rape? Phil, I won't hurt you." He reassured and stroked the pad of his thumb over Phils cheek to dry his tear. The vodka was put away before Dan got too visibly drunk.
-: Phil nodded again, though his face gave away his fear.
+: "Why're you so scared? Do you not want me to be near you?" He asked sadly and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I just wanted love.." He said childishly. "I don't get that. Mum ran away with a fucking pornstar and Dad fucks me!" He sobbed, finally breaking down.
+: Phil looked guilty, picking up his pen and quickly scribbling, 'I just don't like being touched'. He wanted now more than ever to hug Dan but it had been beaten out of him that hugs were a sign of goodness.
-: "Hugs don't hurt though." He sighed and crawled up to Phil's face so they were face to face. "Nor do kisses.." He mumbled almost incoherently.
+: Phil nodded, eyes locking with Dan's which he could see from their proximity were a chocolate brown.
-: Dan relaxed his arms and sat back on his legs so he was kneeling in front of Phil. He lites his hand up and put it behind Phil's neck. "I'm so sorry for everything." He slightly slurred. "I'm a sick bastard. I deserve what I get, you don't. You've got talent. Your drawing are beautiful, like your eyes."
+: 'I forgive you' Phil wrote down. 'I'm not talented and my eyes aren't beautiful' he added.
-: Dan rubbed out the board and wrote. "You're perfect." Retuning his hand to the back of Phil's neck Dan spoke. "Say my name? Try and say Dan."
+: "D-an" Phil forced out, it croaky and broken from lack of use.
-: Dan smiled, a happy smile that he'd never used before. He pulled in Phil's head and kissed his lips. Taking his bottom lip, Dan placed it between his top and bottom lips. He then turned his head so their noses did not bump together.
+: Phil smiled too, happy at the contact. It was the most love someone had shown him since his mother had died. He also was taken back that he had managed to actually speak, it scared him slightly.
-: Pushing Phil down to lean on his elbows, Dan gently leaned over him and deepened the kiss and made it full of lost love.
+: Phil kissed back with equal power, hand coming up to caress Dan's face.
-: Pushing him flat to the floor, Dan knelt over the boy and moved his lips down his neck and back to reconnect their lips. His hands kept him up right and then he pulled away. "I'm sorry.."
+: Phil nodded, he wasn't sure he could continually speak, at least not yet.
-: "Do you like me? As in would you want to do that again?" He asked awkwardly. The only sexual contact, apart from his dad he'd had was slutty one night stands with men twice his age when he got drunk and stumbled out the house.
+: Phil nodded, a small shy smile crossing his face.
-: "Good." He grinned and pulled Phil off the floor. "Kisses don't hurt." Dan smiled wildly. "We can get through this together."
