*holding your face in my hands* listen- listen- Usopp's Snake Fireworks are not canon. They are not canon. I know that. You know that. We all know that.
But what if- and hear me out now- what if I gave him them anyway

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*holding your face in my hands* listen- listen- Usopp's Snake Fireworks are not canon. They are not canon. I know that. You know that. We all know that.
But what if- and hear me out now- what if I gave him them anyway
You fucked up 4th of July! You have really fucked it up!
🎆 Judy Jennings (Angry Grandma) 🧨
Those indoor snake fireworks will never not be funny to me. They're like Eldritch poos.
[Opinion: November 1, 2010] 1.75 (+11 Days) Year Review of the Obama Administration
The Obama Administration, catapulted to victory in the 2008 Presidential Election due to a mixture of racial pride, fear of a Sarah Palin presidency, as well as the promise of hope and change that we can all believe in. No matter how you think that Barack Obama won the election, we all can agree that people expected much too much out of his presidency right off the bat; a rather unfair fate for an altogether inexperienced candidate for the job, but the reality of the matter, nonetheless.
During the campaign the promises of sweeping health care reform in which all Americans would receive medical care free of charge, financial reform to fix the broken system that is Wall Street, equal rights for all LGBT individuals, as well as a bold, new strategy in the Middle East were made to crowds of gullible followers of the cause of Hope and Change.
During the presidency, new regulations on the health care system were made as promised, but those reforms are only expected to ensure that 95% of Americans are eligible for coverage at the most optimistic of predictions; the other nearly 15 million Americans will remain uninsured due to the reforms having no alleviating effect on their ability to acquire health coverage. A spare few extra regulatory laws over Wall Street were passed, as well, but there are still no guarantees on whether the reforms will have any noticeable effects on the state of Wall Street. Over the course of President Obama’s administration, LGBT Americans have been handed a number of minor consolation prizes to hold them over due to the administration’s seemingly hesitant nature upon bringing the repeal of DOMA and further measures to ensure that LGBT Americans get just as many rights as heterosexual Americans to the national stage. A repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy has been floating around Congress and the judicial circuits for the past half-year or so, but no real action has been taken upon these passing mentions of a repeal. As well, the bold, new strategy in the Middle East consists of inhumane drone attacks which seem to be gaining no grounds for the cause that we, as Americans, have gone in to support.
In order to get a comprehensive overview of the Obama Administration’s job performance thus far for the rest of this review, I've decided to take things step by step through all of their major legislative achievements and defining moments. All of these events will be split into a few sub-categories such as “Economic Strategy;” “Domestic Affairs;” “Foreign Affairs;” etc. At the end of each of these sub-categories I will place compositions grades on a 100% scale, which I will average out at the end to score the Administration’s progress thus far in my view. Remember, the views expressed in this review are strictly my own and most of you are only tagged in this note because you told me that you had an interest in reading those views. If you are offended, then sorry is not a word you will hear from myself at any point in the near or far-off future for whatever small amount of emotional grief I may have inflicted upon you.
Economic Strategy
- The Stimulus Package: President Obama’s first legislative success and arguably his biggest one thus far; surpassing the enormity of watered-down health care reform, watered-down wall street reform, and other minor economic reforms put together and multiplied by 1,000, in my honest opinion. The legislation was pushed through Congress in less than a month after President Obama took office. Approximately $150 billion was allocated toward infrastructure projects, energy efficiency research, and clean energy jobs; $53 billion went to education and job training initiatives; $81 billion went to aiding low income individuals/families, the unemployed, as well as the underemployed; $144 billion went to State and Local fiscal relief; $59 billion went to health care; and a massive $288 billion dollars went to tax incentives and cuts for individuals and companies alike. The overall effect this has had on the nation’s economy has been far greater than what most have expected in that it has stagnated the rise of unemployment and has started work on important infrastructure projects and economic investments that will pay themselves back and help to modernize/strengthen the US Economy in the years to come. Recently, President Obama proposed further investment of an additional $50 billion in clean energy jobs and infrastructure projects, which would help greatly alongside the Stimulus to drop the unemployment rate below 9% once more.
- Health Care Reform: In stark contrast to the promises of universal health care during the campaign, the Obama Administration’s health care reform boils down to no more than a few new regulations on insurance companies rather than anything that can touted as sweeping reform. Initially, when the bill was first passed, I was wrapped up in the hype of health care reform finally passing in America and supported the bill, though stating my displeasure with how lacking it was in comparison to what I thought it would turn out to be when I supported Obama’s candidacy for President in 2008. The Democrats took an extremely weak approach to the debates around health care reform, to start; there should have been a meaningful overhaul of the system within the first 6 months of the Administration with the majority that they held in Congress. Instead, they came in looking for compromise from a group that almost never reached across the aisle in 8 years of being in the White House. The Republicans pushed their agenda successfully even after they were a minority in Congress after 2006; a feat which seems miraculous if you think of how little the Democrats could do with a super-majority, but then you have to factor in that the Democrats didn't have the guts to use that majority to their advantage and instead wanted to act nonpartisanly in the face of obstructionism. Mostly, however, I put the blame for the watered-down reform on President Obama for not stating any goals for the legislation until well into the process and instead simply allowing Congress to work it out on their own. A President is supposed to be the shaper of legislation, the director of the nation; a President is not supposed to sit back and tell others to do the work instead.
- Wall Street Reform: I can not stress this enough, but I’m getting tired of having to, so I’ll just put this plain and simple: Watered Down Legislation.
Overall Composition Score: 76% You had such an opportunity with both Health Care Legislation and Wall Street Reform, and you stayed out of the game and didn't give any sort of legislative goals for both bills. You didn't go in either with the same drive that you took into getting the stimulus package through in less than a month even though the Blue Dog Democrats hated the bill. If Obama had taken that initiative into Health Care Reform then we could be looking at near universal coverage and at the very least a public option for those who have given up on business executives deciding how their hospital visits get paid for, and I know for a fact that had he brought it into Wall Street Reform we could have had a bill that would entirely shake-up Wall Street’s foundations and the financial industry as a whole with the way that the public were so infuriated with big business at the time, but instead he threw away the chance. Domestic Affairs
- LGBT Rights: I could go on for hours and hours about how Obama has turned a blind eye to the LGBT community and handed out petty appeasement rights in order to keep the gays from revolting entirely, but instead I’ll simply end my furious rant before it starts with this: Barack Obama has turned his back on all of the promises he made to the LGBT community. In every single way. Even going so far as to appeal a district court’s ruling which effectively ended the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy for a matter of 2 whole days saying that it would cause unforeseen damage to the military if the policy were lifted just yet. Way to stand up for equal rights, Obama.
- Natural Disaster Handling/Control: The BP Oil Spill from back in April was actually handled fairly well on the government’s side. Recently it was exposed that BP actually covered up huge swaths of oil plumes which still existed a couple miles off of the gulf coastline, but had the administration had any part in that then Fox News would have jumped on that story immediately to expose just how hypocritical the “environmentalist hippies” in the White House were when it came to actual environmental issues.
- Reaction to Republican Obstructionist Tactics: Very lackluster, in fact. If I were in his position, I would be telling the Democratic caucus to work whatever means necessary to pass their legislative agenda and to just throw their phony “bipartisanship” policy out the window since the Republicans decided to act like douches, but instead he just keeps pleading for bipartisanship. 8 years of Bush and the Republicans passing whatever legislation they wanted, and now since there are a couple of Democrats who really shouldn't be considered Democrats within the ranks, they simply allow the conservatives to walk all over their agenda because they have just enough of a minority to hold the majority hostage. It’s utter bullshit.
Overall Composition Score: 71% The loss of support for LGBT causes hits close to home for me due to my lesbian and gay friends and family members, so that easily dropped him to an F, but with the good handling of the largest man-made environmental catastrophe ever under his belt it brought him up to about C- territory, and then came pussy-footing around the Republican’s douchebaggery which brought him down to the 71% (D-) he and his administration earned from me on Domestic Affairs. Foreign Affairs
- Iraq: I can’t really give any complaints. His policy regarding the war’s wind down is actually fairly sensible.
- Afghanistan: Once more, the policy regarding this war is fairly sensible; though, I think the administration should work more closely with the Afghan populace to get rid of corruption in the Afghan government and to rid Afghanistan of al-Qaeda’s presence. Also, the drone attacks in Pakistan and Taliban-heavy areas are doing nothing but killing civilians and pissing people off to the extent of supporting the extremists to a further extent. The more innocents you kill, the more al-Qaeda and the Taliban’s messages of, “Kill the American invaders!” seem to make sense.
- Israeli-Palestinian Peace Negotiations: An utter, absolute failure. Once more the West backed away from pushing the Israeli government into a corner and saying, “Hey! Stop your stupid shit or we’ll stop funding you!” and instead fell into the myth of the “Oppressed Jewish Minority in the big-bad Muslim Arabian Peninsula” and consented to Israel ruling out any chance of a settlement to this age-old problem because they think that it’s a good idea to increase illegal settlement activity in Palestine, killing innocent Arabs along the way because “It is their god-given right to settle in these lands and no damned, dirty Arabs are going to get in the way of that.”
Overall Composition Score: 75% Honestly, a 75 is a courtesy. Throwing away the chance to solve one of the longest-lasting conflicts in the world’s history just in order to keep up America’s reputation as Israel’s protector and also so as to not upset the Jewish lobby in Washington is a large blow. He should just be happy that most of the world sees us better than they did when Bush was in office, otherwise that C- would probably be around F territory.
Final Grade: 74 (D+)
Summary: There’s still time to make up for mistakes so I won’t vote for a third-party candidate in 2012, but the way I’m looking at it right now, I don’t see myself rallying for Obama anytime in the near future. He’s a mediocre president who will probably only go down in history for being the first black president and for patching up a few holes so as to keep things afloat long enough for the next guy to come in and fix the raft, but that’s all I’m seeing for his presidency. It’s like buying snakes on 4th of July when you’re a kid. You see the box and you’re like, “FUCK YA! FIREWORKS THAT I CAN PLAY WITH?! AND THEY’RE SNAKE FIREWORKS?! THAT’S GOTTA BE BADASS!!” Then you light it on fire and out rolls a fucking turd which gives you a few giggles and leaves that one little mark on the porch that will ensure it’s always remembered, but it definitely wasn't what you had expected and you didn't really enjoy it all that much.