Idea: on the 13th of every month, we share stories of our dumbassery and other things. Specifically from when we where a child.
When I was 2, I wanted to hold my newborn baby sister. I dropped her on her head and called her heavy before walking away.
Also when I was 2, I chopped all my hair off by myself.
We used to have really aggressive chickens. We had ten, it was like the Mafia, how you've got the really high up bosses, and then there's the "soldiers"
These chickens had sharp as fuck beaks. I have some cousins who live in a town that is in central north of my state which is a really hot place to live, so they used to come down her every summer in Australia.
I had a rule. If the chickens where out, I stayed in. One day, my kite was outside, and one of my said cousins, who was like, 14 at the time, and I was maybe 4-6 years old? Was gonna take all us kids to the park, and I wanted to fly my kite. But the chickens were out. We'll call him L. L asked me why I was just standing at the backdoor looking longingly out, and I explained my dilemma to him. So he decides to carry me to my kite so I can grab it and we can go. But as we are walking, one of these little shits of a chicken jumps up and attacks his cheek. He starts bleeding, it's not that bad but it freaked him out so much, he dropped me onto the ground where I was surounded, as if tho in a pit, of these chickens. Luckily his mum was watch from our laundry which had a door to our back yard and she came running out with a broom to beat the chickens off with.
When I was four, I was bitten by a snake.
When I was 3, my uncle full on yeeted me across the room, later telling my grandfather he wanted me to hit the wall. we don't talk to him anymore, and all my family members have agreed that it is an unwritten rule to not invite him to Christmas.
6-7 months after being bitten by the snake, my aunty took me and 2 of my sisters, lets call them G and A. G is older than me by five years, A is younger than me by 3. ( She was born a month before my birthday.) To a petting zoo with a snake inclosure. My gran (we were staying with her) gave G $10 to buy us an ice-cream each and these little bags of chickens seed the place sold so you could feed the chickens. (Thankfully, not agressive ones.) There was a cafe platform thingo that my aunty was sitting at which was maybe 100 m away from us. (109 yards for Americans or people who don't use the metric system.)
There was an artificial lake that they dried up during droughts. This was during a very bad drought. The chickens are near this dried up lake, so little 5 y/o me is just thinking, in my tiny brain "what if a chicken fell in there? They must be hungry!" And this lake is lined with rocks, so I go stand on one and to my horror, and I mean, any adult seeing this would be thinking 'holy shit, I am literally within an inch of death, holy fuck.'
There is a red belly black snake. They are some of the most poisonous snakes in Australia. In fact, quick little Google will tell you it's in the TOP TEN LIST OF MOST DANGEROUS SNAKES IN AUSTRALIA.
One of my uncles is a professional snake catcher, and told us how to react if a snake is near us, and thank fuck that didn't leave my brain. Snakes don't have very good eyesight, apparently? That's just according to him, don't @ me. So he told us to stay very still.
I do this, and in doing so, terrify my sister, G. So she starts calling my name from the time, which was Emma, and is trying to get me to go back to her. I start walking back as slowly as possible after a few minutes and tell her there is a snake there, it's looking at me, and it's black with a red stomache. She's all like 'fuck you, no there's not.' so I tell her "go see for yourself then!" So she does and has the same reaction as me. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold back A, who loves snakes, and doesn't realise how bad it could be if she sees it.
G comes back and decides what to do next. which is go to my aunty who was watching us but couldn't see the snake. We tell my au Ty, she tells the cashier. The cashier explains that he's not qualified to take care of it, but his manager is. So he gets his manager, who comes out with a rubber sack and a grabby thing, and the manager gets G to show him where the snake is. After 45 mins if searching, they come back and say to my aunty "I have 2 things to tell you. One, we couldn't find the snake, and 2, we don't own that type of snake."
He spent 6 months searching for it before finding it in the rabbit inclosure.
Between the ages of 1-6, I had a licking batteries phase. I would claim they tasted good. Better yet, I did it facing a wall in our hallway with the lights off.
When I was seven, I really liked playing outside. One day, it was raining, so I couldn't go outside. So I waited patiently inside. My mum had the front door open, but the flyscreen shut, because I liked watching the rain hit the ground.
I had grabbed something to eat, but noticed the rain had stopped. So I started running for the outside world. And no one warned me. They all thought I was gonna stop and open it. They thought I could see it. (This story should've been a dead giveaway that I have shitty eyesight in hindsight.)
I ran straight through the flyscreen door, and went splat face first on the concrete.
Let this post be a warning I'm pretty fucking stupid.
