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Asher (5 y.o): *runs up to Hunter with an excited smile*

Ba’vodu Hunter: *smiling real big* Little Man!

Asher: *goes for a fist bump*

Hunter: *bumps Asher’s tiny fist* What’s up, bud?

Asher: *turns his fist over*

*opens it*

*a frog jumps out on Hunter*

Hunter: What’s tha—AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

#remember that post where a frog hops into the house out of Cyare’s garden and Hunter is terrified XD #he does not like frogs XD #anyway everyone calls Asher ‘Little Man’😭#ba’vodu hunter #uncle hunter #ba’vodu bad batch #papa hunterverse #ramser’ika #little man #it is asher loving hours #crosshair’s bebos #sniper shenanigans #he is crosshair’s son through and through #sergeant hunter #hunter bad batch #tbb hunter #hunter tbb #it’s a lil thing

Other Parents vs Crosshair

I told you sniper baby shenanigans.

• Seeing your child pointing a gun

Other Parents: Oh my God, put that down, PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW, where did you even get that—!!??

Crosshair: *not even glancing up from his paper* Keida, don’t shoot your brothers, it’s nine in the morning.

Crosshair: *witnessing Asher and Keida sitting quietly on the couch with seemingly nothing amiss* Hey kids. Dinner in five.

Keida: Yeah okay.

Asher: Thank you, father.

Crosshair: *walks away, feeling suspicious*

Asher: *immediately lets out a panicked breath, checks underneath the cushion to behold Jude laying motionless* *panicking* You think we gave him a concussion???

Keida: *shrugs* I think for his own good, he’s dead.

Asher, on the verge of tears, shuffling into Keida’s room at 11:55 at night with his datapad in hand: Hi.

Keida: Bug bro? What’s wrong??

Asher: *sniffling* I forgot to do my Duolingo lessons all day and now it’s too late.

Keida: What language?

Asher, barely holding it together: Porgunese. I was doing so good.

Keida: *holding out her hand* How long as the streak?

Asher, now full on crying: Five-hundred days.

Keida: Stop your crying. I’m a speedster. I can do it.

Asher: ?? You don’t know Porgunese though.

Keida: I do, actually! I learnt it like a week ago when Dad was giving me some boring lecture on responsibility or whatever. I learn at super speed. Give it here.

Asher: *reluctantly hands over his datapad*

Asher: Wait… did you learn this just so you could impress Jude? You know how much he loves Porgs—

Keida: !!!

Keida: …

Keida: I have no personal ties to that young man whatsoever.

Keidala, doing a presentation: You’ve heard about daddy and mommy issues, now I give you- *shows a picture of herself* big sister issues.

Asher: What??

Crosshair: Say no more, I’m convinced.

Baby Jude: *blissfully unaware*

Keidala: Oh my gods, Asher, what is wrong with you?

Asher: Well, I’m far-sighted to start with—

Keida: That’s not what I meant.

Jude: *interjecting* It’s okay, I’m autistic too!!!

Asher: *squinting* What is Autistic and why am I it.

Keidala:

Jude:

Asher:

Asher: What?

Keida: Did Dad genuinely never get you diagnosed? Or explain why you’re so much like him?

Asher: Diagnosed? I’m not ill. And I’m like father because I’m his son.

Keida: That explains so much.

Asher: *getting irritated* What does that mean?

Jude: *marveling* He’s just like papa!!

Keida: Mhmm, bug bro, we need to take you to a specialist.

Asher, stubbornly: I am not ill.

Keida: I’ve got a PowerPoint—

Jude: Don’t worry Ash!! You’re still the awesomest, bestest brother ever—

Keida: This is giving me flashbacks to when we got Jude his ADHD diagnosis.

Asher: What is autistic and what does that have to do with me?!

Keida: *continues to ignore him while pulling up her presentation*

Asher: *crosses his arms* Fine, show me your PowerPoint. Do you have one on sociopathy too?

Keida: Oh, yeah. Anxiety and depression too, if we’re counting all of our mental illnesses. Shoutout to Dad!

*four hours later*

Asher: *pointedly* Father, I think you should seek professional help for your numerous mental health problems. Also I believe I should get screened for Autism.

Asher: Alright baby bro, time for bed. *throws 3 y.o Jude over his shoulder into bed but in slow motion while making sounds like a ship is crashing*

Jude: *giggling*

Asher: *stops mid-throw* Wait, wait, just to be safe— *pulls a toy grenade from his pocket* In case there are any monsters. *throws the grenade under the bed*

Keida: AAAAAHH WHAT THE FU— *frantically trying to crawl out*

Jude: *shrieks happily*

Keidala: *sees Asher and Jude being quiet and minding their own business*

Keidala: *inwardly, to herself* Hit them. Tackle them to the ground.