A Snob's Guide to MLS: Choosing Your Team
By Dan Vaughn
I love English Premier League football. I consider it the best soccer league in the world, each team filled with the best talent in the world. But, as an American, I feel some obligation to support the North American professional league, MLS. But choosing to delve into an unknown league, then picking a team (particularly if one lives far from a team’s location) and trying to follow their players, can be a daunting task. Why do I root for Manchester United in the EPL? Because they happened to be playing in the first soccer match I watched. Had I known more background on the club, there is a solid chance I would be a Villa or Blackburn supporter. Instead, now three years removed from my first exposure, I am a Red Devil fan through and through. So with my EPL experience in mind, I decided to delve into the teams that make up the MLS, sort out the Conferences, pinpoint the bright spots and write it up in an understandable way for you, the new MLS fan.
Consider the following article a primer for choosing your MLS club to root for: Basic background information on the club, a tidbit or two of trivia, maybe a hint of history, and the best player on the team. In no way should this article be considered the ultimate source of information concerning MLS.
MLS Eastern Conference
Chicago Fire
Obviously named after the Great Fire of 1871, the team was formally established on the infamous anniversary date in 1997. The Fire’s original coach was Bob Bradley, the current coach for the U.S. National Team. The Fire have always been a competitive team, only missing the playoffs twice in their 13 year history (2004, 2010). When theteam was in development, Nike, the club’s equipment company, wanted the team to be called the Rhythm (can’t imagine a more shitty name...Wait, the Utah Jazz). But, without Nike’s approval or knowledge, the team worked with other designers to create the current logo and concept. Taking on the establishment, what’s not to love about that?
Best player: Marco Pappa
Columbus Crew
While I dislike their club name due to how entirely nondescript it is (really? Why not the Cohort? or Clan? or Company?), the people of Columbus are the ones to blame. The name of the team was selected as a result of a fan poll. An interesting fact: Columbus’ biggest rival is Toronto FC. Annually, they compete for the Trillium Cup, named after the official flower of Ontario and the Ohio state wild flower. I can’t think of anything more odd than a yearly soccer competition named after a flower. After several years of non-competitive seasons, the Crew have made the playoffs the last three years, winning the division once and claiming the Cup in 2008.
Best Player: Robbie Rogers
pictured: a soccer rivalry
D.C. United
Probably the most successful club in MLS history, having won 4 MLS Cups and a CONCACAF Champions Cup (that fact shocked the hell out of me). However, the last couple of years have been disappointing ones for this franchise. Some hope is invested in 2010‘s Rookie of the Year, midfielder Andy Najar, a product of United’s youth development program. The club are currently sponsored by Volkswagen, who paid 14 million dollars for 5 years of chest rights. Because of this sponsorship, the first 50 Volkswagens at each home game get free parking. My favorite fact in writing this entire article.
Best Player: Charlie Davies (on loan with the club currently)
Houston Dynamo
Dynamo were originally the San Jose Earthquakes, relocating to Houston in 2005. Apparently, the change of hometowns was an instant success, as the team won the MLS Cup in 2006 and 2007. Since then, the Dynamo have shown permanent success, consistently qualifying for the playoffs, Open Cup and CONCACAF tournaments. When the team was originally established, it was named Houston 1836, a reference to the founding of the city. However, the year also marks Texas’ Independence from Mexico, which was not as well received by the city’s large Hispanic population. Of course, the name Dynamo is a reference to the power companies based in Houston, but it is also tied to several traditional soccer clubs in the Russian leagues. The Dynamo have two supporting groups: El Batallón and Texian Army.
Best Player: Geoff Cameron (supplied by Sam Cooke, the biggest fan of Houston I know)
pictured: Big-time fútbol fan
New England Revolution
Ok. I have written about every team in MLS and none of them have a story like the Revolution. In 2008, while flying across the country, a man on their flight got up, began undressing and headed to the emergency exit to apparently go for a naked swan dive. The team subdued him while the flight was diverted. Patriots all of them (they are owned by NFL Patriots’ owner, Robert Craft)! While they may be great at stopping lunatics on planes, the Revolution have yet to win a Cup, though they are one of the original ten teams. They, much like the Buffalo Bills, have reached 4 Finals, only to fall short. Their last appearance was in 2007 and since then, the team has sunk lower each year. In 2010, the club finished 6th in the conference, their lowest finish since 1998.
Best Player: Shalarie Joseph
New York Red Bulls
One of the first ten MLS teams, The Red Bulls were originally the MetroStars. In 2006, they were purchased the drink maker, Red Bull, leading to the name and badge change. The Red Bulls have showcased world soccer stars both on the rise and on the decline including, most recently, Thierry Henry. Henry is the current captain and almost certainly the best player on the squad. However, Juan Angudelo, an up-and-coming striker from the U-20 U.S. team, is the one to watch for fans of the USMNT. The Red Bulls play their home matches in a completely privately funded stadium, built in 2007, Red Bull Arena. Things are looking up for the club, having won the division last year, after many years of middle-of-the-pack finishes.
Best Player: Thierry Henry
not pictured: the entire nation of Ireland crying
Philadelphia Union
One of the youngest of the MLS teams, the Union have a horrible name. Horrible. It’s sad, because everything else about the team is awesome. A group of soccer fans, The Sons of Ben (a reference to Ben Franklin), began petitioning MLS for a franchise in 2007. The next year, MLS awarded the city a franchise. The team is entirely themed around the role of Philadelphia in the American Revolution. The badge features a snake coiled around a soccer ball, a reference to Ben Franklin’s famous political cartoon.The colors chosen for their kit are the colors of the Continental Army. The name “Union” was chosen to represent the “union” of 13 states into a nation. Are you a red-blooded American? What’s not to love about this club? This is my new favorite team!
Best Player: Sébastien Le Toux (funny, their best player is French)
Sporting Kansas City
Few teams have had a name go from liability to respectability as quick as the soccer club from KC. Founded in 1995, the team was originally known as...wait for it... the...Wiz. Their team name was a word my brothers and I used to describe piss until we were teenagers. From the Wiz, they became the Wizards, and, finally (and respectably), in 2010, they became Sporting KC. Naming a club Sporting is a European tradition that signifies that the soccer club is part of a wider collection of clubs form other sports. Kansas City plans on adding rugby and lacrosse in the future. Sporting KC has some tradition of success in the past, including a Cup win in 2000; however, the last couple of years have ended in bottom-of-the-standings records.
Best Player: Omar Bravo
Toronto FC
Toronto may be a wreck of a franchise, but the club has one of the best followings of all the MLS clubs. The club has completely sold its 16,000 season tickets, with over 10,000 people on the waiting list. Dwayne De Rosario, who helped lead the Houston Dynamo to their first two Cups, now plays for TFC. Sadly, at the rate Toronto is losing games, he may never see another Cup. De Rosario is probably the best current Canadian footballer and has attracted some attention from European clubs, including Celtic. I have mocked several of the “anthems” for other clubs, but Toronto’s, written by the Barenaked Ladies, is actually really great. I could see myself screaming this at a match without reservations.
Best Player: Dwayne De Rosario
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysYZfmFYAQg&feature=related
In Two Days: The Western Conference
Thanks for Randall Monty and Sam Cooke with some help on a couple clubs.
Thanks to an Anonymous reader for pointing out an error in this piece. It has been corrected.