Unknown Unknowns
at least this christmas present will arrive on time. for aulora. on ao3.
here's to the ones who choked on three little words.
“Fuck you for doing this to me again Jim,” Bones quietly slurs into Jim’s neck as the newly healed Captain of the Enterprise and Savior of the Federation™ half-drags, half-carries him to his quarters. Jim’s almost tempted to leave his drunken mess of a friend there on the floor (don’t want to know his misery), when Bones starts again “You don’t think you put anyone through hell when you leave do you,” he says, as if he were talking about the weather.
“Fuck you for that too Jim.”
Jim turns on his heel and runs.
*
It’s almost hilarious that it took several glasses of whiskey for Bones to even notice the elephant in the room. Wouldn’t want to put that kind of pressure their Savior. On Jim.
*
The next morning Bones wakes to pure, clean, artificial daylight and he groans. The sound echoes in the small room, a reminder that there’s no one to answer. Replicating some painkillers he downs them like they’re water (bourbon).
It’s alright.
*
On his way out Leonard nearly slams into Jim coming off from the Gamma shift.
Jim switches on his thousand watt smile, even though he still looks about to collapse. He’s so bright it hurts to stare. “Hey, Bones, you okay?” Do you remember?
“Yeah”
He doesn’t know.
*
Over the next month Jim’s away missions trickle down to almost nothing.
Leonard would notice, except he’s up to his elbows in his crewmate’s guts on nearly every mission. Fatalities go up by 33.469%. There’s a cold dark thing that’s wormed its way between the Enterprise’s Captain and her CMO. No one wants to comment.
*
Now the times Leonard drinks are the times Jim’s with him. Toasting the victories, drowning the losses. The usual fare, when aboard the flagship of a paramilitary organization.
But more and more often, Leonard sleeps through the night without the aid of something stronger. Sometimes even with a smile on his face.
More and more often, Jim’s the one getting drunk (don’t let your hands shake Jimmy boy, don’t show any fear).
Guess he’s found someone better to go to.
*
Jim takes the next mission.
* And the next.
* And the next.
*
Spock’s dragging the captain through the underbrush, aiming bursts of light over his shoulder. An ensign goes down. Then a lieutenant. All the while blood gurgles out of Jim’s mouth, and he isn’t even conscious of all those that have died for him (again).
*
“Breathe Captain!”
Breathe.
Strange, Spock almost sounds panicked.
Breathe.
*
A cloth rubs over his burning forehead, and he can feel the uncomfortable pulling as his skin knits itself together.
He drinks the water at his lips. It tastes a bit coppery.
Breathe.
“Dammit Jim, don’t fucking die on me!” * And he’s gone baby gone.
*
Now Leonard has no one to carry him home. Acting Captain Spock refuses to can him. Lieutenant Uhura doesn’t trust herself to speak.
* He’ll never be Bones again.
