#social aversion

[eldritchbauble]

Best way I can describe social aversion (because people constantly equate it to social anxiety or being overstimulated by people or something it's not) is like, yes I get stressed from having to interact, but it's not anxiety. It's the kind of stressed you get from having to chronically perform demanding tasks. And it's almost every time in almost every context. I can have known you for literally half my life and love you and I'm going to be weird about interacting because it's taxing for me regardless. It's not personal. And it is in fact not because I'm really worried about people judging me or the potential for being embarrassed. It's just that socializing is a fucking task.

[eldritchbauble]

Shoutout to people who are not just a little awkward or socially anxious but extremely averse to interacting with strangers. Averse. Averse to people. Who don't necessarily get nervous, but absolutely hate interacting with people they're not already close to. Who get mislabeled as shy or quiet when they're not. Who get pushed to socialize in settings they hate because people think it's "good for them" and think they're "helping" them come out of their shell. Shoutout to people who are off-putting and unapproachable by design. Who find interacting with people tedious and unbearable specifically because they do not like people. Whether it's because of autism, or being schizospec, or antisocial or some unknown or undisclosed reason. Who (rightfully) feel like they should have the right to be left alone and don't owe random people in public their time and attention. You're not the only one.

[twillpast]

I'm having a don't want people kind of day. Work was hectic and the phones wouldn't stop ringing, I hate phones. Didn't refill my pill keychain apparently so I had an alprazolam for the morning but not the afternoon. Kinda turned into a butterfingered basketcase. So happy to be home now. No more people, no more interaction. Imma hole myself up in the bedroom and let the world disappear. At least until tomorrow comes. Then the whole cycle repeats itself.

I almost wonder if I might not find people so aversive if I wasn't overwhelmed by them almost every day. Maybe, maybe not. Who's to say, I can't really test the theory since I need every penny I can get in my paycheck, but it's an interesting though to ponder on.