I'm processing the PTSD support group I went to yesterday.
It made me realize again how much of a social "bubble" I'm in most of the time. When I tried to explain that I use he/him pronouns, everyone was so confused. I think most of the people there had never heard of trans people before or met anyone who used different pronouns than the ones that are typically used for their agab. I think some of them didn't even know what the word "pronoun" means.(I'm not judging! This is just an observation.) It made me wish for a support group with other queer people, a support group in my bubble. And that's when it hit me: it was so fucking traumatizing for me that the rape happened within my bubble. I felt safe and at home in my little queer community. I let my guard down and trusted the people there. Being raped by someone in this community - and then having so many people from the community support my rapist... That really fucked me up more than the rape alone would have.
Apart from that I found the atmosphere a little weird but I think that was mostly because there was no moderation. (Apparently there's someone who leads the meetings normally but they weren't there today.) I felt the urge to go into therapist mode and lead the meeting but tried not to do that.
The other people there were mostly people who were traumatized years or even decades ago but still suffer from PTSD. Many of the people there are unable to work, live in institutions and talked about how their trauma has changed them and their lifes forever. And that scared me to be honest. I hope I won't still suffer from this in a couple of years! I hope my life won't be forever ruined by this.
All in all I felt kinda uncomfortable there. But at the same time it was helpful to be in a room with other people who understand this kind of pain.
I don't know if it's right for me but I'll definitely give it another try!
