During the presentation, it was what stuck to me the most. Funny how our topic is about conformity and obedience YET even us conform with the rest of the class.
The discussion was filled with lessons and guidance. It made us see what areas we lacked effort on and which part we can improve ourselves. Truly a light and hopeful moment to end whatever that week was.
Simon says... speak your truth— and the truth is to look no further for examples because we are here.
The past year has been rough. There were moments when I felt like I had already had enough, wanting to stay in the shadows, to hide until I grew tired of everything. But along the way, I realized I wasn’t alone. The people I was with showed me that. Because of them, I slowly shaped myself into someone I wasn’t before but in a good way. I learned how to trust a little more, how to open up, and how to let people in. I still struggle with all of these, but slowly and surely, I’m trying.
Like what Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man said in his own film and again in Spider-Man: No Way Home, “Trying to do better.” That’s something I want to keep learning, to be better, not because I have to, but because I genuinely want to. I also learned that I don't have to always keep everything within myself until I break, it's best to remember to also breathe. Which then led me to this question, if things were different, would I had the guts and find my voice, to open up, and tell my story? Or would I still be in the same place?
But I know now, that things have changed, I'm no longer alone.
That child is still within me,
But now, I know she isn't weak for remembering,
The pain may still visit, not to wound me,
But to be a reminder of how I was deeply loved,
Which is why, I open my heart again, not out of fear,
But of strength, in knowing that losing someone,
Could never take my capacity to love.
Sus, kahangak! Ako pamaol after this was so bad. Lesson learned: mag try na to be more active. Ay kuyaw— nag una ang lesson kesas experience!
As the last group facilitation and last class meeting, it didn't fail to be as engaging as the previous meetings. Once again, the day was spent in fun and in healthy competition.
As the third group to play (2nd round), our group was able to huddle together and plan accordingly based sa strategies na amo nakita na gibuhat sa first two groups. Their activity really embodied how group dynamics should work in order to be successful. Kay from our short meeting, we established na one mouth is enough to instruct willing ears. So that's what we did. We focused on listening and balancing the ball together; we chose to work as one.
And the effort wasn't lost kay WE WON!! and with leading points from all the other groups! tatlong bagsak para sa red team.
From that activity, we learned the importance of working in harmony with others. It made us realize na everyone's contribution is important so we did our best to match each other's efforts.
Pero feel nako mas dako input ang amo team buff, si miss Barbs! 😝
This may be true for some people who knows me well. As for me, all I can say is... ion kno 🤷♀️.
Wala eh. Self-aware pero batak rin mag self-doubt. Sarili laban sa sarili. #chooseyourbattle.
For the sake of the topic and from the instances I can recall na I can say I was indeed patient— let's just say I am patient. Now, back to the point before I completely forget the spiel I have in mind.
No one has truly lived a simple and peaceful life. Even the most kindest person will have their moment of selfishness, or even the most strongest person will have their time of weakness. Point is— you will always have that moment that will make you do things or say things that you know is so far from you.
As for me... uhh.. ang dami. lol #feeling silly. #tao lang.
What stuck with me the most from the discussion we had about helping and peacemaking, is the fact that life will have a little less problem if we don't live with pride.
Be the bigger person.
Forgive and forget.. or not. Take it as a lesson, but let go of the pride.
Which is so yesii because I have been doing exactly that all my life. Or maybe, I just don't have the energy to hold onto unnecessary problems. :P
There was a moment during a trip when I found myself standing near the sea, watching the waves move without urgency, and for the first time in a while, I felt still. Nature has a way of softening the noise inside me, reminding me that I don’t always have to rush or explain who I am. In those moments, I learned that being surrounded by nature helps me reconnect with myself, that relationships are built and strengthened through the simplest shared experiences long walks, shared meals, comfortable silence and that spending time alone is not a sign of distance but a form of care. It taught me that self-time allows me to return to others with more patience, understanding, and presence. Yet, I still find myself wanting to learn more about how these shared journeys shape the way we love and connect, and how solitude quietly prepares us to be better for the people who matter most.
One question that stays with me is; How can I continue to nurture meaningful relationships while also protecting the quiet moments that help me grow, heal, and stay grounded?
In the end, I realized that some of the most important lessons come from moments that feel small—standing by the sea, sharing food, sitting with myself—yet leave the deepest mark on who I am becoming.
We have been talking a lot about attraction and love, how it could look like, which extends does it have and so on and so forth. Whereas we also know that both phenomena have its dark side. How does one behave when love is gone; how should one explain that there is no attraction anymore? Science knows how it hurts when it comes to breaking-up. That is why it is here to help.
There are some breaking-ups and dissolution strategies that are taking place in scientific research of a relevant fields. It is said that there are three main topics among scholars to study in this regard: reasons or predictors of disengagement, its process and its consequences. Here, I would like to look closer on the second topic – process of disengagement which are exact strategies scientifically explored.
What do we know about breaking-up strategies?
Leslie A. Baxter were interested in behavioral strategies which let people disengage from ongoing relationships for many reasons. Based on research[1] made with 29 volunteers aged 18-29 who have experienced the break-up within 12 months, Baxter made several prominent assumptions. In particular, Baxter has formulated some trajectories of disengagement. It is important to note that every disengagement strategy has some basic features two of which is directedness or indirectness and self- or other-orientation. It can be clearly seen at the scheme presented below:
Baxter’s model of disengagement strategies
Orientation is responsible for avoiding hurt for one party. When the strategy is self-oriented – one party does not provide care for another party; but when the strategy is other-oriented one party express sadness and tend to support feelings of another party. Directness means openness and explicit explanation on why disengagement is taken place. When strategy is indirect one party provide no explanation and just tend to stop relationships.
Another scholar Michael J. Cody made a five-factor typology of breaking up strategies. Here is what he came up with: positive tone, justification, de-escalation, behavioral de-escalation, negative identity management. Each strategy has its implications and its realization highly depends on what type of relationship does one has.
Positive tone is the situations when one initiates a break-up but express caring towards another party. Justification means that one clarifies reasons of why he or she initiate disengagement. De-escalation is the strategy of decreasing the number of meetings. Behavioral de-escalation strategy presents no explanation for breaking-up but simple avoidance. Negative identity management takes place when lack of concern and strong dislike exist between two parties. M. Cody also states that the more one feel intimacy toward relationship more one prefers first three strategies of disengagement. Conversely, when one does not feel intimacy and even dislike he or she is likely to implement two letter strategies. There is an assumption that intimacy was expected to have influence on the selection of strategy. And it was generally confirmed: people who disengage from intimate relationships feel obliged to explain the intention to end relationships. Therefore, they tend to choose among first three strategies.[2]
So, it is just a small bit of insight to the whole new world of disengagement and breaking-ups. Science does study it, it does come up with assumptions, typologies and clarifications. However new strategies are inventing every time and what does science have to say about ghosting as a new type of disengagement strategy?
Ghosting is a new avoidance?
It is interesting how technologies change our lives. Even love could find its beginning and end online, and online dimension presents lots of opportunities for us to disengage. Why not?
Have you ever heard of ghost strategy to break-up? No, it’s not like that in the movie Ghost (because even become a Ghost Sam is stick to other-oriented and direct strategy). It is more like to disappear, to avoid someone but in a more actual and modern sense, even with use (or actually not-use of technologies). So, what it is about? Briefly, cutting off all the contact with person.
Scientists say that disengagement strategies which uses texting, messages and so on – are the «least caring and compassionate» meaning indirect and self-oriented strategy. Ghosting is always initiate through media – texts, voice calls, e-mails.
In the study[3] or American scholars, ghosting is presented as a strategy of dissolution which are mostly spread among emerging adults. When ghosting takes place, it means that one wants to disappear, avoid someone to stop «no-more-desired» relationships. There are three important steps in ghosting strategy:
to select a medium via which breaking-up will take place (social media, e-mail, voice message…)
to choose an interval – will your ghosting be sudden or gradual?
to decide on ghosting continuity – will it be short or long-term?
Why young people choose ghosting over disengagement? Well, there are some reasons such as convenience (easier way), attractiveness (no reasons to meet anymore), negatively valanced interaction (no longer), relationship state (short time relationships) and safety (self-protection). These reasons present quite a vague list and in essence tell us that time has changed and today we just use the most comfortable way to go through this unpleasant situation as breaking-up.
What is so distinctive about ghosting strategies is that one who is ghosted often leaves with great deal of uncertainty and as a rule does not know what is happening[4]. Moreover, it closely connected with ITCs which allows people to make breaking-up without stepping into explanation and making statement in personal life about decision to break up.
It is interesting that nevertheless ghosting is a new strategy, in 2019 study[5] 23% of participants were reported that they have been ghosted, and 18,9% said that they have ghosted someone in romantic relationships. What is more interesting, is that scholars have some assumptions to made on destiny beliefs and attitudes toward ghosting. Those participants who have stronger destiny belief and think that relationship is also destined have positive attitude toward ghosting. Because why should I bother when its predefined? (Do you believe in destiny?)
For me, ghosting strategy does not seem like something worse performing to someone (if it is not the case of extraordinary disrespectful situation). First, it leaves ghosted person with feeling of uncertainty. Second, ghosting person has no chance to put reasons in words and explain properly the decision. So why not to put in at least openly?
[1] Baxter L. A. Trajectories of relationship disengagement //Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. – 1984. – Т. 1. – №. 1. – С. 29-48.
[2] Cody M. J. A typology of disengagement strategies and an examination of the role intimacy, reactions to inequity and relational problems play in strategy selection //Communication Monographs. – 1982. – Т. 49. – №. 3. – С. 148-170.
[3] LeFebvre L. E. et al. Ghosting in emerging adults’ romantic relationships: The digital dissolution disappearance strategy //Imagination, Cognition and Personality. – 2019. – С. 0276236618820519.
[4] Freedman G. et al. Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting //Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. – 2019. – Т. 36. – №. 3. – С. 905-924.
[5] Freedman G. et al. Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting //Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. – 2019. – Т. 36. – №. 3. – С. 905-924.
