I am a muse. I say it is the most intimate relationship you could ever be in. Creators hold inspiration very dear to them and in order to inspire them, I hold them very dear to me.
My art is how I inspire others.
My job is to make non living things living. And my purpose is to express my mind on my body. What you see is how I really am. What you don’t see is that I have two personas. One behind the camera and one in front of it and they both intertwine to make up myself. I do dress like this daily and when I am dressed casual in jeans and a tee shirt there is still something over the top about it (but just know I don’t feel like myself dressed in jeans and a tee shirt). But what you don’t see is how I am before and after the camera is on.
I am a performer really. On camera I turn into someone else. That is something you will only see if you are on set with me. It is very easy to make the assumption that this character you see in front of a camera is really how I am. It is very easy to fantasize about what I could be like based off of my expression. It is not easy to get inside and see that I am just a pure human and a lady underneath all of it. I am very light hearted, feminine, delicate, careful, goofy, persistent, precise, driven and very unsure in new situations.
I give myself to the art freely but I do not give myself in real life. Maybe this persona I create on camera is my defense so I don’t feel hurt again. In real life, I am very detached and self committed. What you see is real, it is under the surface. And that is something that isn’t given freely outside of my art. In order to get all of me, you must create with me or know enough of me. In order to get what you see of me, you must treat me special and cherish what I have to offer. Because what I have to offer is all of me, both sides, and that is the most expensive gift I have to offer that can only be bought with trust.