the intimacy of understanding
contains: depressed!reader, soft!hollis, bullying, insecurity, numbness
a/n: when ur tt fyp is sad so u hit flow state
masterlist (men), masterlist 2 (wlw), taglist
Today wasn’t a good day for you.
the constant stress of being picked and prodded by the internet finally got to you.
you had to walk into your photoshoot with your head held high, knowing the second the photo hit the internet your mind would be loud again.
you were still learning to be more in the spotlight since you and Hollis had just confirmed your relationship to the internet.
your inbox on instagram was 50/50, some would be sweet messages and the others would be the nastiest thing known to man.
but everyday you woke up and you kept pushing. trying to remind yourself that these are random people and there’s so much more to you than what the internet knows.
but everyday it grew harder and harder, you were hearing more bad things about yourself than good, things were getting pointed out that you had never even noticed before.
the shoot went fine, the makeup covered up every dull spot on your face - making you seem completely fine. like you weren’t wallowing in self pity when in reality you were.
you didn’t talk to anyone about it. complaining about it felt wrong - you had so much to be grateful for, so much opportunity, so much love in your heart, you had so many blessings, complaining about it felt like you would sound ungrateful.
it beat the hell out of you, upon arriving home you sat on your couch - staring at the white wall across from you.
your ears rang, your eyes were dry, your body was limp and your mind was silent.
not silent in a good way, silent in a bad way. not one thought would form, not one memory, not one good thing that had happened.
you were stuck in a dark space by people who didn’t even know you.
didn’t know your true smile, didn’t know your heart, your soul, your kindness. nothing. they knew nothing.
your phone buzzing breaks the trance you were in, you flip it around to see Hollis' name across the screen.
you mindlessly pick the phone up, taking a deep breath in - ready to put your front back up.
the second you heard Hollis’ soft voice you broke, the front was weak, no tears fell down your cheeks, everything was just shallow.
It's like his voice touched your heart in a way nothing else did.
“What's wrong baby?” he asks.
your tone was empty, your voice was hollow. like a corpse, there was no emotion, there was no y/n.
“Nothing, just tired” you reply.
still fighting every ounce of you that couldn’t hide the sadness running through your veins.
“baby i know you, i know something’s up. talk to me.” His voice was soft and refreshing, the world around you was collapsing and he was hovering over you, protecting you from the debris flying around you.
“It's stupid.” a warm tear finally fell down your face, you still sat on the couch completely lifeless, you hadn't moved, hadn't looked away from the white, empty wall in front of you.
“no it’s not, if it doesn’t make you feel good it’s not stupid.”
his words strike you in the chest, the overwhelming feeling of guilt flushing out of you.
he made it okay, he made it feel like even if you were “ungrateful” to others you weren’t to him. He made you feel human again.
“I'm just so tired of everything, I'm tired of people being mean.” Your voice trembles as you speak, trying to keep the brave tone but absolutely nothing could save it in that moment.
hollis stops for a second - he doesn’t say anything, then finally words flow out of his mouth.
“That's not stupid pretty girl, you’re human. you're allowed to be upset when people are mean. You don’t need to hide.”
the words pour out of his mouth so effortlessly, like a fact that was written down on paper.
“i know but - i just - i don’t know.” speaking was harder than it had ever been, like you were on stage with a million people staring at you. the tears fell harder, faster. you didn’t wipe them, you just avoided them.
“relax your mind sweetheart, it’s just me. no media, no work, no judgment.”
your mind comes back to earth a little bit. You take a shaky, hollow, deep breath.
“I just feel like - i have too much to be grateful for to be sad about some random people saying stuff. it happens to everyone but it still feels like everything around me is breaking.”
The pain in your voice is like the ones you see on movie screens, it's raw - it’s reality.
“no matter how much money you have, how much fame, how many people around you. You're still human, you still get sick, you still laugh, you still cry, you still live.”
Hollis spoke like a prophet. like he was connected to the universe.
“It's just stupid” you plea.
“It's not stupid, it matters to you and that’s important.”
“Can I come sit with you?” he asks.
“mhm” you hum in response.
he doesn’t hang up the phone, he stays on the line. Small sniffles and breaths fill the quiet space around you.
As soon as you hear him say he’s there you dart to the door, like your bodies are connected, as if you needed him the way you need the air you breathe.
the door opens, your bodies connect like magnets.
he holds your back, one hand rested on your shoulder - the other gently stroking your hair.
His soft touch brings you back to earth.
your body falls limp against him, he gently and slowly slides down against the door, sitting you both on the cold hardwood floor.
everything around you slowly began feeling real again, his warm touches and kisses, the cold floor against you, the cars driving down the street.
he held you tight, not letting you go in the slightest.
he held you until you fell asleep in his arms, gently whispering the words “i love you” as you drifted off.
tags: @sweet2sin @suxyio @some1plzwakemeupalr @222cellmate @supersecretgirly @girl2bad @chessasrose @luvvconceal @swaggotsnoticeswaggots @theyluvcece00 @l0v3rgrr1 @postbodyarchive @kingoveverything @all2-s @natesibsdih @swagonometryfr @honeyperched @swagmastergenerall @samisobased @jjscoquette @fawnyboibeauty @sippingonsin @holilove @heart-of-promises @ibelieveinfairyz @7thstrunner @2005irlfawn
