house as a girldad? 🩷
I could've written my entire university thesis on this. I have a post here that highlights a few of my main headcanons/scenes I imagine, but if we're taking emotionally/in-depth takes, stick around... House never wanted kids. He'd said it his whole life. Growing up with John was already motivation enough to skip out on that biological milestone. We know that any child House has would be an accident* *Although, how joking was joking when Cuddy was looking for a sperm donor...? HOWEVER. He's also so much more of a sentimentalist than he'd ever be willing to admit, and it would show the most if he had a daughter. What starts out as begrudging assumption of his fatherly duties would almost immediately turn into genuine joy, especially after he realises that he can get out of almost every other responsibility as long as his excuse involves his daughter. Clinic duty? Can't—gotta pick her up from school. Late-night paperwork? She has a piano recital (and, yes, he would want her to learn piano, only to pull her out of lessons when he decides she's figured out the basics so he can teach her jazz specifically) For as much as he bitches and moans about her extracurriculars, he's the first to pick a fight with the other parents to defend her (e.g. "my kid'll kick your kid's ass before he figures how to spell karate"). He's the first to arrive and the last to leave, and makes a point to take an embarrassing photo (especially in later years). Cuddy, of course, would love having her around, though she would worry about her being a "bad influence" for Rachel. This results in House's daughter becoming an honourary duckling, using his office like a daycare (and the ducklings like babysitters). I mentioned this in my other post, but I do genuinely think House would train her to insult the ducklings on command. Super niche insults, too. He'd most likely come up with a hundred different possible scenarios, just to have a wildly (upsettingly) specific dig to have her reply with. I'm talking:
Chase: "The patient's got textbook Meningitis. Why are we ruling it out of the differential?" Daughter: "Are you stupid because your dad wasn't around, or is it because he was?"
Of course, the words "I love you" are a bit of a challenge for House, but they get easier to say as time goes on. By the time she's a teen, he's the one threatening to ground her if she doesn't say it back.
When the angst and rebellion era hits, it's not with drugs and alcohol (since they aren't a huge taboo in their home) but with bad music. I mean like 2010's indie stomp-and-holler bad (by House's standards).
When she's young, she'd be a near-perfect clone of him, though she'd deliver all his classic lines with a smile instead of a scowl and a Vicodin. The only difference once she's older is that she knows what the insults mean. This gets her into HUGE amounts of trouble at school, though her perfect grades keep her from suffering any severe consequences.
When she has her first real heartbreak, House would tell her to let everyone know that her ex has a "microphallus" and "ejaculatio preacox", and then take her out to a movie when she's inevitably suspended for it.
All in all, House would be the world's best girldad. That child would be his absolute pride and joy, and everyone for all of time would know it.
