“What do you mean by leaving?” Victoria was trying her best to block Robert’s path but she’s tiny and, well, her brother isn’t.
“I would have thought it was obvious,” Robert replied, pushing past her with another bag. His car is already half full and there is nothing in this that suggests he’s just over packing for a holiday.
“But Aaron--”
“Has made it very clear where he stands,” Robert said. “There’s nothing here for me, Vic.” He caught the look on her face and sighed. “You know what I mean.”
“So you’re just going to leave? That’s it? I thought you wanted to fight for him, Robert--”
“You can’t have just one person fighting to save a relationship, it doesn’t work like that,” Robert said, heading back into the house.
Victoria didn’t follow him, just pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled. “You need to listen to me,” she said as soon as they answered.
**
Diane had asked him to come and say goodbye properly but he just wants to leave. Get out of this village and leave behind everything that has pulled him down the past few years. His dad and Katie in the graveyard, Andy god knows where, his ex wife doing her own packing, her sister and nephew already gone under a cloud of disgrace and a paternity test that proved everyone wrong. His ex husband probably planning the party already with his little sister trying to sneak some vodka. No friends to miss him, just a sister who would be better off taking care of her own life than his mess.
He’s in the car and trying to connect his phone to the sound system’s Bluetooth when there’s a slight thump and he looks up to see two hands planted on the bonnet of the car. Those hands are attached to arms which are attached to Aaron and he’s staring at Robert through the windscreen.
“You’re kidding, right?” Aaron shouted, his voice clear over the soft rumble of the car engine. “Running? Again?”
“Knowing when to back down,” Robert replied. “Move.”
“No.”
“Aaron.”
“No.”
Robert sighed and opened the driver’s door, climbing out but keeping the door between them. “I thought you’d be glad to see me go.”
“Why?”
“You told me to stay out of your life.”
“And since when do you listen?” Aaron snapped. “Robert--”
“I’ve messed everything up and you’ll all be better off without me,” he said. “Move on, find someone who’s actually good at being in a relationship. Someone who can make you happy.”
“Like you?” Aaron asked.
Robert smiled and shook his head. “Maybe for a bit. But maybe we’re just not good for each other.
Aaron walked right up to the driver’s door and for half a second Robert thought he was going to be kissed. But without missing a single beat he just reached into the car and turned the engine off, pulling out the keys and pocketing them.
“Aaron!”
“If you want them back it’ll cost you dinner,” Aaron called back over his shoulder as he walked off towards The Mill.
“What are you doing?” Robert called.
At that Aaron did stop, half turned in the street, and he smiled. “Fighting,” he replied. “Trying to anyway.”
“Tonight?” Robert said, latching on to the first bit of hope that he had been given in months. “You’ll have to drive, mind.”
Aaron turned back around and carried on walking. “Pick you up at seven,” he said.
1. number of fics you have favorited/bookmarked?I have sixty-five bookmarks :]
3. name 3 underrated fic authors in your fandom:(in no particular order)
rosaecae - has written some wonderful stuff that doesn’t have enough kudos! I’m eager to read their new work but I’m waiting until it’s a little further along!
lilbatfacedgirl - they only have three works for the fandom but they are all SO.FUCKING.GOOD. they are the author of two amazing post season seven fix-its (the captain of my soul and my current fave our freedom in my sight). Such a wonderful writer, beautiful beautiful stuff and they don’t have nearly as many hits and kudos as they should.
devovitsuasartes - they write extremely unique fics that may not be everyone’s cup of tea but they are so, so fucking good. The author is very quick in regards to updating their wip’s which is wonderful because you instantly become hooked and want the whole story right now, immediately.
5. what’s a fic that changed the way you see a certain character?I know I preach about this fic all the time, but Our Stubborn Love really impacted me in a lot of ways. It for sure changed the way I thought about Fiona (at least from a fic standpoint, still hate her in canon lmao) and made me a little more sympathetic towards her. The way the author wrote Fiona (and fucking everything) was really wonderful and brought us into her thoughts and feelings more than any other fic has done before. I lost a lot of my respect and appreciation for Fiona due to canon and this fic brought some of it back, enough where I can stomach to read her POV.
if it´s you that´s asking fiona, i can´t not write pillow talk, right?
“Stop staring at me.”
He isn´t properly awake yet, hasn´t even opened his eyes, but Aaron can feel Robert watching him. He has no intention of getting up this early. All he wants to do right now, is cuddle into his husband´s warm embrace and enjoy the peace and quiet only a Sunday morning can bring just a little while longer.
But Robert´s eyes are still on him.
Reluctantly, Aaron squints one eyelid open. He expects to find a grin tugging at the corners of his husband´s mouth and his eyebrows raised, the way he usually does when Robert wakes up before him on the weekends. Usually, when Robert is up this early on a Sunday, his eyes are full of want, promising one or several rounds of glorious morning sex with both of them spending hours leisurely taking each other apart until they find themselves utterly spent, curled together under the covers until midday.
To his surprise, that isn´t what Aaron wakes up to. Far from it, actually.
Robert is lying on his side, his eyes fixed on Aaron, but his expression empty; taking in every inch of his face while he holds onto his pillow for dear life. If Aaron didn´t know any better, he would say that Robert looks lost. The groggy “good morning” he had planned gets stuck in his throat at the sight of him.
“What´s wrong?” he asks instead, reaches out to gently trace his finger over Robert´s slightly furrowed forehead, down the bridge of his nose until he´s cupping his jaw with two fingers.
“Nothing,” Robert mumbles, trying a smile that doesn´t reach his eyes, “go back to sleep.” Aaron just raises an eyebrow. He doesn´t need any words to let his husband know that he isn´t buying it.
“2 years,” Robert mumbles and turns to hide his face in the pillow.
“You what?”
Aaron can see Robert´s chest rise and fall as he takes a deep breath before tilting his head back towards him. “Got this two years ago today.” He pushes the duvet down until it pools around his hips and rubs over the scar on his now exposed chest with his thumb.
Of course.The shooting.He should have remembered.
Aaron opens his mouth to say something, eventhough he isn´t sure what, but then he stops himself, sees that there is more to Robert´s sullen mood than just the anniversary. (´Just´, as if that wasn´t more than enough for anyone to have to deal with.)
He doesn´t push though, just gives him an encouraging smile and waits.
“Can´t help but wonder sometimes, if your mum was right,” Robert admits. The younger man´s brows furrow in confusion. “Right how?” he asks. He doesn´t know what Robert is talking about. Isn´t sure he wants to know, if he´s quite honest with himself.
Robert´s eyes focus on the wall above Aaron´s head instead of his face then, finding it easier to say what he needs to say without looking into his husband´s concerned blue eyes.“Saying that I should have done everyone a favour and left…” he huffs out a sigh, “dropped dead, preferably.”
Aaron gulps at that. He can´t help but think of the things he himself said back then, with Robert lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Not that he had meant them, not truly, never. But he had said them nonetheless and a small part of him might have actually hoped for his words to come true. It feels like a lifetime ago now, the weeks Robert spent in a coma. Back when Aaron´s head was a mess and he couldn´t see a way of ever forgiving Robert for the things he´d done to him, but couldn´t see a way of ever letting go of him either.
He reaches out and let´s his hand cup Robert´s face, to remind himself that that isn´t who they are anymore. As his thumb caresses Robert´s cheek, his silver wedding band glistens in the ray of sunlight that´s falling through the gap between the curtains. Robert´s his, now more than ever. He doesn´t have to figure out how to let go of him anymore.
“Don´t… “ he starts, “Don´t think like that.” The seriousness with which Robert looks at him, makes Aaron realise that he has to choose his next words carefully. God knows how long Robert´s been lying next to him thinking, crawling deeper and deeper into the darkest corners of his mind. “You wouldn´t have done anyone a favour. Not Andy, not Diane, not Victoria…definitely not me.”
Robert raises an eyebrow at that. “Because the past few months have been so brilliant for you,“ his tone is dripping with sarcasm, but his eyes are filled with sadness, “I´ve hurt you. Don´t pretend I didn´t for my sake.”
Aaron takes a deep breath and let´s his hand run through Robert´s unruly bed hair, hoping to give his husband some comfort that way. Gently, he lets his fingers draw small circles on his scalp and Robert can´t help but lean into the touch.
“Being dead might have hurt less, you know?” Aaron hasn´t seen Robert like this often, but in these moments he looks the way he must have when Jack kicked him out. A small boy, uncertain of his future, clinging on to whatever he can in hopes of finding some safety and steady footing. Nothing like the overconfident, smug man Aaron has grown so used to. “Might have been easier than pushing you away, not being with you, lying to you…” Robert doesn´t finish, just lets his voice fade into nothingness. He clenches his jaw and it does that little quiver that always makes Aaron want to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from the world.
“Yeah, you did,” he concedes, ”you hurt me.”
There´s no reason to lie. They´ve spent months talking about this now, mulling it over. It´s still hard and Aaron knows that at least a small part of Robert is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. If only Aaron could convince him that there is no other shoe.
“But you also make me happier than I ever thought I´d be. That counts for a lot,” he shuffles closer towards Robert, their noses are almost touching now, “I wouldn´t even be around anymore, if it wasn´t for you.”
“Course you would,” Robert bites his bottom lip, “I only ever make things worse for ya.”
Aaron can only shake his head at that and it makes their noses brush against each other. “You know how many happy moments I´d have missed out on, if I didn´t have you, eh?”
“How much happiness we´d both have missed out on?“ He leans in, tentatively presses a soft kiss to Robert´s lips to test the waters. Finally, he can feel Robert relax into him.
Aaron would do it all over again, all the pain and heartbreak and misery, if he knew he´d end up having this. As mad as it might make him, Aaron would always choose being with Robert over the alternative and he needs his husband to know that.
“And you would have missed out on marrying me,” Aaron almost whispers against Robert´s lips, a lopsided smile creeping on his face, “now that would have been tragic.”
“We´d never have gotten to do that thing we did in the shower last night…” he reminisces and Robert can´t help but smirk at the memory, a spark finally returning to his eyes.
Aaron takes his chances and rolls Robert onto his back in one swift motion, until he´s trapped beneath him. His hands grabbing the sheets on either side of his husband´s face, Robert´s hips held in place between his thighs.
“How could I ever want you gone when you can make me feel like that?” Aaron leans down and let´s their foreheads rest against each other. More importantly, “how could you ever think you´d be better off dead, when I can make you feel like that?” he adds, a wicked grin on his face. Robert loves this side of Aaron. The cocky, self-confident side that knows full well the effect he has on him.
“You make me feel alive,” Robert looks up at his husband - his beautiful, brilliant husband - and gives him the first proper smile of the day.
“Soft,” Aaron´s response gets swallowed by Robert´s lips as he closes the space between them and kisses him, his hips pressing against him wantingly, his hand finding its way to the back of Aaron´s neck to pull him even closer.
Aaron grounds Robert, the way he always does. Snaps him back to reality. Stops him from going into a tailspin over what could or should have been and gets him to focus on what is instead.
Later, they will actually have to talk about this. Properly. Because if the last year had taught the two of them anything, it was that letting things fester never ended well for them. Drove them further apart, when they should stick closer together. Both of them had brought their fair share of baggage into this marriage, but having the courage to open up about whatever dark and painful thoughts they were carrying around on any given day always lightened the load.
Robert feels Aaron’s pull as if it’s a physical thing, a force that tugs on every inch of Robert’s skin, always pulling him in Aaron’s direction no matter what he does. When their eyes meet, everything around them feels different, feels delicate, feels intense.
A day in the life of Professor Sugden at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
fic aesthetics: still i call it magic by @softrobertsugden
alex just as a psa i'm finally reading your big bang and i'm halfway through and enjoying it a lot so far!! i'm even going to bed early today so i can finish it tonight i'm very excited!!!
!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FIONA!!!!!
I’m so happy you’re enjoying, let me know what you think!!!
@softrobertsugden honestly I've seen like three seasons of suits and the first two of elementary and i just.... never kept up with either since lmao I'm the worst
