OUAD Chapter 61: Lessons
Full work on my AO3.
The walk to find Blackwall went fairly well, all things considered. Emma stayed near the front with Ivy and Sera. The two served as a good distraction from thinking as much on Solas.
As for the walk itself, there was still a lot of going up, but her legs were becoming accustomed to the consistency of it more and more. Although, this was not the first time she thanked whatever small amount of luck she had that she’d always been a hiker. If she hadn’t been somewhat used to this kind of thing she probably would be dragging herself along the ground by now.
Even so, when Ivy called a halt to their progress Emma was relieved for the moments rest. Cassandra allowed it, noting that they were near the lake where they believed the Grey Warden to be staying.
The location they stopped also happened to be an ideal place for establishing another camp. It was important to get the Inquisition’s presence in as many places as possible helping to increase the organization’s influence. At least, influence was one of the Ambassador’s main concerns, Emma was under the impression that Cassandra and Ivy established so many camps for the more practical use of having more safe places to rest and recoup if they needed it.
Cassandra and Ivy were in the middle of the area bending over a map to mark the location before they set up a camp marker on the site itself. Sera was off shooting a nearby tree with arrows and she was unsure where Solas had gone. Not that she should care. She was still mad after all. Somewhat.
Honestly, being mad at someone you loved was exhausting.
Emma found a nearby boulder and set down on it. She pulled off her boots to give her feet a rest, stretching and rolling her ankle while she enjoyed the feel of cool air on her skin. When he came up behind her she sensed his presence before he spoke.
“Are you in pain?”
She took a small breath, “No. Feet are just a touch sore, I’m still adjusting to so much non-stop walking.” She felt his magic begin to touch upon her skin, “Don’t I’m---” She stopped, his magic was weaker than normal. This wasn’t him holding back either as he always did this was something with his mana. Mana she knew he had more of than most. She turned to look over her shoulder at him, “What’s wrong?”
“I do not know---”
“I can feel it Solas.”
He sighed and pulled his magic from her, “It is nothing to concern yourself with.” He shifted before placing his hands behind his back and looking out over the camp, “I wanted to say--”
She wasn’t ready for this conversation yet, “Not now, Solas. Please. Let’s not do this right now.”
She thought she saw him give a small wince but he nodded, “You are correct. It is a conversation better had in a more private setting, with more time granted to us.” His eyes came to her and the intensity of them made her breath catch. There was a resolve to them that she had not seen before, “There is much I need to speak with you about. I will wait for you to come to me but I would ask that you do not delay overly long.”
Unable to form words she simply gave him a nod. He shifted once more his body leaning near her, “I---” He stopped himself and straightened, “I will leave you to your thoughts.”
Before she could react in any way he was gone to the other side of camp. She watched him for a moment as he stood looking over the side of the cliff. He still looked tired and his mana felt so… drained. It was odd, but if he wouldn’t tell her she would just have to keep an eye on him.
The group stayed there for a while longer sharing some dried meat that Cassandra had packed for their lunch. When they’d all finished eating they went ahead on their journey. The lake was very near so it didn’t take long at all.
As soon as they saw the lake she couldn’t help the little gasp of pleasure at the sight. The sun glistened off the water like a million tiny crystals as it spilled out in a gushing waterfall over the side of the mountain. The roar of it comforting in its familiarity.
This comfort and beauty was chased away far too soon. On the other side of the lake was a cabin and next to that was a man speaking to a group of other men. It would be safe to assume that the one giving last minute orders was Blackwall. She had no time now to note anything about him however as a group of bandits had already begun closing in on the group.
Without a word Ivy took off across the lake. She crossed where the waterfall was, jumping with easy grace from one rock to the next and immediately drawing her sword when her feet landed on the other side. The rest of them followed suit as did Emma, if somewhat less gracefully than the others.
Once on the other side, she immediately started putting protective barriers on her companions. Then she turned to the first assailant but she found herself frozen. These were people. Demons were one thing but this was---
Her eyes widened as the fighting continued. She watched as Cassandra drove her sword in one swift hit across a man’s throat. The blood bubbling up before it came out in gushes and the man fell to the ground. Ivy swinging with enough force Emma could hear the crunch of bone.
She shouldn’t have come. This wasn’t what… she wasn’t prepared for this. Her stomach rolled and she could feel the blood draining from her. She needed to help but there was so much blood. These were people and she hadn’t---
Solas’ voice sounded to her right, “Emma!”
The use of her real name was jarring enough that it brought her out of her frozen state, not soon enough to react to the man that was barrelling towards her sword pulled back for a hit. In less than a beat he was down. An arrow went clean through the side of his skull at the same time a blast of fire engulfed him with such force he was thrown to the side.
He had been close enough that she felt the hot droplets of his blood splatter on her face, close enough that the heat from the flames that burned his flesh also burned her nostrils. The smell was horrifying. She would never forget that smell for as long as she lived. The one saving grace being that he was dead the moment the arrow hit so at least she didn’t need to hear him scream as he burned.
What she heard next though made the thought of hearing that sound almost pleasant. There was the sound of another arrow piercing through flesh. Then less of a cry and more of a growl. She turned her head towards the noise hoping wildly that she was wrong about its origins.
She wasn’t.
Solas was hunched over his staff, fingers gripping white knuckled as he tried to hold himself up. There was an arrow through his stomach. It hadn’t exited him completely but had gone deep enough that the sharp end was visible at his back, crimson with his blood.
Her fault. This had been her fault. She’d frozen up and he had focused on her instead of the fight. Her chest felt hollowed out and she had to hold back the fear that threatened to overwhelm her completely. She heard Ivy give one more roar, heard the sword hit true, then all was quiet as she rushed over to him.
It was so quiet after the fight the sounds of her breathing seemed magnified, the blood rushing through her ears almost painful in its volume. She got to him just as he fell to his knees and caught him, his forehead going to rest on her shoulder as he took in shallow breaths.
She heard the sounds of feet running on the grass then knew they halted next to her. Sera’s voice from somewhere behind her, “Elfy! Why did you go and get yourself shot for?! That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
A dry chuckle that she felt shake his shoulders as he tried to gasp out, “I will strive to--”
Emma spoke in his ear, “Shut-up.”
Sera spoke again this time to her, “What’re we---”
Then Ivy and Cassandra came running at the same time. Cassandra speaking first, “Maker, we need a healer fast.”
Ivy yelled, “Blackwall do you know of one?”
Meanwhile Emma tried to think past the pounding in her ears, tried to think past the feel of him growing limper in her arms, “I have to help there has to be…”
“Not your fault.”
His voice was weak but he was close enough she still heard it despite the talk from the others. It was her fault and he was being an idiot if he thought otherwise but even if it wasn’t, she wouldn’t let him die. Never that. He couldn’t. He had to live. She had to think fast, had to use everything she could.
She shut her eyes and thought the name, reaching and calling out. Amynta. I need you please. Please come quick. Help us.
It was only a matter of seconds before she felt the spirit. She felt her body flush with a calming warmth, filled up but not overtaken.
“The arrow must be removed. Then we must heal him quickly. Have others remove it so you may heal him the moment it is out.”
She opened her eyes and looked to Cassandra and Ivy, “I need both of you to help. The arrow needs to come out. One of you hold the feathered end while the other snaps off the tip, then we’ll pull out the shaft.” She brushed her fingers along the back of Solas’ head, “This will hurt.”
Solas spoke, his words now barely audible, “I trust.”
“Bite my clothing if you need.” She felt a tug on the collar of her armor and knew he had done so. Then she turned her eyes towards Cassandra and Ivy, “Alright.”
Cassandra gripped the feathered end while Ivy bent to grip the sharp end. Ivy took a deep breath before she gave Cassandra a nod over Solas shoulder. Then, with as quick a motion as she could manage, she snapped the tip of the arrow. Solas jerked but didn’t make anything but the slightest sound into Emma’s clothing. As soon as the tip was off Cassandra pulled it out from her side.
Emma tried to ignore the sound it made as it left him. Amynta spoke in her head once more, “Quickly, put your hands over the wound on each side of him. Focus, I will help strengthen the healing.”
She did as Amynta said, carefully shifting so that she could place one hand on each side of the wound. Solas’ fingers clutched at her and she kissed his cheek, shushing him and whispering that it was alright.
When her palms went over the wounds she could feel his heat spilling against her skin, feel the slick stickiness. The wrongness of it threatened her concentration and she had to work hard to ground herself. She hummed to him quietly as she worked on pushing her magic through him.
As her magic went from her to his body she could feel it flowing inside of him. She could feel all the damaged areas and what needed to be fixed. The organs repaired, muscles stitched, and finally flesh closed. It was intense and draining but she would bleed herself dry if it meant saving him. Whenever she felt herself too close to weakening she would feel a gentle push of aide from Amynta and her magic would grow steady again.
There was no way of her knowing just how long the whole thing took but once she felt the last of his skin repaired there was sweat dripping off her face. She felt shaky and weak but he would be alright. That was all that mattered.
His breathing had evened but he was still limp and heavy against her. When he spoke his voice was hushed, “I should not be surprised and yet---”
Before he could finish he slipped into unconsciousness. It was something that shouldn’t worry her. His magic was drained and he had just taken a fatal wound, or what would have been a fatal wound.
She released a shaky breath and whispered, “Thank you.”
“You are welcome, child. I will see you tonight.”
With that she felt Amynta leave her again, slipping quietly from her body and mind. Only then did she look up to Cassandra and Ivy. Ivy was watching her closely, assessing. Cassandra’s mouth was curved into a frown and her brows were furrowed. Not a good look.
Cassandra caught Emma’s eyes on her and spoke, “Spirit healer. Why did you not tell us?”
Emma’s hands clenched involuntarily to Solas’ clothing, “I didn’t know. I didn’t even know that term before you said it just now.”
Cassandra’s voice had lost any of the warmth she had started to see before, “After what you did you are going to claim that---”
“Cassandra, I believe her.”
“Herald that is---”
“We all draw on new strength when someone we care for is in danger. All spirit healers discover it for the first time somehow. This just happens to be how she did.”
Cassandra opened her mouth, shut it, and then rubbed the back of her neck as her expression softened a hint. “Spirits are dangerous. A spirit healer is---”
“Rare and an invaluable asset. I want to keep this to those of us who saw it.”
Cassandra’s eyes widened, “Herald I strongly believe that Leliana and the Commander should---”
“Leliana I would be alright knowing, Cullen I would not.” As Cassandra opened her mouth to respond Ivy continued, “Despite what he says, Cullen is still a Templar at heart. If he knows she is so close to a spirit it could cause problems. Ella is an important member of the Inquisition, she has helped us in every way she can and her spirit healing could prove an immeasurable aid, not to mention she is important to me.” Her eyes met Cassandra’s, “Please, Cass.”
Emma should have been more concerned about the discussion but she found it impossible to focus on anything but the man in her arms. The healing had been draining but she had enough magic to push through another sweep of his body, confirmation that nothing else was wrong.
Cassandra spoke, “Herald, I--”
Emma’s mind was still away from the conversation and she interrupted without even realizing it, “He is going to need to rest. He is completely drained and a wound like that, even though it is completely healed, would have taken a toll.”
Cassandra gave a soft sigh before she spoke, “As you wish Herald, for now we will keep this from all but Leliana. Ella has been loyal thus far. Speaking of,” Her eyes went back to Emma, “Are you alright?”
Emma’s brows furrowed, “Me?”
“Yes, I haven’t met any spirit healers but I imagine what you just did would have been draining on you as well.”
“Oh, right. I’m fine.”
Ivy raised an eyebrow, “Sissy.”
Emma sighed, “A bit tired but I’ll be fine. We need to figure out how to get him back to camp.”
A warm male voice spoke from behind her, “You’re welcome to the cabin. I’ll help carry him in. I would like to know what you’re doing here however.”
Ivy straightened her shoulders and turned her attention back to Blackwall, “We’re here on behalf of the Inquisition to investigate the disappearance of the Wardens and if it has any connection to the murder of Divine Justinia. Do you know where the others have gone?”
He paced a bit to the side before turning back to them, “Disappeared? We do that. No blight there is no need for us. As for the murder of the Divine, Maker’s balls, I’m sure they had nothing to do with that. The Wardens are not political. They would have no reason to murder the Divine.”
“Be that as it may, do you or do you not know where the others are?”
“I don’t. I travel alone looking for recruits. Not much interest since there’s no blight. I stayed long enough to help the farmers after they were attacked by bandits. I conscripted them long enough to train them and have them fight for themselves. Next time they won’t need me.”
Ivy glanced at Cassandra before sighing, “Good of you but that doesn’t help us at all. We’ll take you up on the use of your cabin for tonight, however, thank you.”
Blackwall hesitated a beat before walking towards them again, “If you’re trying to put things right, maybe you need a warden, maybe you need me.”
Ivy glanced down at Emma, still cradling Solas in her lap, “A discussion to be had later. Let’s get Solas into the cabin. Blackwall if you could get his upper body, I’ll get the lower.”
Emma couldn’t help gripping him tighter, “I’ll help. I can---”
“Hold his hand if you like but it will be easier if Blackwall and I carry him. It won’t do him any good if you exhaust yourself or drop him, or both.”
A man came down to kneel beside her. He had dark hair and a fluffy beard. Oddly his entire being reminded her of a teddy bear. She guessed this must be Blackwall.
He smiled and lifted his hands out palm up, “I’ll be careful with him.”
She caught Blackwall’s eyes, saw the deep kindness in them, and she gently shifted Solas over to him, “Thank you.”
Ivy then came up to take his legs. They counted to five and then hoisted him up. Emma followed, though she found her knees wobbled. Somehow she managed to get ahead of them to open the door, then close it behind them, before she followed to the bed where they put Solas down.
She started to kneel on the floor but Blackwall spoke, “Hold a moment.” He moved away then came back with a chair, scooting it next to the head of the bed, “There you are.” When Emma dropped into the chair he turned his eyes back to Ivy, “Now that they’re settled perhaps we can talk further.”
Ivy must have nodded because Emma heard their footfalls as they left, and then heard the soft sound of the door shutting. She saw none of it because her eyes remained looked on Solas, going from his face to the rise and fall of his chest. One more time. She’d check one more time.
She brought a hand up to rest lightly on his chest before placing her forehead to his temple. Then she released her magic once more along his body, searching for the tiniest thing that might be amiss. Fingers brushed feather light against the wrist that was to his chest and she startled, pulling her head back from him.
He looked up to her though his eyelids were heavy, “Stop. Do not exhaust yourself, I am fine. Resting. I will be well tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake---”
He reached up to brush her cheek with the back of his hand, “Much to talk of tomorrow. I will not see you in the Fade but… tomorrow, ma vhe…”
The last part of the word fell to a mumble as exhaustion claimed him again. She held his hand near her face a moment more before resting it at his side on the bed, her fingers staying wrapped around it. She had no idea how long passed before the door opened once again.
Ivy walked near and spoke, “Sera and I are heading back to the Redcliffe camp to give them the location for the new camp, as well as getting some supplies to camp here for the night. Cass will be outside if you need her and Blackwall is officially a member of the team now.”
Blackwall’s voice from somewhere else in the cabin, “An honor Herald.”
“You say that now. Wait till you hit your fifteenth demon rift then see how much you want to thank me.” Blackwall laughed quietly and Ivy continued, “We’ll be back before nightfall. I talked to Cassandra about picking the mages by the way. She is going to send word to Leliana and the others.”
Emma managed to turn her head and look up to Ivy with a smile, “That’s good and thanks for this. It would have been hard to move him.”
“It’s nothing.” She started to go, but stopped glancing at Blackwall then back to Emma, “You and I need to talk though, when things calm down, Ella.”
Emma noted the emphasis and had a feeling the talk would have something to do with Solas yelling her real name. She’d hoped no one had caught it in all the commotion. If she was lucky Ivy was the only one who had.
Emma nodded, “Yeah.”
Ivy reached out and gave Emma’s shoulder a squeeze and then left the cabin. She heard shuffling and then saw another chair be placed next to her, “Mind if I sit?”
“No.” She tried to offer another small smile, “It’s your cabin after all.”
Blackwall spoke as he settled himself into the chair, “He is yours and that is stronger than any building claim.”
She started to open her mouth to say that he wasn’t but she couldn’t. Not anymore. Instead she said, “I’m his.”
“Of course, the real ones go both ways.” He shifted and looked at where the arrow had been, “I’d heard of spirit healers but never seen one. What you did was… well it was damn impressive to be frank, if a bit unnerving.”
Her eyes went back to Solas as she spoke, “They’re that rare?”
“Rare, invaluable to their comrades, and dangerous. You really didn’t know?”
She shook her head, “When he was hurt I just… I knew I had to do something so I did the only thing I could think of. He could have,” She took a deep breath, “It was a bad wound and it was my fault he got it. I wasn’t willing to do what needed to be done and---”
“There is no shame in finding it hard to kill, those bandits were still people. Bandits are made not born, but they chose their path, as unfortunate as it is.”
She took a deep breath and her fingers tightened on Solas’ hand, “There is shame in it when it puts those you care for at risk. The thing is, I need to learn to accept this is how it is. I’m going to have to do things I don’t like. I’m going to see things I don’t like and I’m going to have to learn to live with that.”
There was heavy silence for a minute or more before Blackwall said, “Was that your first time seeing someone die?”
“No. I’ve seen someone die once before.” She remembered the elf in the Fade and amended, “Twice before. The first time was a very long time ago and the second time was… unique circumstances. This time it was… I don’t know, more vivid? Something.”
“I’d tell you it gets easier but it doesn’t. Not really. You learn to live with it. Learn to do what good you can in order to try and make amends for the lives lost. If you’re lucky you end up with some kind of balance.”
Her eyes went to him then, “Have you reached that yet?”
“No. Don’t know that I ever will or have a right to.” He shook his head and stood, “Nevermind that talk. I’ll stop disturbing your peace. If you get hungry there is some bread on the table there,” He gestured further into the cabin.
“You weren’t disturbing me Blackwall but… I wouldn’t mind the peace for a bit. Though I would like to ask you some about the Grey Wardens when we have a better opportunity.”
He gave a small nod, “I’ll answer what I can, Miss… Ella was it?”
“Yes.”
“Right, Ella. I’ll leave you be.”
With that he turned and left. Once the door shut behind him Emma turned her eyes back to Solas, the fingers of her free hand going up to brush his cheek, his brows, and the little scar on his forehead.
She should have let him talk to her. She should have fought the bandits, not hesitated. She should have never let anyone hurt him. Never again. She’d learn, she’d get stronger, and she’d not be a burden. She’d tell him the truth as soon as she had the chance.
With a soft kiss to his forehead she whispered, “I’ll do better, I’m sorry.”
Then she let her head come down to rest on his chest. It was comforting to feel the rise and fall of his breathing, to hear the steady thrum of his heart. She shut her eyes and let the confirmation that he was alright bring her some peace.
