KIM KIBUM ; SPHERE AUDITION dance - toy song - simple ( acoustic )
once jaehyun and dongmin both tell him they’re auditioning, the choice is easy for kibum. he knew from the beginning he would do it, as long as he wasn’t leaving jaehyun and dongmin behind. still, it’s hard to leave, hard to say goodbye to the company that offered a contract renewal to a 24-year-old, the company to which he’s given so much time and dedication for the last three years.
but still. with royal debuting a girl group soon, he can’t put all his trust in the idea that they’ll have the time to debut him. he’s facing military service in a few years, and if he doesn’t debut before then he doesn’t know what he’ll do. would any company re-sign someone more than thirty years old? thinking about it makes him feel slightly nauseous.
rachel told him that royal wouldn’t have signed him if they didn’t have plans for him, and he understands what she means, but he just can’t take that risk.
he waits until he knows jaehyun and dongmin have both already filmed their tapes to film his own. he even helps dongmin with his own choreography, alongside rachel. now, though, he’s ready to get started on his own videos.
he’s been working on his own auditions since the announcement, because it didn’t take long at all to come up with the songs he’d be doing. this seems like the perfect opportunity to unveil the song he’s been writing since almost the beginning of the year. for his dance, he knew immediately that he would do an updated version of the same dance that got him into royal.
the video starts with him in position, standing in the middle of a seocho practice room and looking down at his feet. he looked back at the choreography he originally used ( thank god for his youtube channel ) and modified it, making it match his since-changed style and skill level.
the past dance was very reminiscent of the first time he choreographed for the song, when it was meant to be a group dance for himself and luminosity. he changed it to a solo dance for the sake of the audition, but for the most part the moves and overarching concept of the dance being about a puppet under control didn’t change.
he doesn’t want to be a puppet this time, though. this isn’t about him submitting, being a pawn for the company. he is still under their rule, sure -- moving to sphere won’t change the fact that an entertainment company basically owns his soul -- but he wants to establish, at least in his own mind, the idea that he’s his own person, that he makes his decisions.
since he’s been in royal, the group that made the song finally had their first concert, but the dance for the song ended up being a simple one -- traditional girl group-esque moves done through half of the song as it was used as a transition between two of their more popular ones. kibum still decides to incorporate some of those feminine moves into his choreography, though -- it’s always been an important part of his personal style to not give a damn about gender norms, and he likes being able to give that little nod to the artist, even if he’s almost certain they didn’t choreograph it themselves.
the dance tells less of a story now, but is more of a here i am, this is who i am. take me as i am or not at all kind of message. it shows off his skill, with difficult hip-hop popping and smooth flow throughout, but also his personality, what with the cheeky mixture of traditionally “girly” moves with the more common hip hop style.
he cuts out the second verse, dancing through the slow beginning, the chorus, the dance break, and the final chorus. there isn’t a time limit, he knows, but he doesn’t see much point in dancing to a verse that sounds just like the first one.
the dance break, however, is where he really shines. almost every sound made in the electronic break down has its own small popping move associated with it, until kibum ends up on his knees on the floor, until the song sounds like it’s being turned back on and he rises smoothly, moving right back into a repeat of the chorus choreography, but with much more force now that he’s fighting an invisible battle, some force that knocked him down before he got back up again to finish the song.
( so maybe he didn’t fully eliminate the symbolism from the choreography. whatever. sue him. )
the dance finally ends with him punching the air after the final never of the lyrics, and he edits the video so that the screen goes black then, as if he literally punched the lights out.
when the video fades in again, kibum is sitting on a stool in front of the camera. behind him are two of royal’s coaches, ready to play piano and guitar, respectively. one is his lyric writing teacher and the other his piano teacher, both of whom are proud enough of him to help him out with this, even though it means he intends to leave royal.
( “it’s not important where you end up. it’s important that you debut, and that someone who isn’t us hears you sing this,” they said in response to his concerns about them helping him with an audition for another company. the words stick with him, and run through his mind as he begins singing. )
I’m standing on the last road for today It’s like this every day In this big world I know I’m like a particle of dust Nothing is easy In this exit-less, maze-like world
this first verse was the most emotional he let himself get in the whole song -- he wanted the first song he wrote to be positive, a reminder of the one word that inspired the whole thing -- happiness. it took him a long time to understand that not every lyric had to be filled with poetic genius, but once he embraced that concept it became a lot easier to write.
Happiness is only a word It’s just a dream that everyone wants But that doesn’t make sense I don’t even wanna believe that Yeah I just want it simple, simple oh
he finds the chorus a little ironic, because hasn’t his life thus far been everything but simple? he’s hardly lived a textbook life -- he was kicked out before he graduated high school, then instead of even thinking about going to university he lived on the streets for another year before moving across the world for two years. then six months after returning, he became a trainee and has been at royal ever since, feeling his own life stagnate as everyone else kept moving, going on through milestones and careers as he stayed behind in training, day in and day out.
this could be the end of that -- this could mean the beginning of a new era for him, when he can finally start moving forward again, finally feel like he’s beginning to accomplish the dream he’s been working towards for so long.
Everything that makes me breathe I want it to be simple Until it goes far far away Until I can’t see
he could be giving up a lot. if sphere makes him move into a dorm, then he and rachel will almost certainly have to break up simply from the fact that they’ll never see each other.
he hates the words break up. it sounds too -- and he hates the pun -- simple for them. it feels like he can’t break up with rachel at this point, because they’re each too much a part of the other. even if he had to stop texting her, stop all contact for months before sphere finally debuted him, he still wouldn’t feel like they had broken up. he would miss her, of course, but would always know that it wouldn’t truly be over -- if he ever gave up, or if they ever kicked him out, or if his career finally reached a point where they could be openly together, he knows she’d be there, waiting for him.
( sometimes he thinks that dongmin and jaehyun’s insistence that they’re married isn’t actually that far off. lately, those thoughts have been affecting him less and less -- he wonders if it’s because he sees the truth in them. )
Em I want it simple yeah Even if everyone says I’m wrong I hope we can all smile when the night is over
his voice is far from perfect, and he still isn’t entirely sure he shouldn’t have just done the rap he wrote for evaluations. but his lyric writing coach insisted that this song deserves this honor much more than his evaluation rap -- while the rap was good, he also wrote it in just a couple weeks. he’s been working on this for months.
“your voice is good enough to do it justice,” she tells him. “just sing. sphere values creativity, and this is better writing than your rap, because you’ve been working on it for so long. you deserve to let it shine. sitting on it for any longer isn’t going to make it much better than it is now.”
Everything that makes me breathe I want it to be simple Until it goes far far away Until I can’t see I call you baby yeah Baby’s called my happiness yeah Yeah I just want it simple, simple I want it simple
and as kibum nears the end of the song, hearing the instruments behind him follow his lead throughout every note and verse, he finally accepts the decision he’s making. in the end, it’s just like the song -- simple.
he’s taking an opportunity presented to him, even after considering the potential consequences. jaehyun and dongmin are auditioning with him, so he doesn’t have to worry about leaving them behind. ( he’ll deal with what he’ll do if he gets in and they don’t if and when he has to make that decision. ) royal was going to make him stop seeing rachel at some point anyway -- they both knew that when they started this last year.
happiness and dreams are simple, once you break it down. rachel will always wait for him, so there really isn’t a choice here.
Oh I want it simple oh yeah I want it simple
