#somberthoughts

[thewinterlilly]

I remember waking one morning  In cold sweat and tears,  The demons of the night  still reflecting in my dark irises. I do not recall their faces or what it is they had done.  But sometimes I can't help but wonder  If I ever did wake at all.

S.J. | thewinterlilly

[vincentekane]

“They try to tell you the words are just words, that these feelings will pass, that the days will go back to the way things once were. But for the moment things will be different, for your life, he will be missing. Anger swells and you know he won’t be there to listen. Soon then your eyes stars to glisten and the pain put you in submission... “Rest In Peace... no return if possible. if for a second just wishing I could have a moment just to walk with you. Tell em you have other family matters that you have to attend. But there’s nothing I can do but let you take the key. Here’s hoping you love the new home. My eyes always to the sky praying that I see you on that porch watching over me.” #somberthoughts #forafriend #returnifpossible #day10

[misfitmadre-blog]

One of the saddest things in life is watching someone you love become a stranger

[yvmoveon]

the show is orange is the new black

Oh okay. (I just started watching it.) Thanks for letting me know. :)

[dumbnyoung]

News to me.

I've always thought of myself as a pretty straight shooter, turns out no one actually gets what I'm trying to say - the other day an ex of mine told me I was too nice for people to care to get to know me...that should be okay though I'm still growing to like me,,right?

[kissmywrist-blog]

Evolution

I've been taking a summer U.S. Health Policy class at my university as part of my graduate curriculum studies. At first, my mind was so fuzzy and I read so slowly. I was astonished at how much I have regressed -- six years since graduating college, has my literacy and reading comprehension degraded so much? Apparently it has!

Regardless, I've gotten up to speed with things. As I read page after page after page about how the world runs, especially regarding my field of healthcare, I find myself scared and excited at the same time. I am scared because I'm learning and becoming accountable for things I had never previously been before. The administrative decisions and changes in my hospital are starting to make sense as I am reading about the changes in healthcare due to the Affordable Care Act from 2010. I'm being thrust into the light of healthcare reform, and with this knowledge comes responsibility in my own personal career and duties, I know.

I'm also excited because I'm "leveling-up" as my darling, video-gaming husband would term it. I'm evolving into a new creation. I am personally growing, and the old me is disappearing as I become more self aware of the policies and issues in healthcare. I've been entrusted with this knowledge because I require it with my forthcoming graduate master's degree. A heavy sense of burden but also a feeling of awe strikes me. This stuff is being taught to be because I am taking a greater role and responsibility in this world. Cool.

The thought that keeps coming back to me in my life is this: quality. My life has taken many remarkable turns and I can say, looking back, that I have evolved gradually into the thing I am today. The one resounding theme that ties me all-together is my desire, my need, my emphasis for quality to be the element that defines me. At the end of the day, at the end of my life, I want to be remembered as a person with quality -- who was superb in all she touched, who cared deeply and fully, and a person who had a soul that emanated a simplistic purity for excellence. Maybe you don't believe in people having souls, but I do. To me, the soul is that element in a person that is fundamentally you -- who you REALLY ARE TO THE CORE -- physical attributes aside. And I want a soul that is beautiful, pure, one of quality.

Sounds scary, but I believe in a reckoning of my soul. It drives me -- keeps a sharp edge in every step and decision I make.

In some ways, I languish slowly at the thought of my fate -- I love nursing and I love healthcare in the sense that a woman who had an arranged marriage eventually loves her husband through time and experience. My indecision and lack of will in my youth has sealed my fate to working in the healthcare field forever, by default -- I think to myself painfully. My years of experience in the hospital and my age reveal that I have trekked down this path proudly and for so long that it would be difficult to turn around and do some other work that might possibly excite me more.

One thought jolts me back to realize WHY I should care for my profession -- everyone gets sick. Everyone gets old. Everyone will die. Everyone I love will die -- my parents, my husband, my family, my grandmother. As healthcare evolves and changes into some different beast, will I ignorantly step aside uncaringly, too busy in my own social interests and activities, and allow my loved ones to be the eventual subject of future hospitals and healthcare systems? Uninvolved and uninvested as I would be? Or will I work hard, in passion and true care and quality, with the realization that I can possibly offer even the smallest ounce of change and help so that when my parents do get sick, I can be more assured that they will be doing so in a healthier health care system that I could help to usher in?

Evolution, I realize, involves this understanding: WE ARE ALL CONNECTED IN THIS WORLD. My apathy in my profession will come back to haunt me, I truly believe, someday.

Maybe it's karma, as my hubby, a normally logical guy who doesn't entertain too many supernatural thoughts, fearfully upholds and believes in. Maybe I believe in karma too -- I believe in souls and I believe in karma.

This perhaps irrational fear, I believe, will keep me humble, will keep me being a good and uncorrupt person who doesn't just want money and fame and conquest in this world. I just want quality.

Maybe I'm over thinking things. Maybe I'll have a few children and will realize that all I want in my life is for my children to live happily and freely. All I know is that I'm at another juncture in my life to pick paths in which I shall journey. Before I die, I pause at this intersection to contemplate seriously, because I want to make sure I've made the right, good, true, loving choice in life.

Someday, my own reckoning will reveal to me everything.

[mikenuno]

Reflect & Inventé

"I used to think I was gonna save the world but this one is too broken. So I got selfish and I'm now trying to save myself, which is actually much more difficult..."