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Random thoughts
Sometimes you just feel writing. Usually these are the times when you are either broken and sad, or very confused. Writing helps to clear up the mess in your mind. And that’s why I am writing. At this point of my life, all I have is questions. My life seems pointless. There is no meaning. The main question that I keep asking myself .....surprise surprise..... is what I do I want? What kind of friendship do I want, what kind of career, what kind of partner, what kind of relationship, what kind of coffee, what kind of music,etc. Well it’s clear that everybody asks this question everyday in one or another form. But there is a big difference: that’s the only questions in my mind and I feel overwhelmed. Every single second I feel that I have to make a choice. And choosing assumes gain, but also a loss. What is even worse, what I concentrate on is the latter. I always lose and I never gain.
i find myself thinking "why can't i do this/that/something really awesome" and the response from the world is "well, you can't because this (some obligatory horrible consequence) will happen". so i tell myself that not everything happens like a dream or a movie, and i realize that what i've been doing is thinking that i'm entitled to something. when i'm not. i'm not entitled to anything. just the people around me and it's up to me to make it work.