#sometimeshappy

[joearf]

2021.08.25: Passing Through - Old Greenwich, CT (hashtag lyrics below) #passingthrough #passingthrough #sometimeshappy #sometimesblue #gladthatiranintoyou #tellthepeoplethatyousawmepassingthroough #leonardcohen #hashtaglyrics (at Lugano Greenwich) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTAxDgal9k0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[rantrum]

Jealousy and stuff

So...how normal is it to be jealous of a sibling?

I don't wish him any ill will or anything but i seem to be extremely jealous of my brother...he has his life together by "normal societal standards". He has what i feel is the perfect life. He did well at school, never really got into drugs, went to uni, got a job where he worked his way to the top, only had a few relationships before settling down, buying a house and getting married. On the honeymoon he got his wife pregnant, they now have a baby, both are full time employed and extremely happy.

I, on the other hand, finished school, did a tafe course which I'll probably never use, had a few short jobs before getting employed by a public hospital where I've worked for 11 years at the sane entry level position. I've had several failed relationships where i allowed myself to be disrespected and verbally abused, got married and became a stepmother for a few years then ended it because my husband was too mentally unstable for me to handle. I've battled with addiction, I've lost friends, I've been forcefully evicted from a premises by a sheriff, moved to a dangerous neighbourhood where I'm scared to be outside at night time, been punched in the face by a guy i used to sleep with and I've had two people i trusted con me out of over $2000. But I've met the most amazing man in the world who treats me better than anyone ever has.

Still, despite my happiness i feel jealous...i want a baby, i want to have job satisfaction, i want to have that "perfect" life sometimes. Other times i think it would bore me maybe. I don't know, it would just be kinda nice to have people be jealous of my life.