#sonderkindness

[studiosonkind]

Collaboration triumphs competition. Here’s how!

There’s room for all of us at the table. Is there truly a need to try and get ahead by tearing the people around you down?

Girls have a reputation of being catty. And to be fair, a lot of us are. We are horrible to each-other. And better yet, you’d never have better friends than them on your side. It’s a choice.

The sad thing is society teaches women to look at each-other as competition. It teaches women to be insecure and paranoid about one another.

The voiceover in ‘Flawless’ by Chimamande Adiche represents this idea I am trying to get a grip on. She says, “Isn’t it strange that women are taught to aspire to getting a man, and women are taught to compete with other women for men rather than accolades, jobs and education awards. The things that actually make us better humans.” How crazy is this notion of pitting women against each other. A big part of this has to do with big corporations engineering their campaigns in a way that we want to buy bullshit hair-care, face-care and clothing products to want to look better than the woman next to us. But why do we have to? Appreciating and encouraging other woman around you should be of higher value to us than trying to become better than them isn’t it?

I wouldn’t equate feminism to a pack of angry, bra-burning, marching, aggressive, screaming women. We all deserve equal opportunities don’t we? Feminism by definition and the way I perceive it, is all about incredible, talented, sensitive and brilliant women that they should have access to equal opportunities ‘should’ they choose them. They shouldn’t be judges if they choose to stay at home and be moms when they have kids or be the CEO of a company. And if they are the CEO, they should’t be paid lesser than their male counterparts.

It’s not feminism to come forth and declare that, ‘only our problems matter.’ It’s a simple idea that everyone should be able to live their lives to the best of their potential and not be hindered by anything outside of their control.

[studiosonkind]

Freedom in Forgiveness

When I forgive, I am free.

Most of my life I thought, ’To forgive’ is to validate people’s actions and to validate what you went through. Recently, I found a different perspective on forgiveness. Forgiveness is rarely ever about the other person. It’s about myself. It’s about a choice to no longer give somebody the energy they don’t deserve. The trajectory of events leading towards you holding a grudge doesn’t matter.

Somebody must’ve cheated on you,

Let you down,

Ripped you off,

Betrayed your trust.

Whatever the situation is or has been. It must’ve been intense or small. It really doesn’t matter.

If I don’t forgive that person or let go of that situation, my energy is wasted and drained being angry at, upset with whoever and whatever. And in return, I am giving that person power over my state of mind.

Carl Jung said, “One looks back with appreciation to their brilliant teachers but with gratitude to those who touched our human feeling.”

Memories can either be lessons in disguise or nightmares in the garb of a vicious alter-ego. The kind that always has a justification for trying to be a victim in every situation.

[studiosonkind]

Shifting narrative = making room for building new experiences and nourish relationships

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that everyone has their own version of everything that’s ever happened. I always wanted to remember events as it being the other person’s fault and this realisation has been making me cringe lately. Because, it is easier for me to absolve myself from taking responsibility for the part I played in ‘what actually must’ve happened.’ I do this enough times for it to turn into my default setting for making everyone else responsible for how my life has turned out to be.

The ultimate high performer David Goggins says, ‘The most important conversations you have are the one’s you have with yourself.’ I wish this was a skill I was equipped with, because there ain’t anyone MORE critical of my work and actions than me. I mean, if we don’t stand guard at the door of our own mind, who will? Human’s are wired to draw drastic conclusions so that the brain can do it’s job to protect us, apparently. Science says it’s the most natural thing to think of worst case scenarios than the alternative because that’s how our ancestors learned to fend themselves. Well, we aren’t hunter-gatherers anymore and yet defying our biological instincts seem like the end of the world. For the longest time, my instant reaction to a friend not responding to my text or phone call was that she hates me or he clearly doesn’t care enough. I would try and measure each and every rejection I came across as a personal failure, a grave defeat. I have often discovered for myself that the reality was rather far from what I’d made it out to be. Wait, was it because I had framed one of these situations by defaulting to making myself the victim, the one that has been wronged? Most likely. This was subconscious, of course. But, seems so silly in hindsight.

There’s something psychoanalyst Lori Gottlieb and coach Tony Robbins have taught me. They say, ‘There’s no denying of what had taken place and what you went through but you’re out of it. You can either choose to empathise with that person, forgive and acknowledge that YOU aren’t them. You have an opportunity to learn from them by acknowledging you would try never doing what they did because you know better. You either get to love them by accepting them as they are or stay away deliberately. Remaining stuck has never done any good for the person in question or the people around him.’

I have been thinking about this. The meaning you assign to a story running in the crevices of your mind matters. Sometimes, more than anything because you often punish someone who isn’t even aware of why they’re being punished. It’s this act of constantly holding on to the past you have with someone and measuring all their actions since then to the standards of what they once did. I have been guilty of doing this and it hasn’t led me anywhere. Dismissing someone despite their best efforts to redeem themselves is a sure-shot way to sabotage relationships.

Reframing the narrative is everything. The causation of reframing and being done with how you choose to remember what had happened is the greatest thing you could do for yourself. It has been, for me. It’s so important to get done with what once happened because a) it doesn’t bother you anymore and b) you seldom or almost never focus and ruminate over what could’ve or should’ve happened.

Nothing in life is more liberating than this.

[studiosonkind]

Experimentation is the joyous route leading you towards incremental growth and finding your own niche. I just made this up to better understand and consolidate this idea of practice and repetition. Because, I have been guilty of being the impatient, fidgety kind with attention scattered all over the place. I would love it ever so much to just strike GOLD at my first attempt. To get lucky at everything I decide to give a shot to. Wouldn’t we all love that though? Realising this makes me cringe at my own habits. Not being able to follow through seems to be something I wear as a badge of honour. Yikes.

Time and again, the world’s most brilliant minds and high performers have proven to us that it has taken them decades of intentional and deliberate consistency to become great at what they do.

The creative process isn’t something you can just ‘algorithmically predict’ to perfection. Sure. But shouldn’t this realisation make you want to keep churning out more work to find out what actually works through trial and error? And more often than not, I spin fabricated yarns woven by my own insecurity and sit in that swamp. Stagnant.

I often catch myself thinking, ‘I won’t share my work unless and until my idea is original and authentic, the kind that has never been spoken about.’ And while I have waited for this lightening moment to strike, I see people creating work that I had dreamt of creating in my head but never did. So basically, now I have learned to resent people when actually, its my own lack of inaction that’s deserving of blame. I didn’t wish to wallow in my own self pity, so I decided to adopt the David Goggins method of self-discipline. In this attempt, I started visualising the end result so that I could conjure up sufficient energy to keep going. And boy oh boy, does it work. I created a schedule to do the following:

Wake up early and research about the needs and wants of my target clientele/audience

Creating a growth graph for Studio Sonkind

I can’t keep stacking the names of people I have grown to resent, mainly because I failed to communicate effectively

I need to prioritise tasks that will propel me to move forward rather than indulging in activities that won’t. This is so hard though. Eeek.

Clive Thompson is a brilliant journalist whose counsel I’ve sought for years now. He offered me a caveat filled advise. He said, “It doesn’t matter how long it takes but always make sure you focus on creating a solid, credible and well-researched piece of work rather than a pile of less ambitious stack of work. Editors and employers can only confidently assign you work if you show them that you have been capable of doing it before.” I am going to take the liberty of reading between the lines here, and assume that refining a perfect long feature article would consist of scrapping dozens of rejected drafts.

Self-discipline is the key to keep yourself motivated on a daily basis. What rituals are non-negotiable for you? Let’s work on this strategy together shall we?

[studiosonkind]

The Power of Resonance

Clarity is power and the ability to sway another human being to beat the drum of your big idea or belief is magic. Ideally, such individuals come across as exceptional leaders. And some leaders don’t rank up higher on the professional ladder. They are just everyday people, with an exception of being magnetic and charismatic. The kind one wants to be around often. What sets them apart I wonder? What if brands had the same quality?

“At every minute of every day, you are either selling something or being sold something,” says Grant Cardone in his book ‘To Sell Or Be Sold.’ Each person walking on this face of earth carry their own brand with them. When you’re trying to sell people on your business or brand as a distinguished service, you’re ultimately selling yourself as best as you possibly can wouldn’t you agree?

At the core, it’s our ability to sell ourselves effectively that’s put to test everyday of our life isn’t it?

I have recently realised that people who are good at selling themselves are not only soaring higher in their business and work environments, but have exceptional relationships and lead a much more fulfilled life beaming with purpose.

For example, Prof. Huberman decided to lead with a mission of educating non academic folks about ‘Neuroscience’ outside of his teachings at University. Huberman Lab has almost become a brand in a way. He is relatable, approachable, and shying away from putting a spotlight on his own flaws isn’t even part of his repertoire. I think that’s what makes him ever so likeable. I look forward to Monday and his new episode with baited breath. Metaphorically speaking.

Along the same lines, there’s Matthew Hussey. For most part, it seems like he is reading my mind ergo his audience and their psyche.

Jedidiah Jenkins creates content in a way that calling it content would be an insult. It always seems like he is giving words to what’s already on my mind, giving voice to my inner monologues.

There’s something about these people that I would consider them my friend. Eventhough, we could never possibly be.

That’s the kind of brand, err, person I aspire to be.

Alive. Authentic. Engaged, immersed and in love with life.