#sorrypersonal

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love that my mum decided to be an absolute cunt to me again tonight on new years eve lol very typical! lol! last night i noticed the fridge wasn’t sealing properly and she got pissy with me and there was a bottle on an angle in the door and she was like “IT’S PROBABLY THAT!!!” and i was like “oh ok” and then tonight while she and dad were watching tv i found out that it was the little magnetic thing at the bottom that had gotten folded over and wasn’t sticking and was preventing the seal, so i told her/them and she was like “YES ALRIGHT” again instantly shitty w me... so then (hours later) i go in to say goodnight and take the dog out to pee and she’s standing by the fridge with dad like “magnet??? i don’t see a magnet???? what’s she(lol) talking about?!!??????” and i was like “what’s the problem?” and then she said “what magnet what are you talking about?” and i was like “the magnet at the bottom was getting folded over and stopping the seal on the door” and she made this like annoyed/disbelieving/rude noise and like gesticulated and i was like “why are you getting angry with me?” and she was like “BECAUSE I WAS SITTING DOWN WATCHING TV I CAN’T GET A MINUTES PEACE WHAT WITH THE DOG RUNNING AROUND AND YOU TALKING TO ME WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ABOUT IT????” and i was like “i don’t expect you to do fucking anything i was just letting you know!!! fucks sake!!!” and went outside w the dog and swore a bit outside and as i went off they both made like “oooooo” noises because i said the word “””fuck””” to her lmfao because she’s allowed to speak however the fuck she wants to people but if anyone does the same they’re hung drawn and quartered. anyway so now i’m in my room w my dog w the light off typing this before my trauma brain makes me forget/gaslights myselfs/gets gaslit by her so i can remember approximately what happened. even tho it was only a short tkme ago im mot even sure if this is accurate but like... imagine being the kind of person who gets literally furious w your kid for them telling you the fridge isn’t sealing properly so to keep an eye out like........ heheh cool

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tried to help a bee today, she was struggling in a puddle so i dried her off and warmed her up inside then let her go on an iris flower, hopefully she makes it back to the hive...

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so yesterday i nearly had a car accident because i got the worst vertigo of my life lmfao i’ve got the cold i had a few weeks ago back again and mum and i went out to a garden for lunch and walk around w merry and we got in the car to come home and drove about 5 minutes and i tried to pop my ears? by blocking my nose and blowing, anyway, it didn’t work and made everything start spinning and i had to try and quickly pull the car over into a parking area (almost hit a power pole) and then opened the door and spewed everywhere, and i forgot mum’s car is an auto so i took my foot off the break as i was throwing up and it started rolling forward KJLDFHSD i managed to put my foot back on the brake and then mum put it in park... but there were ppl in cars behind me trying to drive into the car park and my mum was in the passenger seat, but when i opened the driver door i’d pressed the lock-all-doors button and so she couldn’t get out, and i was so dizzy everything was spinning so i couldn’t do anything KJDFHJSDF anyway eventually she managed to press the button and got out and came around and got me out of the car and i went and sat down while she parked the car, then we gradually made it home having to stop a few times for me to throw up... it was a mess lmfao but i’m ok now - just super sick with a bad cold OTL but omg those poor ppl for like half an hour all they must have seen was me throwing up GHFGHJKDGFDFsdf

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things i would like in my future at some point in no order:

- boob reduction - hysterectomy - name change - healthier brain & healthier body - a loving partner who i am able to communicate honestly, openly and respectfully with and who feels that way about me too - a small house with a large yard (or enough land to grow some food - meat & vegetables) - chickens, and sheep/pigs - a couple of dogs, a couple of donkeys - bees - native plants to the area i’m living - thyme or clover instead of traditional lawn - fulfilling, enjoyable work that doesn’t feel antithetical to my beliefs (whatever they are) & life (whatever that is) - helping in some kid of volunteer capacity lgbtq+ people in rural areas (?)

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living in australia w depression n not being able to keep piles of clothes under control sucks cos... You’re Gunna Get Bit By A White Tail Spider And Get Gangreen Bro!

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my mum was asking about my depression the other day and like if there was anything Making me depressed or anythign that could change to make me less depressed and... part of me really wants to talk gender stuff w them because tbh having a breast reduction or something would probably help me A LOT but i just couldnt find the words and also im already in debt to them for the pins after the manufacturer fucked up so i can’t be having them like. offering to spot me the money for surgery too... mmmm also there’s the distinct likelihood that it wouldn’t go Smooth and it would be a massive shit fight.

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i know which puppy im getting hhhhjghfjh i went and visited with mum and dad today and all the other prospective owners were there and sue (the breeder) helped us pick which puppies would suit us and our homes best and mine is such a SWEET BOY im going to DIE i actually almost cried today ;;;;;;

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so mummy dog had her pups and they are all boys sdjhfksjdhf which I KNEW? i had like a Feeling that they would be. lol i knew it. i just never said it out loud because i didn’t want to Make It So. but i knew. i had a premonition. anyway i still want one i really don’t mind if he’s a boy! i just need to talk to my mum because she is REALLY against having a boy and i’m moving into her house and living there pretty much rent free so yea... we’ll see. but if i don’t get a dog soon i might......... die.