#sort of angsty

[beyondthegame]

Dude, Football and your writing? What else could a person want? We readers stay winning honestly. If it inspires you, “You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart" for L?

By many, L Santos has been described as a media darling. They know what to say. They know when it’s the right time to say something, and on the flip side, they know when to keep quiet.

If there was one aspect of their life they wish had never made the headlines, it would be their very, very public breakup with their fiancé(e). It’s something L hasn’t been able to escape: the questions about their almost marriage to a famous athlete, the questions about how L found out they were cheated on.

Those are the questions that almost make them crack, that threatens to break through L’s calm yet guarded exterior.

But L manages. Every single time.

“Is this a date?” L asks, their hand creeping across the table to to hold yours.

You blink. “I hope so.” You should take the plunge and wrap your fingers around L, trace their tattoos with your thumb—but you hold off for a moment.

“Hope?” they ask with a smile.

“We didn’t confirm beforehand,” you admit. “Plus, this place is a bit…too fancy for just two teammates bonding.”

L nods. Their eyes flit over your surroundings. You’re completely right. The two of you are sitting in the corner of highly rated restaurant. You’ve both had these moments, where it’s only the two of you spending time together, but you’ve both caught on to the fact that you’re past the territory of being friends.

“Fine,” L murmurs with a lopsided grin, “first date it is then. Besides, I think we—“

The grin on their lips is suddenly replaced with a look of surprise, then anger, and then a grimace is visible. L isn’t looking at you, their change in mood isn’t directed at you either, but instead to the one person they hoped they wouldn’t have to see again.

They swallow hard. “We should leave.”

You’re taken aback. “What?”

“My ex is standing over there,” L mumbles with pain in their voice. “We should go before I’m on the front cover of a tabloid.”

—

L didn’t waste any time leaving. They upped from their seat and bolted out the door, probably bringing more attention to themselves than they’ve even realised.

The cold air hits them when the two of you are outside. L doesn’t feel like crying or screaming…in a way they just feel numb.

“L…” you murmur when you take a step towards them.

They turn around and shake their head a little. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” L breathes out.

“Doing what?”

“This!” they exclaim whilst pointing between the two of you.

That’s a pang to the heart, and it hurts a lot more than you thought it would. “Is it because you’re still in love with your ex?”

L’s brows knit together, and that’s a question that brings anger out of them. “No! God, no.” They run a hand over their curls. “We shouldn’t take this any further because we’re teammates. We play for the same club, and sooner or later a relationship between us will get messy, and—“

“Do you like me, L?” you interject, jaw clenched and eyes full of curiosity.

L sighs. “What?”

“Do you like me?”

It’s the same question L has been asking themselves for over a month. A constant battle in their head and every time their feelings for you seem to win. So the answer is obvious. But they only nod.

“Then trust me,” you say as you edge closer towards them. “Trust us. Trust the scary, romantic feeling of butterflies one last time. I won’t break your heart like they did.”

[cheile]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tabor/Billy Telfer Characters: Tabor, Billy Telfer, Tal Celes, Harry Kim, The Doctor, Tom Paris, Freddy Bristow, Hennard, Chell, Malaika Swinn, Megan Delaney Additional Tags: Rarepair, Alternate Universe, Lower Decks Crew, Neurodiversity, Overcoming anxiety, Hazing, Angst and Feels Series: Part 3 of Rainbow vignettes Summary:

Sometimes what you've been searching for has been there all along.

The rarepair I’ve been planning for three years is finally done, lol.  This is set in the Rainbowverse and is mostly lower decks crew.  

BIIIIIG thanks to @elephant-in-the-pride-parade​ and @katesfire82​ for beta services rendered and my Trek discord groups for all the encouragement, cheerleading, writing sprints and general listening to me try to figure things out.   I hope everyone enjoys the read.

[photos courtesy of Trekcore]

[idyll-wilde]

i decided to participate in zelink week, which is run by my friends!! (check them out here!- @zelinkweek2021 )

here is for day one, facades (which is late— sorry about that!!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33621106

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[koolkat9]

If you're still taking kiss prompt requests, 20 with a pairing of your choice~

As soon as I saw this I immediately thought FrUK with Arthur finally being taller. Then I started writing it became more hurt/comfort than humourous. 

Prompt: Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

Pairing: FrUK (though it may be more ukfr, but either way...)

“Okay Angleterre, what’s this about?” Francis sighed as he made his way up the stairs. Normally he would humour his friend’s antics especially ones as strange and out of character as this one, today he couldn’t shake this heavy, tired feeling he woke up with. All he wanted to do right now was head back to his hotel room and curl up, but he trucked through to find out what exactly Arthur wanted.

He eventually came across the Brit at the top of the second set of stairs with a prideful grin. Dread set in as Francis wasn’t in the mood for their usual banter and he could practically see a witty phrase forming in the other’s head. He didn’t even have the energy to put on his regular smirk and instead began to climb the stairs to meet his lover. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Arthur asked, his facing falling into some form of concern. 

“Nothing. What’s this about?”

Arthur only ignored him, meeting him halfway. “Francis...you look exhausted.”

“I’m fin-” He was cut off by Arthur leaning down and silencing him with a kiss. It was a quick little thing, but the small peck was enough to make Francis’ facade of everything being fine cracked. As they pulled away, he allowed himself to sag forward, leaning against Arthur’s chest. Instinctively, Arthur’s arms wrapped around Francis, pulling him closer. One of his hands found its way into Francis’ hair and began to comb through it.

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” Arthur growled, though his true intent with his words was known from the soft affection he was giving, “especially about something like this? You would have my head if this was the other way around.” Francis let out a strained chuckle. He knew Arthur was right, but even with Arthur, who knew every part of him, he couldn’t help but hide and feel ashamed. At the same time, being in Arthur’s arms like this made him feel ten times better than before. 

They stayed like that for a good few minutes before Arthur suggested that they return to the hotel and Francis agreed. But before they made their way down, Francis pulled Arthur down into one more kiss. “I’m surprised you aren’t rubbing our new height difference in my face,” the Frenchman noted, feeling his playfulness return.

“What kind of jerk do you take me for?”

“A major one.”

Arthur’s face contorted into a scowl, “Why you little- you know what? I’m not going to bite because I’m not a jerk.” 

Francis let out another laugh, but allowed Arthur to guide him out all the same. As they made their way out, Arthur explained all the relaxing things they could do once they got back to their room. He could never bring himself to say, but Francis was thankful for Arthur always knowing exactly what he needed and what would make him feel better. 

Sometimes life became too much and the weight of their existence made Francis wish he could just disappear. It was rare nowadays, but it happened. Every time, Arthur had been there, lifting him up and comforting him in his own Arthur way, pushing him to keep going. Where he would be without his lover was something he didn’t want to think about. What mattered was that Arthur made him happy as much as he also annoyed him (if not more so). Even if he fell or broke into pieces, Arthur would be there to put him together once more. He couldn’t ask for more.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Arthur’s voice broke through.

Having been caught staring at Arthur, probably fondly, Francis felt his cheeks burn up. Trying to regain some of his suave air he replied, “just thinking about how much I love you.”

Luckily it got the reaction he wanted, as Arthur’s own cheeks turned bright red. As he watched his lover try to sputter out a witty remark, Francis knew he was going to be fine.  

[bumblingbee1]

I'm in a mood for angst.

Could you send please do some HC of the safehouse crew reaction to finding out that their children betrayed and was working with Perseus's team?

Pretty please? (Hope I'm not bothering ya)

*deep inhale* HOOOO BOY, this is gonna be a doozy 😅😅

Reader pronouns: Gender neutral Warnings: Angst, betrayal, mentions of blood, disownment and radicalization.

Context: 

[X] = Safehouse Crew character of your choosing.

You have always taken the Red Scare with a grain of salt, and hated how the mainstream media portrayed the Russians. “Here we go again with the “SoVi3Ts bAd” kinda thing.” In your eyes, it was never about who’s good or bad. It was a conflict of interest based heavily on clashing ideologies. Despite this disdain, only one person was a true hero in your eyes. Your parent, [X].

When you finds out just how CIA treated Bell (the brainwashing), you couldn’t believe it. To make it even worse, it was [X] who initiated the idea. Your heart fell right down to your stomach.

You didn’t know what to believe anymore. The supposed “good guys” would subject someone to this cruelty, yet preach kindness? Imagine what the US government has really been doing behind closed doors.

“The flag might be different, but the methods are the same.“

When nobody is looking, you reveal to Perseus’ agents that the CIA is on to them. Throughout every mission, you leaked intel to Robert Aldrich and his spy ring. Little did you know about Perseus’ true ambitions...

Throughout every mission it would turn out that Perseus always was one move ahead. But why? The crew does suspect that the heightened activity within Aldrich’s spy ring had something to do with it. However, no one had any idea you contributed to it.

Fast forward to post-Cuba fiasco (Park is saved here). The entire Safehouse Crew (including YOU) found out about Perseus’ plan to wipe out half of Europe. You felt like throwing up. None of Perseus’ agents ever informed you about this. Not Aldrich, not Volkov, not Stitch, not even Perseus himself. You were nothing but a little pawn. Nothing more.

Post-Solovetsky Ending:

Your heart was racing. How could you tell your parent, the one you used to look up to, as well as his/her team, that you were an accomplice? “Mom/Dad? I am so sorry...” Tears rolled down your cheeks.

Russell Adler:

“I never expected this from you. Had things turned out differently, those tubs of blood would be on your hands.”

At first, he contemplated disowning you. Then he put two and two together. 

Given what he did to Bell, even after they told the truth, he can’t fully blame you. Even if he wants to.

He’s devastated at just how Perseus had radicalized you.

If the pursuit of Perseus wasn’t personal, it sure is now.

It’s not over yet. Not by a long way.

You join in on this pursuit. 

Frank Woods:

“You chose to help out that fucking genocidal maniac?“

After finally cooling off, he listens to your side of the story.

Blames himself for not even considering the possibility of his kid betraying him like this.

“If you were to lie to us about where he’d be at, I wouldn’t know what to do.“

(You turning against Perseus may or may not have gotten Menendez’ attention...)

Alex Mason:

“Come on, Dad. After what happened to you in that Gulag, how can you justify this? At least Perseus doesn’t forcibly turn people against their own!“

He gets a bit taken back by this, given his experience in Vorkuta, especially his encounter with Viktor Reznov.

As such, he does see where you are coming from. 

In the end, he is beyond relieved that you fought by his side.

Lawrence Sims:

“How fucking could you?!“

Can’t believe that his own kid would side with the enemy.

Luckily, the government does not know the truth. The secret is 100% safe with him.

At the end of the day, he’s happy you didn’t get to the ‘point of no return’.

At the moment of truth, you were his hero.

Will do anything in his power to help de-radicalize you. 

He wants to be your hero again, and believes you can redeem yourself.

Helen Park:

“Bloody hell.“

Would never believe that her own child, of all people, would be radicalized by Perseus and his men. That made it hit extra hard.

“Sometimes, we have to get our hands dirty to keep the rest of the world clean.“

She’s grateful that you could see through Perseus’ wool over your eyes and stood by her.

Explains how Mk-Ultra works, and why she and Adler had to subject Bell to it (see below).

Jason Hudson:

“It’s not that cut and dry, kid!“

Explains how interrogation processes work.

Brief you on Bell’s background, and that they were Perseus’ second-in-command. You realized they were fully complicit and culpable in the nuclear threat.

“I should have never doubted you, Dad.“ 

Eventually, he’s happy you’re on his side. 

He’ll never fully cut you off, but he’s still terrified for you, given your impressionable nature.

He knows sheltering you will only make things worse.

If you didn’t do the right thing, you best believe he would do ANYTHING to get you back home. Even if it involves striking deals with Menendez.

[flowersandskeletons526]

“Doubts” - Lumity Fanfic

This was a short drabble I banged out in a few days so please forgive me if it’s a little shaky or rushed. It has been quite a while since I finished a fanfic

----

Amity presses her thumbs together, leaning forward with her elbows on her desk. A textbook sits beside her, untouched for the past three discussion topics, and a pencil rests idly between her fingers. The abomination professor drones on at the front of the room. Were it any other day, her attention would be on him as she diligently took her notes, but not now. 

To her right, Luz carefully draws more glyphs in her notepad for future use. Her tongue sticks out the corner of her mouth, and her eyebrows draw together as she finishes another. Amity thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. She watches Luz from the corner of her eye and tries her best to make her staring look like anything else. She counts her lucky stars that the human girl is so fixated on her drawings.

“Miss Blight!” the professor barks. Amity snaps upright and drops her pencil off the side of her desk. The entire class turns to look at her, Luz included, and her face becomes hotter than the surface of the sun. “Is my lecture not interesting enough to warrant your attention?”

Amity swallows hard. “No, sir. I’m sorry.”

The teacher narrows his eyes. “See me after class.” 

A chorus of oohs goes up from the class. Luz stares at her quizzically. Amity sets fire to the paper of the boy closest to her and effectively silences all of them. 

She forces her eyes to stay forward for the rest of the period. While everyone else leaves, she clutches her books like a shield in front of her and goes to face the professor. 

He raises an eyebrow at her. She clenches her jaw. “You haven’t been paying attention in class lately,” he says. “What is going on with you? You’re always a model student.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she says. “I’ve just been distracted.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed. You’re not very subtle, Miss Blight.”

Her face goes red. “Y-You have?”

“Yes, I have.” He pauses, and Amity’s stomach turns over. “You’re nervous about the exam on Friday!”

Amity feels a weight lift off her shoulders. “Right! The exam! Yes, I am very nervous about that.”

The professor laughs. “With your grades, you don’t have to be. Study like you normally do and you’ll do excellent. As long as you pay attention for the next few days, that is.”

“I will. Thank you.” 

Amity spins on her heel and all but runs out of the classroom. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she lets go of a heavy breath. She can’t imagine the embarrassment if her teacher of all people had outed her crush. 

She looks up and is greeted with wide brown eyes. “Amity!”

Amity squeaks and falls on her backside. “Can you stop doing that?!” she snaps. 

Luz flashes a beautiful bashful smile, grabbing Amity’s scattered books and offering a hand. “Sorry about that,” she laughs. The sound lifts Amity’s heart. “I just wanted to wait for you. Getting held after class is usually my deal.” 

Amity sighs. “It’s been a long day.” She reaches for her books.

Luz pulls back. “I’ll carry them for you! Sorry again for scaring you.”

Turning aside, Amity hides her red face. “It’s… fine. Thanks, Luz.” 

“Of course!” 

Amity starts down the hall with Luz bouncing along beside her. She keeps her head down, hiding her blush and avoiding Luz’s little glances in her direction. 

“Hey, so,” Luz begins, “I was looking around some of the old parts of the library and I found a book that I think could help me with finding more glyphs. I don’t really understand some of it, so I was wondering if maybe you could help me look over it?” 

“Oh, um, sure! I just need to make up an excuse for my parents.”

“Oh yeah. Owl house is forbidden. Right.” Luz stops in front of Amity, their faces inches apart. Amity’s heart jumps into her throat. “You will come over though?”

“Sure.” 

You know it’s not like you hope. Why would it be?

“Awesome! I have to go meet Gus and Willow, but I’ll see you tonight!” 

“Y-Yeah…” 

Amity takes her books numbly and watches Luz take off down the hall. Her lips curl into a smile as her heart flutters, but the feeling only lasts for a moment. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and heads off to her next class. 

---

Sitting in her window, Amity pulls her legs to her chest and rests her head on her knees. The day had continued to crept by, and she has yet to find an excuse to sneak away to the owl house. It’s not like she can tell them she’s going to visit the wanted criminal and the human witch. 

Amity takes a breath and steels her resolve. A simple illusion spell shouldn’t be too hard, just enough for her to sneak out and sneak back in unnoticed. She runs headfirst into Edric and Emira standing outside her door. 

“Going somewhere, Mittens?” Edric chirps. 

“Study group,” Amity says, “if you two would get out of my way.”

“Study with who?” Emira asks. 

“Friends.” 

“Friends?”

“Yes, friends.”

Edric grins. “It’s the human, isn’t it?”

Amity bristles, going bright red as she looks down. The twins share a look. She rubs the back of her neck and swallows her pride. “Will you two please, y’know, cover for me? I just can’t-”

“Mittens, we get it.” Emira’s smug grin softens. “If you wanted to go hang out with your girlfriend, you could’ve just said so. I mean, study group? You couldn’t come up with something better?”

“S-She’s not my girlfriend!” Amity splutters. 

“With the way you two were at Grom? Could have fooled me.” 

“That wasn’t, I mean, we were just… ugh, shut up! And we are studying. I’m helping her understand a textbook.” She sighs and bites the inside of her cheek. “She doesn’t know, okay? And if either of you tell her, I’m going to drown you both!” 

Edric puts his hands up. “Hey, we’re not that cruel!”

Emira smirks. “And it’s not like we need to. If she hasn’t caught on by now, I don’t think she would believe us if we spelled it in twenty foot tall letters.” 

“Yeah, you’re not exactly subtle.”

Amity sighs. “That’s the second time I’ve been told that today.” 

If she hasn’t noticed by now, she doesn’t want to.

“We’re not surprised.” Edric ruffles her hair and nudges her down the hall. “We’ll cover.”

“Be home before nine,” Emira adds.

“Thanks, guys.” 

Amity gives them a grateful smile before hurrying out of the mansion. She does her best to keep out of sight until the owl house comes into view. Thoughts of Luz pop into her head, from her cheerful grin to her sparkling eyes to her excessive affection. She thinks of Luz’s hands on her waist as she catches her and spins her around. She thinks of pressing her face to Luz’s neck as she carries her to the healer’s. Her mind conjures the thought of Luz holding onto her, hands cupping her face as her chest tightens and their lips meet and-

Amity stumbles.

You’re making a fool of yourself.

Shaking her head, she squashes her racing heart and approaches the house. She somehow manages to forget about the bird tube until it flies out of the door at her.

“Hiiii Amity! Luz is inside!”

Amity squawks and falls back. Growling, she lifts a leg to kick the stupid guardian in the face. 

“Hooty! Stop it!” Luz waves him away, and he retreats back into the door. Flashing that sparkling smile, she takes Amity’s hand and pulls her to her feet. “Sorry about him.”

“I told you, I’m going to destroy it the next time it talks to me,” Amity snarls. 

Luz laughs nervously and takes Amity’s hands in hers, stopping her from casting any spells. Amity’s face grows hot as she avoids those wide puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, how about we save the destruction for another day?” 

“Next time you’re not stopping me.” 

“Heard. Come on!” 

Luz pulls her inside and leads her to her bedroom. She plops down on a mat in the middle of the floor. Amity sits beside her. 

“I still don’t understand how you sleep here,” she remarks.

“It’s really not that bad,” Luz says. She opens a dusty book with a cracked cover in her lap. “I’m guessing it doesn’t compare to Blight Mansion, though.” 

Amity shrugs. “You’d be surprised.” 

Luz hums, drumming her fingers on the book. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Is your family the reason you work so hard to be top student?”

Amity sighs and pulls her knees up to her chest. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Yeah.” Luz bumps their shoulders together and offers a gentle smile. “I’ve got you.” 

Amity smiles. “So, this is the book you wanted to show me?”

“Oh, yeah!” She brushes off the cover and opens it to a brittle yellow page marked with a folded up drawing of King. “So, I was looking it over and found all these weird drawings in it, but I can’t really understand the captions. This one sort of looks like the glyph for fire magic but it doesn’t quite fit, and this one I tried to draw but it didn’t do anything and the picture is faded so maybe I just didn’t…”

Amity can’t quite focus as Luz goes on. She finds herself staring as Luz’s eyes shine, alight with curiosity and excitement that lifts Amity’s heart. Resting her head on her knees, she watches Luz ramble, not listening in the slightest until Luz stops. 

“Hey, Amity, you listening?” 

“Hm? Oh! Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Man, you’re spacey today.”

“A little.”

Luz scoots closer. Amity freezes. Planting one hand behind the green haired girl, Luz leans over her shoulder and balances the book on their legs pressed together. “This is the one I couldn’t get. I tried drawing it but it didn’t do anything.” 

“What does it do?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You’re going to blow yourself up. Again.”

“Maybe!”

Amity laughs and looks at the page. “I can’t really tell. Maybe try drawing in more lines?”

“I don’t know if that will work, though. I don’t think they’ll do anything if I don’t draw them exactly right.”

“How do you draw them?”

“Here! I’ll show you.” Discarding the book, she grabs her pad and pencil and places that on Amity’s knee instead. “This is the light glyph that I showed you the first time. You just draw the circle and make a few shapes, add these lines, and once it’s done, you press it.”

She taps the drawing. The paper curls up into a ball of light that rises into the air above them. Amity watches, awestruck despite the simplicity of the spell. Luz sets the pencil on her leg and draws her back in.

“You try.” 

“Okay.” 

Amity draws the circle and makes the shapes, adds the lines and then erases them as Luz’s correction. She presses one finger into the center of the drawing. It glows and rises between them. Luz cups the light in her hand like she’s holding the sun, right beside Amity’s heart, and lifts it up to her. It casts gentle shadows across her face. 

She grins. “Magic.” 

Their eyes lock. Amity’s mouth outpaces her mind and readies her tongue before she can stop it. “Hey, Luz?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re doing the wrong thing?”

Her grin disappears. Amity wishes she had kept her mouth shut. Luz lowers her head, but she doesn’t pull away. “I do. A lot. I… don’t really fit in, in the human world. They think I’m weird. I’m not actually supposed to be here. My mom thinks I’m at a camp that will teach me how to act normal.” 

“Humans have that?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to explain all this to her when I go back and I haven’t changed like she wants me to.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“I do have to go back eventually, Amity. I don’t want to, but I can’t disappear on her once the summer is over.”

Amity’s stomach drops.

You aren’t from the same world. You always forget that.

“I meant you don’t have to change.” 

Luz looks up. Their faces are inches apart. Amity cages the butterflies in her stomach and takes a deep breath. 

“I like you the way you are. I wouldn’t ever want you to change.” 

Luz doesn’t respond. She presses her face against Amity’s shoulder and sighs. Amity wraps an arm around her shoulders. She closes her eyes and buries her face in Luz’s hair, trying to keep her composure as the human girl shifts until she’s practically laying on Amity’s chest. 

“I like you, too,” Luz mumbles. “You’re my best friend.”

Ouch.

“You’re mine, too.” Amity holds her tighter. “You fit in here.”

“Amity.” Luz untangles from their embrace and lifts her head. “Do you ever feel like you’re going the wrong way?”

Amity avoids Luz’s eyes. “I go where I’m supposed to. Right or wrong doesn’t matter.”

“But what if you could choose?”

Luz catches Amity’s gaze and holds it. Everything feels too warm between them, and Amity struggles to align her thoughts. She could hardly function with Luz simply smiling at her, and now here they are, inches apart with Luz refusing to let her look away. 

“I would want to come here.”

“I want that, too.”

Without warning, Luz cups Amity’s cheek and presses their lips together. Amity bristles, eyes wide and disbelieving before she finally relaxes into the kiss. Her hands find Luz’s waist as Luz tangles her fingers in her hair. 

They stay close together when they break apart. Amity watches Luz with her eyes half closed as she holds her tight. 

“I like you,” Luz says. “I want to stay here with you. I don’t want to go.”

Amity tilts her head. Her face burns red as she presses another gentle peck to Luz’s lips. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.” Luz closes her eyes. “This is a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

She’ll only have to leave in the end.

“Do you think we can just stay here for now? No more picking where we have to go?”

You know that.

“Okay.” 

You’ll only get hurt.

Amity focuses on the girl in her arms, fears and paths and goodbyes and magic set aside for the moment. Luz wraps her arms around Amity’s neck and pulls them as close together as possible. Amity’s face burns. Her heart hammers away in her chest and drowns out all the doubts in her mind. She kisses the top of Luz’s head, and the human girl giggles against her chest. She grins. She can barely hear the nagging voice in the back of her mind, but still, she closes her eyes and prays.

Please, don’t let this hurt.

[galeswetdoeeyes]

The thing with Jaskier was that he knew the terror of the world. He knew the cruel breaths that anticipated an execution, knew the metallic tang of guilt and grief, heartbreak and rejection. He knew it all, knew it so well he could and had written dozens upon dozens of ballads about those very themes. His smile was still untarnished by all the bloodshed. Geralt knew that Jaskier wasn't a delicate flower, very far from it. He knew the bard was as vicious and dangerous as any wolf, maybe even as twisted and cruel as the very men he usually fought against, bared teeth and snarling as a wounded animal. But he was so kind. Maybe it was inherent human nature, something all humans did just like their neighbours, but Geralt didn't think so. Jaskier's kindness always smelt different from anyone else's; his laughter and his mirth a warm blanket over his feet in a cold night rather than the rash flash of sunlight that followed nights on a dungeon, like most people's were. He was so misleading, without even seeming to intend to. His loud clothes were puffy in all the right places to make him non-threatening, always soft and perfumed as if to nod that he is but nothing more than a spoiled noble. Only Geralt seems to see the blood under his nails, the scars on his arms, the steel behind his eyes. Only Geralt seems to see bravery and courage where everyone else sees cowardice and bravado. Jaskier is soft the way leather was soft after too much wear, the way linen feels after a lifetime of use. He was gentle the way autumn wind is, the way early morning sun always hits. There was chaos to be found within him, but not as much as he liked to pretend; there was much more stillness hidden in the nights they spent away from any other soul, a calm peace lulled by Jaskier's humming voice, as soothing a space as his meditative trances are. Jaskier is restless, unrelenting and infuriatingly stubborn but Geralt finds in him a type of steadiness he hasn't found anywhere else. There is order to the bard's mess, systematic in the way nature tends to be; predictable, even, if you pay attention. Geralt finds he can't not pay attention. He doesn't know why Jaskier is the way he is, he doesn't know if all humans can be like that or if Jaskier came a little twisted in the head. It doesn't matter though. No one ever smelt like Jaskier does. He looks at the bard sleeping across the campfire from him, sprawled like a starfish and mouth hanging open. Even then, the softness of his off-white chemise clashes against the dark hair on his chest, against the forearms that strain the embroidered puffy sleeves. The low light of the fire makes him soft around the edges Geralt knows to exist; his bony elbows and sharp collarbones are gentled by the dancing light, his trimmed and combed hair falling in disarray with his fringe flopping against its growth direction. Years past, Geralt had bawled at the bard's presence. Years down the line, Geralt can't imagine a life where he doesn't have the certainty of sky blue eyes waiting for him to wake up.

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Fictober no. 1: not hard to forget

Day 1 of Fictober has arrived! And I have decided to take this prompt from @hphm-fictober and put a romantic spin on this.

Prompt: So Close

---

“You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not!”

“Wait, you’re not?”

“I can’t dance for the life of me!”

Barnaby’s goofy smile quickly turned into a frown as he looked at his girlfriend crumble and shake her head. Merlin, he knew he shouldn’t have pressed her, but the graduation ball was coming up and if there was one thing he really wanted to do with her...

It wasn’t easy to keep their relationship going with the final curse looming over their heads last year. Hell, Clara had more on her mind with the prophecy and the threats from ‘R’ and her siblings’ safeties and the emotional burdens and pressure that came with the responsibilities of being Hogwarts’ resident curse-breaker. Any average student would crumble under all of the weight, but Clara was somehow able to keep it together. Even if all of this gave them no time to be alone together, Barnaby still showed her his support--brought a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate when she was cold, hugged her when she was about to break.

The memories of their romance before the final Vault remained like ghosts haunting his mind. The Celestial Ball, the first date at Madam Puddifoot’s...to the both of them, they sounded like memories from another era, before the final curse ultimately took a toll on Clara, leaving her completely shattered.

If only Barnaby could be the glue to fix her.

Was there still time to fix her?

Barnaby wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to him so her head buried into his shoulder. He felt her heartbeat pounding against his chest, rapid in her worry compared to the slower steadier pulse of his own.

“I can’t. I don’t want to. I...” Clara’s voice was muffled against his shirt as she spoke. “It’s hard.”

Hard to get over what happened in the Vaults, or hard to dance? It couldn’t be the latter, right?

“They almost killed me. It’s not hard to forget.”

“I know.” Barnaby softly kissed the top of her head and slowly rubbed her back with a hand. “I know.”

“They almost killed them. They almost killed...you.”

It wasn’t hard to forget.

They all went together to the last Vault, all of them. If ‘R’ wanted an army, Clara would have to bring her own, and no one backed down from the challenge despite the threat that came with the White Quill. Intended to collect, they told her. Intended to reap. The soul of a friend would mean a piece of a complete puzzle forever lost forever taken away. And Barnaby, he took a curse for her again in hopes that she still remained standing. He took a curse that made him scream in insanity.

Had it not been for the shred of sanity that remained in Rakepick, he would have been dead.

Yet he somehow remained standing. The tight circle of friends still remained whole. They won the war, but at a permanent cost--the happiness of their curse-breaker friend.

“What if they did follow through? What if they...”

“They didn’t. They won’t,” Barnaby murmured firmly into her ear. “We’re still here. I’m still here. And I’ll never leave you.”

“Just promise me you won’t try to save my life like that again,” Clara sobbed quietly into his shoulder. “I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.”

“Hey. I don’t regret it.”

“What?” Clara glanced up at him then, her brown eyes watery from tears and her glasses smudged.

“You pulled me along and I’m grateful for it. Without you, I wouldn’t have found friends. I wouldn’t have found...acceptance and love.” Barnaby reached up and took off Clara’s glasses, wiping them with the hem of his shirt and putting them back on her face. “I love every minute with you no matter what we do. I love being with you.” He reached down and picked up her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I love...you.”

For a minute, Clara remained stunned, her face turning a bright crimson with his words. Their eyes met, brown against green, and for a second she thought the entire night sky twinkled in those emerald irises of his. So close, she thought. I’ve never felt...this intimate with anyone before.

“I...”

Her heartbeat slowed the longer she stared into his eyes, the gleam of sincerity flashing before her vision, and she squeezed his hand back.

“I love you too, Barnaby Lee.”

The soft murmur was enough to bridge the gap between the eras of their romance.

“Then, if you don’t mind my asking again...”

“There’s no need to.” Clara’s lips slowly turned up in a small smile--a secret smile that Barnaby missed seeing so much. “Yes. I’ll be your date to the graduation ball.”

It wasn’t hard to forget the unforgivable things ‘R’ did to her. It wasn’t hard to forget the toll the Cursed Vaults had on her. But now, with Barnaby’s arms around her, she knew there was time to fix what was broken.

She knew there was a future...a future, with him.