this is @lesfemmesdangereuses (kate’s) fault really because of this post: http://lesfemmesdangereuses.tumblr.com/post/164973117703/omg-your-theory-is-alive-with-the-new-spoilers
Liv’s getting her stomach pumped and Aaron’s never chewed so hard on his nails before.
Because it’s his fault this has happened.
He hadn’t even noticed her slipping, falling into this pattern of coming home wreaking of mint and having wide eyes and basically being a live wire into crashing out on the sofa and having to be shaken awake.
But he didn’t and that’s why he found her half dead near the cricket pavilion, school uniform still on, hand clasping an empty bottle of something brown -
A bottle of mints falling out all over the wooden planks.
A metaphor for the truth being revealed to Aaron in the most ugly way imaginable.
That truth, that undeniable truth now, was that Liv had a problem which most people realise when they’ve hit their fortieth and they really need that glass of wine to get them off to sleep.
Liv’s got a drink problem.
And it’s not alright, it won’t be okay, Aaron can’t fix it or take away her pain.
He can’t do anything about it.
He’s just staring into her room and she looks so small laying there. She’s got a bruise on her arm and probably one on her shoulder too from the way Aaron was trying to shake her awake, voice hoarse, eyes filling with tears and she stayed limp like a doll.
She isn’t moving now either.
The sound of squeaky shoes coming his way make Aaron’s shoulders tense up, make him cross his fingers over and shove them down into his jacket pocket before blowing out a breath.
But then the sound is stopping, being replaced with another, someone calling out, panic in their voice about getting through, being able to see Liv and Aaron knows who it is without even thinking.
“Please, alright. I need to see her, I need to know if she’s okay. Please let me know.”
It’s heavy, filled with this sense of deep fair and despair and complete loss of control and Aaron knows, he just knows.
A nurse is coming towards him, explaining how a man wants to come through, if it’s okay, if he’s family and Aaron is stunned into a silence.
He isn’t. Not anymore. But he nods, almost involuntarily and then he’s coming forward.
Robert’s there, all burgundy suit and wide eyes and flushed cheeks like he’s trying not to cry.
“Diane said - she said that she saw an ambulance taking Liv away.” Robert’s saying, mouth gapped open, something lost in his eyes.
Aaron just nods, raises his head a fraction so that he’s looking just at Robert’s shoes.
“Is she going to be okay?’ Robert’s asking, like he can’t stop it gushing out of him and Aaron can’t speak, nothing is being processed until Robert’s coming closer and he’s got a hand on Aaron’s shoulder and he explodes.
"Get the fuck off of me.” Aaron seethes, he has tears crashing down his face as he lo is at the surprise written all over Robert’s face. “This.” He points at Liv through the glass and then Robert. “It’s all your fault.” He’s saying, “She’s laying in there and she could have fucking died and it would have been your fault.”
Robert’s eyes are wide, he has a hand running through his hair and he won’t stop the way he’s looking at Aaron.
“Aaron, I’m sorry.” He says, and Aaron has never wanted to hate him more.
It’s dark by the time a nurse comes out and tells Aaron that she’s stable, that she can have visitors now.
Aaron doesn’t want to see her though, and he feels terrible about it because he needs to go in there and explain what happened and he has to hear her try to tell him what was going through her head and he knows.
He knows she was angry about Robert and the baby.
He knows she was heartbroken about her brother being a mess, about losing someone who was almost her brother too.
He knows, he fucking knows that she didn’t want Alex sharing dinner with them in the pub and being there when she gets back from school but -
Aaron raises his head and Robert is standing by the coffee machine, he’s trying to get something out, digging up and then slamming his fist against it and Aaron feels something jolt in his heart.
His feet walk towards him slowly, he presses the big black button and then a coffee is sliding out.
Robert has his forehead pressed against the machine and he slowly peels it away.
“Thanks.” He says and then he’s looking at Aaron.
Aaron can see the redness around Robert’s eyes, wonders where the hell he went after Aaron ran off and cried in the toilets for half an hour.
“How is she?” Robert says, like he’s daring to and knowing that he is on thin ice already.
Aaron huffs out a breath and walks back towards the chair, a silent invitation to Robert is somehow given and he holds his gaze until they’re both sitting down, knees touching.
“She’s stable.” Aaron drops his head. “Lucky apparently but - it doesn’t feel that way.” He says and then Robert is blinking quickly and Aaron’s leaning closer. “Rob, she’s got a problem, and it’s bad and I can’t help her.”
Robert doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and then he’s nodding his head.
“You can.” He forces out, eyes wet. “You can help her through anything.”
Aaron scoffs, “Really? Between shouting at you and inviting Alex round for a pint.”
And he sees, just out of the corner of his eye, the way Robert winces.
“I’ve failed her.” Aaron admits, head in his hands as she rocks back and off. “I should have focused on her like I said I would, I told her I would and I didn’t -”
Robert gulps, “You tried you’re best. You know how she is, what she’s like. We both know.”
Aaron shudders, “Exactly.” He snaps, “She’s up to no good even at the best of times and now - since we - when I -” he drops his head and something crashes through him. “I shouldn’t have blamed you like that.” He admits, knows that it isn’t true. “Because I know it wasn’t just you, I’ve been - I haven’t been civil have I?”
Because he’s thrown insults when he can.
He’s been mean, he’s tried to make Robert stop looking at him like he’s still so in love with him by throwing daggers his way, seeing a Doctor.
“I don’t blame you. I never could.” Robert admits, holds his coffee close to him and then shudders.
And Aaron can’t look past it, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t see the way Robert cares. He’s cried over Liv, he’s been petrified today too.
“I can’t do this.” Aaron whispers, says it like a fact. “I’m a mess myself and she’s going to need me, she’s going to need me so much.”
“And you’ll get through it.”
“I can’t Rob.” He says tearfully and he can hear the way Robert hitches a breath.
“You’ll - you have your whole family behind ya, you’ve got your mum, Aaron it’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
And it’s been so long since Robert’s said it like that, since Aaron’s heard it and felt a warmth spread through his chest and settle him.
“And you’ve got me.” Robert’s voice wavers and Aaron lifts his head. “If it comes down to it, I’ll make sure she gets the help she needs. Privately, close by. I’ll get her the best place to help -”
Aaron frowns harshly, huffs out a sigh. “How many times? I don’t want you throwing your cash around -”
“That’s not what this is about Aaron.” Robert says seriously, a hand on his thigh nervously. “I just - I want her to be happy.” His chin wobbles. “Because I took that away. I did that. You were right. And maybe, maybe if I hadn’t -” he drops his head. “Then she wouldn’t have thought drink was what could help her cope with -”
Aaron doesn’t expect the way he places a hand over Robert’s but he does.
“She needs me.” Aaron whispers, and Robert nods. Aaron bites at his lip and a flicker of something runs through his vision, Robert hugging Liv and telling her that they’ve got their Aaron back. He hadn’t meant to hear Liv say that she couldn’t have done it without Robert, got through it all. Liv needed him then and, she needs him now. “And you.”
Robert’s eyes widen and Aaron keeps his hand where it is.
“I’m not saying, I’m not -” Aaron fumbles around on his words, feels a tear fall down his face. “Believe it or not, she lost a brother when we broke up and it hurt her so much more than I thought it would. She loves ya.” Aaron shrugs. “So I’m asking -”
“You don’t need to ask.” Robert interrupts quickly, as quickly as he can.
Aaron sniffs gently and then slowly peels his hand away from Robert’s. “If we just put aside our own shit then we can just focus on getting her help yeah?” Robert nods. “So you’ll be there? You’ll help her, me?”
“Of course I will.” Robert whispers, biting down on his lip and Aaron says thank you with a soft worried smile.
The light from Liv’s room soaks through Aaron’s vision and he gulps hard as he looks towards the door.
“You be strong in front of her okay? And then, then you can cry when you’re with me.” Robert tells him and Aaron finds it too comforting to hear, so he nods and he stands and he gulps.
For a second, he wants to run and then he looks back at Robert. “Can you - do you mind if -”
And Robert raises to his feet quickly.
Aaron wavers, waits until Robert is beside him and then he’s pushing open the door. He’s smiling softly and Liv and he can feel Robert pressing a hand on his lower back and everything feels heavy and sad in the air but it’s going to be okay.
