The first of these to actually be written post-hiatus
Series 3, Episode 4 “Dawn of the Gods”
Everyone is so bored they're playing space monopoly with Orac. I'm pretty sure back when Roz was first watching the series I made a reference to this, and she thought I was joking. NOPE. Vila is losing and complaining, Orac is really into it, Tarrant is actually flying the ship and notices they're going off course.
Tarrant deciphers Orac logic and realizes there's a traction beam pulling them to dun dun dun...Sector 12. Except actually they're falling into a black hole, which Orac is responsible for because he thinks black holes are cool.
Avon tries to put on a spacesuit because that's going to be really helpful in this situation, and Tarrant tries to stop him because ??? I guess it's super important to him that they all die together? Also Avon comes back to consciousness in karate chop mode which is great.
"One day, Avon, I may have to kill you."
"It has been tried."
I love how Avon's most genuine smiles are when he's receiving death threats. I also love that Avon goes to wake up Vila, resulting in the line, "I'm in hell, and it's full of Avons."
Anyway, Orac has taken over the Liberator, Cally is unconscious and is in the medical bay surrounded by everyone except Vila, who is apparently keeping a hidden flask on the flight deck now. Cally is, naturally, receiving psychic communications from something that was thought mythical on Auron, Thaarn. Tarrant turns Orac off briefly but it's kind of late for that because they're clearly not in Kansas, that is, normal space, anymore. Tarrant's solution is to shoot at all the nothing, which is predictably not helpful, they are just shooting at themselves somehow.
Vila says nothing will get him in a spacesuit and out investigating, but of course that's what the show immediately cuts to and this is one of my favorite clichés ever. Instead of nowhere, they are definitely in a cave. Vila plays dead to get back on everyone for sending him out alone, which is great, except no one seemed all that put out. Anyway, they figure out someone or something is after part of the Liberator.
Down on the surface, the crew is menaced by...a golf cart with teeth painted on? The meet a guy in a top hat who works for Thaarn and wants to buy their ship. Cally eventually tells the story of Thaarn, one of the founders of the Auronar who was cast out.
There's a space accountant (because Thaarn hates computers), and a misunderstanding where the crew tricks top hat guy into thinking Orac is a person (specifically a bald dwarf). Zen's defenses destroy some of the slaves sent to cut up the Liberator, and I'm seriously shocked that someone remembered he could do that. Thaarn wants to take over the universe, with Cally at his side 'cuz he's lonely, but she tricks him into lowering his defenses and shoots stuff, so go Cally. She spares Thaarn after a Wizard of Oz type reveal and they escape and head off to go notify the space accountant's family of his fate. Thaarn is still out there doing his thing, I guess
So...this episode is all over the place, but it has some great lines and Cally gets to be clever and do stuff, so I found myself liking it more than it probably deserves. I mean, at least it wasn't as boring as Volcano. What makes me so sad though is that all the model shots are using the teeny low-quality Liberator that was supposed to be used for distance shots and not the big pretty one. Now that I'v started noticing that, I'll never be able to stop. Also, we're in for a Ben Steed episode next so I can already feel myself getting angry, brace yourselves.
A quick question for you - does anyone have estimates of how many planets Titus, Kalique and Balem own respectively? I think it’s safe to say that Titus owns the fewest and Balem owns the most, but we only have a number for one of the siblings (Titus tells Jupiter his inheritance consisted of four small planets).
My personal headcanon is that while Titus only has a handful of planets, Kalique possesses hundreds and Balem owns thousands, if not tens of thousands. I also choose to think that Titus originally had dozens of planets but gambled them away/gave them out frivolously to lovers and favourites, inadvertently impoverishing himself.
But what about you? Who do you reckon is the most influential/richest player of space monopoly?
