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Nice and Weird

Today is my darling @desperatelyseekingcannibals‘ birthday and so I wrote a little thing featuring their favourite movie Mads (Elias, from Men and Chicken) and their favourite movie Hugh (Grigg, from the Jane Austen Book Club). Happy birthday to my dear friend Max, I hope you enjoy <3<3<3

Also on AO3.

It all started with an argument. Well, less an argument than Jocelyn telling Grigg why he was wrong and Grigg trying to be pleasant while defending himself. It was something she’d always done, when they were dating and only slightly less now that they weren’t. Grigg didn’t mind it, really; Joss meant well, she just had this unfortunate habit of always believing she was right about everything. Unfortunately, what started as a fairly good-natured discussion about the relative merits of paper versus e-books (Joss, inevitably, was wedded to her dead trees, while Grigg, equally inevitably, was delighted by the way that touchscreens felt like something straight out of the future) had now descended into a personal attack on Grigg’s good nature.

“You’re talking out your ass, Joss,” Grigg told her, patience at having his personality dragged through the mud wearing thin.

“It’s true!” she retorted. “You’re completely undiscerning. You like everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re rude, or boring, or stupid. My dogs are choosier about the company they keep!”

“Clearly untrue, given that they happily spend most of their time with you!”

“Keep it civil, you two,” Bernadette murmured, from her seat opposite them. Most of the other club members had wandered off into Allegra’s kitchen, waiting for Joss and Grigg to finish their bickering before the official discussion could recommence.

“All I’m saying is, it’s lovely that you’re so, well, lovely,” Jocelyn offered (all typical alpha condescension, in Grigg’s opinion), “but if you just like everybody by default, it’s basically the same as not liking anybody at all! It doesn’t mean anything when you like someone, if you just automatically like everyone.”

“Look, I still think that’s crap, and an excuse for you being your usual judge-first-ask-questions-later self, but it’s not even true anyway. I don’t like everybody,” Grigg protested.

“No?” Joss looked at the omega doubtfully. “Name one single person you don’t like. Just one and I’ll drop the whole thing.”

“Fine. Easy,” Grigg told her.

“Real people, Grigg, not politicians or celebrities,” came the proviso.

“No problem.” There were plenty of people he couldn’t stand. Must be dozens of them.

It was just that Grigg was having real difficulty bringing one to mind right now.

Minutes passed as Grigg racked his brains, and a smug smile spread across Joss’ face. It was infuriating enough for Grigg to simply grab the first name that came to mind. “Well… Elias is pretty weird…”

Elias was the new member of the book club, having joined three months previously. He had moved all the way from Denmark to California, after some incident with his family that no one could quite grasp the nature of. Apparently he had decided his destination by throwing a dart at a map, instead of considering such little details as where he might get a job, or the fact that he knew no one in the country, let alone the state. It was the latter issue that had brought him to the book club, after meeting Bernadette at a speed dating event. She hadn’t wanted to date the alpha, but had taken pity on the strange man, who clearly didn’t have anybody in his life, and had invited him to join their group. It wasn’t her most popular decision.

None of the other members could stand Elias, with his awkward manners and brusque attitude, with the way he would talk over them and criticise their opinions. He was loud, opinionated, obnoxious and eccentric. More than eccentric, frankly, he was just plain weird, given to flights of Walter Mitty-like exaggeration about his accomplishments and his prowess as an alpha. Elias was rude. He was overbearing. He was horribly pedantic. He was just, well, really hard to like.

(Even if Grigg did rather enjoy the way Elias would ride roughshod over Jocelyn’s opinions. And the dry sense of humour he displayed when he wasn’t being a jackass. And the way he would give out hugs for no reason at all, holding Grigg against his large, warm, surprisingly solid body. And the way he smelled fucking fantastic, the kind of scent that would make even a beta sit up and take notice, and was, to Grigg’s sensitive omega nose, good enough to take a bath in.)

He was also, judging by Bernie’s horrified expression and the rough inhale of breath behind Grigg, standing right behind him.

Grigg cringed, and turned slowly, to be met with teary eyes and a trembling mouth that sat oddly on a fifty-ish bull of a man.

“Elias, I didn’t,” Grigg started, but with a strangled noise, Elias dropped the book he had been holding and rushed from the house.

“Oops,” Jocelyn said, insincerity dripping from every pore, and it was all Grigg could do not to give her a telling off in the middle of Allegra’s living room. Instead he simply glared at her and took off after Elias, grabbing the dropped book and shoving it inside his jacket as he went.

Grigg ran out into the street, hurriedly strapping his helmet on and craning his neck to see which direction Elias had gone in. The alpha’s size was a blessing in this case, Grigg easily catching sight of his thatch of greying curls as he ran in the direction of the park. Grigg hopped onto his bike and set off in pursuit, weaving through traffic with a recklessness that was completely unlike him. He had the strangest need to get to Elias and make everything better between them, like something was tugging at him from the inside. He could feel it almost like a physical tether, dragging him towards the alpha. Not like when he was in heat and the desire to find and bed an alpha was almost irresistible, more that he wanted to protect Elias from the hurt he had caused, wrap him in his arms for once and soothe the pain away.

Maybe Joss was right about him being unable to dislike anyone.

Grigg skidded into the park, nearly knocking a guy down in the process and not even stopping to check if he was alright. Every bone in his body was telling him not to lose Elias, to keep him in his sights until he caught up and could make him listen. So he yelled an apology and kept moving, speeding up when he caught sight of Elias heading straight for the other side of the park, beyond which Grigg was sure to lose him in the bustle of shops and traffic. Grigg put his head down and pedalled harder, determined not to let that happen, easily gaining on Elias now that there was no traffic in the way and a decent path beneath him. When he was close enough, he began shouting the alpha’s name, ignoring the disapproving looks he got for disrupting the relative peace.

“Elias!” Finally, after ignoring him for a good minute, Elias acknowledged Grigg’s calls and turned to watch him approach. Grigg’s stomach dropped as he realised the man had been crying, and the need to make things right grew unbearable. He slid to a halt and stumbled off his bike, dropping it carelessly to the ground. “Elias, I’m so-”

Elias cut him off with a raised hand. “It is alright, Grigg, you do not have to explain,” he sniffed, tears still running down his face. “I am aware that nobody likes me and I am not welcome to be in the club. I thought perhaps you were different, because you let me hug you and do not run away like the girls, but I see now that you were only being polite.” He drew himself up tall, trying to look arrogant and imposing, and failing miserably because of his still-shaking shoulders and the tracks of tears down his cheeks. “I am sure there are lots of clubs that would be happy to have an alpha of my stature, unlike you and your silly girls’ club.”

Guilt-stricken or not, Grigg balked at these words. “Now you see that is your problem, Elias,” he snapped.

The alpha’s eyebrows raised and he sneered at Grigg. “I think my only problem is that I am still talking to you,” he growled, and make to push past Grigg, who set his feet and grabbed onto the bigger man.

“Look, Elias, I’m trying to help you here,” Grigg said, struggling not to be overpowered by Elias’ more powerful form.

“You are helping me by insulting me? I think you are the weird one, Grigg.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who’s always starting fights,” Grigg retorted, choosing to ignore the fact that he was, essentially, engaged in a wrestling match in the middle of a public park.

Elias glared at him and opened his mouth, apparently to protest, but then his face seemed to crumple and he began crying again. “You’re right, Grigg, I am a terrible man, cruel and horrible. Nobody should like me, I do not deserve it,” he wailed, provoking yet more disapproving looks to be cast in Grigg’s direction.

Grigg sighed, and manhandled the now-pliant alpha towards a bench, onto which Elias collapsed and buried his face in his hands. Grigg sighed, and took the seat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to soothe. “Look, Elias, I admit, you’re not the easiest guy in the world to get along with…”

Elias sobbed, and choked out, “You said I was weird…”

“Well sure,” Grigg said, aiming for lightness and mostly succeeding, “what’s wrong with weird? It’s fine to be weird, Elias. I’m pretty weird. Some of my favourite people in the world are completely weird.”

Elias sniffed, the tears abating somewhat. “So… you don’t hate me?”

Grigg punched the alpha softly in the arm. “I’m not saying you can’t be a handful, big guy. But I definitely don’t hate you. In fact, there are times when I really like you.”

Elias looked up at that, hope in his tear-filled eyes. “Really?”

“Remember last meeting, when you asked Jocelyn if she had lost a bet and wasn’t allowed to say anything sensible for twenty-four hours?” Grigg asked, shooting a conspiratorial look at Elias, who nodded and gave a watery smile. “I nearly broke something trying not to laugh at that.”

Elias’ smile widened momentarily at the confession, but then shrank almost immediately. “But the others, the women, they all shouted at me.”

“That’s probably because you also called Joss ‘a domineering shrew who always smells of wet dog,’ Elias,” Grigg told him, grinning at the memory and then shaking himself, adding, “which is not cool at all, and definitely not funny.” Grigg sighed and leaned a little against Elias. “Look, the thing is, it’s not ok for you to go around insulting everybody. And it’s really not smart if you want people to like you.”

Elias sniffed and nodded morosely. “Nobody likes me because of the things I say. I do not know why I say them. My brother says that I should keep my mouth closed but people say stupid things and then I shout at them and I cannot stop.” He sniffled again. “I would like people to like me. I would like you to like me.”

Grigg was suddenly aware that he was blushing and turned his head from Elias’ red-rimmed gaze. “I do like you,” he said, trying to make his voice light, though it came out somewhat throaty, “I already said I did.”

“Yes,” Elias agreed, his own voice still thick with tears, “you did say that.”

They sat for a moment in silence, Grigg increasingly aware of how close they were, and of the scent of Elias, becoming gradually less distressed, which soothed Grigg’s own tension in turn. It was odd, how comfortable he felt just sitting with Elias and he realised that he’d never actually been alone with the alpha before. Suddenly, Grigg felt very strongly that it wasn’t something he wanted to lose, this inexplicable, out-of-the-blue intimacy, and decided that something would have to be done about the club.

“Look, Elias, if I could help you get on better with the girls, would you let me?” Grigg asked carefully.

Elias took a deep breath, and Grigg braced to be shouted down, but then the alpha looked at him with such a puppyish expression of hope that Grigg couldn’t help but reach out and pat him gently on the knee.

“You’ll let me?” he asked, and smiled when Elias nodded. “Ok, good. Let me think about it and… maybe I could call you and we could get together and chat about-”

“Are you asking me for a date, Grigg?” Elias was peering at him with a very odd expression.

“What? No. Not… I wasn’t asking you out, Elias.” Grigg laughed, hoping it sounded less horribly awkward to Elias than it did to him. “I just thought we could, you know, strategize, before the next club meeting.”

“Oh.” Elias scrutinised him a moment longer, then suddenly burst out, “I only wanted to check, of course. Because you are unmated.”

“That doesn’t mean I want to jump every stray alpha I come across, Elias,” Grigg said, chalking the odd flutter in his stomach up to irritation at the old-fashioned assumption.

“Of course not, I only…” Now Elias was the one stumbling over his words. “I did not… want any misunderstanding between us. Now we are friends. Just friends.”

“Oh. Ok.” Grigg took a deep breath and tried to remember that Elias came from a different culture, and that he had at least been trying to be considerate. He decided to cut the man a break. “So you’ll still let me help you?”

Elias nodded, though he avoided looking Grigg in the eyes. “Yes, thank you, I would like that.”

“Least I could do, after upsetting you like that,” Grigg shrugged and surveyed the park. It was coming up on magic hour, a golden glow settling across the stretch of green. Suddenly, Grigg didn’t want to be anywhere else. “Hey, I think I’m gonna stay here for a while, maybe start on the book for the next meeting. Oh, which reminds me, I brought this.” He pulled Elias’ abandoned book from his jacket and handed it to him.

Elias accepted it with a smile and said, “Thank you, Grigg. You are the only person who has been kind to me in this country. I am glad to have met you.”

Once again, Grigg felt his face heat. Elias had the strangest ability to make him feel pleased and embarrassed all at once with his guileless comments. Even stranger, Grigg found he didn’t want him to stop.

“Would you want to maybe sit with me for a while?” he asked. “It’s beautiful here, don’t you think?”

Elias looked at him with that inscrutable expression again, and then asked the last question Grigg ever would have expected. “Would you read it to me?”

“I…” Grigg looked around. “What, out here in the middle of the park?”

“Please. My brother, he used to read to me before bed, I always liked it. Your voice is pleasant, I think I would enjoy listening to you.”

And, well, surely even the hardest-hearted person who struggle to say no to that, Grigg mused. So he took out his tablet and called up the new book – Nights at the Circus – before looking over at Elias. “I’m not doing the accents, just so you know.”

“That is acceptable,” Elias told him.

“Acceptable,” Grigg muttered, but he couldn’t help but grin at the childish happiness in Elias’ expression as he turned to the first page and began: “‘Lor’ love you sir!’”

They stayed there together, Grigg leaning back against the bench, Elias forward with his arms resting on his knees, until it grew too dark to read. And when they parted, Grigg couldn’t help but hear Elias’ words from earlier, now we are friends, and feel that odd little tug inside him again.

The next meeting started well enough. Elias and Grigg arrived early at Jocelyn’s place and commandeered the sofa (and if Grigg sat closer than was strictly necessary, it was only so that they could carry out their plan and certainly not so that Elias’ scent could wrap around him like it had that day at the park). The others trickled in one by one and Grigg took special care to ignore Jocelyn smugly mouthing told you so when she caught sight of him and Elias sitting so cosily together. Really, he couldn’t remember why he’d been in such a hurry to prove her wrong. So he liked people, how was that remotely a bad thing? It had brought him closer to Elias, after all and that was… that was unexpectedly important to Grigg, somehow.

Instinctively, he nestled in a bit closer to Elias and then was surprised to find the alpha reaching his arm around as if to hold Grigg. Both of them froze and then turned sheepish looks on each other as Elias retracted his arm and Grigg sat up straighter, trying to subtly scoot a little away from Elias. It didn’t work terribly well, since Bernie chose that moment to plop down in the seat next to Grigg and start the meeting.

After that bit of awkwardness, though, things progressed pretty well. Grigg had decided to go for simple and direct with his plan to help Elias, mostly because when he’d tried to describe his idea involving a complex system of book-related code-words, Elias had given the distinct impression that he was about to either start crying or hitting things. Instead, Grigg was now in possession of a tiny remote control, while Elias had a small device strapped to his wrist, designed to give out a very mild shock whenever Grigg activated it. Any time Elias started saying something insulting, Grigg would press the button to give Elias the signal that he had gone too far.

So far, Grigg had had to use it seven times and they were only forty minutes into the meeting.

Still, it was working well, Elias barely flinching when Grigg shocked him and managing to follow Grigg’s instructions to stop himself and then apologise and allow someone else to talk. From the other members’ reactions, Elias’ attempts to restrain himself and be considerate were not lost on the group, and the discussion began to flow amiably. Sylvia even offered him more coffee when Elias drained his cup, and Allegra asked him to expand on a point about the novel’s portrayal of a human-animal hybrid.

Then Jocelyn piped up.

She’d been a pill at every meeting since they’d decided to read Angela Carter instead of her preferred Bronte sisters. All Grigg’s fault, of course. She’d won pretty much everyone round to Charlotte, Emily, and the other one whose name Grigg could never remember, when he’d mentioned Carter in passing. Before he knew what was happening, the whole group… almost the whole group had decided her novels sounded fascinating and just what they were looking for. And Jocelyn had decided to sulk over every single last word of “silly, fantastical, overwritten nonsense” they read. So it wasn’t surprising that she went to town over the new book, accusing it of being post-feminist melodrama with literary pretensions.

What was surprising was that halfway through her tirade on how ridiculous it was to expect anyone to take seriously a heroine who was half-woman, half-swan, Elias shot to his feet and started his own rant about how Jocelyn was cruel and insensitive, and that there was nothing wrong with a person having wings, or any other animal parts if they wanted to…

Grigg, of course, had started slamming the button in his pocket the second Elias moved, but instead of causing the alpha to rein himself in, it only resulted in Elias tearing the bracelet from his wrist and throwing it onto the couch behind him. All Grigg could do was pick it up and hold its warmth against his palm, as he watched the argument intensify. He felt unsettled, disproportionately upset by the dispute, by Elias being angry and distressed. That strange urge to soothe and protect the alpha was back again, tugging at his chest, and he found himself scenting the bracelet instinctively, the reminder of Elias somehow calming him. Coming back to himself a little, Grigg looked up to see Elias and Joss facing off, staring daggers at each other.

“I want to propose-” Jocelyn started.

“Oh, Joss, don’t,” Bernadette said, causing Grigg to wonder just what they’d been discussing behind his back.

“I. Want. To. Propose,” Jocelyn gritted out, ignoring Bernie and staring down Elias, “that Elias should be removed from this club. He is rude and obnoxious and nobody can stand him. He needs to go.”

“Fine,” spat Elias. “I will leave. I have no need of your silly girls’ book party anyway.”

Grigg was on his feet now, and caught Elias by the arm to stop him storming out. “Hey now,” he said, trying to sound encouraging, “there’s no need for any of this. Elias knows he can be a bit aggressive sometimes, but we’re working on it, right Elias?” Elias just grunted so Grigg ploughed on. “Anyway, we didn’t all get along to begin with, did we? Allegra thought Prudie was a stuck up bitch.”

The two women in question looked at each other and nodded. “He has a point,” Prudie said.

“See?” Grigg looked at Jocelyn hopefully. She looked unimpressed. “And, and,” Grigg went on, undeterred, “you all thought I was an empty-headed dork when you met me.”

“Some of us are still waiting to be proven wrong on that,” Allegra called out, grinning at Grigg when he turned to her. He was about to tease her back, hoping some lightheartedness would break the tension and make Jocelyn back off, when they both jumped at the sound of Elias actually growling at Allegra, sounding for all the world like an alpha whose mate had just been insulted.

Which was insane, obviously, Grigg thought, through the haze of confusion, Elias didn’t even have a mate.

“Ok, see, you and Prudie never growled at any of us,” Jocelyn said, triumphantly. “And neither of you give off the horrible stench, either, thank god,” she added, wrinkling her nose.

Grigg turned on her, irritated by the unfounded insult. “What are you talking about, Joss, Elias doesn’t smell bad.”

Sylvia raised a hand and, with an apologetic expression, gently said, “Actually, he does. We’ve all noticed it.”

Grigg cast around the room in amazement, taking in the reluctant nods from the rest of the group. “You’re all mad,” he exclaimed, frustrated, “Elias smells fantastic. I’ve never met anyone who smells better!” Behind him, Elias actually purred at this, and really, all this alpha posturing was a bit ridiculous. It was as if Elias… as if Elias…

Oh.

“Oh!” Bernie cried, throwing her hands in the air. “True mates! Grigg and Elias are true mates!”

The entire room stared at her, but it was Elias who spoke first. “Grigg is my åndsfælle?”

“I’m your what?” Grigg blurted.

“Åndsfælle… is… I think you have it as soul’s mate, in English?” Elias smiled hopefully at Grigg, who could only shake his head in disbelief.

“I… but…” He turned to Bernadette with a pleading look. “Could someone please explain what my being the only one to find Elias’ scent appealing has to do with us being fated to be together in some fantastical way?”

Bernie looked at him kindly and said, “Not quite fated, Grigg sweetie, though lots of cultures still refer to something like soulmates. It just means you’re biologically perfect for each other. It’s very rare, most people don’t know about it. I only do because husband three and I were the same way. And if that’s anything to go by, you boys have some fantastic sex in your future,” she grinned.

Grigg stared at her, and then collapsed back onto the couch. “Holy shit.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes and then lowered it slowly, cringing. “Wait, does this mean I smell bad to everyone except Elias?”

“No honey,” Bernie said, shaking her head vehemently. “It’s only the alpha’s scent that changes, and only when they come into contact with their omega. It explains why I didn’t notice it the first time we met – Elias probably smelled like your average alpha right up until the time he met you. I bet no one avoided you because of your scent before, right Elias?”

“No,” the alpha agreed, “most people said it was because of my personality.”

Bernie slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to hide her laughter, but Grigg just felt another urge to hug Elias and make sure no one was cruel to him ever again.

He must have noticed the way Grigg was looking at him, because Elias came to sit by him, taking his hand gently and looking earnestly into Grigg’s eyes. “This is not so much a shock to me, Grigg, as I have been attracted to you for many weeks now. You are very beautiful and you smell good to me also, though often very sweaty because of you riding your bike everywhere.”

Grigg held up a hand and Elias trailed off. Then he strapped the shock bracelet back onto Elias’ wrist, saying, “I think we may need to keep this on if we’re going to pursue this.”

Elias pouted at the bracelet and then Grigg’s words seemed to catch up to him. He looked up, wide smile baring pointed teeth that Grigg couldn’t help but imagine latching onto his bonding spot. “Then,” he asked, “you would like to? You would be mine?”

“I… I mean,” Grigg trailed off, suddenly aware of the group of women watching them. Apparently Jocelyn picked up on his discomfort, because the next minute she was herding everybody out of the living room to go play with the dogs for a while. On the way out, she mouthed a good luck at a surprised Grigg. He was going to have to talk to her later, because obviously Elias would have to be part of their lives now, now that he and Grigg were… were…

“Grigg?” Elias’ voice roused him. “Do you have an answer, now it is just us?”

“Elias, I…” Grigg took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, he needed time to figure it out. But he didn’t want to hurt Elias, and he didn’t want to chase him off. “Look, I like you. And I’m attracted to you.” His eyes roamed Elias’ body: long legs, firm chest, broad shoulders, a face that became more handsome the longer you looked at it, even with the terrible moustache. “Definitely attracted to you.”

“Then everything is good?” Elias asked.

“I mean, yes. Yes, in theory everything is good. Even without this… mates thing, if you’d just asked me out, I probably would have said yes. But this is… this is huge. And overwhelming. And… and huge.”

Elias glanced down at himself. “Yes, I know it is very large. But there have been no complaints. I have pleasured many omegas-”

Grigg held up a hand again. “I didn’t mean… wait, how big?” He shook himself. “Never mind, not the point. I meant, we’ve only known each other a few months and now we’re soulmates? It’s too fast, Elias. Even if we’re a perfect biological match, I barely know you. I don’t want to jump into a relationship just because of some weird alpha/omega quirk.”

“So, you are saying…” Elias looked at him questioningly, “what are you saying?”

“I think… I’m saying I’d like to try this. But I’d like to go slow, to get to know you, instead of just jumping into bed and letting you knot me. Would that be ok?”

Elias took his hand and rubbed his thumb across the knuckles. “I have thought about knotting you often while touching myself.”

Grigg had to bite back a moan. “Jesus, Elias, that’s not slow.”

“I have thought about it,” the alpha continued, “but I am happy not to do it until you are ready. I think I would wait a long time for you, Grigg.”

Grigg smiled. “Thank you, Elias.”

“I will not touch you until you want me to. But I hope I will be allowed to continue touching myself, as I find I need to do so quite often. I-”

“Oh god, you’re going to be impossible, aren’t you?” Grigg laughed. “I didn’t say you couldn’t touch me. A kiss might be a good way to start.”

Elias beamed, and then the next moment looked nervous. “Grigg, even though I have kissed very many omegas, and I am sure this kiss will be wonderful…”

Grigg leaned into him and smiled. “Don’t worry, the first one doesn’t have to be perfect.”

The funny thing was though, as Grigg parted Elias’ lips with his tongue, and felt strong arms come up to hold him tight, he really couldn’t imagine a more perfect first kiss than this.

Eventually they parted for breath, grinning stupidly at each other, and Grigg found enough wits to say, “Remember that thing I said about going slow?”

“Yes.”

“Turns out I’m willing to negotiate.”

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