('Evil'/Non-Immaculate Eve AU that turned into a little comedy? It's still her, just if she... never quite recovered from her mental break.)
The guillotine was in pastel colors. It matched the color scheme of her little tiara, the color of a painted Easter egg or the morning sky or her remaining eyeball, at least until a spot of fluffy yellow got in the way. Maggie and her bright cottonlike hair looked up in desperation.
"Sis- sis, don't," her voice came out a nervous chuckle. "You know I love you, right...?"
This sparkled a girlish laugh from the princess, sitting sideways in her throne with bare feet kicking dully in the air. "Sure you do," she giggled as the executioner forced her head back down. "Sure you do."
Maggie's lips parted just as the blade dropped. A small team swept up as casually as a barber sweeping up hair tufts.
"What should we do now, Princess Eve?" they asked.
"God, I dunno. Ask sis."
"You just killed Maggie."
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot." She yawned, stretching her arms wide as if balancing the world had tired her out. "I'm gonna take a little nap! I dunno, just throw it in the garbage bin or somethin'. Leave it to whichever little advisor thinks he can usurp power from me when I'm not lookin' or something."
Silence.
"Y'know. There's always ONE guy who's, like, my right-hand man but he secretly wants to overthrow me. I've been through eight of them this whole year! Gosh, don't any of you dummies know how to tell a story?"
Apparently they didn't. The painted guillotine blade still looming, the cleaning team decided to not ask further questions and tossed the remains in the garbage alongside the morning box of Fruit Loops. Until the bin closed and contained her, Maggie's eyes never left the sister she once knew.
---
It was in the middle of scrubbing floor tiles that it really struck Lilith her girlfriend had taken over the world.
"You don't have to clean, we have people for that," Eve had told her more than once, but as a matter of fact, they didn't. At least secretly doing a chunk of the cleaning got her access to news of the outside world- today, she thumbed through a snatched newspaper with pruned fingers. Lilith skimmed through the headlines.
Smuggling Rings are Mean
Princess Eve is very pretty
Your'e*
The only thing that had changed since yesterday's paper was the date. She leaned her head back against the wall and, for once, thought favorably of the Basement they had been in versus the outside world.
A knock came before the interruption: "Lilith, may I come in?"
Her eyes peeled open. "Mhm."
So danced in Abel, donned in a maid outfit like any other servant (including the chefs, the contractors, the people hired just because they looked funny in maid outfits). "The Princess requests your presence."
"Not much of a request. More like a demand."
"Not like you're gonna say no anyway," Abel said with a shrug. Every other time she gave in like a cornered mouse accepting defeat; why should today be any different?
They walked silently, Abel's heels clicking on the sea of pastel tile.
"You wear them better than most," Lilith chuckled.
"Don't remind me."
Before they reached the pink doors signifying the throne room, Abel stopped them and held out his hand, coughing. The girl raised an eyebrow. "I'm not fucking tipping you."
Abel huffed. "See if I ever escort you again, sister!" he said and snapped his fingers before sashaying off. She pushed open the door, fully aware the conversation would happen the next day.
And there was the world conquerer on her throne, eating gummy bears but picking out the green ones. Laughing.
Lilith bowed to her. "Your highness."
Eve didn't look up. "What."
"Uh... you called me."
"Oh! Yeah, yeah," Eve said. "You steal a newspaper everyday or something, right?
Shit.
Lilith chose to just nod and the other girl's eyes expanded in excitement rather than anger. "Alright! Are there any heroes yet? Like, people who kinda think they're gonna overthrow me?"
"It doesn't look like it."
Naturally, the princess responded to this with the grace of a 40 year old drunk in a nunnery. "Dammit dammit dammit!" she shouted, rising if only to kick the green gummy pile over. Her voice snapped back to childish: "I'm so boooooooooooooorrrreeeeeeeed! I need a story before I'm like an old person!"
Naturally, there were a lot of things Lilith wanted to suggest, such as politely giving the world back and leaving or stepping up to be a Queen (there was nobody above her in power anyway) instead of doing whatever.
Naturally, she said none of them, opting instead to brush a strand of hair from the young royal's eyepatch. The screams of anguish never stopped ringing in her head. Lilith felt that another part of her was torn out that day, but never said it.
Eve sat up after a moment. "Well, I've got news! I had a whole pizza for lunch and sis is dead. Also, I've gotta go pee."
As she skipped off to do that, Lilith grabbed her arm. "Wait," she said and immediately realized her mistake.
Rule 1 of the New Constitution: do not order the princess. Do not say 'have a good day' because she can have a bad day if she wants. Princess Eve turned to her, a small container of boiling hatred.
Maggie could wait.
"... Pepperoni or pineapples?" she asked with a weak smile, to which Eve giggled. It had been pepperoni, of coure. Of course.
Something fell to the ground as she skipped out to the royal toilet. The Holy Grail- just a typical container she kept in her pocket for soda every so often. Inidentally, Lilith remembered, what she used to bargain the world into accepting her as their tyrant.
I never thought Basement items worked outside of the Basement thou-
She touched the Grail. The familiar feeling of Play-Doh brushed against her palm.
Son of a bitch.
---
'The world was collapsing on its own. Overfed and overstimulated, the peoples of Earth begged to be mistreated by their government,' Simon wrote. 'A 13 year old girl heard that cry and stood to the test.'
With that, the last chapter of history to be rewritten, he kicked his feet up and took a break. It dawned on him that Jacob was probably wrong about Final Fantasy accurately representing the Middle Ages.
"Oh well," he said to himself. "It's been a bloody 48 hours since I left this chair anyway. Time to get up."
Simon swung his legs heartily and fell on his side with a chair connected to his butt. Laughter erupted from the hallway.
"I was wondering when you were gonna find out 'bout the glue!" Eve sung as he scrambled for his glasses.
"Bloody hell!"
It took a moment before it struck him the words were not his own. He glanced up and there was Eve, mocking him in his glasses.
"H-how-" he stammered, "how did you know what I was going to say?"
Club Batshit insane children
Leba walks in while they're chatting like "Now you all must be wondering why I brought you all here.."
insane cain belongs to spasticartist check out her draws ok uvu
I'm p sure Ablue belongs to skully, at least half of him does
