#spider buddy

[five-raccoons-in-a-trenchcoat]

I admit, I do feel kinda lonely without my spider and im very worried about her tbh :(( ive seen her a couple times recently but idk if shes okay. im worried that evicting her wasnt a good idea. I will check up on her tomorrow too

[restlesshush]

You should be able to recruit a spider to come live in your house and manage your flies for you

[tj-crochets]

A bi spider, or bider

[kat-isnt-good-with-usernames]

If my spider buddy supports recycling, you should too

[rainbowjensenackles]

[tj-crochets]

Spider buddies made in super bulky yarn are the perfect size to sit on your shoulder, as demonstrated by Brock, the giant toy soldier my family has for some reason

[jaeplsno]

IM CRYING YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE BUNNY 🐰🐰🐰🥕🥕🥕

that’s funny considering I was using a DEER FILTER

jk thanks buddy :) 🐰🐰 

[not-the-very-button]

I’m stressed and today has been weird and I wanna tell you about my spider buddy. 

Spider Buddy is a spider who lives in my bathroom and who I have an arrangement with. See, we started having an ant problem in the house -- particularly in the bathrooms. Every time I went to take a shower I would spend 5 to 10 minutes smushing ants and peering wildly around the room shouting, “WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM?? I LIVE ON THE SECOND FLOOR!”

Enter, Spider Buddy. I saw him weaving a web along my baseboards one day and decided he could stay, provided he took care of the ant problem. Ever since Spider Buddy moved in, I haven’t witnessed a single ant emerging from my drain. For real though, these fuckers had been crawling through my plumbing and emerging like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption. But Spider Buddy took care of that right away!

And since that time we’ve formed a strange sort of bond. Sometimes I talk to him when I’m peeing. Sometimes I throw little balls of wadded toilet paper into his web and watch him zoom over to them, only to get all pissy when he realizes it’s not a snack and I’m just being an asshole. Then he plucks them out of his web and they fall to the floor with the other tiny balls of toilet paper I’ve sent his way. I imagine if he had a way to throw them back at me he absolutely would. Maybe he’s stock piling them for that precise purpose.

But, we co-exist. Spider Buddy does good and I conveniently ignore his web when I sweep. 

But, when Spider Buddy established the bathroom as prime ant territory and a hospitable neighborhood, he invited OTHER Spider’s to move in down the street, in the corner by the tub, by the door hinge, etc, etc. And frankly I don’t need more than a single spider to control the ant situation. Spider Buddy Original has been doing a fine job of that all on his own. Sweeping around multiple webs is a little tedious and I haven’t formed a bond with these new creatures. They’re neighbors I don’t know and don’t particularly care to meet. That said, I can’t bring myself to evict them. They’re friends of Spider Buddy’s after all. So I let them stay too and my little symbiotic community grows.

(Unshockingly, I was one of those kids who felt so guilty leaving a single stuffed animal off my bed as a child that I would pile all of them around me like a toddler possessed. Imagine that scene from ET where he dresses like a grandmother and hides in Elliot’s closet among the toys, but like 5 year old me drowning in stuffed animals while I sleep. Honestly, it’s a miracle I wasn’t smothered.)

For a while, I’d started to wonder... how long would Spider Buddy’s lifespan be? I didn’t know what kind of spider he was. I’d watched him grow bigger over the weeks we’d shared the bathroom and I worried the day would come when Spider Buddy wouldn’t scramble to my toilet paper projectiles in anticipation of a snack anymore. 

Today that day came. I didn’t realize it at first. There he was, Spider Buddy in his web. I threw some toilet paper and he paused for a moment before sprinting toward it and assessing the damage. That’s when I saw it. Behind Spider Buddy. The crumpled body of another spider stuck in the web. I looked back at the spider currently plucking at toilet paper and realized. It wasn’t Spider Buddy after all. I could tell. He had longer legs and his back was wider. It was one of Spider Buddy’s friends, which meant -- the body.

I don’t know if there was foul play involved here. I’m not a Spider Forensics Expert. But I do know Spider Buddy has passed on to the great toilet paper web in the sky. I will try my hardest to accept this knew exterminator in my life, but it will never be the same. I can never replace My Spider Buddy. My Spider. My Buddy. My Pal. 

Rest in pieces you magnificent beast.