( cont. from @spidrhood )
LOSS. felt like a punch in the gut. they just lost. right when they needed to win the most. he could feel it. & that was the worst he could feel. until it wasn’t. just like the others, the guardians or something, she was fading. fading into landscape that was titan. his friend. partner. peter held on. with all his might. hoping that his strength. his will. would be enough to keep her. “ you’re good kim. you’re good. you’re not going anyway .” watery hues had it’s release, sending out a river. “ i got you !”
kim was no stranger to getting her ass kicked. that was every thursday night for her. but this was no fist fight in a back alley, they were fighting for the fate of the universe. and to say she was in over her head was as grand of an understatement as one could muster.
when they lost, and the ramifications of their failure became evident, the panic in her chest was worse than injury she had ever endured. she was terrified, and not in the usual way. for the first time in years death frightened her, because as she looked at peter, the orange light of a foreign sun catching in softly in his hair, she realized she hadn’t said anything she meant to.
for almost two years fear had held her back, and now as she lost feeling in her hands, she knew she wouldn’t get the chance. she didn’t want to go, not now; not in the middle of everything. before she could say the words she’d been waiting to say to someone all her life, ‘ i trust you. i love you. i know what it’s like to feel happiness because of you.’ she realized it would only hurt him in the long run, even if it would complete her.
as she began to crumble she tried to lift a hand to caress his face, but she was losing her form so quickly. “oh peter, i’ve never been good, never been good enough. i’m so sorry you always deserved so much better. i was selfish to take the time out of your life that i did.”
her hands were gone now and she could see in her periphery that her shoulders were disintegrating. but she kept her eyes on him. there was no time. “ please . . . get over me quickly. ”