THE ROOM WAS DARK, and yet… he swore, steve’s ( silly, stupid, drunken, cheesin’ ) smile could LIGHT UP an entire universe. bucky found himself enamored, caught staring at the brilliance of such a RADIANT smile, an honest grin slowly spreading across his own. he thought the sound of steve’s easy laughter could chase away every single one of his demons. believed the WARMTH of his soul could melt even the deepest, coldest mountains in siberia. everything about this man was gentle and kind and GOOD, and for whatever reason, it made barnes’ chest ache. it was just - it had been so long since he saw steve in such a JOYOUS state. hell - even if it was due to inebriation, buck did not care. not if it meant steve smiling and laughing and loosening up ;; not if it meant steve was happy, pink peppering the apples of his cheeks.
————— fiercely BEAUTIFUL, that was what his old friend was. barnes had always thought so, ( he thinks? ) even back in the day. before the CAPTAIN, before the serum, before the shield. back when all steve rogers had was his GRIT and spunk and steadfast beliefs ( in a BETTER world ) ;; that STUBBORN morality that seemed to always get him ( && james ) into trouble. he could hardly remember… and yet, thinking about it, james found himself momentarily overwhelmed by a sudden flare of lost memory… the memory of a smaller steve, with bony shoulders and a skinny face, but still with that same kind, BRIGHT smile and dazzling eyes and he knew, buck knew he was right.
STEVE HAD ALWAYS BEEN BEAUTIFUL.
—- you might be in trouble, james barnes.
HEAVY HANDS REACHED FOR HIS, demanding - and the sight of steve’s long, artist fingers laced together with his own had barnes smiling once again. his hands probably REEKED of gunfire and metal, and were still rough and calloused from the mission. glancing down, he could make out the fresh scabs of split knuckles ( some fights were unavoidable ) but he did not pull away from steve’s desperate grasp. no, he allowed himself a moment to look, a moment to INDULGE - although the juxtaposition between steve’s softness and his… unsightliness made his smile turn just a shade sadder. still, he squeezed back in all hopes of being somewhat reassuring. ❛ no, of course not. PROMISE. ❜
LACKING ANY OUNCE OF GRACE, the big oaf continued to struggle in his endeavors to undress his poor self. towards the end, buck stepped in to help again, chuckling softly as he pulled the shirt off and dropped it onto the floor. alright, that was enough for now. tie and dress shirt were off, as too were both shoes. the guy still had his belt and trousers on, but thinking about the FIASCO that might cause convinced him to push it off. maybe at least until steve had passed out for the night. steve went down like a ton of bricks, and barnes let out a grateful exhale. he grabbed the soft duvet lain across the bottom of the bed and helped draped it over steve’s lap and legs.
THE INVITATION HAD BARNES PAUSING, steel - colored eyes considering the spot steve was offering to him. he hesitated for a half - second, uncertain - while he contemplated his choices, teeth anxiously pinching at the meat of his bottom lip. in the end though, james huffed and rolled his eyes, bending down to unlace his own shoes and tug them off. ❛ scoot over more, you big lush. all the way on the bed. ❜ james sat down, bending his leg and tucking his left ankle beneath his right knee. he kept the leg farthest away from steve dangling off the end of the bed, every - so - often sweeping the bottom of his socked foot gently against the wooden floor. leaning back, he settled against the headboard, getting as comfortable as he could, arms folded casually across his chest.
the question had him glancing over, exhaling softly, but smiling still - although the corners of his mouth dipped slightly, tense and tired. ❛ mission was fine. ❜ he supplied, offering a noncommittal shrug. focus drooped away from steve, falling to his lap. ❛ they needed someone who could navigate through an old hydra safe - house. someone who knew the ins - and - outs. there were a few nasty surprises waiting inside. ( fucking hydra ) nothing i couldn’t handle though. ❜ tilting his head, he was quick to open his mouth back up and quickly add, ❛ and no. no serious injuries. some scrapes. a few bruises. the worst of it is just – sore muscles && a headache. so you can relax, okay? ❜
chewing on his lip, he allowed the silence to settle for a brief moment before cocking his head and shifting the focus back to his best friend, easy smile turning playful. ❛ you have FUN tonight? for once? ❜
steve had never been the one to see what others saw in him; never understood why bucky stuck with him through all the troubles he’d dragged them through. never understood why bucky choose to be his friend even once they grew old enough to have a choice asides from being in the same class and bucky being the unfortunate fool to bring steve his homework. --- to this day he wonders what it is that bucky saw in him. (what erskin saw in him. what peggy or howard saw in him ... what all these people see in him... but it’s different. none of them have ever seen steve for who he really is. none of them had been around on a fever-ish night when steve was miserable and it was the third cold in two months he had to fight. no one was around to clean out the cuts in steve’s knuckles left behind from a punch aimed so high and so fast that he almost broke the jaw of a guy twice his size. bucky had seen all that and chosen to still be his friend. --- he’d seen worse and he’d seen better. and tonight, he was left witnessing this chaos, and steve just couldn’t stop himself from smiling.)
he didn’t need to understand it, though, which was the beauty of it all. there was no point in arguing that steve was not half as good a man as bucky thought just like there was no point in arguing that bucky was, to steve, the best friend anyone could ever ask for, and a kind soul forced into a rough shell. ------ bucky was everything. the past, the present, and the future. he was the turning point where happiness and sadness met. he was the one that made steve feel the most alive while at the same time making him feel like a ghost; living a dream, or wandering through an afterlife... maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the excuse of the alcohol, but either way, steve didn’t care about much more than the presence and the warmth of bucky’s body now on the bed with him.
steve had moved over and turned onto his back, making as much room for bucky as possible without falling off the bed himself. with his chin lifted and gaze focused upon bucky’s features, he watched him. --- he looked like a portrait in black and white in that moment. the lines blurring and the shadows claiming most of his face for themselves rather selfishly.
it was only due to the seriousness of the topic, that steve could even focus on bucky’s voice rather than listening to it like a child might listen to a lullaby before passing out. --- no serious injuries. he’d have to convince himself of that in the morning, considering that ‘serious injuries’ could easily mean anything from losing a limb to getting a paper cut.
with his own mind still clouded; body acting way faster than his mind, steve had already reached out to take bucky’s hand, tugging at it just until he could comfortable be playing with his finger and the roughed up parts from where he laid. “ yeah. ” --- the smile was dimmed, brows slightly furrowed. if possible, he would much rather attend to every single one of Bucky’s mission or do them for him, but he knew better than to even dream of such a nonsense. “ it would have been more fun with you. ” it shouldn’t be this easy to slip into comfort after their kiss; and yet, it was. it was as if they’d never done anything else in their lives than to share a bed and talk... “ you were supposed to come back sooner. --- weren’t you? something must have gone wrong. ”
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