#spitedriven

[anecdotist]

the talk of taxes reminds me that of all my muses, lucanis is the only one who knows what taxes and financials are, and is very concerned that no one else in the lighthouse is preparing at all for their retirement. where's your roth ira. your 401k. emmrich have you even looked at a 403(b) or--

[deathlieg]

@spitedriven - "I've been thinking about your goals for lichdom, Emmrich, and have some questions for you. If you want to talk about it, that is."

“How did you-”  He stops short, eyes closing in exasperation a moment.  “Of course-  Harding.”  

Discrete is perhaps not the word he'd choose, if ever asked to describe Lace Harding.  Honest, yes.  Uplifting, certainly.  Someone whose friendship he cherishes greatly, and he'll admit that with no hesitation.  Keeping a secret secret, however…

Well, that cat is officially out of the proverbial bag, at least as far as Lucanis and Spite are concerned, so there's no sense in playing coy.  He draws himself up, to his full height, clasping his hands before him in a way that strives to look above reproach.  Oh, he's sure the others are going to have thoughts on his impending lichdom.  Of course they will, he supposes it's hard not to at least be curious.  It's the condemnation - the judgement from those who simply do not understand - that concerns him.  Especially those that he's come to call friends.

“I thought you might.  I intended to explain once-”  Once all is said and done.  Once he's achieved lichdom, come through fire and blood and pain and emerged victorious over that which haunts his every waking moment.  Once he's finally conquered death.  Alas, it seems that carefully planned reveal is not to be, at least not for Lucanis.  For Spite.

He glances down a moment, at his hands, before lifting his gaze once more, chin angled slightly higher as though in defiance, jaw set.

“I can assure you, it's an avenue I've considered quite carefully over the years, and you needn't worry.  Upon completion I will not be a corpse puppeted by an errant spirit, but wholly and completely possessed of myself.”

[leftoverfear]

❛   i  just  wanted  her  to  have  a  normal  life,     i  didn’t  want  her  to  have  to  live  knowing  all  of  this  about    ----     me,      about  her  family.    ❜        she  wasn’t  ashamed  of  the  relationship  she  shared  with  brandon,     but  there  was  already  so  much  baggage  that  came  with  the  family  name;      emma  didn’t  need  THIS  hanging  over  her  too.       ❛   she’s  starting  to  figure  it  all  out.       i  don’t  know  how  to  tell  her  everything,      i  don’t  even  know  where  to  start.    ❜                             ▬▬          ❲    @spitedriven.   ❳

[andbeyondsa-blog]

         after was quiet  .

             he remembers when alaska christened the smoking hole more vividly than he lets on  .  he remembers the first week they loitered  around the hole  ,  taking turns keeping watch  ,  making sure it was as safe as they had  DREAMED  .  they kept it to themselves for a minute  ,  a place to convene shared between them  ,  but nothing was sacred with her  (  not really  ,  or at least that’s what he’s been telling himself  )  .

            nonetheless  ,  this place was her’s  ,  more than anyone else’s  ,  and it felt almost dirty to be here without her  .  but he couldn’t be anywhere with her  ,  not anymore  .  so this was how it’d have to be  .  the colonel and pudge  :  with an alaska sized hole between them  ,  an alaska sized VACUUM sucked the conversation from the air  ,  no quip could fill the quiet  .  how fucked up  is that  ?

            ‘    frankly  ?  i don’t know why we fuck around out here anymore  ,  ’   he scoffed  ,  struggling with his lighter  .  ‘  i think we’ve got a pass until graduation  ,  at LEAST  .  i’ve got half a mind to ride this dead friend thing out for another year  ,  easy  .  ’

@spitedriven liked for chip !

[anecdotist]

genuinely at this point, i don't know that coffee does much for lucanis. the caffeine might keep him awake, but he's so used to having it and running on as little sleep as he possibly can get away with, they just cancel each other out.

however, that being said, it's still his go to drink. he'll reach for coffee first, tea in a real pinch, or something like milk or hot chocolate. he'll drink wine--and is something of a connoisseur, not like caterina, illario, or viago, but rather from the perspective of smart pairings with food or to use in cooking--but only a glass or two at a time.

he hates getting drunk. he loathes feeling out of control of his body. even long before spite, he doesn't want to feel off in any way. he doesn't like his mind being in an altered state. he wants to be able to think and act clearly and quickly at all times.

he has a lot of experience being around people who are drunk because of this, and has developed his hangover cures by testing them on illario. first is spaghetti aglio, olio, e pepperoncino, or spaghetti with garlic, oil, and chili pepper. the second is caffè corretto, or espresso with a shot of amaro. there's others (churros and chocolate sauce if he really cares or feels bad) but those two are his go to cures he makes sure he always has on hand.

#[ rp ] headcanon.#[ he gets drunk all of once (1) during veilguard and it's the first time in years ]#[ of course it's with davrin he will not lose anything to davrin ]#[ which includes a drinking contest he doesn't want to participate in at all ]#[ lucanis @ spite: we need to win this just please don't let me do anything stupid while i'm drunk ]#[ spite: ok. but we *will* win. ]#[ lucanis the next morning: i've made so many mistakes ]#[ spite: but we *won* ]

[anecdotist]

lucanis eventually gets spite his own journal. it’s not because he doesn’t want spite in his anymore, but rather, he wants spite to feel like he can have something for himself that is his own space to reflect. a private place, which is hard when they share a body.

spite adores it. it’s his first real belonging and his first gift. he nearly eats it out of the intense desire to become one with it. but after that, he spends much of the time he is in control of lucanis’ body drawing or writing poetry.

some of his drawings are what i’ll call Biblically Accurate Spirits™, or spirits as one might understand them through math and geometry. they’re complex geometric shapes, the kind that are both 2d or 3d, depending on the angle you view it from. some of his drawings are more typical of a child drawing family portraits, but those generally feature manfred and assan.

spite’s poetry is based on their experiences and feelings. he works to capture his favorite moments, the highest highs and lowest lows. lucanis, knowing of spite’s interest in poetry, makes sure to read more to spite, discussing and explaining things as needed. poetry becomes their thing, and when lucanis makes it back to villa dellamorte, he winds up adding large bookcases to his rooms for more poetry for him and spite to read.

#[ rp ] headcanon.#[ i’m still thinking so much of spite and poetry and drawing ]#[ this hurts the man .jpg ]

[anecdotist]

lucanis is depressed after leaving the ossuary. his long hair? a year's worth of prison growth. that it's even remotely groomed is because lucanis went home and scrubbed himself clean in multiple baths. he hates being dirty or disorganized or disheveled.

but he can't bring himself to cut his hair or shave. he stands in front of a mirror for an hour trying to decide if he's going to fully go back to how he was before. if he's going to fully ignore what happened to him and pretend everything is normal, or if he's going to embrace what happened and move on.

he tries to embrace it. journals his feelings. goes through the recovery checklist (there's books the crows keep on such situations, of course). keeps any slip ups to himself. but he keeps the beard and hair long so he remembers that things are different now. he takes the time to put on his suit, to keep his appearance immaculate. that's the part where he gets to exert control over himself. gets to look how he wants, gets to have some semblance of control over himself again.

with time, towards the end of the game, i think he'd be open to suggestions on what to do with his hair--braid it, put it in a ponytail, a nice manbun. and if he's in a relationship, well, he very much learns he enjoys having fingers run through his hair. the beard also grows on him, stroking it while he's thinking has become a good grounding activity for himself and spite.

spite is not allowed any opinions on his appearance. except for socks. spite can pick out the socks.

[anecdotist]

i know merc asked me a question like this once but i can't find it, but it was along the lines of: "how would zevran and lucanis get along in datv" and it's a question that's been haunting me for all of my datv zev pt

bc on the one hand, it's really hard to put zev in datv. if you want the crows to be a meaningful faction at all, then you can't have zevran. he is a crow hunter at this point, he's not going to ally with them even a little bit.

and in theory that makes any sort of datv situation difficult, because even with end of the world scenarios, he's more likely to go off on his own and help in other ways, or join up with the inquisitor, or the hof, or any other number of people. because he just really fucking hates the crows.

lucanis is kind of the epitome of a crow to zevran. it's not the training, it's the house. he's a dellamorte. he's a multi-generational crow. he's in line for first talon. sure they both went through shitty childhoods, but lucanis is, from zevran's pov, content with the system and doesn't care to change it. he and his (his cousin, grandmother, teia, viago, crow rook, etc) are doing just fine. they're not being played against each other by talons in some sick political mind game. they're the ones benefiting from buying kids off the streets, pulling the strings to mess with their recruits, upholding and furthering the system. it doesn't matter how "good" they try to be, the crows are rotten from the core to zevran.

and on the flip side, zevran is everything lucanis loathes. he broke a contract. he went back on his word and betrayed his family. the crows are lucanis' family and no matter how much he may disagree with them or deplore the situations he gets put in because of them, he's never going to abandon his family. and someone who does leave their family like that turns his stomach. lucanis would rather die than abandon or break a contract, and that he mentions that as the reason the crows cannot go back to ferelden feels very telling.

i don't see an easy way for them to get past that except under highly specific circumstances, like if varric had contracted zevran's services to assist in stopping solas (in which, he doesn't see the contract closed just because he's in fade jail), or in some situation where his child is rook (like necromosss au). i think those situations are very few and far between, but i can see it happening.

in which case... i want to say they'll grow to like each other, i just don't know that it's really possible. i think they'd get along rather well if they were ever able to get past the crow trauma. i think in a scenario where lucanis was kicked out of the crows or left them, zevran would step up to help him as he's helped other crows escape the life. i think in any case, whether they come to like each other or not, they might be petty around the lighthouse, but professional in the field. and lucanis, while not externally, would definitely take to heart any of the critiques zevran has of the crows--lucanis isn't blind to their failures or shortcomings, he's just quietly critical whereas zevran is highly vocal at this point.

and of course, it would make my idea of lucanis hiring zevran at the end of datv to smuggle illario away from the crows all the more realistic, what with them having worked together before.