*This is sooooo overdue but I just made my account today in May 2017 so here goes nothing* I was expecting 2As. //flashback// I remember, just after passing up my spm addmaths papers, i thought to myself, i did my best. It was so damn hard but I know I gave my all and it wasn't like I gave up and bullshitted my way through the papers. I did my best I could do. On the way home from school, my good friend/neighbour took a ride in my mom's car. I was so drained, mentally exhausted. I honestly just felt like, you know what, God knows best. So whatever results I'm gonna get is the result I deserve to get. Good or not good, I studied my ass off and that's what matters. BUt my dear friend was all "THE PAPER WAS SO EASY I SWEAR TRIALS PAPER WASN'T ANYWHERE NEAR THAT LEVEL OF EASYNESSSS" And I was like BISH WHAAAAAAAAAt After that everything was a blur. "What if it really was easy for everyone" "Am I the only one who thought the paper was freaking difficult" "I should have studied harder" "ohmygod" "did i screw up" I came back home and cried. It wasn't just one session of downpour. It was more or less around 15 times. Whenever the paper came across my mind, I couldn't help but cry. I was a mess for about five days, more or less. Mind you that I haven't even started on my Bio, Chemistry and Physics papers. Those were scheduled on the following week. Whether I like it or not, I have to move on and study for the following papers. So I did. But in a very gloomy setting. _____________________________________________________________________________ I was totally doomed for my Agama papers because my uterus decided to throw a tantrum that day and cramp its way throughout the exam. I was in serious pain. I did my agama paper 2 as fast as I could and bullshitted my way through it because I couldn't stand the pain and just wanted it to end. I put down my pen hastily and tried to take a nap. So I did. But it felt like crap. Felt like I didn't give my all. Same goes to the other papers. I ended every single paper with a sigh. To summarize, basically my spm felt like shit lah. _____________________________________________________________________________ 16th March 2017 The day I dread most, finally came. I was expecting 2As. BM and Sejarah. We sitted in lines according to our classes in the hall. The long-awaited moment finally came. The announcement of the list of the highly-praised straight As student. Albeit me expecting 2As, I couldn't help but think that maybe, just MAYBE my name could be in that list? (shouldn't have hoped for that) One by one these smart asses came up on the stage. Some were crying, some looked proud and confident. And then it ended. I know I didn't perform that well in my spm papers but I just couldn't help but hope. I felt kinda upset after the list of names ended. Prior to that , my bestfriend had already received a text of her results from the ministry. I was getting impatient and requested my results too. And then it came. 1A+ 5A 2A- 1B+ I went totally blank. I didn't know how to react and what to feel. My face was just expressionless. After the announcement of the straight As students, the rest of us had to line up to retrieve our exam result slips. I went ahead and lined up, still blank. But then I saw my mom. She smiled at me with the warmest smile. And that's when it happened. Where I went berzerk and cried my heart out. Words couldn't describe how grateful I felt. I actually got an A(minus) on Addmaths and Agama. Don't really mind bio because the subject isn't really my passion bUT I GOT AN A IN ADDMATHS AND AGAMA LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. ALL DEM TEARS. WASTED. Alas, to this day I still feel undescribably grateful to Allah :")
