#spn 02x08

[inside-jokes-with-myself]

Supernatural rewatch - 02.08 Crossroad Blues

DEAN Did you ever think about her in all this?

EVAN I did this for her.

DEAN You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn't have to live without her. But guess what? She's going to have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she'd feel?

[chinmayee190]

epic love story of sam and dean | 02x08

I'm alive, Dad's dead. The yellow-eyed demon was involved. What if he did? What if he struck a deal? My life for his soul?

[angelkissesdean]

Ya know what I think ever since at least when Dean got healed in 01x12 Faith he's been feeling guilty for being alive in the first place. Honestly probably way longer bc early childhood trauma and grief over Mary but like

01x12 Faith and 02x01 In My Time of Dying stand out as reasons why Dean was fine w making that deal to bring Sam back. He's not supposed to be alive, he should be dead twice over. It's like survivors guilt but worse bc the first time it killed some random person, the second time it killed John, and both of those times were his fault (in his mind).

It makes sense that in 04x01 Lazarus Rising Dean believes he doesn't deserve to be saved. At that point in addition to "I'm supposed to be dead" 3 times over, he also tortured souls for 10 years.

I'm on 02x08 Crossroad Blues on the rewatch. Just thinking about how shady Dean's been acting this episode and tbh this whole season so far ("what's dead should stay dead"). I'm not sure Sam truly understands why Dean's like this. I don't think he gets it til way later when he finds out Mary got killed bc of him, basically. Sam sees Dean's having serious issues but Dean basically refuses to talk about it. Tbh Sam must be feeling so lost in life rn too but is going with it bc that's what he's always had to do. He doesn't know any different.

We always talk about how Sam manages his feelings better but tbh I don't think he does. I think he just intellectualizes his feelings but doesn't allow himself to feel them bc if he does then everything crashes down. ("I'm dealing with dad's death! Are you?")

[fallcolorspringrapid]

ah, Crossroad Blues. so much foreshadowing going on

small things i love, before we get to the big stuff: Dean with his brother-flirting (”you innocent harmless young mand you”) and weird sexual jokes (black dog leg humping), Dean being baffled about a myspace address (bro help wtf is this, a porn site?? come on help me with my sex life) and Sam’s pure glee at his confusion, Dean’s annoyance at Sam’s lack of blues knowledge, bros finishing each other’s sentences

the demonic face twisting effects are genuinely scary

but the whole demon deals plot, holy shit. this was a completely different experience now that i know where we’ll end up. “I think you did it for yourself,” Dean says, and the first time around it was all about John—Dean’s irrational anger at the people making deals, it was all about his growing suspicion that John had done the same to save his life, it was his hurt and confusion and guilt directed outwards at other people. but this time i know it’s also foreshadowing for his own deal, and on a narrative level that is just so satisfying

as for how knowing that made me read Dean’s behavior this time around.....i don’t know. i’m of two minds here: either Dean genuinely believes he would never do the same, and that anger is just him hurting over John leaving him with the crushing guilt. or part of him knows deep down that he would do the same, that he is considering doing it to save his dad, and that he would do it without hesitation to save Sam, in which case that anger is misplaced guilt, yes, but of a very different kind

in any case, i love the scene where the bros openly admit they’ve each been thinking about the possibility of John having made a deal, it’s so lovely, the way Dean is freaking out and Sam just keeps staring at him with this rock-steady conviction that John’s sacrifice was worth it. and then later, when Sam asks to be reassured that Dean didn’t seriously consider making a deal to bring John back, and Dean doesn’t answer, Sam looks so hurt, it’s almost like he’s jealous of Dean’s love for their dad, and that is messed up and wonderful

[chinmayee190]

epic love story of sam and dean | 02x08

“you weren’t really gonna make that deal, were you?”