#spntrash

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

I mean, yeah...

[moonflake]

Destiel?  Cockles

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[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

I love the clowning we’re collectively doing, the same we have done since we discovered destiel.

Comrades, whatever happens, it’s been an honor to serve on this clownery by your side. We still have fanfics, we still have the (now) precious side of Tumblr, we’re still family.

Because family don’t end in blood.

Thanks. For everything. Now lets go to our final battle. The ultimate one.

Carry On.

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

Smile

A deancas small fic, 1K words. Written by me.

Castiel, through his time with Dean, smiled. And he remembered perfectly each time.

He smiled for the first time. First time, ever. There, in the park, sitting on the bench next to Dean. He didn’t even knew he could smile. And it was not only about what Dean said, actually it was more about Dean. His essence, his humor even when the world was falling apart; he made Castiel smile. It felt inevitable, escaping his stoic apperance for the first time ever, and it was a warm, cozy feeling. He could get used to this.

The next time Castiel smiled, it was not caused by Dean per se. Dean decided to take him to a brothel, and Castiel decided to be himself. Humans called it his last night on Earth, and Castiel had thought of it more like the last view he would have of humanity. They ran, because Castiel’s words provoked some chaos, shouting and the oh-so-human drama. Outisde, he made Dean laugh. Castiel looked at Dean’s fondness while laughing. Castiel’s nature was interesting enough for Dean to laugh, even Dean claimed that he hadn't laughed that much in a very long time. Dean liked Cas when he was himself, pure and real. Castiel just liked Dean everytime. It was all that mattered.

Some time passed by, it almost felt like a whole narrative apart, when he smiled again. Tears were shed, bonds felt like breaking, and his sanity was nonexistent, and Dean spoke his small but loud truth: I'd rather have you, cursed or not. He felt seen by Dean. Castiel knew Dean forgave him, but it was not only it, was it? Castiel smiled, shyly, but powerful. It was like smiling for the first time. It was warmer, cozier, and felt truer than ever before: Dean wanted Castiel by his side, even when he felt and was useless. Dean Winchester, at the possible end of their lives, wanted Castiel to fight with him. How could anyone avoid smiling over that?

Then, Castiel smiled as some humans would: to show excitement. Castiel wanted to be a hunter, and so he told Dean. But it was less the idea of hunting, it was not about helping humanity to cope against the so-called abominations. It was all about Dean Winchester, as he had told Castiel before that he wanted to fight by his side. Castiel could die for Dean, Castiel wanted to protect him, not only when convenient, but every day. Maybe it was Castiel's chance to protect Dean from all harm. Castiel smiled to reassure Dean that he wanted to be a hunter, when all he wanted was to be by his side.

Next time, all that Castiel needed to smile was one word over the telephone: everything. Castiel, for the first time, smiled thanks to Dean without him there to see it. Or, was it the first time? Maybe it was the first time Castiel would admit it to himself that Dean’s existence made him smile. And this smile was natural, easy, obvious, just by listening to Dean Winchester. This smile came with the warm, cozy and absolute feeling on his being, but also brought a beautiful and confusing movement inside him. Humans talked about this, refering to them a butterflies. For Castiel, everything felt like the first earthquake created under the fury of nature and God, just easier and better. Scary, inevitable and absolute. Love was the weirdest natural disaster.

It was the end of an era, and Castiel not only smiled, but laughed. It was more like a consequence of alcohol than anything. The brothers were drinking too, they were all together remembering Jack. He was gone, he was dead, and Castiel felt numb. But there, they agreed to free themselves just for a while. They ate, drinked, talked and laughed like never before. But Castiel saw Dean's pain, he saw his guilt and his anger, the same as always —even when he shouldn't—. Castiel wanted so bad to laugh shamelessly under other circumstances, without the pain and the regrets. He wanted to laugh with Dean, alone, completely, engrossing. He wanted Dean.

Then, Castiel was sitting next to Dean in the bunker. They had a reason to celebrate thanks to Jack. Cas felt closer to happiness than before, but not enterly; at least he knew he shouldn't be completely happy. Castiel made a deal, and it was fatal. But there, they were having their little-fantasy moment, a parentheses from everything and everyone. It felt like home, having a drink with him, talking. They discussed Kelly's faith in Jack, a faith that Castiel always shared. There, Castiel saw Dean, he really saw him. Dean was fixated on revenge, when he only perspired love. Dean, so wrong on his own perception. Dean, so beautiful and perfectly human, was victim of the ultimate mistake: self-hate. And there, Castiel also knew Dean was far from happy. Castiel couldn’t conceive a happy world where Dean couldn't be happy, too. Castiel wanted Dean to be happy, with or without him; but it was far from possible. Castiel smiled, a hurting smile that, he knew, Dean wouldn't even try to analize. Castiel smiled, feeling nostalgia over an inexistent memory, imagining sitting right next to Dean, drinking, watching him, under the same room... but kissing him, both old and together, and happy. Castiel smiled to Dean, but he was not really there.

The last time Castiel smiled at Dean, everything was said without words, just as Dean did with his powerful, sunflower eyes. Dean remained speechless, beautiful as ever. It was confusing for Castiel to smile while crying. For Castiel, smiling always felt intrusive. He couldn't control it, it was such a warm, cozy feeling, the one that evoked his lips to give up. This time, it was different. Castiel was not smiling victim of his impulses, but by premeditated decision, an act so human and divine. He wanted to tell Dean it was alright. He wanted to make Dean smile as much as Dean made him smile all the time they were together. Castiel knew that Dean had more experience feeling happiness, feeling sadness, feeling, in general. But it was Dean the soul that provoked feelings over an ethereal being. Dean, the acclaimed sword, felt more like Eros’ arrow to the angel. Castiel existed as long as time, but Dean helped him live for the first time. Castiel was done, he was gone already, even before the Empty. He was gone on love. He was gone on Dean, and it was not happiness, it couldn’t be only that. It was bliss. It was peace. It meant everything. Castiel wanted Dean to remember him smiling, just as Castiel remembered Dean when he was alone. He did fell in love with humanity, and it was worth it. Castiel loved him so much, giving up his own existence was worth it. It was warm, cozy and absolute, it was Dean. Just Dean.

Inspired by this twt thread

This is my first time posting something here, be kind lmao.

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

Dear destiel shippers!!!

I want to get a destiel tattoo!! Any idea on how to portray their ship with a tatto? Please, give me some ideas. I was thinking on the cassette scene, just their hands, but I’m not fully convinced. Maybe a specific dialogue?

Please comment your best destiel lines or your favorite scenes!!!! Maybe a preferred hug? Or any idea, like “just their shadows watching each other”. Whatever idea will be well received.

Thanks!!!!!

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

Can we all agree that SPN Stan Twitter is a horrible place? I’m separating myself from it until the episode airs.

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

One. Last. Ride.

[sleepingisthenewsmoking]

Why am I, personally, crying so much about Castiel’s declaration:

Well. I am a destiel/deancas shipper since season 5, but now I'm also a dude that recently discovered he's under the asexual and aromantic umbrella. I feel love, but I don't understand it; it's weird for me to feel it, at least romantically. I'm also bisexual, that's why I feel I fall under the asexual demiromantic terms.

And ABOUT this declaration... Oh, boy. It was Castiel, open, saying he loves Dean more than anything. But, for Cas, it was beautiful, because he learned how to feel, all thanks to Dean. I get why some people are saying that this is not representation, because it was the "kill your gays" trope... But, for me, it was a representation way bigger that I could ever imagine. It's not about Cas being in love, it's about Cas understanding that the biggest price he held was learning to FEEL; he didn't care that it was unrequited, he just knew that "to feel" was worth it. Thanks, Cas. Thanks for the representation, not talking about my labels, but the representation that being in love is not necessarily a romantic approach for love. Love is bigger, falling in love is priceless.