Sam who's always been some degree of acespec but since the cage has been more towards the sex repulsed part of the spectrum, except under very specific circumstances that most of the time frankly he doesn't have to time or energy or inclination to engage in.
Sam who nonetheless misses the intimacy sex gave him with a partner. Sam who finds that doing strange medical experiments with Cas feels both more intimate than anything he's ever done with anyone else, and also somehow safer than sex feels even though objectively that is not the case.
Cas who is ace, and though he's had sex largely finds the process overly complicated and not all it was cracked up to be. Cas who finds doing strange medical experiments with Sam significantly more straightforward and much more intellectually stimulating.
Dean who walks into the library and overhears Sam say to Cas "do you want me to help test that theory you had?" and then watches them disappear to Sam's room and not re-emerge for an hour, looking noticeably disheveled.
Dean who just assumes they are fucking and makes extremely unsubtle jokes about it for the next week.
Sam and Cas who can't be bothered to dissuade him of the idea, it's probably simpler that way.
I am soft for ace!Cas/aro!Dean dynamics. Neither know how relationships work, Castiel is neutral about sex but he knows it's something Dean likes, and Dean generally being uncomfortable with intentional, large gestures of physical contact (hand holding outside of sex is embarrassing and sticky, okay? And hugs should only be for when someone comes back from the dead) but he knows Cas blossoms under the more subtle shoulder touches so he puts in an effort to up the amount he shows it
You’re probably the last person to vent to about this but idk maybe you have a casgirl follower that’ll feel me ig. I cant enjoy how horny misha is/has always been in regards to cas’s humanity I mean he was like that *during* the arc too, hyping up “dedicating & fornicating” as the most human things and that he might become orgy!cas, cuz its like he really seems to see it as fulfilling a requirement to obtain humanity and Im uncomfortable. (Part 1/2)
Ok,,, so let me start this out by saying i 100% understand you. As someone who is acespec (demisexual), I too find it icky for basically canon acespec characters to go around having sex with strangers for kicks.
However, in Misha's case it's probably more comedy-based rather than him actually believing that Cas actually wants that. I've seen some of his panels and a lot of his humor is very sex-based. I don't mean to defend him, because if the stuff he says makes people uncomfortable there's definitely a reason for that, but that's just the way I choose to view it.
And the way I viewed Cas's relationship with sexuality as a whole is that when he's human, he simply did it to prove himself to Sam and Dean because they might find it a big part of being human, instead of him actually enjoying himself with sex.
Not to mention; Misha himself has claimed multiple times as well that he fully accepts and embraces the asexual/demisexual Cas headcanons, and gladly does photo ops where they give him an asexual flag to pose with:
So yeah, in this case it's more Misha being weird rather than him making Cas out to be sex-obsessed. But I fully understand you and your discomfort as well. He could tone it down a little.
Castiel looked up from his coffee as Balthazar walked through the door and collapsed onto the sofa. “That bad?” he asked.
Balthazar lifted his head to look over the back of the sofa to where Castiel sat at the table. “You’re one to talk,” he said, eyeing Castiel’s cup. “Coffee at ten in the evening? Or do you have something more exciting in that cup?”
“Just coffee, but you know that I drink coffee at any time I please as a habit; I’ll let the deflection slide, however, if that’s what you want.”
Balthazar was silent for a moment;, then, “We broke up.”
“Oh,” was all Castiel said as he got up and walked towards the kitchen.
“Yeah…”
Castiel took some tea from the cabinet—Chamomile? No, Tuscan Sun—and put water on the stove.
“Are you making tea?”
“I am.” Cas bit his lip against a smirk, knowing what was coming.
“Did I just hear you pull a pot from below the counter?”
“Why, yes, you did.” Aaaannnnd…
“Castiel…” Balthazar’s tortured voice came from the couch. “There is a perfectly good kettle right there. It’s—it’s on the stove…”
Castiel smiled at him innocently but made sure to school his expression before walking over to the sofa, lifting Balthazar’s legs to sit down, and placing them back on his lap. “Are you okay?”
Balthazar glowered at him. Then, he sighed and stared up at the ceiling.
Castiel rested his arms across his friend’s shins. “Would you like to talk about it?” he asked, picking absently at the hem of Balthazar’s pants.
Balthazar ran a hand over his face. “I’m not exactly sure what to say. I broke up with her. I just…” He trailed off.
Castiel studied him. “What happened? I thought you liked Hannah…”
“I liked her well enough. I still do. But...not like she likes me, or more pertinently…not like she wants me to like her.” Balthazar swallowed. “We were at her flat. Everything was fine, but she kept going on about how much she loved me, how she couldn’t possibly see herself with anyone else and how she gets all these...butterflies, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean, and I—I just…”
“That’s not how you feel about her.”
“Castiel, that’s not how I’ve ever felt about anyone. This whole…” He waved a hand in the air and propped up against the arm of the couch, “in love business...it’s complete bollocks. If you ask me, people’ve just seen too many blasted movies, got so hopped up on the rush of getting to know someone that they think that's it, that’s love, but it isn’t. Love is…” He glanced down at Castiel. “Love is choosing the person you get on with best, someone you’re able to be mates with and that you find attractive. All this ‘romance’ rubbish is just propaganda.”
Castiel looked at his friend. He thought about the warm feeling that grew inside him when they were together, the way his heart beat just a little faster every time Balthazar was close. “Yes...perhaps you’re right.”
“Of course I am. Furthermore,” continued Balthazar, “I certainly wouldn’t be able to know that about someone I’ve only just met. How am I supposed to look at someone who’s been in my life barely two months and not be able to see myself without them? It makes no sense!”
Castiel hummed. “Yes, that I definitely understand.”
He patted Balthazar’s legs to let him up, went back to the kitchen and poured Balthazar some tea, chuckling at Balthazar’s renewed grumblings about the pot and grabbing his own coffee and a book on his way back to the couch. Balthazar accepted the tea and lifted his legs to let Castiel settle back into his place on the couch beneath them.
They fell into a comfortable silence, Castiel sipping his coffee and reading his well-loved copy of The Song of Achilles while Balthazar drank his tea and watched him.
“Hey, Castiel?”
Castiel looked up from his book. “What is it?”
“I know this was a long time ago, and maybe I shouldn’t reopen old wounds, but...why did you and Dean end things? The two of you...seemed good together. The way he looked at you...and you seemed to really like him.”
Castiel sighed. “We were. I did.”
“Then, why?”
Castiel swallowed. “He thought I didn’t.”
Balthazar’s brows furrowed. “Didn’t what? Like him?”
“Yes.”
“But you did.”
“I did.”
“Was he that insecure?”
“He...thought that I wasn’t happy with him, because...well, because I didn’t want him the same way he wanted me.”
Balthazar blinked, and then understanding grew on his face. “What, you mean sex?”
“Yes.”
“But...I thought that the two of you…”
“We did.”
“Well, what, then? He wanted it more often?”
“No, it wasn’t that.”
“Then…?”
Castiel sighed and set his book aside. “I don’t...dislike sex. It’s fine. And I did enjoy the way it made him feel. I enjoyed taking care of him and watching him fall apart in my arms. But…while I do appreciate the closeness and intimacy of it, I don’t personally feel a need for those things to come in the form of sex, specifically. I usually do enjoy it, but I almost never want it. I don’t crave it. And...that bothered him. He thought that—because of that and that I wasn’t affected by him in the same way he was me—that I wasn’t attracted to him, that I wasn’t in love with him. He thought I was forcing myself to be with him.”
“But, you weren’t...forcing yourself, I mean.”
“No,” Castiel agreed, but had to work to shake the old anxiety that maybe he should have been forcing himself more, that maybe he should have tried harder for the man he loved. He swallowed. “I wasn’t, not in general and not when it came to sex. It took time, but I learned to be honest about when I didn’t want to, and he always respected it. And when we did make love, I liked bringing pleasure to him, seeing that side of him. I just didn’t get the same things out of it that he did, and I didn’t usually care for him to do things to me.”
“And he had a problem with that?”
“Well, in the beginning, it was a blow to his pride; he thought he just wasn’t good enough at doing what I liked. When I’d sufficiently assured him it wasn’t that, he thought it meant I didn’t feel the same way about him and that I was only appeasing him or that I didn’t want to hurt him by leaving. He thought it meant we were broken.” Castiel sighed. “It turned out...it was just me.”
Balthazar was suddenly crawling to Castiel’s end of the sofa, taking his face in his hands. “You are not broken, Castiel, and you did nothing wrong.”
Castiel rolled his eyes and tried to pull away.
“No.” Balthazar turned Castiel’s face back to him. “Listen to me. It’s perfectly all right you’re not obsessed with sex. It’s not for everyone. Some people don’t like chocolate. Sure, most people do—and maybe I don’t understand how anyone couldn’t—but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the people who don’t. It’s okay to not like a thing. It doesn’t make you broken, and it doesn’t mean you should try to like it anyway. You loved Dean. He may have thought it wasn’t in the right way, but there isn’t a right way to love someone.”
Castiel closed his eyes and swallowed, doing his best to ignore the tightness in his chest. When he felt he was no longer in danger of crying, he met Balthazar’s gaze. “Thank you,” he said, pouring as much sincerity into the two words as he could.
Balthazar nodded and moved back to his side of the couch.
Castiel took in his friend. “You’re not broken either, you know.”
Balthazar gaped at him for a moment before scowling. “Go back to your book.”
Castiel did, hands absently running patterns along Balthazar’s shins as he read about Achilles and Patroclus.
---
(this is part 1 of 5. The others are written but still being edited and will post over the next few days)
Cas assuming the entire time that his lack of sexual attraction is due to his angelic nature and he agonizes over it like it’s just one more thing separating him from humanity (dean) but then he finds the term and the flag and the community and he’s like Oh Shit I’m not non-sexual in an angelic way I’m ace in a human way
Day 6 of @spnprideweek aro!dean/demi!cas my beloved <3
Dean tries to explain to Cas that he doesn’t want to lose him again, this is after Cas comes back as a human, and Cas is his person that he knows he wants to spend his life with but asks Cas to not expect so much from him.
“Dean, if I could just be beside you I’ll be happy.”
“For now. But now that you’re human maybe you’ll want more human things.”
“Like sex?”
“No. No. You can have sex if you--what the fuck am I saying.”
“It’s okay, Dean. Sex isn’t a big deal for me.”
“No, I meant like normal…couple stuff. I just don’t think those things are for me. They didn’t work out before but I’ll try. For you. I want to be with you but-”
“You don’t love me.”
“Not…in the way you want.”
“But you want to be with me.”
“More than anybody.”
“Then, I can live with that.”
“Cas-”
“Dean, I love you. I would love to spend my human life by your side. However, you want me.”
“If you’re sure. I can’t lose you again, Cas.”
“You won’t.”
“Are we gonna kiss now?”
“If you want.”
“Do you want?”
“Yes. I think so.”
“Cool.”
Nothing really changes between them. They are still as close as they usually have been. Sometimes you hear both of them asking for permission to kiss or lean into each other for touch. Cas learns he enjoys sex but he never initiates it cause he doesn’t always feel the need to have it.
They sleep in different beds in the bunker--and when they finally move out they get a place with three rooms so they can have their own space but also Jack gets a room--but sometimes when they want to sleep in, one of them always goes to the other’s room so they can sleep in the same bed. They don’t always cuddle but they enjoy sharing the space.
People know they are together, it’s kinda obvious, but when people ask if they are together, Dean answers with a simple “Yeah.” while Cas answers, “Oh, yes, I belong to Dean. How much for those strawberries?”
Their communication skills have to grow and get better while in a relationship because they talk about what the other is comfortable with. Day to day is a little different. Sometimes Cas doesn’t want to be touched as much and sometimes Dean needs a little space. They don’t have to reassure each other anymore.
Dean has been at Sam and Eileen’s apartment all day, just lazing around, when Sam finally asked.
“Hey. You and Cas fighting?”
“No. Why?”
“Cause you’ve been with me all day.”
“So?”
“I just thought he kicked you out or something.”
“Neh I just needed space today. Cas is out with Jack to pick up Claire and Kaia for some museum thing.”
“Oh. So you two still cool?”
“Yup. Still gonna go home and have him fuck me.”
“Dean!”
“What? I thought that would reassure you! Geez! You wanna know about my life or not?”
“Not your sex life!”
“Noted.”
Dean loves spending time with Cas and having him close but he likes space. He likes spending days with his other friends and family members. He likes having individual time with others and Cas understands and picks up hobbies or takes that time to spend time with his growing group of kids.
When Dean gets home, Cas quickly walks towards him with an excited grin. “I bought you a magnet and this cool rock from the museum.”
“Thanks, dude. What did you name the rock?”
“Rockxanne.”
“Nice.” High five.
"Are you comfortable sharing your bed today? I don't want to have sex but I would like to be held, if you're okay with it."
