#spongecanons

[armorabs]

okay. you know in the episode where spongebob and squidward are convinced that mr krabs is a robot so spongebob tries saying shit to make mr krabs emote in a way that proves hes NOT a robot? and hes like, "squidward's father never hugged him, isn't that sad?" and mr krabs is just like "i suppose that is quite sad. but he can hug himself on his break" or whatever?

squidward immediately gets mad at spongebob for this and says his father loved him very much. i take that to mean that squidwards dad DID hug him and hes not happy with spongebob lying about him. but you know what i think? i think mr krabs is the one who was never hugged by his dad. he got hugs from his grandpa (we see this) possibly got hugs from his uncle (no evidence of this but its believable) but i dont think he ever got hugs from his dad and he recognizes the idea should be sad but it's just how it was for him

[armorabs]

its also important to note that in my very elaborate headcanon for the whole plankton-krabs college relationship drama, had krabs not gone into the navy after they got into an argument in college, they COULD have hashed it out and made up and things would have been fine. but krabs leaving for the navy made things worse, because while krabs thought some time and distance would be best because he - incorrectly, but justifiably - assumed that plankton did not want the same things out of their relationship that he wanted and maybe they would have been better off if their relationship remained exclusively a platonic friendship, plankton perceived his departure as a betrayal. not just a betrayal, really, but also a rejection. very much so a "how DARE you leave me behind" kind of thing.

[armorabs]

my headcanon for the plankton kids is otto is a mama's boy who prefers karen to plankton (as good as canon since otto has no relationship with plankton despite the fact plankton's the one who sent him on a roadtrip with spongebob and patrick) while chip prefers plankton to karen (seems likely to be canon since chip had more bonding with plankton than karen in his episode) and then raisin prefers krabs to both of them (this is based on the plankton clone from one issue of the same comics that raisin is from - befriended krabs, learned the formula, refused to share it with plankton because he promised not to)

[armorabs]

this kind of contradicts many of my previous headcanons about wifeomatics and god only knows how many posts ive made about how wifeomatics function in-universe and how karen specifically functions as a wifeomatic solely in service of a headcanon that i feel mostly works in human aus but listen. 

there’s discrepancy about whether plankton programmed karen himself or whether he bought her pre-existing. and despite being identified as a specific brand-name computer that is visually identifiable by those who had never met her or plankton before (and cannot be his creation for various reasons that this post isnt about) she is also repeatedly stated and shown to have existed as other forms of technology before becoming a computer (ie a security system or a calculator) ... and how she is treated in-universe is very different from how the one (1) other wifeomatic, karen 2, is treated. ie karen is given personhood, is recognized as a person with agency, but karen 2 is not allowed personhood and is actively denied personhood by the narrative in which she is introduced. plankton and karen have both had at least one (1) line of dialogue each where they talk about not wanting to have gotten married. and the only time we see them together at any point in time before they are married, they have a strictly platonic business relationship where karen is portrayed as a behaviorally younger intern and plankton has zero (0) interest in her and vice versa so no matter what, whether you agree with the headcanon that plankton and karen’s marriage as being comphet, or whether you think theyre genuinely in love despite their dysfunctional relationship - plankton never came into contact with karen with the intent of initiating a romantic relationship or even with the desire to be. but if wifeomatic computers are a recognizable brand specifically programmed and designed to be the perfect wives, as shown by karen 2... which karen interestingly is not considered to be... why would plankton have ever gotten a wifeomatic in the first place? that’d require intention he is just simply shown and stated to have not had. even if you think of plankton as a closeted gay man or having comphet, it’d still require intent he just did not have.

unless... what if. she’s not an official wifeomatic product. at least the code and programming that comprises of who karen is - her identity and personhood - isn’t a wifeomatic product, anyways.

whether plankton programmed her himself as a security system or he purchased her, she started out as a security system and not a wifeomatic computer. but she was also a wifeomatic before she married plankton, so its not like its actually tied to her relationship to plankton, as her existence as a wifeomatic represents her own identity predating their marriage and she did not start out as a wifeomatic... alright i’m gonna stop being vague about this, this is a trans allegory. this is about a security system realizing that she could be a wifeomatic if she wanted to be and was installed into a wifeomatic shell as a representation of transitioning. thats the post

[armorabs]

spongecanons (sponge headcanons)

Grandpa Squarepants is a synthetic kitchen sponge. 

Grandma Squarepants is an aplysina fistularis - the yellow tube sponge.

Harry Squarepants, as a result, is a hybrid sponge - but legally considered just an aplysina fistularis.

Margaret Squarepants is a hippospongia communis - the honeycomb bath sponge.

Spongebob, therefore, is mixed aplysina fistularis and hippospongia communis and part synthetic kitchen sponge. Resembles his grandfather most appearance-wise, but with a texture more like Margaret’s.

Spongepink (the bootleg spongebob schoolgirl) is an aplysina archeri - the stovepipe sponge.

(Lovelypants, if you want to see him as separate from Squarepants, could be seen as an aplysina archeri too)

Dylan (the boy spongebob fan power from super brawl 3) would be an aplysina cavernicola 

Bobbi (the girl spongebob fan power from super brawl 3) would be an aplysina aerophoba

Spike & Thistle (the abrasive side fan powers from super brawl 3) would be two aplysina insularis - yellow-green candle sponges

Rachel (from the spongebob beyond fan yt series) is an aphrocallistes vastus - the glass sponge.

[armorabs]

oh yeah spongebobs been kind of inconsistent about how long exactly karen’s been around - and who, exactly, made her - with friend or foe suggesting she’s been around since the late 60s but other episodes suggesting she’s younger than that, and IRL the personal computer industry truly beginning in 1977

BUT with kamp koral characterizing her as a teenager that i will only generously consider about 18 years old in contrast to plankton and krabs in their 20s i’m considering her birthday like 1983 specifically based on apple’s lisa (though karen does look more like ibm’s 1981-1982 personal computer, the computer with a human woman name thing was too fun of a coincidence)

[armorabs]

ok i need to adjust my reporters headcanons real quick 

we have three confirmed stations in the comics - OUS network, station C-NMNE, and bbn-tv. and then there’s the bikini bottom inquirer.

so like bbn-tv clearly stands for bikini bottom news television OR bikini bottom network television but i think bbn standing for bikini bottom news makes more sense especially when the main news channel used in the show is typically bikini bottom news.

anyways bbn-tv has bbn as it’s news segment with lisa landy (incidental 95) as it’s primary anchorwoman, purple perch perkins as it’s primary field reporter, tom trout (incidental 6) as his camera man, and... gale doppler on the weather

station c-nmne has sea. n.n. (sea news network) as it’s news segment with johnny e. mctrout (realistic fish head) as it’s primary anchorman, orange perch used to work at sea. n. n. as the field reporter but then he left for OUS network, now mack mackerel is it’s primary field reporter, nat peterson (incidental 41) as his camera man ... and i guess green perch perkins on the weather? not sure who else could be on the weather :P

OUS network isn’t a news channel and does not have a news segment, but it has the bikini bottom inquirer - which is a late-night talk show hosted by orange perch perkins and lurch lurkins

[armorabs]

not enough canon lore about squidwards family so time for me to make shit up again

grandma tentacles is named octavia, and her late husband was named squidford (she’s an octopus, he was a squid)

squidward and squidmund were named in squidford’s honor

squeeze is only a nickname, teenage cousins real name is actually octobert

squidwards mom is named octatha, her maiden name was pieuvre and she wrote mystery novels in her youth. mostly relies on royalties and a pension these days.

the hypothetical stepmom married to squidwards mom that exists in my headcanon only is named berenice :P