#spy headcanons

[meiliarotten]

As the correct opinioner of the mercs freaky life aspects, who do you think would be a diehard bush lover and who would prefer their partners shaven??

Such an honor and a privilege to be considered a correct opinioner on such an important subject. Now, time for me to post this as if I haven’t been MIA for months-

Shaved or Bush (All mercs!)

🔞 MINORS DNI 🔞

The Masterlist

👟 Scout 👟

Idk why but I feel like Scout is just- intimidated by bush.

He strikes me as kinda porn-brained so he would probably expect a clean shaven partner, but I don’t think he’d completely refuse if you weren’t

He had definitely tried to shave himself though

And probably suffered several cuts in some very uncomfortable places because if it

🦅 Soldier 🦅

Definitely a bush guy

There’s no way Zhanna shaves, so legally he has to be

There’s no time to be well groomed in warfare

🔥 Pyro 🔥

Doesn’t care either way

I know that’s kind of a cop out but I really think they wouldn’t give a shit

💥 Demoman 💥

God damn it, I have two “really don’t care” answers in a row

I mean- there’s no way Demo is trying to shave himself

Even he knows that trying to put a blade down there is risky, let alone while drunk. He’s not about to risk castrating himself

So of course, he wouldn’t expect his partner to shave either

🥊 Heavy 🥊

Bush lover, for sure

Kinda in the same boat as Soldier- there’s no time to worry about being well groomed in the middle of war

Or in the middle of fleeing a gulag. Or hunting bears. Etc… etc…

I think if anything he’d find someone being completely hairless down there to be kinda off putting

🔧 Engineer 🔧

He sees shaving as a “for special occasions” type thing

Like- anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, etc.

He likes it, but I don’t think he feels too strongly either way

He’s just happy he’s able to see you naked tbh

🏥 Medic 🏥

Blades shouldn’t be put near important bits like that- not unless it’s for experimental purposes, of course

Let’s just say he probably had to deal with Scout accidentally cutting himself down there, and he isn’t keen on dealing with it again

Unshaven is the most natural state to be in, and honestly I think he’d find it weird that some people are attracted to the clean shaved look

Well groomed is find, but completely bare? No. This man wants a bit of bush on his partners, for sure.

And we know this man doesn’t shave. Come on. We’ve all seen the Burly Beast cosmetic.

🦘 Sniper 🦘

…

well he ain’t called “bushman” for nothing

🌹 Spy 🌹

Well groomed, yes, but never completely shaven

This man likes bush, but a tame bush. A trimmed bush.

He keeps himself relatively well groomed as well I think

[supernova41st]

TF2 BEDROOMS 🛏️

*for funnies

Spy

You’ll never see this bitch with a messy room, he deep cleans it every night just before showering. 100% uses bed mist and yankee candles. Sleeps in button up pajamas with matching pants. He has those silk sheets that he’s always used and cleans them every week. No MEALS will enter his room. He’d bring in things like cookies with coffee or a croissant with tea but nothing huge. His room smells heavenly compared to everyone else’s.

Sniper

It smells like smoke but there’s no fire, why. He definitely tries to keep a clean space but he’s always busy. He’ll do this thing where it gets really messy, like really messy and then he suddenly deep cleans it. Hasn’t washed his bedsheets in years tho. Dirty coffee cups are everywhere, the counter the bed the glovebox. He kinda just lives in his own little world, he would like to keep it clean if he had the time but again he’s a busy man.

Scout

Where do I even start. He has the most teenage boy bedroom ever-it’s like this bitch never grew out of his messy room phase. Crushed cans of Bonk everywhere, beanbag chair, posters of playboy models all over the wall, action figures, and a pile of dirty laundry just chilling in the corner. Does clean his room but it’s gonna take a LOT for him to be willing to do that. It smells like axe body spray and sweat.

Pyro

My little princess 💕 has the most Girlypop child bedroom ever. Literally never gets messy, the messiest you’ll find it is a pile of my little pony figurines on the floor. Even then they still clean it up, a princess cleans after themself. The only merc that has ever seen their room was scout, immediately shut the door when he saw pyro have a tea party with their plushies. Has never invited anyone over to his room but if they wanted to join in on a tea party they’d be so happy.

Medic

He doesn’t have a bedroom, all he has is his desk. Yeah he almost never sleeps but when he does it’s on his desk, probably the most comfortable thing he’s laid on in years. Like sniper, he tries to keep his area clean but is a busy guy. The most he’s ever decorated his desk is using his favorite mug that says ‘world’s best surgeon’ as a pencil cup. Which he bought himself.

[siivekassii]

It’s almost 3 a.m. and I’ve just come up with a headcanon that Spy ADORES rings, but can’t wear them because of his job. And that he probably has a huge collection of them with an ancient poison ring among others!!

And what if he wasn’t allowed to wear a wedding ring as a spy which caused arguments with Scout’s mom, so that Spy started wearing it as a necklace…….. and he continued doing so after their breakup….

[stoiclairscout]

General Blu/Red Spy headcanons

Well, first of all, it feels like BLU Spy is way sassier than his RED version, maybe a little more playful, while RED is on full on arrogant and cocky, much from that they don't show differences. Spy code, I'd say.

So, to general headcanons :

He's absolutely terrified of commitment, he's paranoid to even just have friends. Reason to that? He thinks if he'll open up, people will use it against him, no matter what. And if it's a relationship? It might take years for him to actually open up. While in Snipers situation he's just a little awkward and untrusful to open up at first, Spy is outright paranoid, he might even tell you fake things at first.

Yes, my boy has a lot of red flags.

As for relationship, I'd not be surprised if he pulled no bitches except Scout's ma. Like, he acts all mighty and pro in romantic sphere, gives advices to people(mostly Scout), but that's only because he doesn't want to admit that he never had actual, good and healthy experience in relationships. And in addition, he's an energy matcher.

As for them, about dates? People might think he'd enjoy a luxury, expensive date, yeah? Well, you're right, but he'd also be happy even if you guys will spend some quiet time in his smoking room. And yes, he'll act annoyed at it and complain, but he doesn't mean it, at least most of the times.

He'd try to make the person he dates jealous to see how you'll act. No joke, as i once read, it's either he's too attached, either under attached, no in between. And it's easy to tell which one is truth.

My man does feel like a playboy and a guy who'd leave you for someone younger, but Spy is cautious with relationships, so if it'd come to break up, he'd train his speech in his head before telling you that he wants to break up. If you took if well, you swear you heard a small sigh of relief, if not, he'll ignore your presense till you wont calm down.

For language he speaks? Canonically, French, Spanish and Catalan. But I'd say he also knows either german, either Russian or even both, because he wants to blackmail his teammates, or the enemy team if he'd have something on them, which he does.

Outside the battle, maybe, just maybe he donates to charity or something like it, like come on, man is rich, yes, he's an asshole, but he's not heartless or something, just broken.

He also has a huge soft spot for classical music and art, not like he'll admit it though.

But what he'll admit that he has a photographic memory, maybe he'll brag about it sometimes. But he's a Spy, so that'd make sense.

He's also an absolute lover of chess, (he prefers it more that checkers, and would never turn it down). And he does enjoy playing boardgames with his teammates, he does complain though.

Plus yes guys, he does 'your mother' jokes, just to annoy people, no more.

[sniper-but-gayer]

Tf2 Spy headcanon!!

Spy's real name is Reginald and he's very embarrassed about it. The team only figured out about it when Ms. Pauling let it slip by calling out his name. EVERYONE stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the shell-shocked Spy.

"Your name is Reginald?"

After that he has only been referred as by Reggie and it only died down when he almost snapped and stabbed a man.

(They still haven't let him live it down)

[tf2strategist]

Hcs for the support classes with a s/o who loves plants and studies botany?

Support classes with a botanist S/O!

Medic:

Fascinated by their S/O’s green thumb and studies! He’s always looking to learn more for the sake of his own.

Absolutely asks to/works with his S/O to make freaky mutated plant creatures for use on the battlefield, or just to scare the other mercs on purpose.

Will absolutely quote Little Shop of Horrors at every chance he gets. They find it adorable and the rest of the team finds it a little too… Sappy. (Badum-tss!)

Sniper:

He finds the care and love they put into their plants so wonderful, and they make the perfect pair when it comes to interest. One loves plants, the other loves animals.

Of course, that doesn’t stop them from being their own slightly awkward selves, but there’s plenty of inside jokes and puns thrown around between the two involving their separate interests. Many of which the rest of the team wouldn’t get without a fair bit of research.

Overall, they’re wonderful for each other. The van is filled with the smell of fresh herbs and fun plants, they’ve made a little greenhouse outside of the base… Sniper and his S/O occasionally go bird watching, and they’ll sit quietly together until one spots an interesting bird or plant that they can share facts with each other on

Spy:

Spy is surprisingly good about messes and getting his hands dirty to do his job. That was why it came to him as a surprise that he disliked the idea of gardening and botany, unlike his S/O.

He learns to get better at taking care of things like plants on display as his S/O brings in roses and fresh herbs, plants, and interesting specimen that they love. Spy discovers better ways of keeping up with commitment, something he often struggles with.

He loves listening to his S/O ramble about plant topics, especially over dinner or while reading a good book. Eventually, Spy manages to keep a plant alive for a whole year, despite not having a green thumb in the slightest. The accomplishment becomes a landmark for the two, and is celebrated by an extra, enthusiastic kiss.

[dastardlydapperbastard]

I am always ready to write HCs/answer hc asks about Spy blease feel free to ask.

[meiliarotten]

The ask got eaten but someone asked about submissive Spy headcanons.

I’ve actually written some fics about this, but I’m glad to share some more thoughts!

Submissive Spy Headcanons

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

The Masterlist

Firstly, I think Spy enjoys seeing his lovers take control, especially if they’re new to it.

He'll guide you through it, letting you explore and find your own unique style of domination

Once you find that style though, that’s when the real fun begins!

Spy is definitely open to being pegged.

However, I’ve always believed that he can’t finish from prostate stimulation alone. Which means it can be very easy to keep him right on the edge for as long as you want!

Oh and he will beg. He will beg, if you keep at it for long enough.

I think he’s also open to some bondage and a bit of sensory depravation as well.

Make sure the ropes and blindfolds are soft though! He’s a bit of a diva about that.